Chosen Ones (16 page)

His hands began to slide down from my hair to my neck.

I didn’t want him to stop. I felt all warm and lightheaded. Tingling.

I couldn’t do this.

I roughly pushed him off of me and scooted away, drawing my legs against my chest. My eyes were glued to my feet, refusing to look at him. He was silent; I half wondered if he even existed at all. I could only hear my own ragged breath.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered.

I couldn’t speak, only nodded once.

“I think you should go,” he replied.

I stood up and headed toward the door.

I turned to face him. “We have to remember the rules, James. If we can’t then I won’t be able to come here. And I don’t think I could keep myself from wanting to see you.”

His back was toward me, his hands curled into fists. His voice sounded so far away. “Yes, I can keep my promise.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” I said, once more heading for the door.

“Tess?”

I couldn’t turn to face him. I kept my hand on the doorknob as I answered. “Yes.”

“Can you do me a favor? Ask around, maybe your supervisor, and see if anyone has heard anything about Frank.”

I could have told him right then what I had seen and done. But I simply nodded and left. I lied to the one person I had asked to be honest with me.

And there are always consequences.

Chapter 25

“You have to stop moving around so much.” Louisa sighed, clearly frustrated by my inability to remain a statue while she measured.

“This is stupid,” I muttered. Spending so much time altering my uniform for Templeton seemed like a waste of a Sunday.

“Ugh, cheer up! I can’t believe you actually get to attend an event with the creators tomorrow,” she chirped as she pulled my skirt tighter.

“I don’t really consider anything about my time at Templeton fun, Louisa.”

My sister shook her head, motioning for me to take off the skirt. When I handed it to her, she sat on the cot and went to work. “I would gladly take your place. It must be so cool to be surrounded by all that glamour and wealth. This stupid, dingy compound is all I can remember. And the boys! I wouldn’t mind looking at them all day.”

I took a deep breath. This sisterly love thing was new for Louisa and me, and I didn’t know exactly how to do it. I gingerly took a seat next to her on the cot, thankful our bunkmate Grace was off somewhere. “Templeton isn’t what you think it is. That place isn’t an escape from here.”

“Of course
you
would say that. No offense, but you’re not exactly the type of girl to enjoy a place like Templeton. I don’t know why they won’t just let any girl from a family volunteer to work there. Why does it have to be the oldest? Besides, as one of the last born, I’m about as special as the chosen ones.”

Louisa brought this up at least once a day. I should have stopped her then, told her about all the horrors I had seen at Templeton. But I couldn’t. I saw the excitement in her eyes. Why not let her have it? She would never go there—I’d make sure of that. Why destroy the dreams of a thirteen-year-old girl? Dreams were all she had left.

“Here. Good as new,” Louisa said, handing me back my skirt. “You’ve really got to stop losing so much weight.”

“Thanks.”

I only had Sundays left at the compound now. I would dedicate them all to her.

“Here, I got you something for your birthday. I didn’t forget, you know,” she said.

That made one of us.

Louisa placed a bright yellow ribbon in my hands. “For your hair. I traded Grace laundry duty for two weeks to get it. Wear it tomorrow to the picnic.”

It wasn’t my style at all. It would match Louisa much better, but I loved it. I smiled and was happy to see Louisa return the smile as well.

It was a start.

…

Only the “real” Templeton girls, those of us lucky to have the back of our necks forever graced with two slash marks, were allowed to wait on the attendees during the event that celebrated the matching of chosen one and committee. I guess the council figured we wouldn’t dare reveal any secrets. The third slash mark was always in the back of our minds.

Even those like James and George who had gone unselected would attend. The chosen ones were dressed sharply in tweed trousers and dress shirts, some of them even donning vests. Like they’d stepped out of one of the books James and I loved to read.

The girls carried around trays, stopping and smiling at council members and chosen ones alike. The members of the council stood out like sore thumbs, their faces a sometimes disastrous display of uncontrolled genetics. Their skin sagged with age. And while they were dressed in the finest clothes around, their faces were covered in wrinkles and liver spots—the science they’d used to create the world couldn’t save them from time.

It was rumored that naturals used to cut up their own faces to appear younger, but such surgeries were now seen as superficial. Only the chosen ones could remain sublimely beautiful. It was odd to see them in person. Like they were some Gods who descended down from Mt. Olympus to mingle with us humans. These were the men who reigned over everything.

You never would have guessed it by looking at them.

I moved around the massive lawn as quickly as possible. Each table was decorated with crisp white tablecloths and a bouquet of wildflowers. In the center of the lawn a space was cleared for some sort of event. A group of council members
played on violins while everyone mingled. Apparently, scientists and doctors weren’t the only ones selected for the council. They kept the artists for themselves, too.

