Chasing the Rainbow (6 page)

              “You know I support you. This has been a crazy few years for you; what with Pop dying, the business expanding, you getting your gay on. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing or how you’re doing it. You maybe had some catching up to do. Not like you’ve had an adult relationship before.” Bobby wanted to say something to that, but the circumstances of his and Angie’s arrangement had never been very… Traditional. Carlo’s gaze dared Bobby to contradict him.

              “So,” Carlo continued, “you did it your way. Your way isn’t his way. But have you ever thought maybe your way was some cancer-induced mid-life crisis?”

              Bobby felt his face flush with anger. “What the fuck?”

              “Oh, calm down. You know it’s a legit question.”

              “You think my being gay is a mid-life crisis?”

              “No, you moron,” Carlo said, waving his hand like Bobby’d said the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. If Bobby wasn’t so pissed at Carlo’s assessment, he may have agreed.

              “Look, Bob. I’m just saying you know I don’t care that you’re gay. But aren’t you tired of being a cliché? Gay or straight, that’s how this seems. Mid-life crisis. Cliché, man.”

              Carlo stood and ambled off to his room, leaving Bobby in stunned silence. Not that he really gave a damn what other people thought of him, but was that what he was doing? Was that why he was pulling back from trying with Jody?

              He’d freely admit that he might actually care; now that he thought on it, if Jody thought he looked like a dirty old guy, hooking up with every twink that moved.

              That’s not what he’d done, though. Yeah, he’d played catch up. He just hadn’t adjusted to the idea that maybe he would be ready for a relationship any time soon.

              There wasn’t a Jody Olsen before.

              He didn’t know what to do with that, yet. Despite the evidence to the contrary, he was old enough to know when to talk things out. He’d like to think so, anyway. It’d been bottling things up his whole life that got him to where he was, so maybe, just maybe; talking it out with an honest-to-goodness gay man who knew what he was going through might help.

Chapter 7

JODY SHOOK THE hand of the old Dominican man who owned the bodega around the corner from his apartment and bid him farewell. He was in the corner store regularly enough that the staff knew him by name.

              He was pissed he’d left work late enough the liquor store had been closed. Ever since telling Bobby to take a hike earlier that day, Jody had been dreaming of a glass of wine. Just one would have done. But he’d buried himself in inventory so long; he’d missed his chance. He’d been more than happy for the distraction, not needing a moment to regret his decision. Now, though, he had nothing but time to berate himself.

              So he’d settled on beer from the bodega. At least they had a brand he liked. Beer and TV. Because he sure as hell didn’t want to call Alex, who’d give him shit for not at least enjoying the ride or riding the frog or some weird variation in which he told Jody he was a dumbass for not at least grabbing on to a sure thing.

              Yes, Jody could have accepted the casual thing, the fuck buddy with friendship route. But he was already too attached to the man, judging by how much it’d hurt his feelings when Bobby had treated him like a trick the other night.

              After they’d talked of books and films and random memories from growing up, sharing lunches and work horror stories. Jody had been convinced that if Bobby was gay, they might have something that could grow deeper. He didn’t care if it made him pathetic, he’d hoped.

              “You don’t just have your head in the clouds, it’s like your heart is up there too.” Alex’s words echoed in his mind. That’s exactly why Alex was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. He needed five minutes of being disappointed, then he’d grow the fuck up and move on.

              Hey, he’d done what Iz always said half the girls in their school wanted to do; he’d bagged a Gugino brother, even if just for a night. He doubted anyone in the neighborhood would congratulate Jody, but the thought did make him smile.

              As he fought the line of people who were wrapped around the corner, waiting to get into a popular new ice cream shop on 12
th
Ave, he realized someone was calling his name.

              He thought he was just going crazy for a second, and shoved aside some disgruntled straphangers who were blocking his door. Before his key’d even slid into the lock, a hand landed on his shoulder. He didn’t jump, for some reason his sense memory telling him exactly who the hand belonged to.

              He turned and looked into the deep brown eyes of the man who’d been consuming his thoughts all afternoon. And damn if Bobby didn’t look edible in a plain white V-neck tee and simple jeans. Simple yet sexy, manly and beautiful. He even smelled perfect.

              “Bobby. What’re you doing here?”

