Chasing Rainbows (26 page)

I didn't have those answers, and an hour later, Kara and I were standing by my bed and she was hugging me goodbye. I'd miss her but right now, I needed to concentrate on me. I had to be selfish. I couldn't think about Jake. I had to get better. I needed to heal myself first. I only hoped that when the time came, and I finally figured everything out, Jake hadn't given up on me.

Chapter twenty-one

I
T HAD BEEN EIGHTEEN DAYS SINCE
I'd been to school and approximately nineteen days since the last time I'd seen Jake. The next morning after my world came crashing down; my mom and I had met with the school's guidance counselor and signed the necessary paperwork to begin homeschooling. I'd left that day with every book I had in my locker. It had been an odd feeling walking out of school knowing it would be a while before I'd return. Luckily, I'd been able to get everything during classes so I didn't run into anyone I knew. I didn't think I could handle seeing Bryce, Mia or Miley. It had been but one tiny step of many in the beginning of my journey.

A calendar hung in my room. I'd been keeping count; marking off the days. I missed Jake. I missed him something awful. I could still feel his hand holding mine, although I hadn't seen him since the morning I'd run out on him. I talked to Kara every day, but she'd been so tight-lipped that I couldn't bring myself to ask about him, even though I'd anticipated her every word, hoping just once she'd slip up and mention him.

Today after school, she was stopping by with Brandon. I didn't know how I'd gotten so lucky as to have not one, but two best friends that I could rely on. Brandon was still dating Cal. This was the longest I'd ever known of him to be in a committed relationship. There was still hope for him yet. He seemed happy. I guess that he wasn't such the man whore I'd pegged him for after all.

A lot had changed in the last couple of weeks. Surprisingly, my mom discovering my secret was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. I'd expected the worst, but my mom and dad had surprised me. They had both regularly attended our sessions with opened minds. Now, I only met once a week to talk privately with my therapist, and I attended a group session every other Friday at five.

Things weren't perfect, but they were definitely improving. I was still working at Fred's; still serving up the best burgers countywide, and still trying to encourage Angel to leave her asshole loser of a boyfriend. There was still hope.

On Monday, I'd start back to school. I was more than ready to do this. I was excited. I'd come a long way. My therapist had helped me sort through a lot of my issues; my guilt over my sister, my feelings of unworthiness and the way that I coped with these emotions. I would always love Natalie and when she died, I lost a piece of myself that I would never get back. I missed her every single day of my life, but I had to live. I had to let her go. She wouldn't want any less for me and I realized that now.

I wasn't miraculously healed or even close to being fixed at this point, but I was in a better place and no longer craved the pain that I had once sought to comfort me. The darkness still came sometimes, late at night, crowding at the corners of my mind, demanding entrance. I didn't run from it, nor did I succumb to it. It was a conscious effort on my part and one I was working on. I was still working on me, and I was okay with that.

The only thing missing in my life right now was Jake. What I had done to him had been cowardly. I thought of him constantly. I'd even discussed him a few times at my sessions with my therapist and after working up the courage, I'd mentioned him to my mom. She hadn't been overjoyed, but she hadn't been dead set against the idea of me having a boyfriend, either.

I wanted to see him, but I was afraid. What if he'd found someone else in the time we'd spent apart? What if whenever he saw me, the sight of me sickened him, and he turned away in disgust? I didn't know how I'd handle it, but I had to find out. He could very well break my heart, but the suspense of not knowing was killing me.

I was sitting on my bed finishing up an assignment for Miss York's class when beside me, my phone buzzed. I picked it up and tapped a key. The screen lit up, revealing a text from Kara.

-
The bitches have arrived! -

I was still smiling as I raced down the stairs and through the house. Brandon would not appreciate being called a bitch when he was most definitely an Alpha male. They were both standing on the front porch smiling back at me.

"Hey, Addie!" Kara squealed, hugging me to her. Brandon stood there watching us, his expression thoughtful. He was dressed in a fitted navy tee that defined his muscular chest and a pair of faded jeans and dark brown cowboy boots. His thick blond hair was spiked with gel.

