Chocolate Girls (23 page)

A moment later Martin, hat in hand, was being shown into the parlour and Frances was offering tea. ‘I’ll just find Janet,’ she said. To Edie’s amazement she heard him reply, ‘I do hope you’ll join us, and Edie if she’s here. It’d be nice to see you all.’

Janet and Edie exchanged glances. Edie thought Janet must be disappointed and she flushed slightly, but they both went into the front. Martin was quite casually dressed, no tie, a light jacket over his flannel trousers. As he stood up to greet them, Edie saw his gaze fasten immediately on Janet.

‘We haven’t seen you for a long time,’ she said, with calm formality.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry.’ They all sat down. ‘I’ve been completely embroiled in final examinations. Burning the midnight oil night after night. There’s so much to retain, you feel your head’s going to explode. But it’s over now, finally. I’ve been home for the last week.’ He talked about his visit to his parents in Staffordshire as Edie helped Frances bring the tea in.

‘Anyway, they’ve rushed all the marking through and the good news is, I’ve passed!’

‘Oh, marvellous!’ Janet said, delighted for him. Already she was beginning to come alive in his presence. The others added their congratulations as well. ‘So you’re a doctor now?’

‘I am.’ Martin grinned. He sat forward, stirring his tea, looking very large and muscular. ‘At least, so they tell me. Bit of an awesome thought really. But the thing is, soon as I qualified, I received my call-up papers. Medical Corps. RAMC. I leave for basic training on Friday.’

It was Wednesday night. Edie saw the barely concealed expression of dismay on Janet’s face.

‘So,’ she managed to ask composedly, ‘do you know where you’re going?’

‘Somewhere near Leeds. Square-bashing and all that sort of thing. I don’t quite know why medics need that but I suppose it’s meant to instil discipline!’ He laughed. ‘Cuts us all from the same cloth, I suppose.’

As they drank their tea he didn’t seem to want to dwell on his news.

‘Where’s little David? Asleep?’

Edie smiled. ‘Out like a light.’

‘I’m sorry to have missed him. I suppose I feel a slightly paternal interest in him after having him handed over to me like that. No news of his background so far?’

Edie shook her head. Such questions filled her with dread. She wanted to forget that David had any other ‘background’ than with her.

‘And he’s in good health then?’

‘Oh yes,’ she enthused. ‘He’s bonny, isn’t he?’ Frances and Janet nodded.

Martin smiled at Edie’s evident besottedness. ‘He’s been much luckier than some.’

They spent a pleasant evening catching up on news of aquaintances. They told him about Ruby and about a picnic Cadbury’s had arranged for the day out in a pretty Worcestershire village. Edie had loved watching Davey’s face as he caught his first sight of cows, and a bull. But all the time they were talking, Edie was thinking, doesn’t he want to be with Janet on her own? Janet was behaving in a very breezy manner, as if he was like any other friend whose company she enjoyed. Edie was baffled by the pair of them.

Eventually Martin got up. ‘I must let you people get to bed. It’s been lovely to see you all.’

‘Janet, you show Martin out, will you?’ Frances said.

Martin shouldered his coat on in the hall. Janet, going to open the front door, could feel her heart beating madly and hoped he couldn’t tell. You are
not
, she chastised herself, going to make a fool of yourself. Not again. Close to him, in the confined space, she felt weak-kneed and as if all the hairs on her skin were standing upright. But she had no excuse for delaying him.

‘Just a second.’ He laid his hand over hers to prevent her undoing the latch. She looked up at him, seeing his strong-featured face so close to hers, looking into her eyes.

‘I wondered if I might write to you, while I’m away? I’d love to hear from you, of course. It would mean a lot to me.’

‘Write?’ She almost laughed.
Write to me?
I want you to take me in your arms and kiss me. I want, I want . . . She smiled. ‘Yes of course, Martin. I’d love it if we could keep in touch. Drop me a line, won’t you, and let me know where to write to?’

She opened the door. He leant down and kissed her on the cheek. Stepping outside, he put his hat on and turned to wave.

