Choking Game (15 page)

"Maybe someone else was," Luke said.

"That's crazy," Angelica said.

"You wouldn't be the first person who had that sort of stuff happen to them."

~That's true.~

"Can I go over to your house and look at your laptop?" Luke said.

"Sure," Angelica shrugged.

"You know how it's done?"

~He's a computer nerd, remember?~

"You mean hacking?" Luke said.

"Yeah."

~I'm sure he does.~

"Enough to know if a computer's hacked," Luke said.

TWENTY-ONE

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
don't kill my demons because my angels might die too #angels #demons #suicide #pain #hatred #help #heaven #hell

~That's Angelica's line. You should have asked her if you could tweet it before you did.~

"I'm sure she won't mind. She's probably tweeted it already."

~She is a very interesting girl. I can't believe so much has happened to her.~

"I know, right? Makes you feel kind of stupid thinking you're the only one with issues."

~I'm not thinking anything like that. YOU ARE.~

"Whatever. My head's pounding."

~It's not your head, it's the door. Someone's knocking on your door.~

"May I come in?"

"That's my mom. What does she want?"

~How am I supposed to know? Open the door and you'll see.~

"Honey, I need to talk to you about something," Mom said.

"What is it?"

~Yeah, what is it?~

"I'd like to apologize," Mom said.

"Apologize? For what?"

~I think I know.~

"For arguing with your dad so much lately, for being distracted, and for basically not having any time for you. I'm really sorry," Mom said.

"Mom..."

~Give her a hug, she's practically begging for it!~

"Dad and I have gone through a rough time, but we worked it out. These things happen. It's not fun, but we're only human and we make mistakes. We are both sorry. It breaks my heart to know how much this may have hurt you," Mom said.

"It didn't, Mom, really."

~Give her a hug! Are you listening?~

"Whatever is going on, please tell me. I know we've grown apart, and I am very sorry about that, too. You're my child, and no matter how old you are, you will always be my child. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you're the most important person in my life. It breaks my heart to see you unhappy. I'd love for us to find a way back to each other. Will you help me?"

"What makes you think I'm unhappy?"

~Isn't it obvious?~

"Are you?" Mom said.

"Not really."

~Liar! Why can't you be honest? At least once! She's asking a simple question! Answer her honestly! I'm tired of you constantly dodging the truth!~

"Well, maybe I've been a little upset."

~Okay, okay, it's a start.~

"Can you tell me why?" Mom said.

"I will as soon as I sort it out."

~What's there to sort out?~

"Can I help? Is there anything I can do?" Mom said.

"No. It's not that serious, Mom. Things are coming together."

~Your poor mom. I'd smack you if I were her.~

"I'm here for you, MJ. Any time you want to talk, please talk to me."

"Uh, yeah."

~Uh? Yeah? Is that all you have to say for yourself?~

"Is there anything at all you want to tell me?" Mom said.

"Uh, no."

~Seriously?~

"Okay. Maybe some other time?" Mom said.

"Yeah, some other time."

~Give me a break!~

"Come here. I love hugging you." Mom said.

"Sure."

~I thought you'd never hug her! Can't you see? Your poor mom came up here and practically apologized for being your mother!~

"What was I supposed to tell her?"

~How about that you appreciate her apologizing?~

"I didn't expect her to come here and apologize. I was caught off guard."

~Oh, yeah! The guard. I forgot about that. You and your guard are so wrapped up together you can't even give your mom a decent answer.~

"Leave me alone. Why are you being such a jerk again?"

~I'm a jerk? YOU'RE the jerk here!~

"Geez, will you ever cut me some slack?"

~Not until you start acting like a responsible teenager.~

"Now that's an oxymoron. A responsible teenager? Do you listen to yourself?"

~You're right, that is an oxymoron.~

"I guess I could have told her that I appreciated her coming and saying all that stuff to me. She honestly caught me by surprise and I didn't know what to say to her."

~What about now? Would you know what to say now?~

"Not really."

~Think of Angelica.~

"What does she have to do with my mom?"

~Remember what she said she was most sorry about when she almost died?~

"Uhm, you mean—"

~Exactly. You almost did it. I'm sure if Luke and Angelica didn't show up, you were going to check out for good without even a single thought or a single consideration of the consequences. Your world was crashing, and that's all you were capable of thinking about. Imagine if they didn't come. Imagine what it'd be like right now. Can you do it?~

"What? Imagine myself dead? I've done it like a thousand times."

~Not really. I want you to lie down, close your eyes, and imagine yourself dead now, after what your mom told you.~

"This is stupid."

~Do it!~

"I can't believe I'm doing it."

~Shut up and lie down. Okay, now close your eyes and imagine floating up in the air the way Angelica did. Do you see your dead body on the bed?~

"Um, yes, kind of."

