Circle of Fire (26 page)

“One death doesn’t make you a killer, Maddie,” Jon said softly. “You were acting in self-defense, nothing more.”

“But what if I’ve killed twice?”

He met her gaze steadily. “Twice?”

She nodded and licked her lips. “Some mistakes I seem destined to repeat. I was barely six the first time. My father was hitting my mother and I just wanted him to stop. I lit a fire. He did stop, but by then, the fire had gotten out of control. My brother died in the blaze.”

“Come here.” He tugged her forward and into his arms. It felt like a homecoming. “You’re not a killer, no matter what you think. You never could be.”

She squeezed her eyes shut against the threat of more tears. In the midst of a nightmare she’d found a man she cared about—maybe even loved. And he would send her away from him without regret, simply because it was safer.

But being safe was something she no longer wanted.

She turned in his embrace and met his gaze. His face was so close that his breath washed warmth across her lips and sent shivers of desire thrumming through her body. “Don’t send me away. I need to be here.”

A slight smile tugged the corners of his mouth, and a hint of weariness momentarily warmed the coldness in his eyes. He reached up and gently brushed a stray curl away from her cheek, his touch trailing across her skin like fire.

“I have no choice. Eleanor will kill you in revenge for Hank, and that is something I just couldn’t live with.”

The catch in his voice made her heart sing. “Eleanor won’t always be around.”

“No. But someone like her will. You need a man you can make a life with, someone with whom you can raise children and grow old. I’m not that someone,
Maddie. I can’t be. I chose my path a long time ago, and it’s far too late to change.”

She saw the pain in his eyes and knew that being with her was his dream as well, whether or not he was willing to admit it. She pulled her gaze away from his and stared out the window. “All I’ve ever wanted in my life is someone to love and understand me,” she said softly. “You wouldn’t think something so simple would be so hard to find.”

“Ah, Maddie.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He might well have been branding her, so deeply did the brush of his lips burn. “If I hadn’t given my heart to my work a long time ago, it would be yours. But I have no room in my life now for anything else. And certainly no desire for it to change.”

She studied his face. There was an edge to his voice that made her wonder whom he was trying to convince—her or himself. But it was the determination in his eyes that told her it was pointless to argue.

How ironic that she’d gotten her wish—the chance to have him hold her one more time—only to discover that she wanted a whole lot more.

She looked across to her own bed. Half hidden by the growing darkness, it looked uninviting and solitary—like so much of her life. And it was a pattern she desperately wanted to break.

She had tonight, if nothing else. This was her chance to finally take a stand and do something
she
wanted to do, instead of merely drifting along, following the wishes and desires of others. And what she wanted, more than anything, was to lie in the warm security of Jon’s arms for the rest of the night.

She leaned her cheek against his shoulder and ran
her fingers across the golden hairs on his chest, placing her hand over his heart. Its unsteady rhythm matched her own.

“Sleep with me,” she whispered softly.

His smile was something she felt deep inside. “Anytime. But I’m afraid sleeping is all I’m up to. I have to keep the leg as still as possible.”

“Sleeping will do.” Any time spent in his arms would be better than nothing. And at least it would give her a memory to hold on to when she left in the morning.

All she had to do then was figure out how she was going to find Teresa without his help.

J
ON JERKED AWAKE
. F
OR SEVERAL MINUTES HE STARED INTO
the darkness, listening to the wind howl past the windows. Maddie was pressed warmly against his side, her breath a whisper stirring the hairs across his chest. Nothing else disturbed the silence, yet something didn’t feel right.

“What is it?” Her murmur ran heat past his chin as she glanced up.

Maybe the odd sound had been nothing more than his imagination. He ran his finger down her cheek, then across the lips he longed to kiss. Maybe what had woken him was the ache of holding her so close and being unable to do anything about it. “Nothing. It’s probably just the storm.”

She made a sound close to a sigh, then jumped as a floorboard creaked. Her fingers clenched against his chest. “That nothing is moving around in the bathroom.”

It certainly sounded as if
something
was. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed it lightly. “I’ll go check.”

Though he couldn’t see the fear in her eyes, it ran like fire through her emotions. “What about your leg?”

“It’ll be fine. Just wait here.” He slid his arm out from under her and rose.

The darkness surrounded him, as heavy as a cloak. He limped forward, his leg stiff and awkward. But at least he could walk. A few hours ago that wouldn’t have been possible.

The bathroom door creaked as he opened it. He cursed silently and hit the light switch. The sudden brightness made him blink, but nothing scurried into the corners of the room. He limped in and looked around. The small window was locked, and everything else seemed undisturbed. It had to be just the storm.

“Anything?” Her warm voice held a slight tremor.

He glanced back at her. She was lying in the bed with the blankets pulled up around her nose. All that was visible was the amber fire of her eyes, sparking brightly as they reflected the bathroom light. A sudden surge of desire caught him by surprise. How was he going to share the bed for the rest of the night and not touch her?

“It’s just the wind,” he said and switched off the light.

He hobbled to the end of the bed, then stopped. She watched him steadily, and he could almost taste the desire beginning to stir the bright swirl of her emotions. He couldn’t lie down with her again and not touch her. And he had a horrible feeling that if he
did
touch her, he wouldn’t want to let her go.

He thrust a hand through his hair. “Maybe I should sleep in the other bed.”

“Why?”

The slight huskiness in her voice sent heat racing to
his loins and practically shot his good intentions all to hell. “It’s safer, that’s why,” he muttered.

Safer for him, safer for her. Because she deserved more than he’d ever be able to give her.

