Church Camp Chaos (8 page)

EJ takes a practice swing with the putter before stepping up to the ball. One last look at the hole and she taps the ball with an expert amount of speed and spin … avoiding the inclines … past the rocks … hooking around the water—

Splash!

“Noooooo!” EJ dropped her golf club, crumpled to her knees, and shook her fists in the air in a display of drama that rivaled any nail-biter on the PGA tour. The sound of the excited screams coming from the indoor roller coaster had jolted her out of her daydream, but she was disappointed in the shot on the Moose Mountain Adventure Golf Course, nonetheless.

“Good job, EJ!” Isaac ran to the base of the waterfall and pointed to EJ’s red golf ball at the bottom of the shallow pool. “You got it right in the water!”

“That’s not what I was aiming for, Isaac!” EJ wondered if Isaac fully understood the point of golf.

“Aw, that shot looked golden, DG!” Pops retrieved EJ’s golf ball from the water and set it on the green so she could take her next shot. “I guess your championship chances are done for today, huh?”

“Yeah.” EJ picked up her putter and stood up. “I don’t think golf is really my sport.”

“The clothes are spectacular,” Nana said with a hint of humor in her voice, “but I doubt most courses would let you wear your Converse All-Stars on the greens.”

“Deal breaker!” EJ said, smiling. “I never really wanted to be a golfer anyway.”

“Pops, it says that the kids’ meals are for ages ten and under,” EJ said, pointing to the Rainforest Café menu. “Does that mean …?” She let the question hang in the air.

“Well, you’re eleven now, DG,” Pops said, looking up from his menu and over his reading glasses at EJ. “Looks like you’re a full-fledged adult! At least by restaurant standards.”

“Yesss!” EJ disappeared behind the menu to concentrate on making the best possible choice.

“I will always want to order from the kids’ menu—even when I’m a hundred,” Isaac said, drawing with crayons on the jungle-themed kids’ menu. “They’ve got dinosaur-shaped nuggets.”

“That
does
seem like a no-brainer, sport,” Pops said, smiling. “I wonder if they’ll let me order those, too.”

“What a fantastic restaurant,” Nana said, looking up at the ceiling decorated to look like the tree canopy of a rainforest. “It’s like being in the great outdoors without the giant bugs.”

“Oooo! Do they have bugs on the menu?” Isaac asked. “Those would go great on top of my dino nuggets!”

Nana pretended to check the menu. “No bugs. Sorry, buddy.” Nana didn’t sound very sorry.

A perky waitress arrived at the table.

“Hi, I’m Candace, and I’ll be taking care of you today,” she said, taking a pad of paper and pen out of her apron pocket. “What can I get for you?”

“I’ll have the buffalo wings,” EJ said decisively, folding the menu and setting it in front of her. “And water to drink, please.”

Pops peered at EJ over his reading glasses. “EJ, are you sure you want buffalo wings? The menu says they’re spicy.”

“Bring it on!” EJ smiled at Pops, licked her lips, and rubbed her hands together. “The spicier the better, I say.”

EJ saw Nana and Pops raise their eyebrows at each other.

“Okay, EJ, if you say so,” Nana said, shrugging.

Candace took the rest of the orders (a Cobb salad for Nana, a turkey club sandwich for Pops, and dino nuggets with fries for Isaac, water all around), picked up the menus, and left the table.

“So, what’s new in the world of my favorite grandkids?” Pops asked, slipping his reading glasses into the chest pocket of his Hawaiian shirt.

“I’m going to day camp with EJ!” Isaac said, bouncing in his chair. “It’s going to be the best day this summer!”

“You’re not going
with
me,” EJ corrected him. “I’m going to be at camp all week, and you’re going to come and invade my space for a day.”

A genius idea crossed EJ’s mind. “Actually, Isaac, you know what would be super fun at day camp?”

“What?” Isaac asked, his eyes bright.

“If you pretend that I’m invisible and I pretend you’re invisible!” EJ said, trying her best to sell the plan to her little brother. “You and I would both know that we’re there, but everyone else will think that we can’t see each other because we’re not talking to or even looking at each other!”

“Whoa!” Isaac seemed to like the possibility. “Like a secret mission?”

Nana and Pops chuckled.

“EJ, you really shouldn’t tease your brother,” Nana said. “There are lots of kids out there who wish they had siblings like you and Isaac.”

“Those kids can have him,” EJ said under her breath.

