Claimed By Chaos (34 page)

Chapter 62

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you, Lady Gasden!” Gilles rolled his eyes as Mirabelle beamed and helped the older woman settle onto the chaise. She smiled sweetly at Lady Hathewaite as she sat next to her.

“Do you know, Mirabelle Haviland, I believe you? And you might be the only person.” Lady Gasden laughed as she patted her hand. “Of all your children, she is my favorite.” The old woman announced as she winked at The Mothers. Gilles and Lucien exchanged suffering glances and Elise giggled as she took his hand.

Spencer Place had been closed to visitors but Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite had been invited for tea. Gilles wanted to gauge the ton’s reaction to Giselle’s “abduction” and gently guide the gossip, if needed.

“How is Lady St. Claire?” Lady Gasden’s expression was gentle and sad as she looked around the room. Maman smiled reassuringly as she poured tea.

“She is expected to recover though she will most likely have trouble with her arm. It is uncertain if she will be able to use it again.” Her voice wavered but she took a deep breath and smiled as she started passing cups. Gilles swallowed and waited as pain flared within him. Elise squeezed his hand and leaned against him briefly, comforting him.

“Such a tragedy!” Lady Gasden announced. “I never liked that Weering, I always knew he was capable of terrible things. I’m just so sorry that poor girl got caught in the middle.” She lamented. Mirabelle frowned and nodded emphatically. Maman sighed as she sat back with her cup.

“In the end, we are just grateful to have Lady St. Claire back. We have to tell ourselves that it could have been much worse and help in her recovery.” Maman became thoughtful as she sipped.

“How is Alastair handling it all? It’s obvious that he cares deeply for Lady St. Claire. I’m sure it was a terrible fright to find that his fiancé had been taken and then to accidentally shoot her… What kind of a man could use a poor, defenseless woman as a shield?” Lady Gasden looked as if she was becoming upset. Gilles couldn’t help but feel fond of the old dragon. She could be prickly and meddlesome but she truly loved his family and had always been fair. He smiled gently as he guided Elise’s hands to her tea cup.

“He is handling it like any man does when the woman he loves has been terribly hurt. Alastair is doing all he can to keep her as comfortable as possible and will help her heal.” Gilles kept his voice even.

“Where is Sir Alastair?” Lady Hathewaite asked as she looked around the room. Gilles looked at her sternly. She should tread carefully.

“He is upstairs with Lady St. Claire.” He waited as she schooled her features.

“Alone?” She whispered. He nodded as Mirabelle became militant.

“She has a large hole in her shoulder, Lady Hathewaite! As far as any of us has seen, she has barely been conscious the last three days. My brother is beside himself with worry. We all trust the two of them not to lose their heads and do anything scandalous.” Mirabelle scolded. Maman did her best to appear stern.

“Mirabelle, there is no need to be graphic. I’m sure Lady Hathewaite isn’t implying that your brother would take advantage of Lady St. Claire while she is in such a fragile state.” She looked accusingly at the chaise. Lady Gasden began shaking her head furiously.

“I can assure you, there is nothing improper going on. Alastair is doing exactly what a gentleman should at the moment.” She proclaimed with a very loud humph. Lady Hathewaite blushed as she examined her teacup. Gilles made a mental note to talk to Eric. Perhaps there was some way to ease the estrangement between him and his mother. Lady Hathewaite took a sip of her tea and Gilles could see that she was working up the courage before she spoke.

“It has been remarked that Dr. Granville has visited very recently.” She looked at The Mothers cautiously, clearly avoiding eye contact with Mirabelle. Gilles tried not to react. He reminded himself that the purpose of inviting Lady Hathewaite specifically had been to learn what was being said within the ton. He was about to imply that Granville’s presence did not have any additional significance when Elise sighed and set her teacup down dramatically. Everyone turned toward her and she bit her lip as she smiled softly.

“We were trying to keep it to ourselves for a while longer but it seems that we’ve been found out.” Elise reached for Gilles’ hand and he found that he needed it. He slid it around hers and used it as an anchor. “Ethan will have a brother or sister this winter.” She said softly. Gilles’ eyes swept the room and he was relieved to find that everyone else was coping with the news better than he was. Fortunately, Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite were so focused on Elise and their own excitement at being the first to know, they didn’t notice he was floundering. Lucien noticed. He raised his teacup in salute and chuckled.

Gilles felt as if he was going to burst by the time their guests were ready to depart. The rest of the conversation had been a blur, his mind was so paralyzed by surprise and joy. He kept telling himself not to get too excited. Elise might have only said it to mislead and protect Giselle. But he knew she would understand that her ruse would only last a few months. It wasn’t like her to make such an error.

