China Dolls (49 page)

My omissions left me jumpy and on edge. After the first show, I went to Helen’s dressing room. Eddie had sent Tommy a new set of tin soldiers, and he was lining them up in neat rows on the floor. I sat on a stool to watch, but I nervously clicked my Oriental Danseuse nails against each other to the point that Helen said, “Stop worrying. We’re going to be great tomorrow.”

The second show was swell. When Ruby’s cue came for the third show, I followed her to the curtain. I watched as she slipped off her kimono, picked up her fans for her last performance of the night, and sidled onstage into her blue light. I peeked out at the house and spotted Joe. He appeared mesmerized by Ruby and her feathers. The smell of her gardenias seemed to waft through the club like a dark vapor. Could that same old triangle of Ruby, Joe, and me ever be broken? Would I ever be able to forget that they’d been together? I was a grown woman—a famous woman—but an impulse to flee gnawed at my insides. This time I was determined to stay and fight.

Ruby’s act ended, and she swept offstage right past me—her ostrich feathers caressing my face, arms, and breasts. I needed to tell her about Joe—he was mine—but there wasn’t time. I heard the music for my routine. I lifted my hands, extending my absurdly long nails, and let my feet carry me onstage. My mind churned with visions of Ruby and her feathers and Joe’s expression as he’d watched her dance. Now it seemed as though all the things that made him the man I loved had drained from his face. Through the laughter, the clink of champagne glasses, and the happy sighs of the club; above the band, cutting through the sound of my feet padding across the stage, my breathing and the beat of my heart—but surely it was my imagination—I heard Joe’s chair scrape across the floor as he pushed himself away from the
table. He lurched from the room. Was he running from me again? Or was he running
to
Ruby?

Onstage, all I could do was keep counting in my head
—one, two, three, four
—and finish my number. I didn’t stay for my second or third bows. Instead, I ran to Ruby’s dressing room. I opened the door to find Helen wiping off Ruby’s makeup and Tommy on the floor with his toy soldiers. I shrugged as if I’d made a mistake.

“Don’t bother with me. I’ll see you in a couple of minutes.” I retraced my route, feeling confused and worried. Where had Joe gone? Had seeing Ruby dance changed his mind about
me
? I entered my dressing room, and there he was, sitting on the bench before my mirror, holding a rose he’d plucked from one of my bouquets. I felt like I was able to breathe again—from relief … and gratitude.

“All the husbands are returning to their Rosies,” he began. “Those women don’t realize that the men who went away are not the same as they once were.” He glanced past my shoulder into the hallway, struggling with his emotions. “Grace, the things I saw. The things I did.”

The years without him completely fell away, as did my doubts. Whatever he’d done—or not done—to hurt me in the past no longer mattered. He was my future. He’d
always
been my future.

“Whatever you have in you, I can take,” I said.

“This thing”—he tapped his artificial leg—“isn’t good enough for what I’m about to ask, so I hope you’ll accept me where I am.” He inhaled. Held it. Then, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’ve wasted a lot of time. I love you. I don’t want another minute to go by without you. Grace, will you marry me?”

I didn’t hesitate. I’d been waiting for the question for so long. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, unwilling to accept my answer so readily. “Are you willing to give up everything for me when you’ve already seen my weaknesses and stupidity?”

“Yes,” I said as I kneeled before him.

“I’ll never be able to dance with you, Grace. Not like we danced before.”

“We’ll do the box step.”

“If we get married, neither of us can ever run away again—emotionally … or otherwise.” He rapped a knuckle on his leg. I saw him then as so vulnerable. He was telling me he was committed, but he needed me to be as well.

“I love you, Joe. I always have.”

He took that in. Then, “We won’t have the moon, Grace, but we can be happy—”

Such movie talk!

“Let’s get out of here. Let’s never look back.” He whistled the opening bars to Kay Kyser’s newest hit.
I’d love to get you on a slow boat to China, all to myself alone
. “Come with me now. Don’t pack. Don’t say goodbye. We’ll get out of here and go to San Francisco. I’ll go to Stanford or back to Cal to finish up at Boalt.”

In that moment, I knew I’d won the prize I’d always wanted: love. I loved him so much I would suffer anything for him. I loved him more than my own life, I realized. Yet this was the moment when the two things I’d dreamed about for so long—love
and
stardom—collided. And I wasn’t willing to give up either.

“I didn’t have a chance to tell you this morning, but Ruby, Helen, and I are going to be on a television show tomorrow. I can’t back out now. I need to be there for them.”

He had just proposed and asked me to run away with him this instant, but now his eyes burned with disappointment.

I tried to explain. “They’re my friends …”

“And
you
want this.”

I bowed my head and nodded. But how could I be ashamed when this opportunity might be the greatest of my life?

I got up, opened my purse, and handed Joe a ticket for tomorrow’s show. “I hope you’ll come.”

He held the ticket in his hands and stared at it wordlessly. Finally, he reached up to me with his eyes. What I saw in them was sure and true. He was happy for me. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I love you,” I said.

“I’m nuts about you too, Grace.”

With that, he used his cane to stand, and he limped out of my dressing room.

I took a deep breath, sucking in happiness, releasing worry. I loved Joe more than dancing, but what about Ruby? I didn’t want to hurt her in case she still had feelings for him.
Play it light, and it might go easier
.

I didn’t bother to change. I walked down the hall to Ruby’s dressing room, hesitated before the closed door to brace myself, and then entered. Helen wore a pale pink cotton sweater set with a light gray skirt that came midcalf. She was on her knees, having just finished removing Ruby’s body makeup. Ruby leaned in to the mirror, smoothing cream under her eyes. She was dressed in her kimono and gardenias. Tommy sat in the corner, making his first battle moves with his soldiers. I swallowed and clicked each of my nails from the pinkies to my index fingers once against my thumbs as the three of them turned to look at me.

