Chaste (McCullough Mountain) (21 page)

Luke
took a menacing step forward and Finn shook off Colin’s hold. They all froze as
their mother’s humming voice grew nearer. Maureen entered the room carrying a
plate of something fresh out of the oven. “Here you go, boys. Some fresh baked
gingersnaps.”

They
all lowered their heads and mumbled a quick thank you, disguising the seething
energy of the room.

“Thanks,
mum.”

“Thanks,
ma.”

“Thank
you, Mrs. McCullough.”

She
smiled and hummed as she returned to the kitchen. The second she was gone Luke
smacked Kelly in the back of the head sending his hair over his eyes. “Don’t
make me kick your ass, dipshit.” He grabbed a cookie and shoved it in his
mouth. “Finn, sit down. We all know you aren’t going anywhere.”

Finn
scowled at Kelly as he lowered into his seat. Luke was now distracted by food.
Josh looked uncomfortable and Colin’s questioning stare was drilling into Kelly’s
scalp. He glanced up and his oldest brother shook his head as if to ask
what the hell?

Kelly
shrugged and Colin tipped his head toward the door. A second later he
disappeared.

Luke
snickered. “Now you gotta go make confession.” Kelly stood and smacked the hat
off Luke’s head then stole three cookies as he skittered around the others and
out the door. “You’re dead when you get back here! That’s my good hat.”

“Blow
me.” He pressed through the front door and the screen slammed shut with a
weathered snap. “What’s up, Col?”

His
brother turned from where he sat on the step. “You tell me.”

Kelly
lowered himself to the step and handed over a cookie. “They were being a bunch
of whiny bitches. I didn’t feel like listening to it.”

“Finn
always loses and always complains. Try again.”

Kelly
stretched out his legs and shoved a cookie in his mouth. They didn’t go with
beer, but damn they were good. “Nothin’. Josh is on my nerves.”

“Why?”

He
shrugged. “No reason.”

“There’s
always a reason, Kelly.”

True,
but they were his reasons and he wasn’t sharing. He shoved another cookie in
his mouth.

Colin
sighed. “You’ve been in a mood for weeks. Something happen at the bar?”

“No.”

His
brother turned and raised a skeptical brow. “A girl?”

Kelly
laughed. “Yeah, right.”

Colin
didn’t crack a smile. “Who?”

He
slapped him on the back and made to stand. “Nice try, Col. Sorry. Me and the
lassies are fine as usual.”

He’d
almost made it to the door when his brother asked, “Who is she?”

Hesitating,
wanting so much to tell
someone
about
the girl he’d come so close to caring for, he deliberated for a moment. He could
trust Colin not to say anything to the others, but that was a big ass
confession and he didn’t need anyone telling him what a prick he’d been.

“You
can talk to me, Kelly.”

Shutting
his eyes, he pivoted. “It never would’ve worked anyway.”

Colin
glanced over his shoulder. “Care to give me a little more to go on than that?”

Returning
to the step he dropped like a sack of rocks. “It sucks. I had her and I pushed
her away—on fucking purpose.”

“Why?”

“Because
she would have eventually moved on and I didn’t want to deal with that.”

“Who
are we talking about?”

Kelly
buttoned up. Shaking his head, he said, “It doesn’t matter. She’s already moved
on to greener pastures.”

“So
go get her back. I thought you could have any girl you wanted.”

He
laughed derisively. “That won’t work with her. She wants…commitment, stability,
everything I can’t offer.”

“You’re
as capable of those things as any man, Kelly. You just have to want it.”

His
brother’s words were so close to Ashlynn’s they almost made him paranoid. “Yeah,
maybe for a day.”

Colin
didn’t comment for a while. “Do you love her?”

Kelly
laughed. “No.”

“Are
you sure?”

Of
course he was sure. He didn’t love her. Love was big. “It’s not like I have a
point of reference, but I’m pretty sure I’d know if I bit the big one.”

“I
didn’t know,” Colin admitted.

Kelly
thought about his brother’s past and how Sammy came along. “Yeah, but you were
on a totally different path. Part of you had to know.”

“Nope.
I thought about her all the time, constantly told her I couldn’t give her more,
as if that could stop my feelings from happening, but they happened anyway. My
opinion on the matter was inconsequential.”

“So
when did you realize you loved her?”

Colin’s
head tilted as he considered his response. “I guess the day I realized I was
miserable without her. It didn’t matter if I was watching television or sitting
around twiddling my thumbs, I wanted her there. Everything that always appealed
to me no longer did, because she wasn’t a part of that path. She changed me,
made me want to be a different kind of man, a
better
man.”

Ashlynn
made Kelly want to be a better man too, but he was nothing like his brother.
Colin was strong, fair, and determined. “This one makes me want to be a better
man too, but I’m not.”

“How
long’s it been since you were with her?”

He
was never with her. “I haven’t seen her in four weeks.”

Colin
whistled. “And have you been with anyone else since?”

“I’ve
kissed a few lassies, but haven’t followed any strays home if you know what I
mean.”

“That’s
quite a dry spell for you.”

You aren’t kidding.
No
matter how hard he tried to get Ashlynn out of his system, he couldn’t. It was
like his spark was gone. That wasn’t what concerned him most, though. What was
killing him was the fact that she hadn’t tried to get him back. She’d just let
him walk away. Her lack of action only proved she knew she could do better and
deserved better. It was confirmation he would never be good enough.

Sighing,
he said, “I haven’t been into it lately.”

Colin’s
brows shot up. He made a weak attempt to hide his laugh, but it was no use. “I
never expected you to be celibate.”