"We come bearing gifts," he told me, and Kara stepped back, setting me free. He handed me a cardboard box. I recognized the pizza slogan printed on the top. It smelled heavenly. "I thought about Taco Bell, but decided against it. We haven't had a deep dish supreme in forever."

"I made him get pizza," Kara informed me smugly.

"You didn't make me do anything," he said, defensively but his tone was filled with humor. They argued like little children all the time.

"Thanks, guys," Ignoring their banter, I stepped aside and allowed them to enter. "Come on in. I'm home alone."

"Alright, Macaulay Culkin." Kara snickered as she brushed past me. She was wearing one of the many miniskirts in her collection and a white sweater that was see-through. She wore a pink tank top underneath. To top it off, she had on those slutty boots I'd worn the last time I'd been with Jake. I sighed, thinking of him as I closed the door and walked into the living room to set the pizza down on the coffee table.

"Guess who I saw." Brandon challenged, his voice laced with excitement as he leaned forward on the couch and opened the pizza box. Kara shot him a warning glare, but he ignored her taking a slice of pizza from inside.

"I'm going to get us something to drink," she declared, glancing at me then glaring at Brandon before walking toward the kitchen.

"Who did you see?" I asked as soon as she left the room. I walked over and sat down beside him on the couch.

"Jake," he replied, his voice hushed as if he were afraid Kara would hear him.

She had finally quit griping at me about him. She knew I needed time. But now... My heartrate increased just at the mention of his name. "Tell me," I whispered, leaning closer to him.

"After I got the pizza, I stopped for gas before running by Devon's to pick up Kara." He released a heavy sigh. "Her Escort has died once again. Lord, help me."

"Spill your guts, Brandon," I ordered, glancing nervously toward the door where Kara had disappeared.

Brandon eyed me, his expression tender and filled with concern. "Kara said not to mention it, but I had to, Addie. He was pumping gas right beside me. He asked about you. I told him you were good. It seemed to make him happy. You know, knowing you were okay."

I thought about what Brandon had said. I wanted to see Jake. I needed to see him. It was an aching yearning inside of me that had grown worse every single day that I'd been apart from him. "Do you think he misses me?"

Before Brandon could answer, Kara came strolling back into the living room with three bottled waters. She handed one to Brandon, shooting him a vile look, then one to me and sat down next to me on the couch.

"He told you, didn't he?" she asked, and I nodded my head yes.

"I warned you, Brandon," she began, obviously going to tear into him by the stern tone of her voice.

"She has a right to know, Kara. Geez, she can make her own decisions without you babying her," Brandon argued.

They were both leaned over me angrily looking at one other. "I warned you," Kara repeated, pointing her slim finger at him. This was getting out of hand. I sat up, pushed between the two of them and reached into the box for a slice of pizza.

"Kara, it's alright," I told her. I understood her concern. Her face was an open book. Her forehead always scrunched up whenever she worried. I'd warned her before; it would give her early wrinkles. "I wanted to know. I'm a big girl. I'm going to go see Jake."

"Are you sure you're ready for that, Addie?" she asked, but I smiled back at her nodding my head. I was more than ready. It was time.

"Yeah, I've missed him like crazy," I confessed, and half-way smiled.

Grinning, Kara reached around me to punch Brandon hard in the arm.

"I told you so," he smugly laughed taking a huge bite of pizza. "Go get him, Addie."

Kara placed her hand over mine. Her eyes regarding me intently. "I just want you to be sure of what you want. He hasn't asked me about you in a week or so. I don't know exactly what's going on with him right now, Addie. Devon won't tell me anything. I'd just hate for you to get hurt."

"It's alright. I have to know whether it's good or bad. I have to find out. I just sort of left him hanging. That wasn't fair to him."

"Well," Brandon said, drawing our attention. He wore a pleased smile. "Since Cal, Kara, Devon and I are going to the movies tonight, it would be the perfect time to catch him alone at the apartment."

"I don't even know if he'll be there, Addie," Kara argued, eyeing me warily.

"I have to try." I told her, bubbling with excitement. I was finally going to see Jake.

