Choices (7 page)

Chapter 12

“Can I help you find something?” A nice lady with short red hair approaches us. We probably look clueless. I debate telling her we were fine and need no assistance. But to be honest, I really had no clue where to look for this book.

I look over at Meg and she raises her brow, waiting to see what I am going to do. I take a deep breath. “I’m lost actually. I need to find that book “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” please.” She smiles sweetly, sizing me up but saying nothing. Thank God, I was in no mood for any questions or condescending comments at the moment.

“Sure, follow me.” She smiles as we follow her to the parental section by the children’s area. I peek around the corner at the books I grew up reading or having read to me. Those were the days-sweet and innocent.

“Here you go.” She hands me the book and I accept it gratefully, noticing the weight of the book.

“Thank you.” I say mesmerized by the cover. The woman is sitting in a rocking chair
with her hand on her belly and a book in her hand. Now I get it, some people know what this book looks like so I’m obviously stating what most already know. I skim my hand lightly over it. That will be me in a few months. I need to get me a rocking chair like that, I think to myself. I flip through the book, overwhelmed by all the information that fills each page. I will have to read this from front to back one day.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” I forget the lady is still standing there. I probably look like a moron. Like I’ve never seen a book before. I lift my head to meet her gaze.

“No thank you. You’ve been a big help but I think I’ve got it from here.” I smile. She returns the gesture before walking away. Meg takes the book out of my grasp and flips through the pages. She starts reading aloud and I walk away to the children’s area, looking at the books. I might have to buy a few books so I can read to my baby every night. I want this baby to come out smart. I grab a few books. I remember the Berenstain Bears books. I used to love those.

“I think someone is awestruck.” I hear Meg whisper close to my ear.

“I just didn’t think I’d be this in love, with books.” I state. But it’s also a reminder of what my childhood was like; full of love and joy and reading. I want that for my child. I pick up a few Dr. Seuss books- The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish and a couple others and of course the classic If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. I loved that book. I used to read it to Tyler when he was little. As soon as I feel satisfied, I walk out of the kid’s area.

“Are you ready?” Meg asks. I feel sure that at this point I won’t care if I get stares. People can talk all they want.

“Yep. Let’s get this stuff and get out of here.” We walk up to the register since there’s no line. The lady looks busy and doesn’t notice our approach. I look around for someone more helpful but Meg clears her throat behind which attracts the lady’s attention. She stops what she’s doing and walks over to stand right in front of me.

“Oh I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you walk up.” I smile.

“It’s fine. I’m pretty quiet, as a mouse some would say.” I state as she takes the books and starts scanning them.

“Did you find everything okay? Oh I love these books. Great selection.”

“Thanks, me too.” I set my purse on the counter and pretend to dig through it like I am looking for something.

“Do you have a points card with us?” She asks. I look up, confused.

“As in a credit card?” She shakes her head and grabs a card that looks more like a library card and shows it to me.

“No this is like a savings card. Each time you come in and spend money, you earn points. We use your phone number if you don’t want to search for the card every time, and the points rack up. When you get to a certain number of points, you will get a gift
card or coupon in the mail to spend in here or you can use it online. It’s like a Tom Thumb or Kroger rewards card.

I ponder it for a minute and decide to sign up since I’ll be coming in more often now with a child on the way. I’ll probably need Pregnancy for Dummies, if they have that.

“Sure I’ll sign up for one.” She hands me the application and I fill it out, with Meg beside me.

“That is awesome! You’re gonna be in here more than you ever were before. You may as well save some money” She says, nudging my shoulder. I smile and nod as I’m filling out my information.

“Yeah, I mean I save at grocery stores and I hate food shopping. This will be more fun. And I am turning this baby into a complete nerd.” I say that last part as a whisper, only Meg can hear.

“There’s nothing wrong with reading. Take it in stride. If you read every night until the baby comes, it will probably come out smarter than Einstein.” I laugh at her endless humor.  I
can always count on her to make me laugh during a rough time or when I need it most. She will never know how much I love and appreciate her.

I guess I can show her, take her out for her birthday-which is in March. I will be big by then but Hell I’ll take her out anyway. I glance her way and smile in appreciation. She squeezes my arm in return.

“Alright, well there you go.” She scans the paper and gives me my total. I take my wallet out and hand her cash.

“Here is your change and here is your bag. You ladies have a great day. And come back and see us.” I take the bag and nod.

“Thank you. Have a great day.” I will be back very soon. I am surprised and happy that she didn’t give me looks. But I don’t analyze it. Not everyone is that nice.

We walk to the car in silence but as soon as I get in and shut my door, setting the bag at my feet, I turn to Meg when she gets in.

“Thank you so much for taking me Meg. I really appreciate all you’ve done.” She looks shocked for a minute then relaxes, and smiles.

