Chasing William (18 page)

“Hey! You said you’d pretend to take it
seriously. I feel betrayed.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get you a fortune-telling
fortune cookie.”

“You just don’t believe. But you will.
Eventually everyone does.”

“Really? You think everyone believes this
crap?”

“Everyone has to believe in something.
What’s wrong with believing in fortune cookies? It can’t hurt.” I
shrug.

“I still think it’s pretty ridiculous.”

“Just wait. Some day you’ll get a really
good fortune. Then you’ll believe.”

“Let’s find out.” Luke opens the door to a
tiny Chinese restaurant and we go in. It’s sandwiched between a
Laundromat and a computer repair shop. No wonder it’s a place only
the locals know about. At least I’m assuming Luke is a local. He
certainly gives that impression, but it’s hard to tell with people
who are involved with “That Place”. I decide it’s not really that
important.

I notice the name of the place in the
window: “Sunrise Chinese”. I’m a little astounded. I didn’t even
think about the chance that there were two Chinese restaurants in
the same few mile radius with the same name. This place seems much
more William’s style. My William’s style. I still don’t know about
Minnesota William, but I think it’s a safe bet this was the place
he was talking about.

“How’d you find out about this place?”

“Oh, you know. I was just wandering around
town one day trying not to think about my dad, realized I was
hungry, and ended up here. It’s one of those places only the locals
really know about.”

“So you’re a local?”

“Might as well be.”

“Isn’t there another place around here with
the same name?” It’s a leading question, but I am curious.

“Yeah. Terrible food. I think they’ve tried
to use this place’s reputation to lure in customers who don’t know
better. But this place has all the business they need and they
still manage not to be too busy. Why? Have you been to the other
one?” Luke’s starting to grin now. I hate him thinking I’m just a
lost soul (even if I am).

“Nope. Just drove past. You know, when I was
driving around.”

“Yeah, sure.” Luke’s still got that grin on
his face.

“They’ll have good fortunes.” I elbow Luke
in the ribs as we walk up to the counter to order. “I’ll have a
C-18 extra spicy, with a coke.” I always order the same thing when
I go to Chinese places (at least when I go there for one meal every
once in a while, and not a marathon day with a meal every hour for
nine hours): hot braised chicken. It’s “universally” good, with
“universal” meaning Chinese places located in America, cooking food
that doesn’t really qualify as “Chinese” cuisine. But I try not to
split hairs. If the food’s good and the fortunes are real(comma)
why complain?

“Uh, C-21,” Luke says, and makes good on his
promise to pay for dinner.

The man working the register acknowledges
our order in broken English and shouts it back to the kitchen in
what I assume is Mandarin. It might not be. For all I know it could
be Japanese, but considering there’s a flag for the People’s
Republic hanging in the back, Mandarin seems to be a safe bet.

“How do you know the fortunes are good
here?” Luke asks as we sit down at one of only four tables in the
whole place. Every place is accompanied by a placemat explaining
each sign of the zodiac along with the birth years each represents.
The latest year is 2005. They must not get replaced a lot. There
are paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling and watercolors on the
wall. It’s a little cheesy, but that’s what makes it perfect. It’s
like its own little world. And it smells like fried rice. In my
world that’s always a bonus.

“Just look around.”

“You’re gonna have to explain it to me. I’m
new to the whole fortune-cookie magic thing.”

“I don’t know. I can’t describe it. It’s
just a feeling you get. The more you get fortune cookies, the more
you understand. Certain places just have this vibe and other places
don’t. What kind of fortunes have you gotten here before?”

“I throw mine away.” Luke coughs and looks
at his placemat.

“That’s like throwing away the clues to
life.” I shake my head. Luke looks at me with a raised eyebrow and
we both start to grin.

“C-18?”

I raise my hand and the man from the
register sets a tray down in front of me and another in front of
Luke. Each of us has a fortune cookie placed carefully in the
corner of the tray.

“They’ll be good fortunes. I can always
tell.”

“Okay, let’s see what all the fuss is
about.” Luke reaches for his fortune and I slap it out of his
hand.

“Not yet!”

