City of Sin (28 page)

"For two Knicks tickets! Jesus." He turned away
from me and ran his hand through his hair.

"What?" I didn't know what he was going to say. But
I hadn't expected that.

He turned back toward me and ran his hands down his face.
"Carter and Marie gave me two Knicks tickets for promising to take you out
and show you a good time."

"You're lying. They wouldn't do that. I'm not some
charity case."

"I don't think you are. But what do I know, right? I'm
just your rebound aren't I? Isn't that why Carter and Marie set you up with me?
To get over Patrick?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Well, great. I'm glad I could help." He was pissed
now. He had let me yell and scream and berate him. He had remained calm the
whole time. But when he mentioned Patrick, something changed in his face.
Suddenly it felt like I was in the wrong.

"Mason."

"You were still in love with him when we met. You're
probably still in love with him. So what the hell are you doing getting mad at
me and saying that you love me? You don't love me. You love him."

Is that why he was so upset? He didn't believe that I loved
him?

"And I didn't trick you. I accidentally saw what you
wrote in your notebook. I accidentally pitched your idea to John Landry. But
you don't want my excuses. So I don't know why I'm bothering. Why don't you
just run back to Patrick. Clearly that's where you belong."

"I don't love Patrick. I don't want to be with
Patrick."

"Then maybe you should find someone who you deem fit for
your time. Because clearly it's not me. I have better things to do than stand
here and argue with you."

"What, like cater to your new account? The one you got
with my idea?"

"Don't act so innocent, Bee. Like you didn't get
everything you wanted from me? Like you weren't using me?" He laughed.

"What are you talking about?"

"You only wanted to be with me because of my money. Well
guess what? My dad cut me off. I'm not getting his inheritance. Without the
Sword account I'd be as broke as you. I'm not a catch, I'm a fucking mess.
You're better off without me."

"I don't care about your money. I didn't even know you
had any money when I started falling for you. I just liked you for you. Money
doesn't matter to me."

"So you just spread your legs that fast for anyone?
You're easy, Bee. You're just like every other girl in this fucking city."

"And your just like every other arrogant, pretentious
bastard."

"Guilty."

"I never should have trusted you," I said.

"Don't give me that shit. I told you I wasn't a nice
guy. You had me pegged from the very start. It just made you want me even more.
And it was damn fun stringing you along, waiting for you to beg me."

"So this whole thing was a game to you?"

"A game I always win."

"You're such an asshole."

"Speaking of assholes, I need to go tell my boss that I
quit. Thanks, sugar, I really owe you one." He walked over to the door.

"I know you weren't pretending, Mason. I know you feel
something more than that for me. It wasn't a game. I know you feel it too. Can
we please just talk about this for a second?"
He has to feel it too.

"Fucking is my hobby. You were right from the start. You
shouldn't have gotten attached."

"So that's it? You've gotten what you wanted and now
you're done with me?"

"Like I said, you were easy."

I should have seen it coming. I had gotten so many warnings.
I had seen warning signs myself. But I didn't pay attention to them. He
completely blindsided me. It was easy for that to happen when you let yourself
be vulnerable. I had fallen in love with another asshole.

"I hope you enjoyed your game, Mason." I grabbed my
jacket and ran out the door. This time he didn't call after me. He had gotten
what he wanted. He used me and cast me aside like a hooker. Because that's all
he knew. He was a sad, pathetic excuse for a man. And I was an idiot for
thinking he'd change for me.

Mason

I was on my fourth drink, but nothing could seem to numb the
pain. It had felt amazing to tell Darren that I quit, but it would have been
more rewarding if I hadn't just had the worst morning of my life. I still
couldn't believe I said all those things to Bee. But how could she say all that
to me? I hadn't tricked her into falling in love with me. She didn't love me at
all. She was still in love with Patrick. I downed the rest of my drink and
waived the bartender over for a refill.

I stared down into my glass when the scotch was filled up to
the top again. I couldn't go home. I knew Bee wouldn't be there anymore. And
that thought killed me. All her stuff would be gone, but there would be that
lingering smell of her. I didn't want to fall asleep in an empty bed. I didn't
want to do anything without her. Asking her to move in had been a shot in the
dark. I had hoped I could get her to stay. I was a fucking idiot. I tilted my
head back and downed half of my next drink.