“Gracie, you’re being crazy. You’re my best friend and I love you. I’ll do anything for you. And now I’ll do anything for that baby too. You’re my family.
” She points to my belly and I can’t hold my emotions together any longer. I break down and cry into my hands. I hate not being in control of my stupid emotions. God, I’m such a girl. I am an emotional person but lately I’d cry over spilled milk-literally.

She hugs me to her and my body shakes as I let it all out. Meg may not have done much today, but just her being at my side as much as she has is enough to tell me how much she loves me and my unborn baby. It’s a lot more than what Nick has shown me.

We break apart when we hear Meg’s phone go off, alerting us of a text.

“Oh hold on.” She tells me as she reads her phone.

“Mason is at the coffee shop. He asked if we were coming.” I wipe my eyes, careful not to smear my mascara even though I knew it was too late. I pull down the mirror and check my eyes. Geez. I look like Hell. My eyes are red and puffy. I sniff a little, wiping all of my tears away. I lick my finger and rub the black from under my eyes and reapply my makeup.

Get it together Gracie!
I tell myself.

“Let’s go.” I say, closing the mirror above my head. Meg smiles mischievously at me.

“Yeah, let’s go and see Lova Boy.”  She makes kissing noises with her lips and I cringe. I cock my head to the side in confusion.

“Carter?” She reminds me. Oh, wow I’d forgotten about him for a little while.

“Don’t call him that.”

“Oh come on Gracie. You have the hots for him, admit it.” Maybe. But I’m not going to admit it to her now. She might suspect, but I will play dumb. I didn’t even know him. And to be honest, I couldn’t be interested in him. I wasn’t anywhere near ready to be involved with anyone. My heart still hurts after the love of my life walked away from me and my baby
, although he’s tried contacting me on several occasions. I think it’s just guilt pushing him. I know it’s inevitable that at the end of the school year, he’ll leave and pursue his dream and leave us all over again. Maybe one day I could be happy again, find someone to love me and my baby unconditionally and the hole in my heart will finally close up. But I won’t count on that, not for a long time at least. It’s funny to sit here and think about love. I’m only seventeen. Maybe I never really knew what love was. Maybe this is some kind of test God is giving me to see how far I will go before I fail.

Is it supposed to hurt this bad? Is it supposed to make you feel lonely or sad? I didn’t know. I just knew I had to protect my heart, guard it with my life. The only real love I might ever experience is the love I will feel-for my baby. I hear that a mother’s love is the best kind of love there is and I’m starting to understand it. I stare out the window, zoned.

“Yeah, let’s go. But don’t call him that. We don’t know each other. And really, dating is the last thing on my mind.” I say firmly. I doubt she believes me but I’m too tired to care. Then as an afterthought I say, “Oh and don’t tell him I’m pregnant.”

Chapter 13

We pull up to the cof
fee shop off highway 30, outside of town. It’s like a mom and pop kind of place. It’s small but not overcrowded. I look around at the red brick building and see the sign called
Kristy’s Café & Coffee House
. It looks quaint. I leave the bag at the floorboard and get out.

“You’re not bringing them in?” Meg asks as she comes to my side. I shake my head. Right, because that’s not going to give anything away.

“Why would I bring them? I’ll look at them at home.”

“Oh, well I wanted to read it. I found some very interesting facts and I wanted to sip on my coffee while reading.”

“Uh, well we are supposed to hang out and chat, not me sit and watch you while you read my book. Save that for another day. Besides, I don’t want anyone asking questions.”

“
There are my girls.” We both turn to the sound of Mason’s voice as I shut the door.

“Hey Mason.” I tell him. He’s wearing a Metallica t-shirt and jeans
and his hair is hidden under a ball cap worn backwards. It’s his usual look unless there’s an occasion to dress up. He gives me a hug and steers us inside. I can smell his cologne a mile away. My stomach starts twisting in knots. It’s either nerves or the fact that I haven’t eaten much or a mixture of both, or the cologne.

Get it together Gracie! I tell myself.

I look around at the semi busy little shop. It’s not too busy, but mostly older people are drinking coffee or having cake. Mason leads us to a booth that he was sitting at.

“This place is pretty cool.” I say to no one in particular.

“You’ve never been here?” Mason asks sounding surprised.

“She doesn’t drink coffee, why would she set foot in here?” Meg says to my defense. Mason just shrugs, leaning back, then looks at me. “So what have y’all been up to?”

“Meg took me to a book store to get a book about pregnancy.” I reply as I glance over at the bat, my pulse quickens. Carter is standing with his back to me and his backside turns my insides to butter.

Both Mason and Meg notice me staring and follow my eyes, Meg lets out a chuckle. Mason just looks back at me.