He waited until Lady Gasden and Lady Hathewaite were being escorted to the door by Mirabelle and The Mothers before he leaned close. Elise relaxed against him and her head fell back as his lips lowered to her ear.

“Are you?” He whispered. She smiled softly and nodded. Gilles slid his hand around her waist and waited for his emotions to settle. He was afraid he’d start laughing or jumping on the furniture if he tried to speak. When he felt he had a grip on himself, he turned her face to his. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He ignored the fact that Lucien was sitting across from them and The Mothers and Mirabelle would be returning at any moment as he brushed his lips against hers. He felt hers curve.

“I wanted to be sure and once I was, there was so much going and then Giselle was shot. We’ve all been so worried that it didn’t feel like the right time.” She explained. “And I wanted to tell you first, I was just waiting until we had time alone.”

Gilles felt guilt pulling at him. He’d been so busy pursuing Weering with Giselle and Alastair and then keeping Alastair company as he watched over Giselle through the nights, he hadn’t slept a full night in bed with his wife in almost a week.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve been neglecting you.” Gilles let his eyes caress Elise’s face and realized how much he’d missed her. She pressed her forehead to his and stroked his jaw.

“You have not. We’ve both been taking care of our family. I would have said something if I felt like you were neglecting me.” She said as she ran her fingers across his lips. Gilles heard voices and looked up. The sitting room suddenly felt crowded as The Mothers and Mirabelle returned. He jumped to his feet and pulled Elise up.

“Elise! This is wonderful news!” Mirabelle exclaimed as she crossed the room. Gilles nodded dismissively as he started towing Elise toward the door.

“Yes. It’s marvelous and fantastic.” Gilles agreed as he looked down the hall. It was a bloody long way to their bedroom and it was taking too long. “I’m sorry but I need to be alone with my wife.” He said as he bent and scooped Elise into his arms. She gasped and grabbed his lapels. “Please, excuse us.” Gilles called over his shoulder as he strode quickly toward the stairs.

“Gilles!” Elise shrieked as she hid her face against his chest. “Do you have to be so obvious!” She hissed. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yes, darling. And I think we should all be glad that I was able to wait until our guests left before I made a scene.” He confided as he carried her down the hall toward their room. Elise giggled as he juggled her to open the door.

“I have a feeling we won’t be down for dinner.” Her hands started sliding over his chest, searching for buttons. Gilles shook his head as lust exploded within him.

“No. We most certainly will not.” He groaned as he claimed her lips as his hands tore at her dress and he vowed that they wouldn’t be seen until at least noon the next day.

Unfortunately, Alastair would find a way to draw them out much sooner.

Chapter 63

“How do you feel?” Alastair asked gently as Giselle’s eyes fluttered open. He had watched her face for hours without moving, waiting for any sign that she was emerging from deep sleep and returning to consciousness. Seeing her eyes open fully was like watching the sun rise. Alastair didn't think there could be anything more beautiful. They had been able to rouse her enough to drink soup and tea (which she grumbled stubbornly about despite being barely awake) a few times a day over the last three days. But other than the times she was forced to wake, Giselle had slept deeply, constantly.

“Tired.” She yawned. Alastair smiled as he helped her sit up. “How long have I been asleep?” Her face pulled back as he held a teacup to her lips. He narrowed his eyes at her threateningly. She took a sip and wrinkled her nose.

“Three days.” He said as he waited with the cup close to her lips. She had already spit her tea out defiantly a few times.

“Three days! I feel as if I could sleep for three days more. I’ve never been so tired in my life.” Giselle complained as he lifted the cup again. “Isn’t there anything else?” She fussed and he laughed softly.

“Soup. If you behave and can stay awake long enough, I can see about something a little more substantial. You’re recovering from a very serious injury and tremendous blood loss. And I understand it’s common for pregnant women to suffer from extreme fatigue.” Alastair raised his eyes from her lips. Giselle’s eyes were huge and shimmered.

“I’m still… I didn’t lose the baby?” Her voice was a weak, ragged whisper. He held on tight to the teacup and saucer as he waited until the urge to pull her into his arms passed. He set them down carefully and took her hand in his. He brought it to his lips and kissed it as he stroked her cheek gently.

“The doctor doesn’t think you will lose the baby but we just have to wait. He said you need to rest for at least two weeks and avoid anything strenuous. You're to be calm and eat well.” Alastair watched the different emotions play across her face. He saw relief, worry, hope, joy and fear. He frowned as she swallowed nervously.

“Are you mad at me?” Giselle’s voice was fragile as she stared into his eyes. He pulled away from her and sat back.

“I haven’t let myself think about that. I’m just focusing on how relieved I am that you’re alive and taking care of you.” Alastair felt his shoulders and neck tighten as he thought about how close he came to losing everything and how helpless and sick he’d felt when she told him she was pregnant. The idea that she had put her desire for vengeance ahead of him and their baby made his hands shake with fury. He had to keep it away until he could manage it. “I think we should leave that conversation for another time.” It took effort to keep his voice even. Giselle frowned and her brows pulled together.

