Chrono Inquisitor (Gods Be Damned) (4 page)

“What the fuck, Kali? Why haven’t you reformatted this shit? How many times do I have to tell you this crap makes me want to blow my fucking eyes out.”

‹
My apologies, sir. I was distracted by the message and was performing a search for possible aliases of Chaos Monkey
.
›

“Which is exactly why I don’t want you actively looking into it.”

‹
Again, my apologies
.
›

A second later all the articles looked the same and were arranged neatly. That settled, I began perusing the headlines of the Unified Republics, seeing if my intuition was drawn to any. Those which piqued my interest I dragged over into a second window off to the side, saving them to read later with a more in
-depth analysis of their content.

In the middle of this process my stomach grumbled.

Damn it. Where’s my food.

Looking around the establishment, I only spotted one member of the wait staff, an attractive, blond haired man servicing the counter of solitaries.

Irritated, I pushed the ‘Orders & Requests’ button on the table bringing up the Menu screen. I tapped the table where the ‘Inquiry’ tab was and it brought up a text screen with keyboard.

I typed,
Where is my fucking food?

I got the reply:

I returned to the Menu screen and hit the ‘Coffee’ order button a dozen times.

It shouldn’t take so fucking long to run some hot water through some ground up beans. I should at least have had my cup of ‘wake my ass up’ already.

I closed the Menu, finished going through the newsfeed of insignificance, then closed the newsfeed. All I was left with was the window of saved articles.
Enlarging it to make it my primary focus, I scanned the list to see if any were worthy of my immediate attention.

Computer Engineers and Neuroscientists Give Birth to Telepathy. Inside the pending release of the
Mnemosyne
upgrade: Huginn & Muninn, as well as the aɪ-patch.

I already had the upgrade, but I was still getting used to its features. Maybe the article would give me some insights, I thought.

Rex Jester sells out Red Rocks Amphitheatre third night in a row. Win tickets for remaining two nights.

I didn’t need to win tickets. I had a lifetime pass to see the man whenever I wanted. Question was, did I want to? I could have used a good laugh at that time in my life, but was I willing to put up with the consequences? No, I wasn’t. Not then, anyway.

State of Deseret has lowest premiums in the Union. LDS affiliation required
for immigration.

Lowest premiums meant great bounties. Too bad
corruption didn’t occur there more often.

Cassius Otto De Haan murdered in prison while awaiting trial. 

I’d been the Inquisitor who’d taken him down. I’d wanted to make him beg for death after what he’d done. Getting murdered was getting off too easy in my opinion.

Catholics continue long-term colonizing efforts on Mars. Second wave of colonists to depart in three months. Other Christian denominations expected to join the exodus next year.

Good riddance, I thought. Soon the world would be rid of Human Purists. I could hardly wait for the day when controlling religious nutcases would be out of my life, and everyone else’s for good. I imagined it’d be like heaven on earth without them.

Facilities of Mola Manufacturing and Baillieu Chemicals destroyed after
terrorist bombing. E3 claims responsibility.

If this wasn’t the spark I needed, I didn’t know what was.

The companies targeted were owned by ChronoGen. Mola made mytes, and Baillieu made rejuv juice. E3 was becoming a thorn in ChronoGen’s side. Mine as well. If it was the last thing I did, I was going to put an end to those fuckers. I’d spent the last several months trying to convince Frank and the powers-that-be that they needed to form a special task force which specifically went after E3. Maybe this is what Frank meant in his message. Maybe this was my new assignment. About time.

Just as I reached the end of the list the waiter arrived with my coffee. The man had opted to present an older version of himself, thus attempting to seem more mature. And yet he was sporting a prevalent hairstyle among the youthies. The left side of his head was shaved and adorned with
tattoos of various colorful flowers. The right side though was covered with long, black and red, striped hair. I liked the flowers, but found the overall style atrocious.

“Sorry for the delay, sir,” the man said with a bow, and placed the small tray with my coffee before me. The man remained in the reverent position and asked, “Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?”

“I’m going to spell it out for you upfront, just so you’re aware.,” I said. “There’s only one factor when it comes to tipping in my book; never let me run out of drink. Think you can do that?”