“You know who that is, don’t you?” He asks one eyebrow rose. I nod my head but don’t take my eyes off of Carter.

“Yes she knows who he is. He introduced himself to her at school one day, when he was bringing coffee to his mama.” Meg smirks. I look at her, narrowing my eyes, but she just laughs.

“Okay so what you’re infatuated with this guy? Gracie, you’re pregnant.” I give Mason the glare now. I don’t need him reminding me that I’m pregnant. I’m fully aware of the changes taking place in my body. Besides I’m only having fun. It’s not like we’ll even be friends. He’s just nice to look at. I gaze in his direction and about that time he turns around and our eyes meet. His brows rise in surprise. I quickly look away.

“Holy crap! He just caught me staring!” I place my elbows on the table and fold my hands together to keep them from shaking. Meg looks over to him then back at me.

“He’s coming over here.”

“Just act cool Gracie. He’s just a guy, working at a coffee shop
.” Mason points out. Meg hits him over the head.

“He’s a hot guy who works at a coffee shop and Gracie is having a little fun! Quit ruining it for her. It’s harmless.”

“Hey guys! Can I take your orders? And how’s it going Meg?” He nods to Mason as if they’re friends then looks at me. My face heats up and I look away.

“Hey Carter, I’ll have my usual please.” Meg answers coolly. Her usual, ha! The nerve of her to never invite me here before.

“Yeah, I’ll just have cappuccino.” They all direct their gazes at me and suddenly I’m feeling self-conscious.

Carter winks at me subtly, but I still blush like an idiot.

“I’ll have water please.” It’s not like I have much choice, even if I did like coffee, I can’t have caffeine. Ugh, this is going to really suck.

“Oh yes I forgot you’re not a coffee drinker.” Carter teases. I look away, not wanting to gawk at his nice build and make a scene. “But we have food here too. Let’s see, we have bagels and cheesecake and other cakes.” He adds. I lick my lips. I should probably eat something, my stomach is screaming for food.

“Okay, I’ll have a blueberry muffin then. Please.” I smile. He smiles back and scans our table before he says, “Okay, well I’ll put in your order and be back shortly.” After he walks away Meg lets out a sigh and grins at me.

“What was that?”

“What?” I feign innocence.

“There was a weird energy between you two. I could totally feel it.” She replies.

“As if. You read into everything too much. He took our orders, and then walked away that’s it.” She shakes her head in disagreement. She always has to be right, or try to prove she’s right.

“You guys were totally flirting, which hey I’m all for it.”

“Meg shut up. She doesn’t need to think about dating right now. She’s going to have a baby for God’s sake. Just leave it alone.” Thankfully he whispered the last part so no one could hear. It wouldn’t have mattered though, the people that were here were on the other side of the shop. Carter comes back with our drinks and it gets really quiet.

“Do y’all need anything else?” We all look at each other and shake our heads. My stomach growls as if it knows I’ve got food. I inspect my blueberry and smile, saying a prayer that it stays down.

Carter turns to me and says, “Are you sure you don’t want any cheesecake? I saw your eyes bulge when I mentioned it.” Oh geez, I probably looked like an idiot.

“No thanks, I’m good.”

“Actually, I’ll have a blueberry muffin as well. Please.” Meg says.

“You got it. I’ll be right back.” I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding as he walks away.

“You okay Gracie?” She gives a look of concern. I nod and give her a small smile.

“Gracie?” Mason takes my hand in his, eyes of love and support.

“Hmm?”

“We are here for you no matter what. You just need to be careful.” I nod my head.

Carter comes back with Meg’s muffin and sees my hand in Mason’s. He looks from me to Mason, then back to me. I almost see a look of disappointment, as if…wow, is he jealous?

“Thank you Carter.” Meg says smiling. Mason breaks away and pulls his hands back. I glance up at Carter’s blue eyes and smile.

After we finish and pay, we leave. When we are out of sight of the coffee shop, Meg turns her gaze to me.

“Well that was awkward, huh?”

“What was?” I ask grabbing my bag of books.

“That scene between you and Mason. I’m sure Carter thought you two are an item.”  I flip through my pregnancy book, half listening but aware that it’s too dark to read anything.

“Did you know I could get stretch marks? I hope I don’t. That is so not attractive.”

“Yes I knew. But you’re changing the subject.” She remarks.

“My breasts are going to get bigger too. Oh joy.”

“Uh, yes it’s to produce the milk.” I find it funny that she keeps commenting on my facts even though she is probably unaware of the distraction.

“I’m not sure how I feel about breastfeeding. Obviously it’s safer for the baby, but it’s going to be so awkward. Right?”

“Gracie, how do you feel about Carter?”