I didn’t try and chat with any of the boys like most of the other Templeton girls, though I knew it would be easier for me if I did. The more I looked closely at Templeton, the more I saw how the system worked. Julia had been right. You did your job, flirted with the boys, allowed them a little touch or kiss, and you got what you wanted. Extra food. A cigarette here and there.

In some ways, it wasn’t so different than James and me. But in the important ways, it couldn’t be more different.

The clinking of silverware against glass pulled me from my thoughts. I followed the other more experienced girls who hustled to stand in a line opposite the speaker, who now rose up. Council member after council member stood with their selected chosen one like it was a giant game of show and tell. They would list their committee, and the chosen one would demonstrate his ability.

Something I’d never seen before. The only reason we were allowed to watch this was because we were permanent Templeton girls. Templeton’s secrets were now our own. None of us girls knew what a third mark would mean for us, but the threat of one was enough for us to fall in line. Or at least pretend to.

The things the chosen ones could do were mind-boggling. These weren’t the ones flashed before my eyes as a child. Who had changed the design without informing the naturals? A boy could move from one side of the lawn to the other in the blink of an eye. One second he was there, and the other he was gone. Another launched himself in the air like it was nothing. Part of me wondered if he could actually
fly
. Was he holding back? Were they all holding back? One merely twitched his fingers, and almost every glass shattered into a million pieces.

At each demonstration, the council and girls cheered in amazement. I didn’t. I
couldn’t
. What had we created? If the chosen ones were the weapons of the council, how could we ever hope to rebel?

Did I even
want
to rebel?

When the crowd broke up to mingle after the show, I felt a gentle tug on my hand. Looking up, I saw James. Relief flooded me. He wasn’t scary like the rest of them. He placed a finger over his lips and glanced toward an archway created by a row of trees—it could keep us hidden.

When I was sure no one was watching, I made my way to meet James. As soon as I reached him, I wanted to throw myself into his arms. To remind myself that he was human like me. I needed to hear his heartbeat.

We didn’t speak at first. I self-consciously tugged at my yellow ribbon.

James sighed. Apparently, he didn’t find today’s proceeding particularly celebratory either. “If my people were never created, yours would not suffer. You would have a much different life.”

“And who is to say that life would be better? Maybe it would be. Maybe not. The war changed us all, and honestly if it wasn’t for your people I don’t know that any of my kind would have survived. You can’t control what life you’re born into.”

“I wasn’t born,” he said harshly, bitterly. I wondered if my undying hatred had seeped into him. Hadn’t I once thought this very thing about him?

“I’m a freak,” he continued. “You are marvelous, innocent. How can I accept a world that dictates the manufactured over the natural?”

The pain in my chest was pulsing. I placed both of my hands alongside his face. “Your body may have been produced, or manufactured as you say, but your soul, your being, that comes from God, and he has given you a miraculous gift. He has given
me
a miraculous gift. We are so lucky to have each other. Don’t forget that.”

His brow wrinkled with thought. “You speak of my soul with such certainty. I hope you’re right. But where did this hope come from, when you’ve denied it so long?”

I pulled away. Not because his question bothered me, but because it actually took some time to consider. What reason had I to hope?

My heart beat wildly against my chest. It was because of
this
. Because I had finally realized what power it had over me, and I welcomed it. It was because I knew that I was loved without having to hear the words—because for better or worse, I was alive. And I would never again allow myself to shrink away from life. It was meeting my self, my true self, not the self I had taught myself to create. I didn’t know her completely yet, but I did know that for once in my life I was welcoming her into existence. I hoped…because it brought me joy to know that my greatest exploration, my greatest adventure would be discovering who she was.

How could I possibly put all of that into words? Words never seemed to be enough to encompass what I was feeling or thinking these days.

“I think, well, maybe I’m…” I stumbled.

I took a deep breath before continuing, feeling the weight of James’s eyes on me. “I don’t really know how to explain it,” I admitted. “I just don’t think I would survive very much longer without it, especially when you’re gone. Maybe it’s my secret weapon,
my
gift,” I said, trying to lighten the tone.

I reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and James caught my wrist. He ran his thumb gently over the numbers lasered there.

“Did it hurt?”

“No,” I replied. Not physically, at least. It was a deeper pain, the pain of entrapment.

“Maybe our intentions were good, but somewhere down the line we got too damaged,” James offered.

“Perhaps. Sometimes I can’t really blame the chosen ones, not completely. I blame us. I blame my people for allowing it to happen. We let ourselves get taken in; we let ourselves be fooled by the propaganda. I blame our own ignorance.”

“You were just a child, Tess.”

