Chief Cook and Bottle Washer (16 page)

But there was a sure fire cure for
sleeplessness. She darted for the kitchen on tiptoe. She'd make
herself a cup of hot chocolate and then she'd go right to sleep.
She used to do it for her oldest brother when he'd had a
particularly rough night of it. It always worked.

She heard Denver barking outside, although he
sounded far away, she recognized his bark. Probably off chasing a
coon, or the likes. She smiled, she loved to listen to dogs howling
in the moonlight. It sounded romantic.

The moon lit the kitchen in a slight glow,
but she turned the dim light over the sink on to fix her hot
chocolate.

The milk was nearly ready when Deke walked in
on her, jolting her back to an awareness she wasn't prepared for.
She tightened the sash to her robe, subconsciously. Then her eyes
took one swooping look at him and darted away. His shirt was still
unbuttoned, leaving a good eye's view of a hairless chest.

"Can't sleep?" He asked, his voice a rough
timber, as his eyes traveled her equally as slow.

"I'm so used to having Sammie Jo with me, I
can't get to sleep without her." She didn't dare look at him after
he spoke, afraid he might guess the real reason.

"So what are you making?" He asked moving
closer.

"Hot chocolate." She moved away, her hands
closing her robe tighter. He saw the action, obviously from his
smile, but he didn't comment.

"Sounds good, enough for both of us, I
hope."

"Sure," she added just a tad more milk and
placed the jug in the refrigerator. When she turned about he was
still staring and still just as close.

"How's the ribs?"

"Oh, I'll probably be sore, but they aren't
broken." She assured him.

"That's good." He leaned close, against the
counter, and she found a reason to move away as she reached for the
cocoa.

"What was Sammie Jo's father like?" He
blurted out of thin air.

It was the last question Emma expected to
hear. And it more than brought her down to earth.

"Oh I don't know." She sighed wishing
silently he wouldn't bring up this subject, either. "He was young,
ambitious, and I guess you'd say restless." Emma answered as
truthfully as she could.

"I don't get it."

Emma put the spoon down after adding cocoa
and stirring it, then turned to face him, "Don't get what?"

"You don't seem like the kind of girl to get
into this kind of predicament." He reached for the cups about the
same time she did and their hands collided, they both moved away
quickly.

Emma squirmed. Here it comes again, she felt
her heart leap into a quandary. She'd have to lie again. And where
would it end. Should she just tell him? But then it would only
involve him in her problems. Problems she hadn't even begun to
settle yet. He had enough to contend with. Better to lie and leave
when she could than to make more trouble for this nice man and nice
family.

"A man leads with his right hook, and a woman
leads with her heart."

"Oh," An eyebrow went up.

"That's what my brother Frank used to
say."

"This brother Frank you talk a lot about him.
But not the others. Why?"

"We were very close the last few years. I
think he was the only one that really realized how hard Dad was on
me."

"I don't know how you stood it so long. Most
girls would have married and moved awa–"

He stopped in mid sentence. "My God, that's
it, isn't it. You were trying to get away from him any way you
could. By getting pregnant."

Emma felt her stomach churn, her heart bumped
against her chest for her dead cousin's situation had suddenly
become hers. "No. I was very inexperienced. Young. Stupid."

"Then you were in love with this guy."
Something in the way Deke said it made her look at him. As though
those words disappointed him.

"I wasn't in love with Joel. I was just very
wet behind the ears, so to speak. But I thought I was in love with
Charlie." She hated the lies. "I don't know much about men, I'll
admit, but with young girls it takes a while to learn all the
rules."

"Rules, what rules?"

"About what a man really wants when he kisses
a girl. About what he means when he says he loves her, wants her.
Those kinds of rules. Girls take it more seriously, till they
learn."

"And you've learned."

"I think so. I'd like to think so, at
least."

"Did he know you were pregnant when he
left?"

"Y-yes."

Some of it was true. If only she could just
tell him. But he put so much stock in the truth and she had already
compounded the lie.

Deke's fist hit the counter, "Damn Emma . .
."

"W-well, the hot chocolate is ready. Let's
see if it works as good as they say it does."

