Claire's Song (22 page)

            Claire's mother has to go back in to work, while her father finally has to leave for his trip, so we go home. Claire gets out chicken and starts to prepare dinner as soon as we get there. I just sit at the counter and watch. She knows me so well already and doesn't try to pry, doesn’t try to force me to talk. For that, I'm thankful, because I don’t trust myself to speak.           

            I watch as Claire's dainty hands cut up the chicken and am amazed that she's not grossed out by the raw stuff. I've known Claire for a month. One month since she came into my life and turned everything upside down. We've been on one date, but we've had more moments of…I don't know what you'd call them, moments of clarity? I feel like I’m falling in love with her and I can't stop. Just like right now, I'm watching her cook like it's the most fascinating thing in the world and it feels like we have the run of the house. Her back is turned as she's facing the stove and I get up, not quite sure what I'm doing, but knowing my worthless excuse of a mother can't ruin this for me, not when I don't have much time with Claire.

            I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and I feel her jump a little. "Hey you," she laughs. God, that laugh. It's everything.

            "Hey," I answer and kiss her cheek as she stirs the pot. I get ahead of myself and make a path down her neck. She freezes, easily allowing me to turn her around to face me.

            "What's this for?" She smiles up at me, those green eyes blazing. I want her. I want her more than anything in my life, but I can't let myself go there. This will have to be enough because even though my self-control sucks, I won't sleep with her and then leave her here, alone. I can tell she's a virgin by how she flushes whenever I make suggestive remarks, even though I had my doubts given the way she and Jamie used to act.

            "For you being you," I answer and kiss her lips. She puts her arms around my neck and kisses back with more ferocity than I ever expected. Claire's wrapped herself around me like a pretzel and it's hard to be a good guy with the feel of her body against mine. Of course I want to take her upstairs to my room, but I settle for the next best thing. I lift her up and put her on the counter next to the stove. She lets out a tiny squeal as she plops down, her eyes are wide.

            "You are so going to get me in trouble," she murmurs as she pulls me closer by the collar of my shirt.

            For some reason her admission only spurs me forward. My hands wrap in her hair and my mouth is on hers again. Her legs wrap around my waist, pulling me in closer and I swear I'm about to lose all control. No girl has ever made me feel this way and I wish I could tell her that. Instead, I kiss her with all the words I can't say and she whispers my name, which kills me. I step back from her, take her all in. Her face is flushed, her hair is messy, but she's looking at me the same way I know I look at her.

            "God, Claire," I smile at her. "You know how to test me."

            Her flush deepens and she averts her gaze to the floor. "Sorry," she whispers as she disentangles her legs from me.

            I wrap my hands around her legs, keeping them wrapped around me, "Don't apologize, Claire. You're freaking hot. This is hot. I just…it's hard to be a good guy around you."

            Claire looks at me, so eager, so full of so many things. I remember her face when she realized she could drive at night, the way she looked when she cussed out Lindy. All of those expressions are logged into my memory, along with every single one since we met. But this expression is different, because she looks hungry, wild even.

            "Maybe sometimes you don't have to be a good guy," she answers as she bites her lip.

            I push back from her although I just want to say screw self control. "Really, Claire? And you bite your lip too? You're killing me." I run my hands through my hair, because I need something PG to do with my hands. What I want to do with them is rated R and Claire just told me she's on board.

            "Look, I don't get around, if that's what you're thinking. I'm a virgin, actually. I just…I've never felt like this before," Claire admits as she crosses her ankles and looks up at me.

            I can't help myself, I know it's not true, but curiosity still gets me, "Not even with Jamie?"

            She settles an even expression at me and I don't miss the quick glance at the tattoo on her wrist. "Not like this. Jamie and I only kissed. That last night. And…and…" She's struggling and I step forward and wrap her in my arms. I lean down to look at her face.

            "It didn't feel like this, Ryder. Nothing ever has," Claire finishes and I'm glad to see that there are no tears in her eyes. Her heart is fragile and she's slowly piecing it back together, when all I'm going to do is smash it all to pieces.