“Settle
down. I’m just in a funk.”

“I
think the funk might be love.”

“I
think you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Colin’s
expression sobered. “Just…promise to keep an open mind, Kelly. You’re not
stupid. Look at my life. If someone told me I’d be waiting for the arrival of
my second child and married to my brother’s ex I would have told them they were
insane. Center County’s blue-eyed devil falling in love isn’t as farfetched as you
think. Not with our family’s track record.”

His
brother’s words were comforting, but at the same time terrifying. If he did
love Ashlynn he was fucked. Besides, he cared for her enough not to tamper with
her right to a happy future and a man who could guarantee she’d get the
emotional intimacy she needed. Kelly didn’t come with guarantees. He came with
a shoddy track record and a ton of insecurities disguised in apathy. “Thanks,
Colin.”

“Any
time, baby brother. Now, are you going to apologize to Finn or is Luke going to
kick your ass? I just need to know if I should put down my beer so I can rip
him off you.”

“Luke’s
a pussy.”

Colin
laughed and put down his beer. “Ah, the joys of dysfunctional families. Let’s
get on with it then.”

Kelly’s
mouth kicked up. He really did have great brothers. He could go in there, start
shit, and there was no doubt Colin would get his back and somehow manage to get
Luke’s as well. He had no idea how one man could take all sides and do it so
unanimously well.

Kelly
followed Colin into the den and Luke’s scowl immediately greeted him. Kelly
grinned and slapped a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I love you, man.”

Luke
patted his hand and the moment was over, lesson received. He looked at Finn.
“Let’s do this. Four McCulloughs don’t sit around and lose money on their home
court. Josh, you’re going down.”

Finn
smiled and nodded in a show of unity. “I’ll deal.”

*
* * *

Over the six weeks that followed
Kelly’s withdrawal, Ashlynn suffered a sense of uneasiness she’d never known
before. Her days were busy, but her nights were incredibly lonely. She and Josh
developed a sort of routine. They had dinner on Wednesdays, went to a movie on
Saturdays, and did random things on Fridays.

They never visited O’Malley’s
anymore and she wondered if he’d figured out Kelly had been the other man. The
monotony of her relationship with Josh was comforting as much as it was
irritating. No matter how much Kelly’s words had hurt, and her dignity wouldn’t
allow her to crawl back for more, Josh didn’t compensate for the other man’s
absence. Kelly was Kelly and the things about him that made her crazy were also
the things that made him so unique.

After having dinner one Friday,
they returned to her place to watch a movie on cable. Josh sat beside her, his
fingers laced with hers all the way to the end credits. When the commercials
started he faced her and smiled.

Josh had a nice smile. He leaned
close and kissed her, another sweet kiss that tickled her mouth, but little
else.

“Come here,” he said, pulling her
closer.

She shifted and he turned so that
her back was tilted toward the cushion. After a few more kisses she was
slouched beneath him. His fingers coasted over her hair, stilling when they
came in contact with her glasses.

“Take these off,” he whispered.

“I won’t be able to see.”

Ignoring her reply, he eased her
glasses off her face anyway and she blinked through her blurred vision. His
mouth returned to hers and the kissing continued. “Did you ever think of
getting contacts?”

Did he not like her glasses? “I
prefer glasses.”

“You have pretty eyes. You
shouldn’t hide them.”

He lowered his lips to hers and
deepened the kiss. His hands coasted from her shoulders, short nails trailing
slowly up and down her arms, until his palms found their way to her hips.

The cool touch of his fingertips
met her skin and she shifted. “Josh.” He slipped his palm under the hem of her
shirt and pressed his hand to the curve of her belly. “Josh,” she warned again.
“What are you doing?”

“Shh…”

Why were men always telling women
to be quiet when they had their hands where they shouldn’t? “Josh, stop.”

He sighed and pressed his face to
the curve of her shoulder. His hand stilled. “We’ve been dating for two months,
Ashlynn.”

“What does that matter?”

He sat up, his hair tousled. “It
should count for something.”

She frowned and reached for her
glasses. She couldn’t see a damn thing. “It’s not about putting in your time,
Josh.”

He huffed. “Don’t you get…” he
waved his hand as if searching for the least offensive term. “You know…horny?”

That was the best he could come
up with? “Um…” She shrugged. “I’m curious, but there’s a bigger picture.”

She ignored the fact that she’d
allowed Kelly certain liberties. She’d amended some of her rules since he’d
stepped out of her life. No one could hurt her with rejection quite as sharply
as Kelly, but his departure definitely cemented some walls in place when it
came to protecting herself.
 
If
Kelly were still present in her life, she wasn’t sure how strong those walls
would hold. She doubted there’d ever come a day he wouldn’t be able to disarm
her with a smile and some sweet words. Yet, with Josh…it was different. Those
boundaries were as solid as ever.

He flopped back on the couch and
grumbled again. “A man has needs, Ashlynn.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but they aren’t
getting fulfilled on my couch.”

He turned and appeared
unimpressed. “I feel like I’m twelve.”

She scoffed, a little put off by
his mood. “You’re sort of acting like it too.”

He shook his head and turned
away. A moment later he snapped, “We could do other stuff, you know?”

“Do you want to watch another
movie?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, but it’s the most I can
offer.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed.
“How much longer do you expect me to wait?”

She stiffened. “I don’t expect
anything from you. I expect something of myself. Whether you wait around for it
or not is up to you.”

He suddenly turned and kissed
her. She pulled back, totally not in the mood. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.” His lips sealed
over hers and she shoved him.