"Emma–about tonight–"

"Look. It was a lovely evening. Please don't
spoil it with apologies. I understand. It was a splendid dance, and
you ended it with a goodnight kiss. Let's don't make any more of it
than it was. Okay. I certainly haven't."

"Is that how you want it?" Deke questioned,
his voice lowering.

"Yes, of course."

He sighed aloud, as though he were much
relieved by the news. "I never dreamed you were such a level-headed
girl, Emma. It's a pity this other guy didn't know it."

Suddenly the tension fled from the room. Deke
seemed eager to talk about the ranch, the cattle, the poisoned
ponds, anything, except the kisses they'd shared. Emma realized he
was relieved, and it hurt, but she hid it behind a false front.

"So, don't you have a favorite brother?" She
changed the subject.

"No–well, maybe. It's Jake. You might say
he's the gifted one of the bunch." Deke smiled.

"You keep saying that. But how can one
brother be so gifted and not the others? A man who loves the land
and the ranch as much as you do, and you say Jake's meant for
better things. I don't understand that."

"Don't get me wrong, the land means
something. It means home, and family, and all the things that are
really important. But Jake is more scholarly than the rest of us
put together. He's going to amount to something. He could be a
lawyer."

"Does he want to be a lawyer?"

"I honestly don't know. We thought he did,
but I just don't know."

"And the other boys, and what they want,
don't they count?"

"Sure, they count. Not a throw away in the
Travers bunch, but Rusty, he'll hang around here, marry his
sweetheart and bring up a parcel of kids, maybe take over here some
day. Who knows. Clint, I just don't know about Clint. He comes on
kinda strong, but it's all an act. He fell for a girl here while
back and it didn't work out. Ever since, he's been running
away."

"What's wrong with Clint?" Emma handed him
his hot chocolate and sat down at the small kitchen table.

"The rodeo is wrong with Clint. He's a risk
taker. And he's a lonely man. He's a charmer, but it's all just a
front. Deep down he just needs a nice gal to settle him down. He
was meant for ranching, best hand I have. But I'm losing him to his
wild side. I feel that. Funny, I guess I grew up thinking they'd
all want to stay here. I guess I assumed a little too much"

"That's how you figure it?" Emma frowned.

"Sure, why not?"

"Is that what he really wants?"

"Of course it is. Yeah, sure it is." Deke
frowned.

"And what do you want Deke?"

"I've got what I want." He gulped the hot
chocolate and made a grimace.

"Oh!" Emma sighed heavily, putting her hot
chocolate to rest on the table. So he had every thing he wanted. So
he was happy. Why did that make her the least bit sad?

"I'm not saying I don't have troubles, from
time to time. I do. But I'm pretty damn lucky, Emma. I got a spread
here to work for the rest of my life, if I want to. I've got a
family I wouldn't trade in. It's a good life."

"And that's all?" Emma questioned.

"What more is there?" Deke sounded almost
angry, only not at her, more with himself.

"Nothing–I guess. Well, it feels as though
the hot chocolate is working, I think I'll turn in. Goodnight Deke,
and thanks again for the dance."

"Night Emma, sleep well."

"Yeah," Emma quipped, not believing she
would.

"I don't see any real problem with custody of
the child, Ms. Smith." The lawyer came around the desk and peered
at Emma from over the top of his glasses.

"Really?"

"More a matter of court papers being signed
and waiting for the appropriate amount of time to pass," he
explained.

"Time to pass, I don't understand." Emma
knitted her hands in her lap.

"Yes, well, the papers will give you full
custody rights, but we have to wait a certain amount of time to
make sure it isn't contested. By the father or any other living
relatives. Fathers, even bad ones still have rights, you know."

"Joel isn't interested in Sammie Jo."

"Any other relatives that might have an
interest in the child?"

"No–uh, yes, Joel's grandfather."

"You think he might file a petition?"

"I don't know. I've never met him,
personally."

"Perhaps you should. It might make it easier
to resolve if you talked with him, if he saw you with the
baby."

"I'll think about it."

"Good. And I'll contact you when it's time.
You'll still be at the 4 Bar None?"

"Yes, as far as I know. If anything drastic
changes, I'll let you know."