            "You wanna be my girlfriend? I mean, I know it's lame to ask, but I feel like we've been doing the dating thing longer than we really have. I don't want anyone else to think they can have you, because this," I motion between us. "This isn't casual for me."

            Her lips form into a smile, her eyes wide, "Heck yeah, I want to be your girlfriend!" She jumps off the counter and wraps her legs around me again, our lips colliding. We only break apart because the water for the rice is boiling over the counter.

            "Crap!" She says all flustered as she moves to clean it up.

            As I watch her I know this is going to be harder than I thought.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CLAIRE

            The intensity of my emotions frightens me. I'm completely aware of Ryder, every little thing about him down to the dark specs in his eyes. I thought what I felt for Jamie was strong, and it was and will always be, but the feelings Ryder has stirred up in me are new and scary at the same time, like standing on the edge of a cliff, yet knowing if you jump into the water below that you'll get the adrenaline rush of a lifetime. That’s what Ryder makes me feel.

            "You coming?" Ryder's voice snaps me out of my reverie. He's got his bag wrapped around his hand and his other hand on the door handle.

            I look at the school and sigh. "I don't know why we just can't skip," I mumble.

            Ryder gives me a sideways glance as we both get out. He comes around and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "I'm a bad influence on you, aren't I?"

            "Now, don't be smug. I just…I think that maybe one day we should. After all, isn't that what being a senior is all about?"

            Ryder looks like he's thinking, and then he pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. "Name the day and we'll do it. I'll show you how to do it right."

            I stop walking and look up at him. "Today?" I give him my best "please" smile.'

            He laughs, something he does regularly now, something that makes me happier than I thought it would. "Besides today," he answers.

            We start walking and he opens the school door for me. Yesterday was pretty low key, because I was really trying to focus on Ryder and his mom's trial, but today my senses are in overdrive. I'm listening for whispers about the Black Widow or about the fact that Ryder's got me snuggled up next to him. Nothing. No one stops and stares. I even have a girl walk up to me, someone I've never seen before with long red hair and freckles spaced across her smooth complexion. I'm bracing myself for a verbal smack down when she actually smiles at me.

            "Hey, I'm Jane," she still smiles. I stare at her open mouthed, not quite sure what to say. Ryder releases me from his grip and I can feel both sets of eyes on me.

            "I'm Claire." I say it more like a question. I want to ask her what she wants. But she smiles even wider.

            "I know who you are. You're the girl who stood up to Lindy Baker at the Masquerade. You're a total hero. Thanks for finally doing it. Someone needed to. She's gotten away with it for far too long," Jane says. "Anyway, nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around sometime?"

            I nod, "Nice to meet you too, Jane." I watch the girl walk away in complete and utter confusion. Once she's out of earshot, I turn to Ryder. "Wow." That's all I have to say. I never realized other people hated Lindy or were tormented by her. I thought she reserved that for Ryder and me. I guess I have this me against them mentality, so I never really gave anyone else a second thought. They were all enemies because they let Lindy do all those wretched things to me. They let the rumors about Ryder become their truths. They allowed Lindy to become the monster that she is.

            "It only takes one person, Claire and that’s you," Ryder whispers into my ear. We walk to my locker and to class without anyone saying a word to us. Even Mrs. Weathersby seems to notice the change.

            "You guys seem happy," she smiles as we walk through the door. I shoot Ryder a look that means it's more than just Lindy being MIA. A lot of that has to do with him being in my life.

            "It's been a good day," I grin at her. She pushes her glasses up her nose and smiles back.

            "Now
that
I'm glad to hear," she says as she moves back to her desk. She starts teaching and my mind begins to wander to Ryder. To how close he is, yet I can't touch him. I sneak a glance at him, only to find him doing the same. He grins at me because we're both caught. I can't help but to smile like an idiot. When my mind is filled with him, I can keep pushing thoughts of Jamie away, keep pushing all of that away further and further down.