“Why not? You’ve been talking about these
cookies the whole way over here.”

“But you have to open it at the right time!
You have to eat your food first. The fortune cookie always comes at
the end. You have to follow the proper order of things!”

“Great, so now there’s a proper
fortune-cookie-opening ritual?”

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”
I stick out my tongue before ignoring Luke and starting to eat my
food. It’s good, spicy enough to make my eyes water. That’s another
good sign. The spicier the food, the better the fortune. That one’s
not actually true, but it’s my game, so I don’t have to keep track
of all the rules.

“What happens if you get a better fortune
than me?”

“Won’t happen,” I mumble through a mouthful
of rice.

“How do you know?”

“You get the fortune you need. The cookie
knows.”

“Oh, my god. You did not just say that.”

“Say what?” I’m still more interested in my
rice than the conversation. I haven’t eaten anything since
breakfast this morning, which is funny because I never thought I’d
eat Chinese food again… at least not any time soon.

“The cookie knows? Seriously?” Luke starts
laughing and I’m worried he might choke. “The cookie knows?” He’s
still laughing. It’s one of those laughs you can’t stop. He’ll just
have to wait it out until it stops. Those kinds of laughs are
always contagious, no matter what the situation. I make sure to
swallow my food before it hits me.

The cookie knows.

Yeah. It’s pretty funny.

After we both stop laughing I go back to my
food. Luke eats too, but every time I look up at him he starts to
snicker. It doesn’t take long before it’s finally time for the
moment of truth. I just hope the fortune cookie lives up to
everything I’ve said it will.

“You go first. I wanna see how this magic
works. It’s not one of those ‘you can’t tell your fortune or it
won’t come true’ things, is it?”

“Nope. Sometimes telling people helps it
come true even faster.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Well, here we go.” I’ve never been nervous
opening a fortune cookie before, but there seem to be so many
things riding on this fortune. Not just Luke’s belief in the whole
thing, but my big message, the thing I have one day and a few hours
left to figure out. I crack the cookie in half and toss the pieces
into my trash pile on the tray. The little thin white strip just
looks so comforting. It has to be this. It just has to be.

I turn the slip of paper over and my heart
drops. I refuse to cry, especially in front of Luke. I can’t let
him see how seriously I take all this. I guess I just thought the
universe, or God, or whatever it is that controls the world owed me
one. I mean, it just seems like something good has to come from
life. Otherwise, what’s the point?

“What’s the universe telling you?”

I must be doing a better job covering up my
disappointment than I thought, because Luke doesn’t seem to notice
anything’s wrong. I’m the one with the fortune cookie dogma. I
should be able to get something out of this. I’ll probably just
have to eat my words. Luke will laugh, and then it’ll be over. I
just wanted that miracle so badly.

I hold up the little slip of paper and clear
my throat, hoping that will somehow help me make light of the
situation.

“Some koi fish are red.” I manage to say it
like I think it’s the most profound thing in the world. Luke
doesn’t laugh as hard as I thought he would.

“That’s your profound, prophetic fortune?
Koi fish are red?”

“Only some.” I try to look smug, like I know
it has some great secret meaning only I understand. In reality the
few pieces of my heart that had finally started to heal are falling
apart again.

“Okay, sure.” Luke sounds about as doubtful
as I feel. “Well, maybe you didn’t really need the fortune. Like
how you said you only get a real fortune when you need one. Like
Santa or the tooth fairy.” He mutters the last part under his
breath, but he’s smiling the whole time.

“Yeah. That’s right.” I’m not convinced. If
I ever needed a fortune it is tonight. “What’s yours?”

Luke grabs his cookie and breaks it open,
tossing it on my trash pile. “You will be happy when you learn to
be happy.” Luke frowns. “What a load of bullshit.”

He believes it. I can always tell a fortune
cookie convert when they get seriously angry at their fortune.
That’s how you know it’s telling them something they don’t want to
hear. I’m glad it worked for someone. That helps restore my faith
just a little.

“That doesn’t sound too bad. You’re gonna be
happy.”

“Yeah, like I’m the thing that’s making me
unhappy now.”

“Well…” I trail off. I don’t know him well
enough to try and make a point.