              “I….” Jody was surprised. He’d never guess Bobby could look so unsure of himself. It reminded him of the time Bobby had chased him down after the misunderstanding at his mother’s house. Yet another reason Jody had assumed they were more than just a casual thing. His face must have betrayed the distaste with which he held that thought, because Bobby took a step back, sliding his large hands in his jeans pockets.

              “What, Bobby?” Jody asked, tiredly. “I’ve had a long day and I just want a drink.”

              “Oh!” Bobby brightened and pointed down the block. “I’m in the bar there.” Bobby pointed at the one that was on the first floor of Jody’s building. Jody was surprised because it was the most expensive of the six bars in the immediate vicinity, which was what he said in lieu of an answer.

              Bobby huffed a laugh. “I was sitting, hoping I’d catch you.”

              “You could have texted.”

              Bobby frowned and shook his head. “No. No, I couldn’t. Can we talk? Please?”

              Jody eyed Bobby warily. “This feels like a dance we’ve done before.”

              Bobby’s shoulders sagged, defeated. He straightened and gave a nod before turning to leave. Jody caught the eye of one of the girls leaned against the wall of his building, waiting in line, her expression incredulous. She’d clearly overheard their conversation and was wondering if she could move in if Jody didn’t. He knew it was silly, but that’s what got Jody moving.

              “Bob, wait.”

              Bobby turned; hand on the door to the bar.

              “A drink wouldn’t kill me.”

              That earned Jody a devastating smile. It wasn’t full-on, mischievous Bobby, but a more reserved smile. Jody thought he may be in trouble.

              After they’d taken a seat at the end of the bar, which was surprisingly empty, they ordered and received pints and sipped quietly for a moment.

              “I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here.” Bobby was looking steadily at Jody, who was surprised at the admission. Bobby didn’t seem like he was someone who’d be that in touch with his feelings. But didn’t that just make Jody an asshole. Judging the book by the cover and all. He knew Bobby was intelligent. He knew Bobby seemed like a good man, even if he’d hurt Jody’s feelings not wanting to date him. He wasn’t a dumb twenty-year-old. It was just strange hearing Bobby’s truth articulated succinctly but honestly.

              “What? And you’re assuming I do?” Jody gave him a teasing smile.

              “Better than me, probably. At least you made it down the aisle.”

              Jody grimaced. “Don’t remind me.” He took a sip of his beer to wash down the bitter memories of saying an “I do” he’d not meant.

              “I was so annoyed with you and then myself, today; that I almost went out tonight to just say fuck it. Just to get laid.”

              Jody hated the green fire of jealousy that burned in his gut. He had no right. It was stupid. He drank his beer in earnest now, hoping Bobby couldn’t read the annoyance on his face. What right did he have to tell Bobby what he could or couldn’t do? “We can be casual….”

              “I didn’t, Jo.”

              “Oh?” Jody tried to sound unaffected, but the dimple that appeared on Bobby’s face said he’d given himself away.

              Bobby turned bodily toward Jody then, drawing Jody’s full attention. His face was so serious; it seemed uncharacteristic. Jody didn’t like it at all, this serious Bobby. “Do you think I’m a cliché?”

              “Cliché?” Jody wasn’t quite sure what Bobby meant.

              “Nothing. Sorry. Something my brother said.” Bobby grimaced. “I believe mid-life crisis was thrown around.”

              Jody snickered. “So it got real at Casa de Gugino.”

              Bobby shook his head, grinning before growing pensive. “What made you come out?”

              Jody blinked at the non sequitur. “Uh. Well.” Jody frowned down at his empty pint. He gathered his thoughts while he waited for the bartender to get another round for the two of them. He supposed Bobby couldn’t exactly get mad at him, seeing as they’d been in the same boat. He wasn’t just talking to any old Guido from Iz’s neighborhood. He was talking to Bobby.

              “Sorry if it’s too personal.”

              Jody’s gaze at Bobby was level. “I guess having seen me naked, I don’t think of much as being too personal.”

              “Was that a slut joke?” Bobby’s face was so impassive; Jody started flailing to say no. Bobby chuckled and Jody punched him.

              “You’re such a dick.”

              “So my brother tells me.”

              Jody heaved his best put-upon sigh and took a drink, ordering his thoughts. “I never really meant to marry Iz.” Bobby’s confusion was palpable. “I know, that sounds insane. She thought I was a gentleman because it took me so long to actually try to get in her pants. I didn’t bother her for sex all the time, either. It wasn’t that I was closeted; so much as I just had always thought I was… Fluid.”