His words were simple but they stung. Who could I blame then? My parents?
Their
parents? Had the series of events long before been set in motion? Could all of it have been stopped?

I opened my mouth to speak when we both heard someone call James’s name. He leaned down, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and hurried off. Our time still wasn’t our own.

Chapter 26

It was supposed to be a milestone in my life. I would officially be told I had no future. It certainly wasn’t a day to be taken lightly, but that was exactly what I tried to do. To think of anything besides the fact I was going to the medical center.

I could feel the sympathetic eyes of Louisa follow me all Sunday morning. It was strange. I’m not sure how she knew I was getting inspected, but she seemed to feel sorry for me. Maybe the sympathy was also for herself—soon she would be the one to go to the medical center. Soon it would be her time to realize that a part of her had long ago died.

Even Robert seemed aware of the fact. He placed himself opposite me at the breakfast table, quiet for a long while before speaking. I’m not sure why, but I felt a small sense of comfort having him there.

I held my neck to the side in an effort to alleviate the stiffness from my perpetual lack of sleep. Robert noticed, and it was then that he first spoke.

“You look horrible.”

I cringed. “Thanks. Good morning to you, too.”

He sighed. “Sorry, that was rude.”

I gulped down some water to keep myself from falling back to the days when I’d considered him a friend, a brother.

“I just meant you look like you haven’t slept in days. I’m sure today has you worried, but it’s all very normal. You’ll only be there a few hours and then, God willing, you won’t have to go again.”

That was a small comfort. Most illnesses were dealt with inside the compound. It was only for severe injuries or inspections that one had to travel to the center. That’s all a sector needed to survive—compound, training center, and inspection center. That was our civilization, everything we could ever dream of.

“I guess it’s my rite of passage or something,” I mumbled, stuffing a piece of pancake into my mouth.

He merely nodded.

I looked around and lowered my voice before asking my next question. The cafeteria was filled with people, and I didn’t want anyone to hear the questions I needed to ask him. “Robert, was she nervous when she went?”

They had already been sweethearts when Emma went for her inspection. I remembered seeing him around during our early days at the compound. At first, it was obvious that he was trying to ignore my sister, but as time went on we saw more and more of him. This didn’t upset me at first. I thought he was merely her friend, just as Henry used to be for me. In fact, I enjoyed his company, even when he was being irritable and aloof. These moods became less and less frequent as he continued to hang out with us. I even thought that maybe he was my friend, too.

One day that illusion was shattered when I caught them in the laundry room. Robert’s arms were wrapped about her, her hair out of place. They broke apart at the sound of my entrance, both of their faces flushed from the heat of the room and the closeness of each other. Emma tried to explain, but I didn’t wait around to listen; I just ran. I caught the look on his face before I did, and it only held one emotion—guilt.

Robert gripped the edge of the table as he spoke. “No, she wasn’t nervous. She was glad. Excited.”

“What about you? You had to know she was being ridiculous, just lying to herself.” I was whispering now, afraid of how he would react to my much too personal question.

He placed his face into his hands. “How can I explain what you’ll never understand?”

“Try me,” I countered. When he didn’t reply I asked again. “Don’t you think I deserve to know? Today of all days?”

“Telling you I loved Emma wouldn’t be enough. It was more than that. I was obsessed with her. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do. Every second of every minute that we spent together, I knew it was wrong, insane, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t care. I thought I deserved her, that she was my reward for…”

I was aching to know what he meant, but he quickly skipped over that part.

“I knew there were ways, things you could obtain from the underground that would prevent pregnancy. I knew she didn’t have to fall into that trap. It was dangerous to get them, of course, but I didn’t care.”

I wondered if these were the things Julia had spoken of.

For some reason, I found myself blushing at the mention of this. I looked around me to make sure no one could hear our conversation.

“Then how? I mean if you were being safe.”

The words hung in the air. My face was blazing with heat.

“These sorts of things aren’t foolproof, Tess. I can’t be sure if it was just some sort of freak accident, some vengeful joke of fate, or if it was her.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I was sweating.

“She wanted to try, saying it was her duty to her people. I told her she was being irrational, but I can never be sure that she didn’t stop taking the pills.”

I could feel my hands begin to shake. She had done this to
herself
? With no care for me, or Louisa, or even Robert?

“She was a damn fool,” I spat, standing. I wanted to be anywhere but there.

Robert was up instantly. I was prepared to receive his wrath, but it never came. Instead, he took one of my hands and covered it with both of his. “I’m sorry if I upset you. But please don’t be angry with her. She was the most selfless person I ever knew. Place your anger back on me; I can take it.”

I ripped my hand from his. “You say selfless like it’s a good thing.”