The bedsprings squeaked as she rose. She stopped in front of him—not touching him but close enough for him to feel the heat of her body, see the warm sparkle of desire in her eyes. It took every ounce of his control to simply stand there and not reach for her.

“I’ve spent most of my life seeking safety, and I’m tired of it. I’m not asking for a commitment, just the remainder of the night.” She hesitated, and a hint of laughter ran through the emotive swirl surrounding her. “If you think your leg is up to it, of course.”

The leg was up to it; he just didn’t think his heart was. She wasn’t like the other women he’d slept with. They’d been little more than temporary shields against the loneliness. He’d been able to walk away without remorse, his heart intact and untroubled. Maddie was different.

He reached out, gently cupping her cheek. She leaned into his hand for a moment, then brushed a kiss across his palm. Heat shivered through his soul.

“I’m trying to be honorable here. It’s something of a first for me.”

“Then treat me as you treated the others. Just give me the night before you make me leave in the morning.”

“I can’t—”

“Hush.” She leaned forward and kissed his lips, her mouth warm and soft against his. “Don’t think,” she murmured, “just feel. If only for this one night.”

He groaned and pulled her into his arms. He’d never been a saint, and he certainly wasn’t made of stone. And he just had to hope he had the strength to watch her walk away in the morning, because he certainly couldn’t let her go right now.

Her mouth invited greater exploration. He tasted her deeply, urgently, and she matched his fire, making a rough, needy sound in the back of her throat as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He scooped her up in his arms and walked the remaining few steps to the bed. A twinge of pain ran down his leg as he laid her down, but he ignored it and stripped off his shorts, lying down beside her.

“You’re naked.” She ran her hand down his chest to his stomach, then lower.

Trying to ignore the sensations flooding heat through his body, he skimmed his hand under her T-shirt and gently teased a nipple.

“You’re not,” he murmured and leaned forward, laving his tongue up her neck and around her ear.

A sigh that was close to a shudder escaped her lips. “Wait.” She slipped the shirt over her head and tossed it onto the floor. Her panties quickly followed.

He ran his hand down the warm, silky length of her, imprinting every curve in his mind, from the gentle swell of her breasts to the lean roundness of her thighs. Claiming her lips again, he caressed the warmth between her legs until she grew slick and he felt the tremors building in her body. Then he retreated, skimming his hand back up to her breast.

“The man is a tease,” she said, a hint of laughter coiling through the huskiness of her voice. “But two can play that game.”

Her tongue made a moist trail of fire down his chest. She traced the outline of his belly button for several seconds, then went on, until he felt the wet heat of her mouth encase him. He groaned and arched upward, fighting the fierce and sudden ache in his groin. Then her touch left him, trailing fire back up to his chest.

“Going to play fair now?” She raised up on her elbows and dropped dainty kisses on his lips and cheek.

He smiled and lightly nipped her lip. “Nope,” he said, rolling so that she was beneath him. He caught her hands, linking his fingers through hers before gently drawing her hands above her head.

He took her nipple in his mouth, rolling it over his tongue and teeth, sucking deeply. She twisted beneath him, her small sounds of pleasure gnawing away at his self-control. He could hear her heart pounding a rhythm that was as erratic as the pulsing in his groin.

“Oh God, Jon,” she whispered, kissing his hair, his ears, and his neck. “Touch me.”

He pressed his knee between hers, nudging them apart. With his free hand he touched her, delving into her moistness, caressing the most sensitive part of her. She arched up to meet him, her soft cries becoming more urgent, more intense.

“Come on, my love,” he whispered, and he claimed her mouth, kissing her fiercely. She shuddered against him, breath ragged as she clung to him.

“I need you,” she whispered and touched his hips, drawing him toward her.

He joined her in one sure stroke. She urged him on, meeting every thrust with a small cry of pleasure that
cut through his soul. Her breathing quickened again, then another shudder rippled through her body and broke what remained of his control.

“Maddie!” he cried, as the power of his own release tore through him. His arms collapsed, and he rolled sideways, not wanting to crush her with his weight. He lay still for several minutes, his chest heaving as he battled for breath.

“How’s the leg?” she asked softly.

Eyes still closed, he reached down and clasped her hand. Cold metal met his touch, and he realized she was still wearing his ring. He smiled and gently squeezed her fingers. “The leg’s just fine.” But as he’d suspected, the heart was an entirely different matter.

She turned toward him. He shifted his arm, pulling her in close. Her sigh whispered across his chest and stirred an ache deep inside him.

He kissed the top of her hair and stared into the darkness, listening to her breathing grow quieter. He was a fool—a fool who now had a huge problem on his hands.

Could he really let her walk out of his life in the morning?

A
PERSISTENT NOISE WOKE
M
ADDIE SOMETIME LATER
. Heart pounding in fright, she lay in the warm security of Jon’s arms and listened. After a minute she realized it was simply a loose piece of roofing banging in the wind.

How often had she lain in her own bed listening to that same awful noise? And how often had she hoped it
was
an intruder, simply because it would have provided
a brief respite from the intense loneliness of her life?
Far too often
, she thought grimly. It was odd how the isolation she’d so desperately needed after Brian’s death had quickly turned into a prison from which she feared to break free.

In many ways, that fear still held her. But at least Jon had shown her it
was
possible to control her gifts and put them to good use. It was up to her now to find the courage to break free from her self-imposed exile.

She sighed softly and ran her hand across the warm plane of his muscular stomach. Meeting him had also shown her just how deeply she missed having someone to share the highs and lows of life with. And yet she’d been something less than honest in her admission earlier. She didn’t want just anyone to love her. She wanted
him
.