~Good. Your mom's coming. She's knocking on the door. She found you. She's touching your arm. She shakes you and you're not responding. She's calling your name over and over. She's screaming. She's calling your name, she's hysterically howling as she runs downstairs and dashes for the phone. She's crying as she's yelling at the operator to get an ambulance. You're watching her agony as she runs back to your room and collapses onto your bed next to you. She's still calling your name, holding you in her arms, howling like an animal that has just lost her only offspring. You're watching her from above, unable to say a word to her. Unable to tell her that you're okay. Unable to comfort the one person who never meant to hurt you; the one person who loved you more than anything else in this world.~

"Ahhh..."

~Open your eyes and look at me!~

"Ahhh..."

~Look at me! Good. Now look inside and tell me if you were really dead, what would you wish you told your mom before it was too late?~

"That I loved her very much."

~I thought so. What color is your love for her?~

"Purplish blue. The color of the forget-me-not flower. My mom kind of looks like that flower—tiny, gentle, beautiful, and unforgettable."

~Now go downstairs. You know what you want to tell her.~

TWENTY-TWO

~Are you sure about that? I thought that everything was finally falling into place.~

"That's why."

~Let's see if my hashtags will make some sense of your nonsense.~

"If this is an attempt at being funny, you're not succeeding."

~Who cares.~

#angels #hope #friendship #love #family #music #life

"You make it sound so pretty and perfect, but it's not."

~It is what it is. Life is never just pretty and perfect, or ugly and crazy. Life is what you perceive it to be. If you end up seeing nothing but the bad, that's what it'll be. If you open your eyes and mind, you may find the good, and that's what your life will reflect. It's never black and white. Death is black and white. Luke was right. Life is every shade of gray under a rainbow of colors that are as bright as you let yourself imagine. Life doesn't make sense unless you perceive it through your selfless heart instead of your selfish ego.~

"What is this? Some kind of ancient wisdom?"

~No, just simple observations.~

"What is it you're trying to tell me?"

~That I can finally see you. Can you see me? I want to hug you, comfort you because I do love you like no one else. Remember that next time you hate yourself. I love you like no one ever will!~

"Gosh, what's gotten into you?"

~You did! You put me through hell and back!~

"What about me? I went through hell and back, too!"

~See? That's what I'm talking about. Here I am telling you how much I love you, how much I worried about you, and all you can think of is your own self. I get it. You're a teen. That's what teens do. But please, promise me when it comes to life changing events, like a suicide, you'll take a step back, take a moment to relax, and think of those you'll take down with you. That's all I'm asking.~

"Fine! I'll do that. Isn't it what I've been doing anyway? Why do you think I let you in my head in the first place?"

~Thank you. That's all I need to hear. You don't have to promise me you will never kill yourself. I understand it's important to you to have that option, knowing you can always end this life. What you’ve got to remember is that once you do it, you're all out of options. This is the final one. Once you die, you're choices are gone. You can't come back. That's it. You can't play one more song or write one more lyric. You're gone. It sucks because you're gone and everyone and everything else is still here, but you can't be a part of it.~

"I get it! Enough! I promise I'll think it through next time. I won't rush home to tie a rope around my neck. I will take my time to think about it!"

~What did you feel when you saw all those nasty comments that pushed you over the cliff?~

"Humiliation. I was humiliated. Brenna called me a thief, a criminal, and who knows what else. I'm not a thief or anything that she said, but I still felt humiliated."

~What color is
humiliation?
~

"It's colorless at first. It's what you want to be—transparent. I wanted to be transparent so no one could see me walk by. But it turns beige as you feel naked; beige that darkens as you think you're somehow dirty."

~Never let anyone look right through you. No matter how humiliated you are, you're still a human being. Trust me, you do not wish to be invisible.~

TWENTY-THREE

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
not all angels come with wings #angels #innervoice #hope #freedom #friendship #love #family #music

~Looks like you don't need me for hashtags anymore.~

"I'm getting the hang of it."

~So what about them? What about angels and inner voice? Are you talking about me? Am I the angel here?~

"You're a little too full of yourself. No, you're not my angel, you're still my inner voice. I do appreciate all you've done for me, but don't push it."

~Good enough. Hey, you got a text. Who is it?~

"It's Luke. He said to meet at Angelica's house in half an hour."

~I bet you he found something.~

"Like what?"

~Something about Angelica's computer. I don't know, I just have this gut feeling.~

"You don't have a gut."

~It's figurative.~

"Hey!"

~Can't you be more polite? Can you say something like,
Hi, Angelica?
~

"MJ!" Angelica called.

"What's up?"

~What's up? Really?~

"I got you something," Angelica said.

"What is it?"

~Open it.~

"Open it," Angelica said.

"It's a locket."

~What's in it?~

"Where did you get Stanley's picture?"

~Where do you think?~

"Kids posted a lot of them on his Facebook page. I picked this one because he has this really neat, kind of crooked smile. It's like he's saying something with his eyes and his smile," Angelica said.

"This is my favorite picture of Stanley. I can't believe you picked this one."

~I don't believe in coincidences and neither does she.~

"I know you and Stanley were close. I also know you haven't been the same since he died. He must have been like an angel to you when he was still alive. You should keep this locket with you and think of Stanley as an angel who's still with you. He may be dead, but he'll never die inside your heart. You still care about him. You still hurt when you think about him, so that's your proof he's with you. I only gave you the locket to remind you of that," Angelica said.