"Matt told me I could find you here," James said
and slid into the bar stool next to mine. "Do you want to talk about
it?"

"There's nothing to talk about." I slammed my glass
back down on the bar.

"Well, I heard you landed the Sword Body Wash account.
And three others. You'll probably get a few more before the week is over."

"Yeah." I stared down into my glass again.

"So shouldn't we be celebrating? This is everything
you've ever wanted."

"I thought it was."

"You're getting soft like me, huh?"

"No." I felt like I wanted to cry.
Fuck, I am
getting soft.

"Being in love doesn't make you soft, despite what my
brother says."

"I'm not in love." I moved my glass around so that
the ice cubes clinked against the glass.

"So she's just some girl? There's plenty more right out
that door. I guess you'll forget about her in a few days then."

"I don't want to forget about her." And I couldn't.
How could I possibly forget about Bee? She was smart, funny, and that perfect
combination of beautiful and sexy.

"Because you love her."

"Maybe." I looked over at James. "She told me
she loved me. Not in like a cute way, like in a throwing it in my face because
she hates me way." I didn't want to tell him about stealing her idea. I
didn't want anyone else to know how big of an idiot I was. "I screwed
up."

"So why don't you go talk to her?"

"We're done. There's nothing to talk about."

"If you're this messed up, I'm sure she is too."

"I doubt she is. I'm pretty sure she's just hung up on
her ex. I was a filler. She's probably running back to him right now."

"If she is, it's only because you pushed her away."

I put my elbows on the table. I did push her away. I told her
she was easy. I told her she was just like every other slut in this city. I was
a prick. But she just had this way of making my blood boil.

"You must have seen the way she looked at you. She was
already in love with you at the Silver Gala. You've just been too stubborn to
see it."

"I can't talk my way out of it this time. She hates
me."

"All I know is that it's lonely living in this city by
yourself. Not having someone to share the good and the bad with."

"She ran when it got messy. She's not the type of girl
that sticks through the bad times." Even as I said it I realized it was a
lie. She wanted to stay and talk it out. Even after I stole her idea and landed
an account that should have been hers. Because she cared about me. She loved
me. And I pushed her away.

"I'm just saying."

"Mason!" Matt burst into the bar with a huge grin
on his face. I had texted him earlier about landing the accounts. I wanted to
celebrate and drown my sorrows. My brother was the perfect guy to do that with.

James slapped me on the back. "Telling the truth is
better than any grand gesture. Talk to her."

"You're not staying to celebrate?"

"It's cold and late. All I want is to go home to the
woman I love. I guess that makes me soft. But I've never been happier."

"Just because that works for you..."

"Stop standing still, Mason. You're going to want to
have someone to share all this success with. Don't make the same mistakes that
I did."

James always seemed calm and collected. But I saw the flash
of pain across his eyes. It was gone in a second. I let go of the drink in my
hand. He was right. Drowning this feeling with scotch wasn't going to help
anything. I didn't want to lose myself the way he had lost himself. And I was
sick of standing still. I was sick of the easy women who threw themselves at
me. And the even easier ones that I had to pay for. I was lying when I said Bee
was easy. She was complicated and perfect and real. She was the only thing in
my life that felt real.

"Hey, James," Matt said as he passed by James going
toward the door. Matt sat down beside me and clapped me on the back.
"Congrats, man."

"Thanks."

"Another round on me?"

I looked back down at my empty glass. I could sit here all
night, trying to erase the memory of her from my mind. But what was the point
in that? I'd just wake up tomorrow still missing her. I didn't need a glass in
my hand. I needed her hand in mine. She fit. She was the perfect fit.
"No." I stood up and pulled on my jacket. "I have to go."

"What? I just got here."

"There's something I need to do."

"Mason?" Matt called after me, but I was already
running out of the bar. I needed to talk to Bee. I needed her to know how I
really felt.

***

I pressed on the call box outside of Kendra's apartment
building. I had run all the way there, stopping only to grab a dozen roses at a
stand on the corner a few blocks back. I was out of breath and my lungs burned
from the cold air.