“My mom breastfed me so maybe I should try it.” It’s obvious I’m trying to steer clear of the Carter topic but she just doesn’t get it. She just keeps pushing.

“Gracie.” She says firmly. Nope, not going to go there.

“I’m going to have to go shopping soon, new wardrobe.”

“GRACIE!” I close my book, let out a sigh and angle my body toward hers.

“Look Meg, I don’t care what he thinks. Carter is just a guy. I’m pregnant and right now, that’s the only thing on my mind. I have so many changes that are going to happen soon. Can you just stop obsessing over him please? For like a day? Dammit!” She nods her head, taken aback by my outburst.

“You should be friends with him, at least.” I cast a confused glance her way. Is she serious?

“Excuse me?”

“Gracie, he likes you.”

“Um, newsflash he doesn’t know me. And once he learns about this,” I point to my belly “he won’t want to have anything to do with me.” I stare out my window in wonderment. Could I be friends with him? Is what she’s suggesting so appalling?

“Gracie, do you think Nick will come back?” She catches me off guard. I ponder this a moment.

“I’m not really sure to be honest.”

“Do you want him to?” What’s with the twenty questions?
I have been pushing
him
away though. He may not want be a dad right now, but what if he changed his mind? I shove that thought aside. He made his choice. She places her hand atop mine.

“I don’t know. I just at times wish this was all a dream and the night he told me of his scholarship was a good night for both of us. I wanted to be excited for him and I had wanted to go where he went like we planned. Not that I regret the decision I made, but I’m really scared Meg. This baby isn’t going to have a father.” A lump forms in the back of my throat, causing me to choke on my words. Meg squeezes my hand.

“Well, this is not a dream. Nick is not coming back and if he does, he’s not going to stay long. He’s too selfish.”

“More like selfish asshole.” I correct her. She laughs.

“I’ve got to admit, he’s a hot selfish asshole. You’re going to have the cutest baby. Boy or girl.” I force out a small laugh.

“You should really get to know Carter. You need someone besides me and Mason around.”

“Meg, why are you so persistent on me getting to know him?” I ask through gritted teeth. We pull into my driveway. Meg parks the car and looks at me, suddenly serious. This might be a serious talk we’re about to have. I think, waiting to hear her answer.

Chapter 14

I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn my body to face Meg, crossing my legs.

“I’ve gotten to know him Gracie. I know he likes you. Or at least wants to get to know you.” I raise my eye brow in curiosity.

“How do you know?”

“Well for starters, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I have been going to that place for a while and usually he would just take orders and serve them then head back to the bar. Even really cute girls that give him the flirty look, which by the way is totally gag worthy don’t seem to interest him. He was lingering around our table wanting to talk or hang out with us but didn’t seem too certain. When he went back to the bar, he kept throwing glances our way, well mostly your way. You definitely interest him on some level.” How did I not notice the looks?

Oh yeah, I had my head down a lot or was looking at Mason. I started to open my mouth but she cut me off.

“I’m not saying you have to marry the guy, or even date him. Just be friends with him. Get to know him. Let him see the awesome, sweet, caring Gracie Mae Jordan we all love.”

“How can I be friends with him? He’s intimidating.” She laughs and wraps her arms around her knees, leaning her head on the head rest.

“Forget how gorgeous he is. Think of him as Nick. Well, not that bad. You’ll forget all about his charm.” I doubt that.

“What about me being pregnant? I don’t want to scare him off. Even as my friend.” I turn and face the front, stretching my legs out in front of me.

“Don’t tell him anything. Just be friends and see where it goes. And if you tell him and he bails, then he’s not the guy I thought he might be.”

“And what’s that?”

“A guy who would stand by you as his friend, no matter what the circumstance was. I don’t think he is though. He’s got 2 sisters and one of them is a mother of two and she’s a nurse.” She pauses and I give her a skeptical look. “I talked to him a few times when it wasn’t really busy, or most people left. I got to know him a little bit. He seems kind of lonely. He lost a lot of friends over the years, but he wouldn’t go into detail about anything too personal. But he’s really sweet, and funny. I think you two would hit it off, as friends.” I can’t help but feel a little jealous. At her new found friendship with Carter and the fact that I knew nothing about it, until now. How long have they been “hanging out”? I thought best friends told each other everything.

“It would be really cool if we all hung out.”

“Do you like Mason?” I blurt out.

“What?” I look at her and repeat. It’s already out, may as well know the truth.

“Do you like Mason? Like really like him?” She thinks about it for a minute and begins fidgeting. A sure sign she’s stalling for an answer. I want her to say yes. I love them both. They are too cute together. Why won’t she confess? Just say yes!

“Yes.” She finally says above a whisper, while avoiding my gaze. I almost don’t hear her.