And I walked away.

The waiting room was an icebox, and I was shaking from head to toe. I occasionally snuck a look at the receptionist, who didn’t seem to be even remotely chilled. I hid my hands under my legs in an attempt to keep them warm. I noticed the slash mark on her neck as she turned to file something away.

The room was devoid of any other color besides metallic grays and blues. I was quite sure the lack of color was not helping.

I tried to think of James, but it didn’t help. Thinking of him in this place, of all places, felt wrong. I didn’t want to associate him with this experience.

The seats couldn’t be any more uncomfortable either. Hard metal benches with no backs were packed into rows in the tiny waiting room. Of course, I was the only one waiting. Like I needed anything else to make me feel alone. I thought somewhere I smelled coffee, but naturally, none was offered to me.

The door swung open. I tensed up. “258915?”

I stood up at the sound of my number. Did they even care that I had a name? “Yes, sir.”

“If you will come this way, please.” I noticed how he drew out the word
please.
I wanted to laugh. Like I really had a choice.

The doctor led me into a much smaller room. On one side there wasn’t a wall, simply glass. I peered through it but couldn’t see a thing. I was sure that someone on the other side could see in, though.

The doctor threw what appeared to be a paper sheet into my hand. “You’ll undress now.”

I expected this, but suddenly the thought seemed horrifying. Was he going to stay in the room? What about the glass? Was someone watching? I couldn’t
possibly
. My heart was racing, screaming. I wanted to run, bolt through the door. The doctor, a disgraced creator, rolled his eyes as he moved to leave. “Just knock when you are changed,” he said, obviously bored. This was routine.

There was still the problem of the glass wall. How could I be expected to just undress knowing I was exposed? Didn’t they care at all for my modesty, my dignity? There had to be a better way than this.

I turned my back to the window and with shaking hands began to take off my clothes. It was like removing a second skin. With each button I undid, I felt a part of my shell leave as well—the shell that took sixteen years to surround myself with. I felt tears spill down my face and didn’t even try to stop them. I was mortified.

This wasn’t right. Never before had I been more aware of the lack of choices in my life, how little the council trusted us. What if I didn’t want to know? Just because my parents and their parents before them decided to give our government complete control didn’t mean I had to. Shouldn’t my government be what I wanted it to be?

As I stood there naked, I’d never felt more vulnerable. I’d never wanted to fight back more. I was no different than the girl upstairs at Templeton. The paper gown I put on wouldn’t protect me.

I knocked on the door as quickly as humanly possible, jumping ungraciously back onto the bed. I curled my legs under me and wrapped my arms across my chest as tightly as I could manage. I needed to try to protect myself somehow.

The men who came to inspect me were not chosen ones, but instead creators who had fallen from favor. I wasn’t even important enough to be examined by a chosen physician. I was an afterthought.

Dr. Kendall, as his nametag read, and two other men entered the room. I felt my throat closing up. How many of them would it take? How many really needed to be there? The paper dress crackled loudly.

While the other men were bent over clipboards, Dr. Kendall took a step toward me and smiled. It didn’t seem threatening, but I knew how easy it was to lie. He reached over and gave me a small pat on the knee. “James was right. You are awfully pretty,” he whispered to me. I cringed. I didn’t ask for this compliment.

I didn’t ask to be here.

And how could he know James?

I didn’t have time to ask before the men started their examination.

First, they scanned the number lasered on my arm. I was officially in the system as an adult, as a woman, but I never felt more like a scared little child. They told me to lie back. Of course they explained to me what they would be doing, but all I heard was sound. I couldn’t make sense of the words they were saying. I was letting myself shut down, crawling somewhere deep inside where no one could get me.

I wanted my mother. I wanted Emma. I even wanted my supervisor. I could faintly feel the doctors’ hands everywhere, prodding with their cold instruments. They didn’t talk anymore, just moved me when needed.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit. Every second their hands moved across my body, methodically, as if
I
were the experiment gone wrong, I felt something inside of me harden. I didn’t shut down the feelings anymore. I held onto them. I heard my father’s voice inside my head. And Henry’s. I understood them now.

I had been inspected and it was worse than I could have ever imagined. Worst of all was the fact that these were
my people.
They were my flesh, my blood, my bone, my people. These were the ones responsible for it all, and I couldn’t deny my connection to them. They were the creators, but
we
had created them.

They left me in the waiting room by myself until the transport came to take me back. Even the receptionist had mysteriously vanished. I was alone except for three cages filled with bunnies. Who knew where they came from? It was just me and them, me and the animals. They thought of us in the same way.

I didn’t even question why the bunnies were there. I assumed it was for some experiment, some inspection. Some horrific moment of invasion.