The doors buzzed. I grabbed the handle and ran inside,
skipping the elevator and sprinted up the steps instead. When I got to 307 I
pounded on the door with the side of my fist.

Kendra's face fell when she opened the door. "I thought
you were Chinese food."

"Is Bee here?" I tilted my head to the side and saw
all of Bee's boxes in the small living room area of the apartment. "I just
need to talk to her for a second."

"She's not here, Mason."

"I can see her stuff. Come on, it's important."

"She's not here. She dropped all her stuff off and
left."

"Did she say anything to you?"

"She didn't have to." Kendra's eyes narrowed.
"Do you have any idea how long it took her to get over Patrick? How much
that hurt her?"

I didn't need the guilt trip right now. "I mean did she
say anything about where she was going?"

"Like I'd tell you? You're lucky I'm not kneeing you in
the balls right now. I will take these, though." She grabbed the roses out
of my hand.

"Can you tell her I'm looking for her? I already tried
calling and she's not answering."

"Maybe you should take the hint, Mason. Just leave her
alone."

"I can't leave her alone. I'm in love with her."

Kendra just stared at me. "She didn't grow up here like
you and me. She needs a nice, normal, suburban guy."

Like Patrick? You've got to be kidding me.
"She
does belong here. She belongs with me." I grabbed the roses back out of
Kendra's hand. "And you better get used to me, because I'm not going
anywhere."

"Well, I do admire your persistence." She folded
her arms across her chest.

"So are you going to tell her I was here?"

"I'll think about it."

"Are you going to tell me where she is?"

"I'd tell you if I knew. She just came and dropped her
stuff off. She was a mess. And she wouldn't talk to me about it." She
lowered her eyebrows slightly. "At least she talked to me about what
happened with Patrick. Whatever you did, I think it hurt her even more."

Bee was more upset about our fight than when she broke it off
with Patrick? Maybe she was over him. Maybe she really did love me.

Before I could ask any more questions, Kendra slammed the
door in my face. I looked down at the roses in my hand. Telling the truth
probably was better than some grand gesture. But James didn't know what I had
done. A grand gesture might be a better tactic.

Bee

I stepped off the bus and pulled on my hat and gloves. The
city had felt cold because I was alone. That's why I had thought it seemed so
much colder than back in Wilmington. I had never been alone at home. I had my
mom and my friends. And then I had Patrick. Love somehow created this internal
heat so I never noticed the wind biting at my cheeks. But I was cold now,
colder than I'd ever been. I pulled my coat tighter around myself.

With each step I had taken away from Mason's apartment earlier,
I had to will myself to keep going. All I wanted to do was run back to him and
tell him that I was sorry. That I wanted to work through our fight. I knew that
he hadn't read through my notebook with the intention of stealing my ideas. He
had just been looking for a sheet of paper to leave me a sweet note. He was a
good guy, no matter how bad he said he was. But he didn't seem to want to be
the man that I saw. He reverted so quickly back to his old ways as soon as
things got hard.

My feet crunched in the snow on the sidewalk. I would have
followed Mason anywhere.
Just like I had followed Patrick to New York?
I
shook the thought away. I fell too hard, too fast. I hadn't learned from my
mistakes. I fell for another jerk. And I loved him. I loved him so much.

But the truth was, Mason didn't feel that way about me. I had
told him I loved him and he told me I was easy, like every other girl he had
ever met. And maybe I was. Mason was only the second person I had ever slept
with, but I jumped into bed with him. I didn't hesitate at all. I fell for his
smooth talking and dirty mouth.
God his mouth...

Stop it!
I was done. I was done with love. And for the
moment I was done with New York. I needed to feel like I could breathe again. I
thought coming back would make me feel better. But it was just as cold here as
it was in New York. Maybe even colder. Because tonight I felt so alone, like a
piece of me was missing.

