Clara Meets The Parents (Clara Andrews #2) (7 page)

8.13am

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Congratulations!!!!!

OMG!! Congratulations!!

More details needed.... I need to know EVERYTHING!!!

sdjnsjvskrnkrnbormblmblfdmbsvksnvb (this is how excited I am)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

‘There’s a line!’ I screech from the bathroom.

‘There is?’ Oliver’s hopeful voice makes me even angrier.

‘Yes and you crossed it!’ Flinging open the door, I throw the sealed pregnancy test at him. How have I gone from cocktails on the beach to taking a pregnancy test that I can’t even read in one afternoon?

‘You haven’t taken it?’ Looking totally perplexed, he sits down on the edge of the bed and folds his arms. ‘Why?’

‘Because I’m not pregnant, Oliver. Can you please drop it now?’ Curling up in the armchair, I look out to the sunset, wishing all this baby talk would just go away.

‘Fine, but no alcohol until I see a test.’ He shoots me a stern look and shakes his head accusingly.

I am about to fire back a retort when there’s a knock at the door. How could he even think that I would drink if I was pregnant?

‘That’ll be the room service. Pass me my wallet.’ Throwing it a little harder than necessary, I try to hide my smirk when it bounces off his head.

Slipping out onto the balcony, I flop down onto the lounger and look up at the night sky. I cannot believe that he genuinely thinks I am pregnant. Where has all this come from? A girl gets a little motion sickness and suddenly she’s knocked up? Looking down at my stomach, I have to admit that it is a little swollen, but who doesn’t gain a few pounds on holiday? Pregnant, I think I would know if I was pregnant.

The delicious smell of junk food drifts out from the suite, teasing me to come inside. As much as I want to stay out here in an anti baby protest, my grumbling stomach makes me give in. Shuffling back into the room, I take a plate of fries and smother them in ketchup. God, these are good!

‘How’s the pizza?’ I ask, through a mouthful of fried potato.

‘It’s not bad.’ He holds out the slice and I lean over to take a bite. ‘It would be a little better if I knew if my girlfriend was eating for two.’ Giving me the puppy dog eyes, he sticks out his bottom lip.

‘Oh, for the love of God! Just pass me the damn test.’ Throwing down a fistful of fries, I snatch the pregnancy test from him.

As I rip off the wrapper, I pull out the instructions confused. ‘Oliver, this is all in Spanish!’

‘So? Just pee on the goddam stick!’

Half an hour later, I am still sat on the toilet. Both taps are running on high pressure and I must have drunk over a litre of water. Cranky and with a very numb bum, I am getting rather fed up of being stuck in this bathroom.

‘Anything?’ Oliver shouts through the door, for what seems like the millionth time.

‘I’ve got stage fright! You’re putting pressure on me and my bladder doesn’t like it.’

‘Push on your bladder!’

‘No!’

‘Come on! Just try it! If you don’t, I’ll come in there and do it myself. Five, four, three, two...’

‘OK! Alright!’ Sighing with frustration, I push on my stomach.

Not being sure where exactly my bladder is, it takes a bit of random prodding before anything happens. Hurriedly reaching down for the stick, I let out a little laugh. This whole situation is insane. I can’t even believe that I am doing this. After flushing and washing, I take a peek in the little window. Just as I thought, negative.

‘Happy?’ Throwing the stick at him, I pause to see his reaction before going back to my fries. ‘Can you phone down for those bubbles now, please?’

‘It’s really negative?’ He murmurs, holding the stick under the light.

Spinning around in my seat, I’m surprised to see that he looks really upset. ‘I told you it would be. Why were you so sure it would be positive?’

‘I dunno. I guess I just put two and two together and came up with a baby. I’m sorry.’ He chucks the pee stick into the bin and lets out a big sigh.

I open my mouth to reply, but I’m not quite sure what it is he wants to hear. We have never really spoken about babies before. Apart from criticising the name choices on Jeremy Kyle, it has been a rather taboo subject for us. I once made a joke about how cute our babies would be and I’ve never seen someone look so uncomfortable. He actually turned a funny shade of green, but he swore it was the prawns. Not wanting another awkward discussion, I decide to breeze straight past it. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I give him a tight squeeze as music floats into the room from the bar below.

‘I love this song! Why don’t we get dressed and go down to the bar? What do you say?’ Planting a big kiss on his sunburnt nose, I dash to the wardrobe in search of something to wear.

‘Have you seen my blue maxi dress?’

‘Actually, I thought I could bring the bar to us.’ He flashes me his usual Hollywood smile that makes my knees go weak, but this time it doesn’t quite match his eyes. ‘Fire up that jacuzzi. I’ll go down for the fizz.’

The door is closed before I have chance to respond. Hearing his footsteps disappear down the lobby, I try to work out why he is so caught up in this baby bubble. You can’t be upset about losing something that you never had in the first place, can you? Shaking my head, I pad into the bathroom and pour an entire bottle of bubbles into the tub and turn on the taps.