“I am here to service your needs, and yours alone, sir.”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”

“No, sir.”

I waved him goodbye and watched as he disappeared back into the kitchen where he stood staring at me on the other side of the door, waiting to serve me whenever I beckoned further.

In watching the waiter depart I caught sight of a man sitting at the counter eyeing me as well. The man was in dark brown coveralls with three green bands around each of his upper arms. As soon as I locked eyes with the guy, he turned his head back to his plate.

‹“Kali, what position does his uniform indicate?”›

‹The man is wearing the uniform of a sanitation laborer.›

I guess he literally drew the shit end of the stick, didn’t he, I thought. Let him look.

‹I feel it prudent to remind you how you came to sit where you are. You need to perform an audit, otherwise I will have to report you for breaking section 84 of the Inquisitors Jurisdiction.›

All right then. Since the man seemed to be so nosey.

‹
“Kali, lock onto that guy’s Chrono and begin monitoring.”›

‹Audit initiated.›

That little technicality taken care of, I turned my attention to the cup of coffee. It was filled to the brim so I carefully lifted it to just under my nose and took a deep inhalation of the tantalizing aroma.

Except it was
n’t tantalizing. Something was off.

There was nothing I loved more than the smell of a good cup of coffee, and this wasn’t what I had expected.

I took a sip and shook my head. It was coffee, but that wasn’t all it was.

It was mixed with that roasted root shit often passed off as coffee. Sometimes a place would mix the two to keep costs down. Apparently that’s what the management of Francine’s was doing.

With a very unsatisfied look I beckoned my waiter to attend me.

“What the hell is this?” I said as he approached the table.

“It’s our house blend. It’s what you ordered.”

“I certainly didn’t. I ordered a coffee. A pure coffee.”

There was a moment of silence from the man while I assumed he was checking the order.

“My sincerest apologies, sir. It would seem you did indeed order a coffee. Unfortunately, we are currently out. There is an apparent glitch in the system and it defaulted to the house blend since it contains coffee.”

Just my damn luck.

I sighed. “And how do you intend to correct this gross error?”

For half a second he looked like he had no intention of doing so, but then he said, “It’s possible one of our sister diners has some in stock. If you’re willing to wait a little while longer I’m sure I can find you some.”

I was impressed. I actually hadn’t expected him to do anything. I contemplated sending him to my
pad to retrieve some of my stock, but decided against it. Let him scrabble trying to please me. Let him work for his tip.

It was a good thing I could afford to feed my addictions.

Speaking of addictions, as far as the mytes and Kali allowed me to have any, I reached into the vault, compartment 22, and extracted my flask. I took another sip of the mongrel coffee so I could add some enhancer. I did so, stirred it with a spoon, and took a sip.

It was tolerable.

I took a moment and let the warmth of the drink irradiate from within, enveloping my body.

Now the day could begin.

I sat back up and looked over the list again. I deleted the Rex Jester advertisement. I settled on learning a little bit more on how the powers-that-be were fucking with my head even more. I opened the Huginn & Muninn article.

The screen became a chaotic mess of ads promoting the best prices for the presale of H&M, simulated demonstrations of its capabilities, various videos of interviews with the creators – most of whom I’d met and knew to a certain degree
, as well as a slew of many other things. It only took a blink of an eye before Kali had the screen filtered and organized. I didn’t even have to ask.

I sat in silence reading and sipping my doctored coffee. Right as I was taking my last sip, the waiter, whose name I’d failed to acquire, arrived with a new cup and informed me he’d found some pure coffee and that it was on its way. I thanked him and kept reading.

Finishing the report, I shook my head.

The article said Huginn and Muninn was going to blow the mind wide open on what Mnemosyne could do. But they didn’t say how exactly,
or at what cost.

There wasn’t anything I didn’t already know.

That’s all I needed, more ghosts in my machine. I knew I should have asked more questions when I’d gotten the upgrade. I thought about giving Emily a call, but didn’t. I guess I’d just become too complacent with the tech. It’s not like I really had a choice though. Get the upgrade or lose my job and all the perks which came with it.