"There's an empty space."

~Of course there is. Lockets usually have two spaces for pictures.~

"You can put your own picture there. That way, you'll be there with Stanley," Angelica said.

"Can I have your picture too?"

~I am shocked! Where did your shyness go?~

"Sure, I'll e-mail one to you," Angelica smiled. "Promise me one thing."

"What?"

~Why do I think I know what she's going to say?~

"You'll hold on to the locket each time you're thinking suicide," Angelica said.

"I will."

~I'll make you.~

"Hey, guys!" Luke said. "Here's your laptop, Angel. I found something in it."

"Awesome," Angelica said. "Let's go upstairs to my room. I can't wait to see what it is."

"Angel? Did Luke just call her
Angel
?"

~Why not? By the way, why did you ask Angelica for her picture?~

"Isn't it obvious? I thought you knew it all."

~I do. But I want to hear it from you.~

"Yes! She does remind me of an angel. And yes, I'm beginning to like her like I did Stanley. That's why I want them in my locket together. Happy?"

~Yes. Thank you.~

"Ugh..."

~You're welcome.~

"Ugh!"

"Okay." Luke closed the bedroom door. "I found the hacker who hacked Angelica's laptop."

"No way!"

~Yes way!~

"I've got goose bumps," Angelica said.

Luke took a deep breath. "The virus got in through your e-mail, of course. That was easy to find especially since you never empty your trash e-mail folder."

"Oops." Angelica made a funny face and shrugged.

"Look," Luke opened the laptop for everyone to see. "This is a RAT or a Remote Access Trojan. It sits there and waits for the connection from the user of this software. Once connected, the hacker will have full access to your files including your web cam."

"This is freaking me out," Angelica said.

"I played with this last night, and it seems whoever hacked your computer before is still accessing it. I saw it come on at one point, so I quickly taped your web cam with two layers of duct tape so no one could see me while I went to search the IP address the hacker was connected from," Luke said.

"Nice choice of color," Angelica smiled.

"Sorry, I only had this bright green duct tape," Luke shrugged.

"I think it looks good on the silver laptop."

~At least that creep can't see us!~

"Anyway," Luke continued, "this hacker is not that good. He didn't even use TOR, which is what the more sophisticated hackers use. TOR will allow you to communicate on the net anonymously. It's pretty much impossible to find your identity if you use TOR. This dude is not very smart. I bet you it was some kid copying a real hacker at best."

"What makes you think so?" Angelica asked.

"Here," Luke pointed at the screen. "I used TCPView to see all of the current network connections on your computer. See this screen? All connections seem legit except the one at the top. Its name is aab.exe and it's in
listening
mode. I checked it out earlier and it has no legitimate program assigned to the port number, and it is stored directly in your Program Files folder where it has no business being. I'm not gonna bore you with all the details of what I did, but basically I used a bunch of programs to pinpoint the geographical location of the hacker and then I used a trace route process to find the exact location of the hacker's IP address. It didn't take that long to get this e-mail address since I already had a clue what it might be."

"What is it?" Angelica jumped from her seat. "What's the e-mail address?"

"Here," Luke clicked on the e-mail in Angelica's trash folder.

"I don't believe this," Angelica slumped back in her seat.

"What? Who is it?"

~I don't like the sad look on her face.~

"Jessica," Angelica said. "I thought she was my friend."

"Was she really?"

~What are you getting at?~

"Did she defend you after the rumors started?"

~Oh! I know what you're getting at!~

"No, she didn't," Angelica said. "But she didn't spread them any further either."

"That doesn't mean anything."

~I'm afraid you're right about that.~

"I'm positive the Trojan came from her e-mail, Angelica," Luke said. "I doubt someone hacked her e-mail just to hack you. Seems like a lot of extra steps and, like I said, this hacking is not very well disguised. This is the work of an amateur."

"What do we do now?" Angelica said.

"It's your decision," Luke shrugged. "I can do whatever you need me to do."

Angelica thought for a while and then said, "Can you hack her computer back?"

"You mean like access her files?" Luke said.

"Yeah," Angelica said.

"I already did," Luke said.

"Did you find it?" Angelica said.

"Yep," Luke said.

"What did you find?"

~Probably the picture of Angelica that someone posted on the Instagram. Maybe it was this Jessica who posted it.~

"I didn't find just the picture," Luke lowered his gaze.

"What else was there?" Angelica's voice was dry.

"A bunch of videos," Luke was still gazing at the computer keyboard.

"What videos?" Angelica raised her voice.

"Of you mostly working on your laptop," Luke looked up at Angelica. "But there was one video that recorded the incident you told us about."

"You mean…" Angelica's voice trailed off.

Luke nodded. "It's about fourteen minutes long. Most of the video is you doing your homework but then Roger comes in and you two have an argument. Everything you told us, how it went down, is there."

"I want to see it," Angelica said.

"Are you sure?" Luke said.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Angelica said.

"Do you want me to leave?"

~See? You CAN be polite!~

"No, stay," Angelica said. "I already told you what happened. I have nothing to hide."