RUBY

The Dark Shadow Side

“Joe is here,” Grace announced as she entered the room.

My neck stiffened. Below me, on the floor, Helen sighed.

“He’s asked me to marry him,” Grace went on, “and I’ve said yes. We’re moving to San Francisco—”

“What about the Swing Sisters?” I asked with seemingly dead calm, calling on all the rules my mother had taught me about not showing my emotions.

“I’m staying for the show,” she answered breezily.

“Great, but what about the Swing Sisters?” I repeated.

“The Swing Sisters?” Grace looked confused. “I was worried you’d be upset about Joe.”

Joe, Joe, Joe. She’d always been stuck on that guy—like I cared. Joe was one thing; my career was quite another. “What about our plans?” I persisted. “What about our new lives?”

“What about your revue?” Grace asked unperturbed. “What about Helen taking Tommy to Miami?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I put my hands on my hips. “
Toast of the Town
changed all that. This is our gold ring.”

When Helen cut in to say, “Besides, we said we’d never let a man come between us,” I knew this was going to be a two-against-one disagreement that Helen and I would win.

“I’m sorry,” Grace said. “I love him.”

We’d gotten along pretty well since Yori died, but this news and her attitude about it caused something to rise up inside me. I’d thought I’d done a pretty good job burying my anger and suspicions about her these past years. Turned out they were right below the surface of my skin, ready to pop, all along. As that stupid dam people are always going on about burst, I was shaken by the rush of my emotions. Didn’t stop me, though.

“How can you do this to me?”

“To you?” Grace asked, taken aback.

“You
owe
me.”

At which Helen sat down fully on the floor and muttered one of her idiotic Chinese sayings.
“Predestined enemies are fated to meet in a narrow alleyway.”

“This isn’t about fate,” I said to Helen. “It’s about loyalty and friendship.” I turned back to Grace. “You’ve never honored either.”

Grace feigned lightness. “What is this? Target practice?”

“You didn’t comfort me when Hideo was killed or when my parents were detained,” I began, as all the injustices she’d inflicted on me began to flash through my mind.

“Of course I did—”

“You let me cry alone in my room—”

“That was seven years ago!”

“I needed a friend, but you liked hearing me suffer.”

“I didn’t want you to lose face,” Grace explained, still trying to remain unruffled. “And
you
didn’t want to talk about it. You wanted to make believe nothing had happened. You wanted to pretend you weren’t Japanese—”

“You showed who you were even then.” Anger was not my deal-e-o. I knew I had to try to pull myself together, but I just couldn’t. “Later, you stabbed me in the back by stealing my part in
Aloha, Boys!
But that still wasn’t enough for you. You had to steal my fiancé too.”

“How can you possibly say that?” Grace now visibly struggled to stay cool. “You
invited
me to go to Hollywood with you. How was I
to know that people would come and take you away or that the director would ask me to fill in for you? If you knew how painful all that was for me, you never would accuse me. And do you really believe I
stole
Joe? I understand you’re upset, but you aren’t remembering things correctly.”

“Oh, I remember. You pinched my part, then you became the Oriental Danseuse.”

“Is this about fame?” Grace asked. “Why
me
and not
you
?”

“Stop acting so coy,” I shot back.

Helen put a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes.

“I don’t see why you’re so mad,” Grace said.

“You don’t? Well, try this on for size. Why did you turn me in?”

“I didn’t turn you in,” Grace said placidly. “I’ve told you that before.”

“Admit it.” I prickled.

“I won’t. Because I didn’t.”

“Helen told me all about it.” It felt surprisingly good to be confronting Grace, but why had I waited so long? “She said everyone at the Forbidden City looked at the clues and figured out it was you.
You
were the one who sent Western Union telegrams all the time.
You
were my friend and
you
reported me, so
you
’d get my part in the film.”

Grace’s brow furrowed. “Why did you tell Ruby that?” she asked Helen. “Why would you say those things about me … ever?”

From the floor, Helen regarded Grace. “You’ve never accepted responsibility for what you did.”

“If you really thought that … In all these years, you never told me …”

“Has your conscience been eaten by a dog?” Helen asked.

Grace returned her gaze to me. “Is this what you truly think?”

I held my ground. “I said it, didn’t I?”

“But all this time we’ve been together—traveling, sharing clothes, sometimes sleeping in the same bed … If you thought I’d betrayed you, how could you have stood to be near me at all?”

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, I’d said something similar to Helen, but Grace had cut me off. Now I did the same.

“Helen said it was best to keep an eye on you.
Keep your enemies close—
”

“The direct translation is
Know the other, know the self, hundred battles without danger
,” Helen murmured.

I liked Helen all right, but she was bugging my teeth right out of my gums. Why didn’t she stand up and fight at my side? Maybe it wouldn’t matter anyway, because Helen was so easy to ignore. Sure enough, Grace spoke directly to me.

“I didn’t report you. You’re my friend—”

“You would have done anything to take my part.” My eyes bored into her. “Can you deny it?”

“That doesn’t mean I reported you.”

“Then who did?” I demanded.

“It could have been anyone,” she answered. “Maybe it was Ida.”

“Yeah, blame it on a dead Japanese girl.” I jutted my chin. “I’m not a fool.”

“Charlie,” she tried again, her voice cracking. “Maybe it was Charlie—”

“Right. Charlie would report his number one moneymaker.”

“What do you want me to do? Make a list of everyone we knew back then? It could have been anyone—”

“It was you!”

An intense silence fell over us. I wasn’t going to budge, and neither was she. Then, a small but authoritatively businesslike voice spoke.