Children of Gebelaawi (18 page)

flock in the desert. In that whole day they had exchanged only

such words as their work made necessary. Qadri had been away

much of the ti me, and I-Iumaam had guessed that he was

sniffi ng out news of Hind. l-Ie had stayed alone n ear the sheep

and goats in the shadow of the big rock.

Suddenly Qadri asked I-lumaam provocatively:

- Tell me what you mean to do; are you going to your

gran dfather, or aren't you?

I-Iumaam was annoyed.

- That's my business.

Anger flared up in Qadri 's heart, marking his face like the

shadows lengthening on Muqattam. He asked:

-Why have you stayed? When wi ll you leave? When will you

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have the courage to say what you mean to do?

- I 've stayed to take my share of the trouble you've caused

with your goings-on.

Qadri laughed cruelly:

- You say that to hide your jealousy.

Humaam shook his head in amazement and said:

- You deserve pity, notjealousy.

Qadri came closer to him, shaking with fury, and said in a

voice choking with rage:

- How I hate you when you pretend to be wise.

Humaam stared con temptuously at him but said nothing.

Qadri went on:

- People like you are an insult to life.

Humaam did not fl inch under the stare that burned i nto

him, bu t said firmly:

- You know, I ' m not afraid of you.

- Has the arch-vi l lain promised to protect you?

- Anger makes you utterly despicable.

Suddenly Qadri hit him in the face. The blow did not catch

him off his guard and he hit back even harder, shouting:

- Don ' t get any crazier!

Qadri bent down swiftly, picked up a stone and hurled it

with all his force at his brother. Humaamjumped to dodge it,

but it hit him on the forehead. He let out a cry and stood

rooted to the spot, anger sti ll blazing in his eyes till suddenly

i t was gone like a flame snuffed out, and they went quite blank,

as though turned inward. He swayed, then fell on his face.

Qadri's mood changed at once. His rage evaporated, leaving

him like cold steel after the smelti ng, and fear gripped him. He

wished desperately that the prostrate man would get up or

move, but he did not. l-Ie bent over him and stretched out his

hand to shake him gen tly, but he did not respond. He turned

him on h is back to lift his nose and mouth out of the sand, but

he lay there motion less, his eyes in a fixed stare. Qadri knelt

beside him and began shaki ng him and rubbing his chest and

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Adham

hands, looki ng in panic at all the blood flowing from the

wound. He called his name hopefully, but there was no answer.

His silence was so heavy and deep that it seemed to be part of

his being. This stillness was neither that of a living creature nor

that of non-living matter; there was no feeling, no stirring, no

concern with anything. It was as though it had landed from

another world and had nothing to do with this world.

Qadri i nstinctively knew death. He began tearing at his hair

in despair. He looked round fearfully, but nothing stirred save

the sheep and the insects, which took no interest i n him. Soon

night would fall, and the darkness would deepen. He stood up

resolutely, took his stick, and wen t to a p lace between the rock

and the jebel. He began diggi ng, scooping the sand up with his

hands, working obsti nately, with the sweat drippi ng from him

and his limbs trembli ng. Then he hurried back to h is brother,

shook him and called him for the last time, without hoping for

any response, seized him by the an kles and dragged him off to

the grave. He stared at him, groaning, hesitated a while, then

heaped the sand over him. l-Ie stood wiping the sweat from his

face with the sleeve or his jellaba, then covered the patches of

blood with sand.

He threw himself down exhausted, feeling all strength had

gone out of him. l-Ie wanted to cry, but the tears would not

come. He thought: 'Death has defeated me. ' Uninvited, unintended, it comes as it pleases. If only he could turn i nto a goat and disappear in the flock, or into a grain of sand and be

buried in the grou nd! 'As long as I can 't give back life, I can' t

claim to have any power. That sight will never leave my

memory. What I buried was neither living nor lifeless, but

something else that my hand has made.'

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2 0 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Qadri came home driving the sheep and goats. Adham's

barrow was not in its place. His mother's voice called from

indoors:

- Why are you two late?

He shooed the flock into the path leading to their pen

saying:

- I fell asleep. Is Hu maam not back yet?

U mayma raised her voice above the noise of the two smallest

children:

- No! Wasn't he wi th you?

He swallowed though his mouth was dry and said:

- He left me at mi dday wi thout telling me where he was

going. I thought he'd come back here.

Ad ham had just arrived and was pushing the barrow into the

yard. He asked:

- Did you quarrel?

- Never.

- 1 think it must be you who made him leave, but where can

he be?

Umayma had come out i n to the yard, while Qadri had shut

the gate of the pen and was washing his hands and face in a

basi n under the barrel. He had to face up to the situation. The

world had changed, bu t despair is a powerful force. He joined

his parents in th e darkness, dryi ng his face on a corner of his

jellaba. Umayma asked:

- Which way did 1-Iu maam go? He's never been off like this

before.

Adham agreed with her:

- Yes; tell us how he went, and why.

Qadri's heart pounded at the picture that sprang to his

memory, but he said:

- I was sitti ng in the shade of the rock. I happened to turn

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Adham

and saw him selling off this way. I thought of calling him back

but didn 't.

Umayma was distraught.

- If only you 'd called him instead of letti ng your anger get

the better of you.

Adham looked anxiously into the surrounding darkness.

He saw a feeble light in the window of Idrees's hut, which

showed that life was stirring there again, but he paid no

attention to it. 1-Iis gaze fastened on the Great House, and he

asked:

- Do you th ink he's go ne to his grandfather?

Umayma rejected the idea.

- He wouldn't do that wi thout telling us.

