Chelynne (57 page)

He paced about a bit nervously, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck where the periwig chafed and annoyed him in the warmer weather. “You know, you’ve made not a little trouble for me lately. I’ve admitted my mistake in treating you as I did. I don’t know what more you would have of me. I wish to God you’d tell me what you expect of me now!”

“Come sit, Chad.” She smiled tolerantly. “Tell me about business.”

“About His Majesty’s proposal?” he asked, pulling a chair near.

Her eyes widened. “He told you of it?”

“Yes, though he confessed he mentioned it to no one else. He would have the decision be yours alone.”

“What is your opinion of it?”

“I didn’t think you would have to ask,” he replied sullenly.

“I see. So you would like me to accept.”

Chad’s head shot up in surprise. “You think that? My God, Chelynne, I—” He stopped and drew in his breath. “I gave my word I would not try to persuade you in any way.”

“But I wish to know. Please, I wouldn’t betray you to the king.”

“Truth, madam, I don’t give a damn if you do. I’ve grown quite weary of the secrets and pretending at Whitehall. I don’t care if I never have to go back. To be honest, you are my wife and it would suit me if you would act like one, not like a polished whore to the king.”

She smiled at his displeasure. “So you think that is his purpose in offering me that post?”

“I can think of no other. Remember, Chelynne, I’ve been around a bit longer than you. I give you this advice freely. If you accept that appointment thinking you can remain virtuous you will be sadly disappointed. If he’s of a mind to have you, he will, despite your token refusal.”

Again she smiled, a wise and superior smile that lent him no more comfort. “You act as if it would chafe you sorely to have to share me with another man.”

“And that would surprise you? You honestly think me so different from other men?”

“It amuses me. Finally, after so long, you wish to become possessive. And you, a member in good standing of this group of adulterers. With how many, pray, have I shared you?”

His brows drew together in a fierce scowl. “Damn fewer than you might be prepared to believe.”

She raised a questioning brow. She was looking down on him, intimidating him with those deep, wise eyes. He ruffled visibly, shifting. It was no easy thing for him to sit still while a mere wisp of a woman judged him.

“Not that it matters,” she told him. “It’s a little late to be worried about that now.”

Chad looked away. He would not be able to convince her otherwise with his oaths. “I would give a king’s ransom to start over,” he muttered.

“Where would you start, Chad? America?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“It seems to hold that promise of a fresh start. You do have land there, do you not?”

“I have, but I will not have the option to go there. The challenges are enough in England.”

“But you could go anywhere, the moment you chose.”

He sighed. “I don’t think I can make you feel this, Chelynne. I would have to walk away from everything my family has entrusted to me through their deaths. I can hold that land, I can manage the plantation through my overseer and leave something to my heirs, but I cannot build in America and hold what I have here.” He reached out and touched her hair, openly desiring her, his eyes clouding over with warmth. “I can want, but I cannot have it all. I have the responsibility of this estate and England has me. That’s the way it is.”

She looked away from him. “You kill your own dreams. It’s no wonder you’re not happy.”

He turned her face back toward his with a finger. “I don’t kill dreams, Chelynne. I live with them. There are some more important than others. To survive here I must live with reality, take what I can and understand what I cannot have. Be practical.”

“That’s one thing I’ve known about you from the first,” she sighed. “You’re a very practical man. I remember the first time...” Her voice dropped off and she lowered her eyes.

“The first time what?” he urged.

“I remember the morning after our wedding,” she blurted. “I remember your practical solution to the situation you found yourself in. You said that if I was not happy you would set me free.”

His face darkened. It was a memory he didn’t want to be reminded of. “Yes, I told you that. I wonder why you bring it up now.”

“I’m curious. Would you let me go now, if that was my desire?”

Doubt and regret were plain on his face. He closed himself off for a moment of thought. She was expecting a practical answer, one more logical conclusion from the businessman. The arms going around her and drawing her near were a complete surprise. His lips came very close to hers. It was in her mind to put her hands against him and push him away, but she could do nothing. She was passive to his advance. Lightly, caressingly he kissed her. Her eyelids dropped and her head fell back. She trembled and her lips quivered beneath his. Gently, so gently she barely noticed, she was pressed more firmly against him. When after a moment he released her, their eyes locked.

“And now, because of all that has passed between us, you think you would like to give up? Leave me altogether?”

“I only asked ‘if,’” she murmured softly.

His lips touched hers again, light and teasing, tempting her. She was amazed at her own lack of control in this lovers’ game, for her arms were casually pressed to his and she made no effort to pull away or push at him.

“If you decide you do not want me, I will not hold you against your will. If you cannot live with me as my wife, I cannot force you. But...before you make any decisions so final consult your heart. And be sure you haven’t left anything untried behind you.”

Her lips followed where his led. Lightly, touching and parting, pressing, massaging. It was the most delightful experience, tender yet heated. She couldn’t resist the urge to softly stroke his face, tracing the line from his brow to his jaw with trembling fingers.

“Then nothing has changed,” she whispered.

“A great deal has changed. I’m in love with you now. I wasn’t then.” This time when his lips came down on hers the doubts and fears rose within her immediately. She knew too much. She struggled against him weakly and he released his hold on her at once.

“Very well, Chelynne,” he said somewhat shakily. “I will not force my affections on you.” He took a moment to calm himself, steady his broken will and patch together some restraint. He leaned back in the chair and stared away from her, there being no respite in looking at her. Those ripe, swelling breasts alone were enough to make an animal of him. When he thought it safe, and not a moment before, he looked back at her. “You know where I am and I am at your service, madam, day or night. I hold no stock in whether you come or go and I give you my word, I will not have you unwillingly. I suggest, for both our sakes, that you not have any doubts in your mind when you decide whether you stay or go.”