              “Fluid?”

              “I guess I thought I was more bi or pansexual. I think, more than anything, though, I was trying not to be like my parents. Traditional het relationships scared me, while the boyfriends I dated were always more open. That wasn’t a gay thing; so much as I hung with a pretty hippie crowd. We were pre-hipster hipsters.”

              “Sounds about right,” Bobby teased.

              “Anyway,” Jody drawled. “It’s surprisingly as simple as she thought she was pregnant. I didn’t want to be my parents, who shirked most every responsibility ever; so we eloped.”

              “I remember. It was the scandal of the block.”

              “I’ve always been good at shocking the Bensonhurst crowd.”

              “You got that right.” Bobby chuckled.

              “She ended up not being pregnant.”

              “Wait. You got married on a piss stick’s say so?”

              “Something like that,” Jody mumbled. “Anyway, after a few months, I realized I’d done what my parents did, anyway. I’d married someone I didn’t love. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be the man who left. But my dad stuck it out and he was miserable. Their relationship was open—you met DeDe—and they both just always seemed… Like they were looking for something. We moved all over the city, they’d follow trends; they tried to make me in their image. But they weren’t all that bad, honestly.

              “Then my dad died, about six months into my marriage. I remember he’d died such a miserable man. I guess I didn’t want that. By then I realized I wasn’t just being gentlemanly by not wanting to sleep with my wife. I thought, at first, maybe I’d just been male-deprived since I hadn’t been with a guy in about a year, but around the time she and I separated I realized that… well, I’m totally gay. And I was going to always be only gay no matter how intellectual I wanted to seem and how much more enlightened I’d seem if I called myself demi or pan or label-free like the uber-rich, uber-sensitive types I was friends with in college. I wasn’t cool and artsy with an open mind about sex. I was just a rich gay boy rebelling by being normal. So I just told her that flat out.”

              Bobby was studying his beer closely. Jody wondered if he sounded like a jerk. He supposed he could see why Bobby would think he was an ass. Even if Bobby had been with Angelina a long time, at least he hadn’t married her, promised her things. Jody couldn’t even excuse himself for being young at the time. He’d been a twenty-four, almost twenty-five year old grad student at the time.

              “I had cancer.”

              Jody knew he was staring at Bobby, but Bobby wouldn’t look at him. How could he drop a bomb like that and just not look at Jody.

              “You had cancer?”

              “In remission four, almost five years now.”

              Jody held up a hand, asking for another round of beers.

              Bobby inhaled loudly. “I was a real son of a bitch to Angie. She knew something was up. Hell, I knew something was up before that. I guess it was just that getting sick made me fucking do something.” Bobby accepted his beer from the bartender and drank more. Jody was too busy studying Bobby’s profile, his scrunched forehead. Wow. Jody had never known anyone who’d had cancer. He couldn’t even imagine having it himself. How scary that must have been. He said so to Bobby.

              “You can say that again. I thought it was karma at first.” Bobby finally looked at Jody. “Angie and I, when we first got together….”

              “She was married,” Jody said. He knew the story. Angie was two years older than Bobby, married straight out of high school.

              “Iz and her big mouth,” Bobby said. But there was no venom behind the words.

              “It was stupid. We were such kids, then. And it was easy because there were no expectations. I didn’t really consider I might be anything other than straight. I just didn’t get why my brothers tripped over themselves for girls. The couple I’d been with had been… Well, they sufficed.”

              Jody’s lip twitched. “They’d be thrilled to hear it.”

              That got a small smile from Bobby. “For the first two years we were together, it was no big deal. She was going through the divorce. Afterwards, because of divorce stuff and her family we couldn’t live together, so there wasn’t really any pressure and no major need to commit. But, when she did start in on me; after I’d finished college and started working for Pop, got a place of my own, she wanted it all: house, kids, regular sex. Around then, I thought I might be bi. I even talked to her about it. She played it up some, but there’d be no sharing. She was in it for the long haul. Looking back on it, though, I think we were just comfortable. We were never really passionate about each other, even less so as the years went on.”

              “Sounds rough. Of my dating life, only a total of maybe two years was with women. You guys were together a long time.”

              “About twelve years.”

              “Damn.” Jody couldn’t even imagine. He also was feeling that weird burn of jealousy, discussing Bobby’s ex. He knew Bobby was gay, knew they’d split years ago. But it was still weird hearing about it.