It wasn't too late to go back. I could still tell Mason that
I was sorry for jumping to conclusions and for not hearing him out. I walked up
the front steps and stopped outside of the door. But I couldn't swallow my
pride this time. Mason didn't want me anymore. I didn't want to give up on what
we had, but I didn't see any other option.
He doesn't want you. He never
did.
All he had to do was tell me to stay, like he had the other night. But
now that made sense too. He was guilty and could barely even face me. That's
why it looked like he was worried about losing me. He just wanted a few more
nights with me. For my body. Because that's all it ever was.

I knocked on the door and tried to stop the tears from
coming.

A minute later my mom opened the door. "Bee? Bee what
are you doing here?"

I was never good at controlling my emotions. Just seeing my
mom made me feel like I was back in grade school. "Mom," I said,
choking through a sob.

"Oh, sweetie." She pulled me into the house. It was
warm inside. But I was still cold. Even when she wrapped her arms around me I
still shivered.

"I keep making the same mistakes," I said into her
shoulder.

My mom laughed. "I'm guessing this is about Mason?"
She patted my back and released me from her hug. "Come in and sit. Did you
want something to drink?"

That was always my mom's go to thing for house guests. Making
sure they weren't parched. I didn't need a cup of hot tea, though. I needed a
serving tray full of shots. "I'm okay."

"You don't seem okay," she said as she sat down and
gestured for me to sit beside her.

I sat down and pulled off my gloves. "After what
happened with Patrick I told myself I needed to take things slow. To take the
time to see if a guy was worth my time."

"It doesn't matter how old you get, you still fall just
as hard." My mom gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's about the heart
not the head."

"But I knew better. Everyone told me he wasn't a good
guy. Heck,
he
even told me he wasn't a good guy."

"And is that what you want? A good guy to settle down
with?"

I put my face in my hands. My face felt like ice against my
palms.

My mom ran her hand up and down my back. "You can't plan
everything out, Bee. That's not how life works. So what is it that you really
want?"

"Well I should be able to plan a little better than
this." I lifted my face out of my hands. "I don't even know what I
want anymore, Mom. I moved to New York because I was in love. And when Patrick
and I broke up, I told myself I had to stay to prove to everyone that I had
what it took to make it. But I only just realized that it wasn't what I wanted.
None of it was what I wanted. I'm just scared of being alone." As soon as
I said it, I wished I could take it back. My mom was alone. My father had
walked out on us and left her devastated. Just because I was upset didn't mean
I had to be inconsiderate.

"You're never alone, Bee." She put her hand on my
forearm. Even though I had basically just said I didn't want to turn out like
her, here she was taking care of me.

"I know." I swallowed hard. "I got
fired."

"From a job you hated."

"Yeah, but it paid the bills."

"Barely. That job wasn't what you wanted. Now tell me
what you really want."

"I don't know what I want." I stood up. "Why
do you keep asking me that? I don't know, Mom. I don't know."

"You do know. You know and you're scared to say it
because you're sick of being hurt. That's not living, Bee. You don't have to
admit it to me, but you know what you want. At least tell yourself. What do you
want?"

"Him!" I closed my eyes, trying to prevent my tears
from spilling over. "I just want him."

"I know how much it terrifies you to say that you want
someone instead of some random goal. Because you may end up getting hurt. You
might end up alone like me."

"Mom." I sat down next to her. "That's
not..."

"No, it's fine. What I never told you growing up was
that I never regretted any of my decisions. Your father was my great love. No,
it didn't last. But I wouldn't change a second of what we had. And he gave me
you, the best possible gift anyone could ask for."

I wanted to cry all over again.

"Don't you ever run away from something great just
because you're scared. That's not the girl I raised."

It didn't matter that I had wound up in New York because of
my ex or that I stayed there out of spite. I still found what I wanted. "I
want to get a real advertising job. I don't want to have to live pay check to
pay check anymore. I want to be with Mason."

"There you go. You already knew all of that. So what are
you doing here in the middle of the night waking up your mother?"

I laughed. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, sweetie. But I'd rather you be across
the world and happy than right beside me and sad."

I sighed. "I know."

"Now let me get you that cup of tea." She patted my
knee and stood up.

I knew what I wanted. But I couldn't shake the feeling that
Mason didn't want the same thing. It wasn't like I could make him fall in love
with me. He had made it perfectly clear where he stood.