Qadri said in a faint voice:

- Perhaps shame prevented him.

Adham gave him a questioning look, alarmed by the lack of

scorn or enmity in his voice.

- We told him to go bu t he refused.

Qadri said weakly:

- l-Ie was embarrassed to accept in front of us.

- That wouldn 't be like him. What's the matter? You look

sick.

Qadri protested.

- I had to do all the work by myself.

Adham cri ed out wretchedly:

- I'm really worried.

Umayma said in a hoarse voice:

- I'll go to the Great House and ask about him.

Adham shrugged his shoulders hopelessly and said:

- Nobody wi ll answer you, Little Mother. But I assure you

he didn 't go there.

Umayma sighed heavily and said:

- 0 God ! I've never been so upset before. Do something!

Adham sighed loudly and said:

- Well th en, let's look everywhere for him.

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Children of Gebelaawi

Qadri said:

- Perhaps he's on his way here.

Umayma exclai med:

- We mustn 't wait. (Then, overcome by anxiety, looking at

I drees's hut: ) Can Idrees have waylaid him?

Adham said gruffly:

- Idrees's enemy is Qadri, not Humaam.

- He wouldn't hesi tate to kill any of us. I'm going to see

him.

Adham prevented her from going, saying:

- Don't make thi ngs any worse. I promise you, if we don 't

find him I'll go to Idrees and to the Great House.

He peered anxiously at the shape of Qadri in the dark.

'What's he keepi ng so quiet about? Doesn't he know more

than he's said? Where can Humaam be? ' Umayma made to

leave the yard and Ad ham hurried to her and caught her by the

shoulder. Just then the gate of the Great House opened. They

watched and in a few moments Kareem's form appeared,

heading towards them. Adham went out to greet him.

- My dear Kareem! Welcome!

The man saluted him and said:

- My noble master asks what is keeping Humaam.

Umayma said wretchedly:

- We don 't know where he is. We even thought he might

be with you.

- My master asks what's keeping him.

Umayma cried out:

- God forbid what I suspect!

Kareem went away. Umayma's head startedjerki ng abou t as

if she were goi ng to have a fi t. Adham led her to their room,

where the two li ttle ones were crying. He shouted savagely:

- Don't leave this room. I ' ll come back with him, but mind

you don't leave this room.

He returned to the yard and stumbled over Qadri, who was

sitting on the ground. He bent over him and hissed:

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Ad ham

- Tell me what you know about your brother.

He raised his head quickly, but something preven ted him

from speaking. His father asked agai n:

- Qadri, tell me what you have done to your brother.

The young man spoke almost inaudibly:

- Nothing!

Ad ham went back inside and returned with a lamp which he

lit and stood on his barrow. Its light fell on Qadri's face, and

he examined him fearfully, then said:

- I can see trouble in your face.

Umayma's voice came from inside but could scarcely be

heard above the noise of the two li ttle ones. Adham shouted:

- Keep quiet woman ! Die if you must, but die quietly !

He exami ned h i s son agai n. Suddenly h i s limbs trembled.

He took hold of the hem of Qadri's sleeve and said in panic:

- Blood? What's this? Your brother's blood?

Qadri stared at his sleeve and cou ld not help shuddering,

then hung his head in despair. By this movement he acknowledged the truth. Ad ham pulled him to his feet and forced him out with a violence he had never known before. A darkness

blacker than that or the nigh t covered his eyes.

2 1 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Adham swept Qadri along sayi ng:

- We must go by Derrasa Desert, so as not to pass ldrees's

hut.

Deeper and deeper into the darkness they plunged, Qadri

staggering sligh tly under his father's grip on his shoulder. As

they hurried along, Ad ham asked in an old man 's voice:

- Tell me, did you hit him? What did you hit him with?

What state did you leave him in?

Qadri did not answer. Though his father's grip was tight, he

hardly felt it. His agony was too intense to express. He wished

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Children of Gebelaawi

the sun would never rise again. Adham went on:

- Have pity on me and speak. But you don't know the

meaning of pity. I condemned myself to suffer the day I

fathered you. Curses have followed me for twenty years, and

here I am aski ng pity from somebody who doesn't know any.

Qadri burst into Lears, and his shoulder shook in Adham's

fierce grip. He sobbed so much that the contagion reached his

father, but Adham said:

- Is that your answer? Why, Qadri, why? How could you?

Confess now in the darkness, before you see yourself by the

light of day.

Qadri shouted:

- May day never come!

- We are the children of darkness; day will never dawn for

us. I used to thi nk evil lived i n ldrees's hut; but here it is i n our

own flesh and blood. Idrees mocks and dri nks and brawls, but

i n our family one person kills another. 0 God! Have you killed

your brother?

- Never!

- Then where is he?

- I didn't mean to kill him.

Adham roared:

- But he's dead.

Qadri burst into tears again and h is father's grip tightened.

'So Hu maam is dead - the flower of life - his grandfather's

favori te - as though he had never been. But for this searing

pain, I would n't have believed i t. ' They reached the big rock

and Adham asked in a harsh voice:

- Where did you leave him, you cri minal?

Qadri went to the place where he had dug his brother's

grave and stood beside it, between the rock and the Jebel.

Adham asked:

- Where's your broLher? I see nothi ng.

Qadri said almosl inaudibly:

- Here's where I buried him.

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Adham

Adham shou ted:

- You buried him?

He took a box of matches from h is pocket, lit one and

examined the ground by its light, till he saw a patch that had

been disturbed, with the trail left by the corpse leading up to

i t. He groaned wi th pai n and began scraping the sand away