“Why?” Her eyes searched his face.

“Because I’m afraid I’ll give in to the urge to shake you and I’ve caused you enough pain this week.” Alastair looked at her pointedly.

“I need to explain. I need to know that you understand. If I lost the baby tomorrow and you never talked to me again… I’d need you to know.” She whispered as tears spilled from her eyes. He shifted in his seat as his head started to hurt and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I will still talk to you if you lose the baby, Giselle. I would be incredibly sad but it wouldn’t change my feelings for you.” He was starting to get frustrated. All he wanted was for her heal and for them to move forward with their lives. Getting angry and demanding explanations wasn’t in line with Granville’s orders.

“I’m afraid you’ll blame me and resent me if I lose the baby, Alastair. Even if you don’t leave me, I don’t know if I could live with that.” Giselle’s crying was starting to gain momentum and it was making Alastair anxious and a little angry. He wanted to calm her but he also wanted to be in a different room. He craned his neck, trying to get the muscles to loosen.

“I would have to blame myself as well, as I’m the one that shot you.” He thought that attempting a joke might help with the tension but Giselle just shook her head and looked even more upset.

“But you wouldn’t have needed to if I hadn’t been caught.” She whispered. Alastair threw his hands in the air. His temper was starting to unravel the more he thought about the events on The Chimera.

“That’s correct. Why don’t I save us some time, Giselle? You wouldn’t have been captured if you hadn’t risked your life to stop a man from shooting me. I might not have been close to getting shot if you hadn’t taken it upon yourself to lay siege to a ship on your own, forcing us to rush on board before our reinforcements came. You wouldn’t have felt the need to move without Digby if I would have found The Chimera sooner and allowed us more time to plan a better attack. But ultimately, no one would have entertained, for one moment, the idea of you going anywhere near that ship if you had told me you were pregnant.” He was on the verge of yelling. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. “Does that sum everything up or is there anything that I’ve left out?” He knew he was being condescending but it felt like the only option other than outright screaming. He looked at her expectantly and she shook her head weakly. Her eyes were so large and drenched in tears, Alastair had to grip the arms of the chair tightly to keep from pulling her into his arms or storming form the room. She was tearing him apart. “Then, why? Why did you do it, Giselle? Why did you put yourself and our baby at risk like that?” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as he stared at her. She pulled in a long, shuddering breath and looked down at her lap. He wanted to pull her face toward his but he didn’t trust himself to touch her.

“I love them all, Alastair!” She whispered. “I never had brothers and sisters and my mother died so many years ago. I spent so many years imagining what it would be like if I had grown up with all of you. And when I met you, I wanted you to be mine. And then you were, even though I tried to keep it from happening. And Mirabelle and Lucien became mine too. Gilles was already mine but then Elise was too. And The Mothers, Alastair! They're so lovely and they treated me as if I was theirs…” Giselle pressed her hand to her mouth as big, sobbing gasps shook her. Alastair raised his hands, trying to calm her. He pressed them to her chest, trying to keep her from causing her wound to bleed.

“Please, you have to stop. If you open your wound, you risk getting it infected.” Alastair sat on the bed next to her and took her hand in his. “I understand your feelings for my family. They love you too. They’ve been terribly worried about you the last few days. The Mothers and Mirabelle have taken turns helping me care for you. The whole family would have been devastated to lose you.” This time he did take her chin and raise her face to his.

“That’s why I couldn’t tell you until it was over. I had to go. I didn’t want to be responsible for taking you or Gilles or Lucien away from them. Gilles and Lucien already have children! I didn’t want to be the one to make Elise or Mirabelle widows or to break The Mothers’ hearts. I had to go and do everything I could to protect all of you.” Her eyes searched his, willing him to understand. He felt his body relax and warmth flooded his chest. She was protecting the family, she hadn’t put her need for revenge before him. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“I understand.” Alastair wiped the tears from her face. “Do you have any idea how destroyed I would have been if I had lost you? Even if I hadn’t known about the baby?” He couldn’t stop his voice from breaking. Giselle nodded and pressed her lips to his.

“But you would be alive and so would Gilles and Lucien. I would’t have ruined Elise and Mirabelle’s lives or broken The Mothers’ hearts.” She pressed her hand to Alastair’s cheek and he kissed it.