“That sounds like an invitation to your bed, sir. No promises attached?”

“It is exactly that,” he said coolly. “You’ve invested a considerable amount of time in this marriage. You should have all the facts. That,” he said emphatically, “happens to be one of the most important.”

As he rose to leave he looked as commanding as ever, not upset, not confused. Chelynne was still tremulous. She dropped one hand to her stomach as if the activity within would burst out. He had stirred her to a dangerous level. It was with every fiber of her self that she clung to composure.

“I have business, Chelynne. I’ll call on you later.” He bowed shortly and was gone.

The pattern followed the same course. He looked in on her daily, keeping close personal guard on her state of health. She wished to be shrewish, to lash out at him and hurt him. Faced with his warmth, she could find no will to fight him. He was devoted and gentle. There was no pressure, no fuel for her hate. Her confusion mounted. Her heart and mind were torn to shreds.

There was no reason to be excused from the affairs at the palace once her illness faded. The dinner honoring the king and queen would be attended by many and Chad confessed he would have to be there with or without her company. He asked her so kindly that she accepted.

As on all the other occasions he did not compliment her appearance. She was forced to decide from the shade of gray his eyes bore whether or not she had pleased him with her choice of gown.

She took up his rote, aping his indifferent manner, and refused to praise his handsomeness. But thoughts of him brought the thumping in her heart and a deepness to her eyes. He was such a fine figure, so bold and hard were his good looks. He could be as richly garbed as all the young gallants and never give off that foppish air. It was no wonder so many women watched him, desired him. No wonder he had had so many previous loves. She knew she would have fallen helplessly in love with him whether or not he had married her.

This night, perhaps because she had been so ill, he stayed close by her side. He hovered there, guarding her as if she were his ward, not his wife. He made no comment or gesture as they heard the gossip together. And what they heard was not complimentary to her. The rumors suggested poison and miscarriage and she was certain there were other things even worse floating around. But she smiled and shook her head, blaming a rather frightening attack of the ague.

The comments were hard to stop. “We’re anxious for the news of your first heir.” “Isn’t it nice that you’ve time to adjust yourself to marriage before suffering the ills of pregnancy.” “I have a friend whose astronomer found the exact day, coming only once in the year.” “My tiring woman has the recipe for a draught that makes one terribly fertile.”

Through this Chelynne held her composure. She wished Chad were not so near. He discreetly looked away during this women’s drivel, but she knew he had heard. He couldn’t possibly know how it affected her.

When she saw the king approaching them, she felt a surge of relief. She beamed her smile across the room to him. He floated his back to her and quickened his step.

“You’ve recovered very well, madam. You’re as lovely as ever.”

“Thank you, sire,” she replied demurely.

“Have you anything you wish to speak to me about?”

She glanced at Chad, patiently waiting and trying not to scowl. “I’m afraid not, Your Majesty. This is in fact my first outing.”

“There’s no hurry, my dear. I’m a patient fellow.” He looked around him. “I have to be.”

“I’ll be speaking to you soon...” she began.

“I told you, didn’t I, to take all the time you need?”

She nodded, pleased.

“Will you be offended if I steal the earl away from you for a time? He doesn’t seem eager to leave your side tonight.”

“She’s been weak, sire,” Chad defended himself. He didn’t like looking like a doting husband to his king, especially when that same one was an amused opponent.

“I’ll be only a moment, madam,” Charles said, giving her a slight bow. “I much prefer my diversions, but affairs of state do arise to interrupt me from time to time.” He gave her a most obvious wink and she couldn’t help giggling lightly. Chad did not think the situation amusing at all.

“Could I persuade you to escort me in the direction of the dressing room? I think I would be more content to wait there.”

Both were eager to comply. Charles loved a game and was playing this one to his supreme amusement. The lines on Bryant’s face were so obvious, so passionate. He fully expected to lose his wife to the king.

And Chad took her arm to prevent Charles from escorting her alone. He was not eager to leave her in a room full of lusty gallants, no matter how careful they were these days.

Chelynne relaxed on a couch after pressing a cool cloth to her face. It seemed as if she had been on her feet for hours, but it had been only a short time. Her exhaustion came from smiling away all the tactless remarks that had been made to her. She closed her eyes and let Whitehall fade away for a time.

Behind her eyes she envisioned herself facing the king, shouting, “I’m sorry, sire, I could never be a Lady to the Queen’s Bedchamber. I hate this place! Hate it!”

She knew she would never do that, because she loved him; because she was grateful for his alliance and she wouldn’t weaken the bond. Whatever the rest of the court thought, whatever all of England thought, she was afraid to breathe lest she destroy that caring.

“Resting, my lady? Tired already from your affairs?”

She opened her eyes to see the face she hated. Gwen stared down at her with that amused and victorious smile.

“I’ve been ill, madam. I’m sure you’ve heard more of it than I have.”

She laughed wickedly. “I’ve heard some nasty tales, to tell you truly. I’m sure you don’t want to hear them now.”

“Are you sure you weren’t responsible for most of them?”

“I?” She raised a dubious brow. “Of course not, madam. I wouldn’t dare.”

Chelynne was expressionless. She looked away from Gwen. She wanted nothing to do with this baiting game. She was far too weary.

“For a time I thought perhaps Chad had had enough of your games, but now I see that can’t be true. He wouldn’t be panting after you like a faithful pup.”