I already suspected ChronoGen was using Mnemosyne’s abilities for various off-the-books reasons. That was a given. But now it seemed H&M was going to make it easier for
black hats
to get inside everyone’s minds. Sure, it all sounded like a neat idea. Having the ability to share your thoughts and memories with anyone you choose. But what about
the people you didn’t want prying into your internal fortress of secrets? How could the developers guarantee complete privacy and protection from them?

Oh, they guaranteed it all right. Just like they had the mytes.

Yeah, fucking, right. That’s why Inquisitors existed.

I knew first hand memories could be subpoenaed in criminal cases, and thoughts held further against a person in a court of law. Many of mine already had been. Fortunately, they were all used in testimony against others. But at least they were memories I had given up willingly. Yeah, sure, if the authorities really wanted to they could hack a person’s Archive. But since the Archive was overseen and essentially a part of a person’s CerA, as soon as that happened the person became aware of it. People had been so afraid of real life thought-police it had taken decades for the tech to prove itself secure
enough to be adopted.

Of course it wasn’t safe, nor secure. Which is why my job existed.

There were conspiracy theorists who’d figured out what was going on. Luckily, they came off as crazy, just as they always had. If anything it helped invoke the fear of the reaper even more.

With Huginn and Muninn though, things were going to get a lot more complicated. How the hell did the company expect us to continue keeping things quiet when memories could be shared instantaneously with anyone?

Practically every person on the planet was integrated. Except Purists, of course.

‹
You have an incoming call
,
› Kali said.

Her announcement was accompanied by a unique sequence of tones, as well as a special sensation in the back of my mind, which felt like my brain was being tickled.

I unconsciously rubbed the back of my head.

“Let me guess, Frank?”

‹
You are correct
.
›

“All right, answer.”

More money here I come.

Given the okay to answer the call, and assuming how I intended to answer it, Kali caused my Cube to rearrange itself, its six sides becoming a two by three single flat screen, propped up by its own mechanisms.

It was practically instantaneous.

“Wait-”

Too late. A video image of my boss, Frank, appeared. I’d meant to have the communication be audio only.

‹“Afternoon sleepy head,”› Frank said with a little wave.

I did my best to avoid looking at the screen. I wasn’t nearly inebriated enough yet to deal face to face with so jovial a personality as Frank’s.

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s still morning,” I said.

‹“Let me guess, you haven’t had your Irish coffee yet,”› Frank said with that beaming wide smile of his. I didn’t need to see Frank’s cheek muscles stretching his lips across his face. It was apparent in his voice and the imagery was already permanently embedded in my memory.

Still not looking fully at the footage of Frank, but with as much of a deadpan face as I could muster, I held up the spiked bastard coffee in front of my face.

‹“Ah, then you’re just your normal
Eeyoric
self,”› Frank said.

“Can I help you, or do you simply insist on making my life more miserable by the minute?” I asked.

‹“Maybe I can help you. How would you feel about staying at the #2 resort on the continent? All expenses paid, of course.”›

“Are you offering me a vacation? I thought you had an assignment for me. What’s the catch?”

‹“Can’t get one past you. It is an assignment. But if you want, you can think of it as working vacation. And as a bonus, once you’ve completed the assignment, I’ve been authorized to extend your stay an extra two months.”›

I harrumphed and rolled my eyes. “What in Kalichi would I do with two months off? I’d kill myself from boredom within a week.”

‹“Well, Mr. Overdramatic, I don’t know, maybe you could relax, get a life maybe.”›

“Had one of those once. Didn’t work out so well, or did you forget?” I said, bringing the enhanced coffee to my lips, working on increasing my intoxication, caring not to reflect on the past.

‹“Fine, don’t take the time off. Instead, I’ll just double your bounties for two months. How does that sound?”›

“Sounds like a new watch,” I said, raising my left wrist for the camera to see, finally looking at it myself. I pulled back my sleeve and flashed my pride and joy - A Rolex GMT Master II 16710 series F with a “Pepsi” bezel. It’d been my great-grandfather’s. Not so coincidentally, my relic wristwatch concealed my Chrono. Last time I checked it said I had another hundred years to live if I continued dying at the same rate. I guess I was right on schedule for that mid-life crisis.