“You would have broken all of our hearts. But it’s over now. No matter what happens, we have each other.” It was getting harder to be gentle. He wanted so badly to hold her. He loved her so much and the realization that one day soon, she would leave that bed and they would start a life together made him feel giddy with joy. “I think we should talk about when you’d like to get married and where we’re going to live.” Alastair leaned back on his elbow and was about to pull her hand to his lips when he saw her frowning. He knew it was a lot to consider. She had made her distaste for London known many times and there were many options to consider away from Town. He reached for her cheek and thought he’d tease her. “Of course, if you’d like to cry off our engagement, being shot by your fiancé would be an acceptable reason.” His smile fell when she shook her head and started to cry again.

“I would never blame you!” She swore. Alastair sat up.

“You can’t break it off, Giselle.” He warned. “Not after everything that’s happened.” He couldn’t believe the uncertainty he saw in her eyes. His heart started to beat faster and his gut clenched. He had never been more sure of anything and she was still fighting it. Alastair stood and began pacing as he became frantic. He had done everything and he might still fail. He turned toward her and shook his head. “You have to stop this. You’re going to tear me apart.” He tugged at his cravat, trying to make it easier to breathe. Giselle reached for him and he shook his head wildly.

“Alastair, please!” She begged. He turned from her and started pacing again. If he stayed in motion he wouldn’t feel the pressure building within his chest as much.

“No, I did everything! I destroyed anything linked to your past at the War Office. The ton thinks that you’ve been hiding in the countryside for years and that you’re an innocent victim of an abduction plot. Your reputation is safe.” He held up a finger and continued. “I showed you that I can handle going about in society and live with the extra attention and obligations. I did not suffer greatly because of the annoyance and discomfort of the added scrutiny.” He held up a second finger. “I showed you that we can handle the ton and much worse as a team.” A third finger as he started pacing faster. “I have embraced the chaos, Giselle. Every time I wanted to stop you, to keep you safe, I didn’t. I stood back and watched as you did things that made my blood run cold.” Finger number four went up. “It goes without saying that I have well and truly compromised you. You’ve been sharing a bed with me for weeks.” Alastair held up his fifth finger and pushed his hand in her direction. “There is also the fact that you’re carrying my child and will most likely continue to do so.” He didn’t bother with adding another finger, he already looked like an idiot. “Finally, and it really shouldn’t be the last because it really is the first and only thing that matters, I love you and you love me.” He stopped and placed his hands on his hips as he looked at Giselle. He took a deep breath and told himself that he’d made a very good argument and that there was no way she could deny him. His heart plummeted to his feet when he saw her lip tremble.

“I don’t know! What if I do lose the baby and it’s too hard…” Alastair felt his control snap and he covered his face with his hands and screamed. He threw his head back and breathed deeply as he tried to keep from roaring.

“How could you not know? Why are you doing this to me, Giselle?” He stared at her wildly. “You’ve said that you don't want to hurt me but do you know what you’ve done to me?” His eyes drilled into hers as she shook her head. “I knew that I had nothing of my own and I was fine with that. If I wanted to be in a home, I could go to Spencer Place or Clerendon House. If I wanted to be in the presence of love, I just had to go to the family. If I wanted to hold a child that I loved, I had Ethan and Charlotte. I knew that when I went back to Burton Place, I was empty and alone and I was fine with that. I was fine, Giselle. Because I had peace and order and I didn’t have to expose myself to anyone or give anyone power over me. Then, you came along and I had to have you no matter how much it scared or hurt me. And along the way, you gave me a soul. I didn’t believe there was such a thing before you. I thought it was poetic and spiritual nonsense. But you gave me a soul. And now, you’re ripping it from my body and destroying it. Why? Why would you do this?” He felt his eyes burning and tears scalded his cheeks. Giselle reached for him again. She was shaking and sobbing.

“Alastair, please! I’m sorry!” She gasped. He felt like he was suffocating, he needed to get out. Alastair was afraid that she would make another excuse and he would lose his mind or start shaking her, or both.

“I will give you a month. If you are no longer pregnant and you want to end our engagement, I won’t bother you again. If you are still carrying my child, you will marry me immediately. There will be no more excuses. If you try to run away, I will find you, or die trying. If you try to keep my child from me… Do not try to keep my child from me.” He stared at Giselle until the sight of her was burned into his memory and then he pulled the door open and walked out.

“Alastair?” She called after him. He clenched his jaw and kept going. “Alastair, come back!” She yelled. He marched down the stairs swiftly. “Alastair!” She screamed. He kept his eyes on the front door. Bennings came into the hall to investigate and ran as he saw Alastair moving toward the door. “Alastair!” Giselle’s scream echoed through the house. Mirabelle stepped into the hall just as Bennings pulled the front door opened.

“Alastair?” Mirabelle called after him. He shook his head and kept going.

“Alastair!” Giselle’s voice was hoarse and desperate. He closed his ears to it. He didn’t want to worry that she might hurt herself or the baby by being so upset. He had to get away before she destroyed him.