Watching the bubbling water, I look around the beautiful hotel suite. Luxury furnishings, champagne on tap, the world’s biggest jacuzzi tub. Why on Earth would anyone want to swap this for sticky fingers, dirty nappies and sleepless nights? Running my hands along the marble sink, I can’t help but think that you would be crazy to want that lifestyle, crazy or drunk. And by the end of tonight, I plan to be at least one of those.

Straightening out my beach towel, I take a big slug of water. The two paracetamol and hefty dose of Pepto Bismol I forced down this morning have not been much help in making me feel better. Our glass of bubbles in the jacuzzi soon turned into two and then the entire bottle. Even the mere thought of champagne is making my stomach churn right now.

Turning over to get some colour on my back, I take a moment to appreciate the peace and quiet. When he finally managed to drag himself out of bed this morning, Oliver declared today pool day. After chucking the essentials and half a pharmacy into the beach bag, we took our groggy heads down to the pool. Thankfully, Janie and Randy haven’t made it down yet, so we have had a good couple of hours to ourselves.

‘Do you feel up to a drink yet?’ Oliver asks from the pool.

Shaking my head in response, I reach under the lounger for my book.

‘How about a dip then?’ He splashes me playfully as he takes a sip of Corona.

Knowing that he won’t give up without a fight, I kick off my Havaianas. It’s not even noon yet and the sun is already burning down on us. After twisting my hair up into a messy bun, I run across the hot tiles and hop into the shimmering blue water. Watching Oliver do a few quick lengths, I enjoy the cooling sensation on my toasty skin. As he comes up for air, I try desperately not to catch the attention of the enthusiastic animation team, who are relentlessly dragging people up for a ping-pong tournament on the beach.

‘Did she just say ping-pong?’ He spins around and smiles at me hopefully.

‘Yes she did and no, I won’t. You go. I’ll stay round the pool.’ I stick out my tongue playfully and watch him scramble up the steps before swimming off towards the bar.

The pool is starting to fill up and the gentle music that has been playing all morning has been turned up considerably. Hopping onto a bar stool, I wait for the barman to drag himself away from the busty brunette long enough to take my order.

‘Si, senorita?’ Flashing me a cheeky wink, he leans forwards with a huge smile.

Trying hard not to blush, I order the first thing that comes to mind. ‘Can I just get a sparkling water, please?’

‘Oh my God! I love your accent!’ The busty brunette to my left squeals and grabs my arm hysterically.

‘Erm, thank you’. Turning a violent shade of crimson, I bite my lip and will the barman to hurry up.

‘Are you from London? Do you know the Queen?’ Sliding over until she is almost sat in my lap, her eyes light up like fairy lights.

‘Actually I live around thirty minutes from London and no, I don’t know the Queen. Unfortunately.’ Paying for my drink, I pop a tip into the sombrero hat.

‘Oh.’ Looking a little deflated, she tilts her head to one side and chews the end of a straw thoughtfully.

Peeking over the edge of my glass, I take a good look at my new friend. I can’t help but notice that she is very pretty. Her tumbling, brown curls must have taken a lifetime to blow dry and the perfectly contoured cheeks make her almost cartoon like. Struggling not to stare at her enhanced boobs, I eye up her toned stomach enviously.

‘I’m Erica.’ Smiling, she holds out a hand and I try not to show my shock at the four inch, red talons. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

‘I’m still on this one, but thanks and its Clara.’

‘Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Clara. Are you here alone?’ Erica asks, slipping back into the pool.

‘No. I’m here with my partner. He’s gone to play ping-pong.’ Rolling my eyes, I dunk my shoulders under the water.

‘That tournament on the beach?’ She drains her drink and drops it on the bar. ‘The minute we checked in, LP was all over it. I don’t think I have seen him since.’

‘LP?’

‘My husband. He promised me a romantic week away for our anniversary, so much for romantic. Ten years together and my husband would rather be playing goddamn ping-pong.’ Laughing, she motions to the barman for a refill.

‘Ten years? You have been married for ten years?’

‘Yes ma’am.’ She shoves an enormous diamond ring under my nose and I have to admit that I am very impressed.

‘How can you have been married for ten years? How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?’

‘I’m thirty nine next month.’

‘Thirty nine!’ My jaw drops at the revelation. ‘You look incredible!’

‘Oh stop!’ She takes two frosty glasses from the bar man and hands one to me.

Not being one to turn down a free drink, I accept it and take a sip.

‘Are you married, Clara?’

‘No, we’re not married. We actually came out here so I could meet Oliver’s parents. He’s from Texas.’

‘A fellow American?’ She smiles appreciatively. ‘And how are you finding the in laws?’

‘Erm...’ Laughing nervously, I rack my brains for the right thing to say. ‘His father is fantastic. He really is a great guy. Janie on the other hand, is a lot to handle.’ Taking another sip, I screw up my face at the high alcohol content. Wow, that’s strong.