‹“See, you do have an interest other than reaping. Wish I had remembered that ten minutes ago when I was debating with Henry whether or not you’re still human and not some sadistic automaton.”›

I gave Frank a ‘fuck you, aren’t you funny’ smile.

On the display, Frank, in a show of theatrics, threw up his arms to shield his eyes. ‹“No wonder the others call you Grim. Even your smile sends a chill over my grave.”›

Rex Jester, step aside. Frank the funny man is on the rise.

I found myself slightly smiling. I shook my head, trying to shake away the infection of happiness. “All right, enough bantering. What’s the assignment?”

Frank frowned, but only for a brief moment before he chuckled and his smile returned. ‹“I just can’t do it.”› He proceeded to play around at trying to force his smile down into a frown with his fingers. It only made him laugh even more. The man was older than me and yet he acted like he was an obnoxious kid.

I reached into compartment 22, my most used, removed the flask, took a swig, and filled my coffee cup back up to the brim.

Why yes, I’ll take a hint of coffee with my whiskey.

I stirred it, took a big gulp, and signaled my anxious attendant for a filler. I no longer cared that it wasn’t true coffee. The alcohol compensated.

Frank finally managed to control himself and said with all seriousness, ‹“You know, I recall you used to have a sense of humor. You also used to be a lot more fun. Is everything all right?”›

I sighed. “Everything’s fine. It’s just been a rough morning. What’s the assignment?”

‹“Well, hopefully this will brighten your mood. There’s chatter on the streets of a new hack and procedure which makes it harder to detect a corrupted Chrono. Does the name Julius Beit ring any bells?”›

“Should it?”

‹“Well, he is a prominent man in the Republic of Texas, and since you used to live there, I just thought you might have heard of him.”› He dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand. ‹“Anyway, we’ve received word that Mr. Beit may be behind this new aversion to order. Your assignment is to investigate him. After all, we can’t allow chaos to infest our pristinely controlled society which we all love so dearly, now can we?”› Frank added a wink with that last bit.

I remained stoic and sipped my whiskey.

Frank sighed, pulled out a bottle of wine, poured himself a glass, and took a long drink.

Looks like I’m not the only one with issues, I thought.

‹“For years you’ve been hounding me about taking down E3. Well here’s your chance. There’s reason to believe Beit is involved with the E3 movement. I’m going to be honest with you.”› Frank poured himself another glass. ‹“Initial inquiries show this guy to be cleaner than the Pope. As a matter of fact, he’s the President’s little pet apparently. If it weren’t for the source of the pointing finger, I wouldn’t even bother taking this to the next level.”›

“Sounds to me that getting the skinny on this guy is worth more than a measly two months off.”

Frank gave me an inquiring look. ‹“I thought you didn’t want the time off?”›

“I don’t. That’s why you’re going to offer me five times my normal bounty instead.”

‹“What makes you think you’re worth that kind of money?”›

I smiled. “You know I am. Besides, you’ve already started the investigation by your own admission. Now you’re calling in the big guns. I assume you already made a few calls and have other Inquisitors on the case, or once you’re done with me, you’re going to make some.”

‹“Well aren’t you the clever one? Since you took so long answering my tickle, I’ve already got one Inquisitor assigned to the case, and I’ve been authorized to include at least four more. So, are you in?”›

“Per chance, is Inquisitor Noble one of them?”

There was a slight hesitation before Frank said, ‹“I won’t lie and say I don’t have him in mind, but I’m not sure he’d be willing to be pulled away from the case he’s working on. Why do you ask?”›

“I just figured that with five reapers competing for the same prize, some are going to naturally partner up to try and claim my bounty. I’ve worked with Noble before
, I know he’s gunning to unseat me as leading Inquisitor, and I know his methods. I’ll take any advantage I can get. If I know who my competition is, all the better.”

‹“So I take it
that’s a yes. You’re up for the challenge.”›

Just then the waiter arrived with my order of food. The waiter was astute enough to notice I was on a call and that if I wanted anything else I’d signal. He placed the plate in front of me and departed.

I picked up my knife and fork and watched as the girls in the booth next to me got up and left.