“Nana’s right,” Pops said. “Take me, for example. I was an only child because my parents died in a car accident when I was two.”

EJ had heard the story before—how Pops didn’t have any relatives who could take him in, so he lived in three different foster homes before he was finally adopted when he was nine.

“But when Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Wiley adopted you, you got two older brothers and a little sister,” EJ said. “Didn’t they ever get on your nerves?”

“Oh, sure. We absolutely annoyed each other. I’m sure they thought I was such a pest sometimes,” Pops said, grinning. “But I liked having siblings a lot more than not having siblings.”

EJ tried to imagine what it would be like to be an only child. For the first five years of her life, she had been an only child—but she remembered just bits and pieces of what that was like. Some of her first memories were of being excited that a new baby brother was going to join the family. She even helped Mom decide on decorations for the nursery—a Noah’s ark theme. And she remembered picking out a stuffed T-Rex toy especially for the baby before he was born. Isaac still slept with that raggedy T-Rex, missing left eye and all.

“Buffalo chicken wings?” Candace was holding up a large plate of wings in front of EJ’s nose.

“Yeah, that’s me, thanks.” EJ pulled her elbows from the table to make room for the plate. After placing everyone else’s food in front of them, Candace said she’d be back in a bit to check on them and walked away.

“Isaac, would you pray for the meal?” Pops asked.

Isaac dropped the Brontosaurus-shaped nugget he was about to stuff into his mouth and nodded solemnly before folding his hands and bowing his head.

“Dear God,” Isaac began. “Thank You that Pops has brothers and a sister now, and that he doesn’t have to play alone anymore. Thank You, God, that I don’t have to play alone either—because You gave me a sister. And also she is fun to bug sometimes.”

EJ peeked at Isaac and saw that he was peeking at her, too. They surprised each other and quickly shut their eyes tight. Isaac continued to pray.

“Thank You for Nana and Pops and their sweet Winnebago and this fun trip to see America and the mall, too. Amen.”

“And bless this food to our bodies. In Jesus’ name, amen.” Nana added.

EJ picked up a buffalo wing drumstick and bit into it, immediately feeling the heat of the spicy sauce on her tongue—quite a bit hotter than she’d expected.

Pops saw the shocked expression on EJ’s face as she swallowed the first bite of chicken before grabbing her glass of water to take a gulp. “That stuff will put hair on your chest, DG. You sure you can handle it?”

“I’m an adult now, Pops. I order from the adult menu,” EJ said, determination in her voice. “I will conquer this plate of buffalo wings if it’s the last thing I do.”

Then she whispered so only Pops could hear, “Would you get Candace to bring me another glass of water, please?”

The crowded restaurant waits in hushed anticipation while extreme eater EJ Payne mentally prepares for the world record she will attempt to break by consuming the spiciest buffalo wings on the face of the earth
.

“I’m dedicating this record to my best friend, Macy,” EJ says to the crowd. “One time I watched her eat a whole jalapeño pepper in one bite! It made her eyes water and her nose run, but she loved it. If she can do that, I can do this!”

The wings EJ will be eating are so spicy that she has to wear plastic gloves while handling the food, or her skin could blister and break out in a rash. She’s been preparing her whole life for this attempt, most recently by trying her father’s spicy Sriracha sauce when he isn’t looking
.

“Guinness Book of World Records,
here I come!”

EJ picks up a wing in each hand, takes a deep breath, and dives in
.

June 21

Nana and Pops are driving back to Ohio today. It’s been great having them here for the past week, but knowing I won’t see them until at least Christmas makes me super sad. We’ll still have our weekly video chats (and those are fantastic), but it’s just not the same as having them here. I think Bert can tell I’m bummed, too, because he’s being an extra-good furry friend. Like last night when Nana tucked me into bed and I felt like I wanted to cry while I gave her a hug. Bert trotted into my bedroom with his favorite stuffed animal in his mouth—the green one with a long neck that looks like if a giraffe and a salamander had a baby (a galamander? or maybe a salaffe?). Bert stood next to my bed and looked up at me with a “I think you need this more than me right now” face, and he let me take the toy from him (something he never does without a fight). I love that pooch so much.

Isaac’s been whiney and annoying today, which is strange, because even though he is always supremely annoying, he doesn’t usually complain much. My brother has a lot of faults, but one good thing about him is that he is generally a pretty happy kid. If he’s acting weird because he’s sad that Nana and Pops are leaving, I can’t really blame him.