‘Good luck!’ she called.

‘Bye!’ His voice was soft. And then he was gone.

Janet put her hand over her cheek where she could still feel the touch of his lips, tears welling in her eyes.

Ruby’s daughter was born on 10 November at Selly Oak Hospital. As soon as Edie and Janet heard the news they went in to see her.

They found Ruby sitting up in bed in a frilly bedjacket, hair brushed and hanging loose, lipstick and mascara on. Edie kissed her and hugged her close.

‘Hello Cocoa!’ she said fondly. ‘Congratulations! Are you all right?’

‘I’ll live.’ Ruby gave a wry grin, shifting herself up on the pillows. ‘My God—’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Never again though. I can tell yer that. It’s like being put through the mincer!’

‘You look very well on it,’ Janet said, handing over her little posy of winter greenery and flowers. ‘We brought you these from the garden to brighten the place up a bit.’

‘Oh I don’t know if I’ll be allowed those,’ Ruby said. ‘The matron’s a right tartar. She’s already had a go at me about my warpaint. And I’m
dying
for a fag.’

They stayed for a while, hearing all about the birth and Ruby’s new little girl who’d weighed seven pounds ten ounces and was feeding like trooper.

‘She’s definitely a Bonner with an appetite like that on her,’ Ruby laughed.

‘What’re you calling her?’ Janet asked.

‘She’s going to be called Marleen Bette. After Marlene Dietrich, only I’d thought we’d say it the English way.’

‘And Bette Davis?’ Janet asked.

‘Yes,’ Ruby grinned. ’How did you guess?’

‘Have you asked Frank?’ Edie asked.

‘No I bloomin’ ain’t.’ Her face hardened into defiance. ‘He’ll just have to like it, that’s all.’

They didn’t stay long. Ruby recounted to them a few funny stories about people on the ward and Edie told her odd bits of chat from work. Then the nurses started to bring the babies to be fed and they caught a glimpse of young Marleen Bette as she was carried squawking to her mother.

‘Oh Ruby, she’s lovely!’ Edie cried, seeing the baby’s crumpled face. She felt her whole being contract with longing. Thank God she had David to fill her life now! How could she have stood seeing this little one without terrible bitter feelings if he had not come into her life?

‘She looks beautiful and healthy,’ Janet said. ‘Well done again, Ruby.’

Edie was startled to hear the tearful edge to Janet’s voice.

As they were leaving, and Ruby saw Edie and Janet disappear with a final wave along the ward, she latched Marleen on to feed. Sharp pains shot through her nipples and belly as the baby began to suck. My God, she cursed, this is a mug’s game. Why does it have to hurt so much? Through the tears in her eyes she watched the others disappear, Edie’s petite figure followed by Janet’s egg-timer one, through the doors.

Well done, Ruby, she thought bitterly. Looking down at her baby –
my baby
, she kept having to remind herself, she tried to summon more positive emotion in her. Had she really given birth to the child? The birth now seemed like a long and painful dream and she’d hardly seen Marleen since except to feed her. I
do
love her, she told herself. Except she hurts me. The child’s nagging mouth on her breast oppressed her. Someone else to look after, day after day. Work and washing and feeding and never a moment to herself, years stretching ahead. Edie was the lucky one, she found herself thinking, losing her babby like that. Oh what a wicked thought! How could I even think it? But if only Frank was here to look after us!

Lately, Frank seemed like a different person whom she barely knew, with his stubbly hair and tense, terse manner. When he was home they spent some of the time together, made love sometimes. Only it didn’t feel like love: she felt used, dirty almost, and was relieved when his selfish thrusting was over.

The larger she grew with the baby the more enraged he seemed by the sight of her, and numerous times he’d left her weeping in her house when he’d taken off to his mom’s again, leaving her rejected and lonely.

In the end Ruby voiced her suspicions. ‘You’re going with another woman, aren’t you?’ she screamed at him one night. Frank denied it, told her not to be so ‘cowing stupid’, but things were never easy between them.