She shrugged then gave me a faint smile of understanding. "Well if he's not there then try the garage. Devon got him a gig building a bumper for this guy he knows. He might be there if he's not at home."

Chapter twenty-two

I
WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH WHEN MY MOM
made it home from work around five. My dad would be here by 5:30. "How's my girl?" Mom asked as she closed the front door and slipped off her high heels. She was a secretary for one of only three law firms in town.

"I'm good. Got all my homework done. Kara and Brandon stopped by earlier. There's pizza for you and dad on the kitchen table." I told her, feeling somewhat anxious about my plans.

She smiled as she crossed the room and set her purse on the coffee table and sat down beside me, sliding her arm around my shoulder. The constant displays of random affection, that took some time getting use too. She hugged me more now than she ever had before.

"What's on your mind, Addie?" she asked, and I looked into her concerned hazel eyes.

"I'm going to go see Jake," I said, waiting for her to try and talk me out of it.

"Hmm," she murmured. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I replied. From the moment Kara and Brandon had left, I couldn't concentrate or think of anything else besides him. Especially, not after what Brandon had told me. He'd asked about me. I had to go to him even if he ended up breaking my heart. Suddenly, I felt extremely antsy. "I'm gonna go change my clothes."

"Alright," she said with a gentle sigh.

Halfway across the room, I glanced back at her. She seemed preoccupied, looking at the wall, lost in thought.

I hurried up to my room. Earlier, I'd laid out my favorite jeans and a soft pale yellow T-shirt that complimented my tanned skin and hugged my breasts. It just happened to match the nail polish on my toes. As I dressed, my mind raced with thoughts of Jake, playing out different scenarios. I hurried to the bathroom next where I finger combed my hair and applied a minimal amount of makeup. Finally, I was ready to face him.

"Let's do this," I said to myself, observing the smiling reflection in the mirror, giving myself a thumbs up and giggling. I had officially lost it or just maybe, I'd finally found it.

Once I made it back down stairs. I discovered my mom sitting at the kitchen table going through the day's mail as she sipped on a glass of sweet tea and nibbled on a slice of pizza. She looked up at me and smiled. "You look pretty."

"Thanks. Gotta go," I said, easing past her.

She grabbed my hand, and I stopped. Looking at her, I watched as she laid her slice of pizza down onto the plate. She gazed up at me with anxious eyes.

"Be careful, Addie." she said, her hand gently squeezing mine and I squeezed hers back and smiled.

"I will, Mom." I said, hoping to reassure her. She still held my hand studying me. I waited impatiently for her to let go then finally, I gave a little tug. After all, I had plans. "I've got to go."

"Alright," she replied slowly. Worry drew lines across her forehead, but she released my hand and smiled. I was walking through the doorway into the living room when she called out my name.

Geez, I was never going to get out of here. It was all I could do not to stomp my foot like a two-year-old. I turned around and peered back at her from the door.

"I love you," she said, her expression soft and her eyes regarding me with deep affection.

That was new too, the telling me she loved me before I left the house. I liked it. "I love you, too. I'll be careful. I'll call if anything happens. Don't worry."

She smiled back at me waving goodbye. I turned around, walked into the living room and stood at the front door. I slipped my feet into my flip flops then checked to make sure I had everything. My phone was in my back pocket. I had my wristlet and keys. I was ready.

"Addie," she called. I had just closed the door and stepped from the porch on to the steps. I turned around and found that she stood in the doorway. "Don't forget curfew," she reminded me with a huge grin, and I nodded at her then turned back around and gritted my teeth walking down the steps. I heard the door softly close behind me.

That, too, was something new, and I definitely didn't like it.

On the outskirts of town, I took a right at the light and drove along the highway toward Devon and Jake's apartment. My stomach was tied in knots. It was so bad that I felt like I was going to throw up. The clock on the dash read a little after six and Kara had said that the movie started at 6:45 so by the time I got there, Jake should be alone.

Tonight, they were driving into Hurley so they'd have to allow extra time to make the drive. When we'd gone to Shiver it had taken almost an hour to get there from here. I gave my signal and turned in past the aged wooden sign proclaiming, "Luxury Heights Apartments."