            At lunch we lay on the quad and Ryder has his Ipod out and is flicking through songs. I take a bite out of my sandwich and lean back, my face soaking up the sun.             "Here," Ryder hands me one of his ear buds. That’s the equivalent of giving me a dozen roses. I try not to act too taken aback, so I grab it and stick it in my ear. We move closer together, our legs touching from thigh to foot. I tap my foot against his Converses playfully.

            "I think you'll like this one," he says as he works through the playlist.

            "This Is For Keeps" by The Spill Canvas is playing. I absolutely love, love that song. It's in my top five list of ultimate love songs.

            "Ah," I sigh happily as I hear Nick Thomas's voice croon through the ear bud.

            "I figured you liked it, given your obsession with vampires," Ryder jokes.

            I lightly smack his arm above his leather bracelets. "I am not obsessed. You were the one who actually came to the Masquerade dressed as a vampire."

            Ryder just smirks and bites into his apple. As the song picks up, I lean my head on his shoulder. He puts his hand on my thigh and I put mine on top of it, not caring who sees.

            This could be another perfect moment to file away. I just wish I could take a picture and freeze it. The November sun is shining on us and instead of being hot and overbearing, it's welcoming and perfect, just like this moment. We're just sitting in perfect silence listening to one of the most romantic songs I've ever heard.

            "It's more than vampires," I say as soon as the song is over.

            Ryder gives me this look, one that says, "No really, Sherlock?" It's so funny that I laugh. I can't remember laughing so much. It's been awhile.

            "No time is long enough with you," he says with this deep look on his face. My eyes snap to his. Is he serious? Of course, I'd be all over that, but I wasn't expecting it.

            "I mean, that's what he's trying to say," Ryder clears his throat. I nod and pull my Ipod out of my pocket.

            "Yeah, I get that," I pause, feeling a little awkward. After a tense second, I continue, "Now, it's my turn." I start flipping through my music. "I have this top 5 list of the most romantic songs and that's on the list."

            "What?
This Is For Keeps
?"

            I nod. "And
Forever
by Breaking Benjamin," I smile.

            "I'm doing pretty good. Two outta five. What are the others?" He asks as he puts his arm around me, pulling me even closer.

            I shake my head, "No sir. It's not going to be that easy. I'm giving you one right now. That's the freebie. The rest comes with time."

            "Oh, I'll figure it out," he smiles. I wonder if he has any idea that the song he wrote for me is my new number one? I can't tell him yet. Maybe soon, though.

            "Whatever. Okay, have you heard of the band Between the Trees?" I look to him.

            He gives me a funny look, "Who?"

            I sigh. "And here I thought you listened to good music," I tease.

            He playfully grabs the Ipod from me, inspecting what I've got pulled up. "I'll be the judge of that," he says with a smile. "Which song by them?"

            "White Lines and Red Lights," I answer, suddenly self conscious and I have no idea why. I guess because this song makes me think of Ryder way too much, especially the whole kissing in the car scenario we played out.

            Ryder nods, and lifts his finger to play it, but I stop him. "Listen," I start and then I decide to just get it out there because if I don't, I'll completely lose my nerve. "I, uh, this song, well, it's always been one of my favorites, you know? And well…I…I always wanted someone that it could be about, right? Someone that could make it mean something."

            Ryder's fighting back a smile, I can see it and a blush tattoos itself on my neck, traveling to my cheeks and it burns like a mother. "Ugh," I throw my hands up. "I don't know."

            "No, go on," Ryder says grabbing one of my hands and kissing it palm up.

            His touch sends me into a frenzy, no matter how small it may seem. I close my eyes and breathe in deep and then finish. "It reminds me of you. Makes me think of you, all right? Happy?" I've given him my heart, my words on a silver platter. I knew after the Halloween Dance that I was in love with him. We only just became official, but I fell for him that first day. Some title doesn’t dictate how I feel or how long it takes for me to feel it. But I know I won't tell him. This was tough enough.