He had said though that his tour of duty would be over this year. The Bomber squadrons flew thirty ‘ops’, as he called it. These only counted as completed when they had attacked the right targets. Then he’d be rested and given another job for a few months. Things would be better then. Ruby did not really understand the full nature of the work but she knew he was living on his nerves on that airbase, doing such dangerous flights. It wasn’t natural.

Ruby stared down at her daughter, trying to get to know her, to feel part of her. At least she’d had a girl and she could dress her in some pretty things when she was a bit older.

‘Marleen,’ she whispered. ‘However’re we going to get by?’

Maybe, she thought desperately, when the tour was over and Frank wasn’t under such strain they could start again. Maybe it wasn’t too late? She had to believe that, or she’d go mad.

Edie’s hard-won happiness was all the more precious to her when set against the gloom all around. On 7 December the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, bringing America into the war. There was grim news coming from so many quarters of the world. But in her own life things seemed to get better all the time.

David was growing and thriving. They had got into a routine. Frances seemed content and went to the welfare every week for Edie to collect his cod liver oil and orange juice. She looked after him very well in the day and Edie came and took over every moment she could. Now Ruby had her little Marleen they saw a lot more of her as well. The week before Christmas, Ruby’s mom, ‘Mimi’, and the Lucky Dip Variety Players had come to Cadbury’s for a lunchtime performance and Ruby had popped in with them for a visit. They sat in the dining-room as the troupe ran through their songs, sketches and corny jokes. When Mimi got up, caked in lashings of eye make-up and wearing a marvellous aquamarine costume which was a joyous contrast to ‘utility’ clothing, Edie, Ruby and Janet led the cheering.

‘I’m going to start with a medley of Sunshine Songs to brighten you all up!’ she called out to the audience, and they all applauded and whistled enthusiastically. Edie was impressed at the way Mimi belted out her songs, throwing in a few gentle dance steps to the accompaniment of the piano, holding out her full skirt: ‘On the Sunny Side of the Street’, ‘You Are My Sunshine’ and ‘The Sun Has Got His Hat On’. Everyone was soon clapping along.

‘She’s marvellous!’ Janet said to Ruby, who blushed with reluctant pleasure. Edie could see Ruby warming more and more to Janet and this also made her happy. There was only one person she wanted to see happier now and that was Janet herself. Janet, who was so kind to everyone else. Martin had written to her from Leeds and he was now with his parents in Staffordshire. Edie was convinced he felt more for Janet than he was letting on, so what was the matter with him? Why didn’t he tell her before some other terrible thing happened in this war and it was too late?

Over the past couple of months Martin had done his basic training at the RAMC depot in Leeds and then been moved to Oxford, from where he told Janet he was being given instruction in tropical medicine. He wrote to her regularly, every week, telling her all sorts of everyday details about his training and the two different cities to which he’d been sent. Of his heart he said very little, except that he missed her company. At first Janet was disappointed. She saw such warmth in his eyes when he looked at her – surely he felt
something
for her? And yet he wrote to her like an old friend, a
chum
, she sometimes thought, when she had wondered whether, on paper, he might say more to her that he couldn’t say face to face. At first his letters sent her into a state of frustrated longing every time they arrived. I love you, she raged to him in her head. Don’t you love me? If so, why don’t you say so?

Occasionally she wept, missing him, wanting to know how he really felt. But she knew she mustn’t say anything first, oh no, definitely not! She’d done far too much making a fool of herself in her life already. And after a few weeks she forced herself to be calmer and more accepting. Martin obviously regarded her as a friend and nothing more. In any case, he’d soon be posted abroad somewhere and she might never see him again, so she should stop mooning over him and accept things as they were. But her heart ached at the thought.

She had a letter wishing her and her family a happy Christmas and saying he was coming to Birmingham just before the New Year, and might he please call and see her? As she read the letter the corners of her lips curved up in pleasure. She looked up to find Edie watching her.

‘Martin?’ Edie asked, smiling.

Janet nodded, pressing the letter to her heart without realizing what she was doing. ‘He’s coming – next week!’