‘If we’re gonna talk monster in laws, I win hands down. Wanna go for some lunch and swap horror stories?’ Erica swims over to the steps and I follow behind like a doting puppy.

Well, they do say a problem shared is problem halved...

Laughing hysterically, I dip a nacho into the guacamole and munch away happily. For the past couple of hours, Erica and I have giggled like a pair of school girls. Sipping on yet another cocktail, I fan myself with a lunch menu. After listening to some of her outrageous mother in law stories, I am feeling like I have got off rather easy with Janie.

Erica and LP’s relationship has had me mesmerised and I can’t help but think that my quiet, suburban life pales in comparison. When Erica first met LP, she was working as a waitress at the Four Seaons in Philadelphia. As a music producer, LP spent most of his time touring America, bouncing from one hotel to the next. In true Hollywood style, six weeks after serving him a latte, they were flying out to Vegas. Destination, little white chapel. Ten years later, they have two adorable boys and one very cute little girl.

‘Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been sunshine and rainbows. Believe me.’ Rolling her eyes, Erica winks and goes in for the nachos.

I am about to probe a little further when I spot a shirtless Oliver running up the sand.

‘Speaking of men, here comes mine now.’ As I wave him over, I try to ignore the many admiring glances he receives from the topless beach bums.

‘There you are!’ Planting a sweaty kiss on my forehead, his smile freezes momentarily as he flashes Erica a nervous glance. ‘I see you have a made a new friend.’

‘I have. Oliver, meet Erica’ Erica holds out her hand for a shake, which after a second he accepts. ‘Erica is here with her husband, LP.’

‘LP? Would that be the same LP that just whipped my ass at ping-pong?’ Oliver’s mouth twists into a smile, but it just misses his eyes. He always has hated losing.

‘Big guy? Annoying New York accent? Kinda looks like Eddie Murphy?’

‘I’m not sure about that last one, but yeah that sounds about right.’ Frowning, he runs his hands through his curly hair. ‘Look, I don’t wanna be a party pooper, but I just bumped into my mom and she’s waiting for us down at the beach.’

Erica grabs a handful of jalapeños and slips on her sunglasses. ‘Don’t worry about it. I gotta go find my husband anyway. Same time tomorrow, Clara?’

Before I have time to respond, she sashays out of the bar, cocktail in hand.

‘So, what were you two talking about?’ Oliver slips his arm around my waist as we begin to walk down to the beach.

‘Oh, everything! Botox, the in-laws... you.’

‘Me?’ Oliver turns a pale shade of green.

‘Yes, you! What was her husband like?’

‘LP? He’s a cool guy, a little arrogant maybe.’ Shrugging his shoulders, he kicks off his flip flops and trudges through the sand.

‘Did you know that he was a music producer?’ I ask excitedly. ‘Isn’t that cool?’

‘I do know. The guy only mentioned it like a million times. Anyway, enough about them. I have a surprise for you.’

Hoping that it isn’t anything that involves me being left alone with Janie, I look up at him expectantly. Who doesn’t love surprises?

‘Jesus Christ! Get it away from me!’ Janie runs out of the water, ripping off her snorkel mask in the process.

Stifling a laugh, I paste what I hope is a sympathetic smile onto my face. ‘Janie, I promise they are harmless. I was terrified at first too, but they won’t hurt you.’ Trying to coax her back into the water, I hold out a hand which she immediately bats away.

Oliver’s surprise turned out to be a trip to the dolphinarium! It has always been a dream of mine to swim with dolphins, so I was incredibly excited to say the least. Janie on the other hand, was not as keen on the idea. In a bid to win her round, Randy thought it would be a good idea to do some snorkelling this afternoon and get her more comfortable in the water. So far, she has gone boob deep and screamed hysterically every time a piece of seaweed brushed past her ankles.

I find it hard to believe that a woman with such a frosty exterior could be so scared of getting into the sea. Leaving the boys to deal with a frantic Janie, I wade out a little further. Once I am almost out of earshot, I adjust my mask and slip under the water. Suddenly, the chaos on the beach is completely drowned out and I am submersed in another universe altogether.

My ears are instantly filled with calming white noise, making me feel completely safe and cocooned by the warm water. As a shoal of yellow tetras glide serenely beneath me, a stripy clown fish swims past my goggles, stopping for a quick nibble on the lens. Diving between gorgeous coral reefs they don’t even noticing the huge human that has invaded their home. I float along, enjoying a feeling of total weightlessness and serenity, a vast difference to the drama of the past few days.

Feeling like the Little Mermaid, I reach down to the sea floor and scoop up a gorgeous, marble shell, narrowly avoiding a tiny, red crab in the process. Watching him scuttle away under a huge rock, I adjust my mask and float on by. The water shimmers all around me and I can’t help but think that life in the ocean seems a lot easier than it is on dry land. Then again, even Ariel had Ursula to contend with.

Hearing Janie’s screech pierce through the water, I can’t help but wonder which is worse, a half woman, half monster who tries to sabotage your relationship... or Ursula?