“You think I’m making myself unhappy?”

It’s a genuine question; he’s not angry. I’m
not sure how to respond.

“You said “That Place” can do weird things
to people. Maybe you’re getting trapped in your dad’s world or
something.” I try to gauge how upset Luke is. I still need a ride
back to my car, but more than that I want someone to walk into
“That Place” with me tomorrow.

“Well…” I decide it might be best to try and
lighten the mood quickly. “If you believe it, or want to believe
it, you have to save it. Otherwise, just throw it out. You heard my
fortune. Maybe my vibe reader isn’t working right.”

“No. I’m not going to say you’re wrong just
yet. I mean, everyone wants to be happy. Even if it doesn’t work,
it can’t hurt.” Luke tucks the fortune into his wallet and stands
up to leave. “I better get you back to your car if we’re going to
meet bright and early tomorrow.”

I nod and we head back outside. Just one
more day and I still don’t have my miracle.

To:
William Davis

Message:
Why are you making
everything so hard?! I followed you here hoping… well, I don’t know
for what. I thought if I could follow your ghost I’d get some
answers. All I have are more questions. Why can’t you just haunt me
like a good boyfriend-ghost? Isn’t that what happens when people
die, they come back to make sure the people they care about are
okay? Well, where’s my sign? Huh? I couldn’t even get a decent
fortune cookie. You’re a horrible dead boyfriend. And yeah, I
realize how terribly selfish that sounds, but you did some terribly
selfish things too, and I think you owe me one.

I really did love you. I think I still do.
Maybe I’ll never stop. Doesn’t that deserve a sign? So I know you
love me too. Just something small? It can be anything. I don’t even
know what I’m looking for. I just know I want you back.

“
Don’t rush the seasons to
change and then miss what you used to have.”

“Coffee?”

Luke’s waiting in the parking lot with two
Seattle’s Best cups, leaning against his car and not looking nearly
as cold as I feel.

“I brought my own.” I hold up my thermos,
which can hold about three of those little disposable cups. I don’t
really plan on drinking that much coffee. I just want it to keep my
hands warm. I hadn’t thought to pack gloves. That was dumb. My mom
didn’t remind me, either. I guess I can put socks on my hands and
call them mittens.

“Alright. Well, you ready?” Luke jerks his
head towards “That Place”.

I nod, but I’m not sure what I really want
to do. After last night’s fortune fiasco my expectations are pretty
low. It doesn’t seem like there’s any hope for something good to
come out of “That Place”. I bet I’m not the first person to think
that walking in. I think Luke feels a little anxious too. That
makes me feel better. I’m not sure if people have written books on
the subject or not, but knowing you’re not the only one who’s
scared, and anxious, and alone… it helps a lot. And it gets rid of
that “being alone” thing, so, double plus.

“Hello!”

We’re greeted very kindly by a woman at the
front desk. She seems to know Luke pretty well and they talk while
I figure out how to sign in to the visitors’ book. I’m not sure
what I’m supposed to put, so I just write that I’m visiting with
Luke. I’m starting to feel sick. I never should have come here. Not
just here to “That Place”, (well, I guess now it’s “This Place”
now) but to Minnesota in general. I’m cold, tired, uncomfortable,
and guess what? William’s still dead. He’s not here. He didn’t just
go away again. I mean, maybe that’s what I’ve really been thinking
this whole time. Maybe I’d actually convinced myself he wasn’t
dead, that he’d just come back here and that’s why he wasn’t at
home. But he isn’t here either. I can’t write down that’s who I’m
visiting. He isn’t going to come say hi. He’s gone.

“You okay?” Luke looks genuinely concerned
about me. I probably look like a ghost myself. I can feel tears in
my eyes although I don’t remember starting to cry. I’d feel
embarrassed, but I could also just walk out the doors and never see
“This Place” again.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I
should – “
“Nope. If I have to be here, you have to stay. Come on.” Luke takes
my arm and gently pulls me in further. Once the doors seem farther
away I start to calm down. “Let’s see if Zac’s here. He would’ve
led the group William was in. Might be able to help you out a
little.”