Damn.
I’d been in such a bad mood when I’d taken my seat, I hadn’t noticed just how attractive they were. I hadn’t even tried to flirt with any of them. Fuck. Frank was right to be concerned.

Looking at the meal before me, my emotional state declined even more. I stabbed at the food unenthusiastically, and was reminded of my little brother’s face the first time our mother had forced us to eat Brussels sprouts.

Only geezers like me and Frank even knew what a Brussels sprout was anymore, which was a shame. Oh, what I would have given to taste again my mother’s roasted Brussels sprouts with chopped toasted pecans, sprinkled with an assortment of cheeses. If it were possible, I would have paid a good portion of that five times bounty for just another plate of that meal. Hell, I would have paid a pretty price just for some healthy naturally grown greens, and not the shit grown in labs to feed the masses. That shit which was presented before me.

My stomach growled, but not with hunger. No, it was an outright auditory protest to what was presented before me. My tongue and salivary glands joined in the dissent. Together the three managed to temporarily override my brains command for nourishment.

What was I thinking when I ordered. I hated this shit.

Dreading the taste, texture, and indigestion, I turned my attention back to Frank. “You know me. I’ll take any task you throw my way. Authorize the temporary pay increase and I’ll start as soon as I finish this detestable shit they pass off as food.”

Frank’s smile grew bigger than ever. ‹“It’s already done. Shall I send Kali the info on the case now, that way you can begin boning up while you eat?”›

Should be distracting enough to choke down this refuse.

“Sometimes I think you know me better than Sam ever did,” I said. “I think I should’ve married you instead.”

‹“I’m touched.”› Frank placed a hand over his heart while wiping away a fake tear with the other. The fake tear hand then transitioned into a finger waggle, as if he were lovin
gly scolding me, much like he did with one of his prized yorkies. ‹“But you should know by now, I don’t mix business with pleasure.”›

I gave a little shrug. “Oh well, probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Besides, it would seem reaping is my one true calling. Well, that and watchmaking.” I was hit with a rampaging rhino of epiphanies. “By the deities. I think I just figured out my problem. I’ve already got two loves in my life, there’s simply no room for another.”

‹“With an attitude like that, you’ll never find love again.”›

“Yeah, maybe that’s a good thing. Look where love left me.”

‹“All right, I see where this is heading. Oh, hey, I notice that you’re conducting a random audit. Are you going to be done with that soon? I need you in Texas asap.”›

“Oh, that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be on my way to Texas within the hour.”

‹“Great. Everything’s been transferred. I’ll leave you to your meal before it gets too cold and turns to flavored rubber.”›

Frank blew me a kiss and ended the call.

I took a bite, chewed as much as I could, swallowed, and hurriedly washed it down with a drink straight from my flask. Immediately I got a notification from Kali that because I was now officially on duty, the alcohol would be converted by the mytes back into water.

I argued with her that I’d only just then been assigned to the case, and that I was not in fact on duty. After a couple of minutes of us bickering back and forth, I finally convinced her to let me have an hour before she began detox procedures.

My cube resumed its namesake shape and the table display returned to the newsfeed. Wanting to get the torture of consumption over with as soon as possible, I decided I’d review the case later. Possessing no desire to keep reading, I powered down the cube, quickly shoveled the contents of the plate into my mouth, and drowned it all down with what was left in my flask.

Speaking of tastes, at least in Texas I’d be able to get a real steak.

My tongue could already taste that mouthwatering delicacy, though it only lasted a second before the realization that it was a false sense arose and it vanished.

My belly full, but my flask empty, not to mention my taste buds left wanting more, I decided I needed a frou frou flavored adult beverage for dessert in order to help lighten up my mood and clear my head.

I thus concluded to make my way to an establishment of enlightened spirits. I tipped my waiter handsomely, having totally forgotten about the coffee that was on its way.

‹Shall I cease with the audit now?
›
Kali asked as I stood up.

“You didn’t happen to find any
anomalies, did you?”

‹In so short an amount of time. Yeah, right.›

There was that attitude of hers.

I was seriously going to have to do something about that.

“Cease and desist,” I said.