"Fine."

Emma realized she wasn't any further than she
was six months ago to getting full custody. If she'd had the papers
drawn up then, it would have been over by now. Damn, she hadn't
planned on this.

She left the lawyer's office, with him
telling her not to worry, even if the father or father's parents
protested, they wouldn't have much to stand on since it was Emma
who had taken care of the child. Good care of the child.

But the elder Mr. Collins could be a real
challenge. He had the money and position to pull favors from
judges.

Still Emma wanted it over and done with, and
she wouldn't stop worrying till it was.

"Get things taken care of?" Clint met her
outside the lawyer's office.

"Yes, for now. Thanks for driving me into
town, Clint, I should have come sooner, is all."

Clint seemed to watch her with a curious eye,
but never once on the drive home did he question her purpose and
Emma was silently glad. The less the Travers knew, the better, for
their own sake.

Clint talked all about the rodeo and how he
was anxious to get back to it. Emma smiled, indulging him his need
to talk about a taboo subject at home.

"What about girls Clint?"

"What about them?" Clint gripped the steering
column a little tighter. "I don't get too serious about women
anymore. Not that I'm against 'em. Just don't want to get tied down
to one like Rusty."

"Never?"

"Maybe," he glanced over at her and winked.
"When I'm done riding the circuit. But it'll take one heck of a
girl to settle me down again. Got caught in that trap once, don't
aim to try my hand at it again for a while."

"What happened–I mean, if you want to talk
about it."

"She wanted the whole kit and caboodle.
Marriage, kids, the house with the white picket fence."

"So, what happened? What's wrong with
that?"

"Nothing. I mean if you were the settling
down type. I guess she got tired of waiting, she ran off with a
friend of mine. Not that it was serious with them either.. A real
slick talker. Yeah, she played me for the sucker. Got me to
believing in those kids and picket fences. Till I wised up. No
ma'am it'll take one heck of a woman to settle me down now. About
the only gal I've paid much attention to is Abby, and even she's
gone now. We were good friends, I–I miss her."

"Did you love her Clint?" Emma's voice
softened as she waited for his answer.

"Who Abby?" Clint shook his head no.

"Yes."

"Yes ma'am, I still do."

Then he turned the radio on and started
singing aloud, getting Emma to sing along with him. They were
laughing when they arrived home that evening, and Deke had the
stormiest of scowls on his face when they burst into the
kitchen.

He'd been busy with the health department
officials and couldn't leave the ranch to take her into
Sweetwater.

"Sounds like the two of you had a good time,"
Cal said as he fed Sammie Jo some mashed potatoes and green beans
that Emma had set aside for her supper.

"Great time," Clint added with a wink to
Emma.

Emma didn't understand why Clint played up
the day so, but she didn't question him. Instead she went about
putting on her apron and starting supper as though nothing had
happened. She didn't even take the time to change into a regular
t-shirt.

"Get your business taken care of, Emma?" Deke
asked, handing Cal a napkin to wipe the baby's face.

"Yes, but I'll probably have to make another
trip in shortly," Emma responded without looking directly at
anyone.

"No problem, be glad to give you a lift,
anytime, Emma." Clint winked again, and watched as everyone glanced
at him questioningly.

"Thank you, I'll let you know." Emma smiled
at Clint.

On the trip home she had gotten to know Clint
much better and come to the same conclusion as Deke. Clint was
suffering, but whatever it was it was deeper than what he spoke of.
She wished she could help him, she hated seeing him in such pain
and not being able to just let it out.

"So bro, did you test the other ponds yet?"
Clint asked as everyone crowded around Sammie Jo, who was eating up
the attention.

"Yeah, and fortunately a couple of the others
weren't affected." Deke took Sammie Jo out of the highchair and
held her in his arms, as though the act came naturally to him.
"Still means moving the herd. We've lost about a half dozen head.
It also means that irrigation system has to be fixed. We have no
choice on that matter. And I'm going to need all the help I can get
to finish it before winter sets in," Deke was saying, his eyes
occasionally straying to Emma as he spoke and giving Sammie Jo the
pleasure of an occasional smile.