ClarenceBN (5 page)

That challenge took Mikey a good ten minutes to figure out—the ‘m’ was always tricky. As she made the Hamburger Helper, Tammy thought and thought. What was she going to do about Clarence?

Tara got home with Nelly and they all sat down for dinner. Usually, Tara talked about the crazy day at the Clinic—they were all crazy days there—but not tonight. Tara just sat there, staring at Tammy with a questioning look.

Which made Tammy more than nervous. She was sweating by the time Nelly carried in the dishes and started to wash them, which was her job around the house.

“Mikey,” Tara said in her sweetest voice and Tammy knew she was screwed. “Why don’t you go play?”

Tammy panicked. “I’ll go help Nelly,” she said as she stood.

“I need to talk to you,” Tara replied easily, as if she’d expected this response. Then she added, “Please,” for good measure, which was a bad sign. Tara was not the most naturally polite person in the world.

Feeling trapped, Tammy sat. “Yeah?”

Tara waited until Mikey was out of the room. “What’s going on with you and Clarence?”

As much as she didn’t want to show a sign of weakness, Tammy felt her cheeks grow warm and then hot. “Nothing. He’s a nice guy.”

Tara wasn’t buying it. “Why is he making you terrible coffee if there’s nothing going on?”

She felt like she was that girl she used to be, the one who was foolish enough to believe what Ezra said to her and then stupid enough to be heartbroken when he bailed, sitting in this exact same seat and trying not to cry while Tara read her the riot act for being dumb enough to get pregnant and then dumped.

She was tired of feeling foolish and stupid.
 

That’s not how Clarence made her feel.

She was not that same girl, not anymore. She was a grown woman with a child and if she wanted to kiss the male nurse, by God she would. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s a nice guy?” she snapped, rising from the table. “If it becomes your problem, I’ll let you know, okay?”

Tara had the damn nerve to shake her head back and forth, like this was a disappointing answer, right up there with the disappointing answer that Ezra had left. Tammy came this close to reminding Tara that she was not, in fact, Tammy’s mother and that, in fact, she had also gotten knocked up by a guy who bailed, so she could just get off her high horse.

Sadly, even when she was pissed, it was hard for Tammy to be that rude. So instead she said, “In the meantime, stay on your side of the street, Tara. And I’ll stay on mine.” Then she purposefully went into the kitchen and began to dry the dishes.
 

Oh, yeah—there was something going on with Clarence. And she wouldn’t mind something more happening. And wouldn’t it be great if the something more happened on a regular basis? But she doubted that Tara would offer to babysit after that little ‘discussion’ and she wasn’t the kind of mother who could just leave her son at home.

What was she going to do?

*****

Clarence beat Tammy in the next morning, which gave him time to unbox the new coffee maker. He was not in the best of moods. It was early, yeah. Plus, he was still pissed at Tara—hell, he was pissed at himself and he didn’t even know why.
 

He was not a complicated guy. He got up, went to work, came home, went to bed. Repeat. Simple.

And this—this—this
thing
with Tammy was making things complicated.

What had he expected to happen? That Tara would be so appreciative of Clarence paying attention to her little sister that she’d just get the hell out of the way?

He started Tammy’s coffee and cleaned the new coffee pot while hers was brewing. This was not a permanent solution but at least it’d get everyone else to stop bitching about the coffee.

His head was a mess and he didn’t like it. This wouldn’t be worth the hassle, except he didn’t want to let Tara steamroll him.

Except . . . except for that kiss. To hell with Tara. This was between him and Tammy.

He heard the car doors slamming and went to get the door for her. She had Mikey against her shoulder again.

“Clarence,” she said in a tight voice that did nothing to help the place his head was in.

Oh, hell—had Tara gone off on her last night? “Tammy,” he replied, feeling uncertain again. “I . . .”

She stopped and pivoted. He couldn’t read her eyes. All that tight tension from the last two days seemed long gone and all that was left was a wariness that was not exactly encouraging. “Yes?”

“I brought a coloring book for Mikey today.”

The little boy lifted his head up and popped his thumb out of his mouth. “Coloring?”

Clarence pulled the rolled-up coloring book—some $0.99 cent cheapie featuring smiling animals—out of his back pocket and handed it to the kid. “But you have to do a good job. Stay inside the lines and stuff.”

“Peas tank you,” Mikey said as he wriggled down from Tammy’s arms and went to grab a box of crayons that were little more than nubs off a shelf. Then he sat down and started coloring very carefully.

Okay, so the kid still liked him. But Tammy had her hands on her hips and was giving Clarence a look that was way too familiar. “You’re going to spoil him.”

“It’s just a couple of small things. Didn’t cost much.”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say because a red-hot blush raced up her cheeks and she darn-near glared at him. “Well, it’s more than I can afford to give him and I’m the one who’ll have to deal with the fallout when you stop giving him presents for no particular reason.”

Clarence blinked at her. He’d never heard her say something so rude before. “What?”

She opened her mouth but then appeared to catch herself. “Look, I appreciate your . . .
thoughtfulness
but this isn’t going to work.”

“It’s not?”
 

“No, it’s not. I mean . . .” her voice trailed off as she looked at her son, coloring inside the lines as if his life depended on it. “I can’t see how it’s going to work,” she went on in a much lower voice. Clarence had to move a step closer to her to hear her. “I don’t have anything to offer you. I live with my mom and my sister. I have a part-time job and a mountain of debt and a child. I
have
to put him first. Whatever this is, I just . . .
can’t
.”

She said that last part with so much defeat in her voice that he forgot about the part where she was telling him to stop making her coffee and to stop giving her kid presents. Instead, he acted on instinct—the instinct to make it better, somehow.

“Mikey,” he said as he started pulling Tammy toward the Clinic, “I’m gonna talk to your mom for a second. When we come back, I want to look at your pictures, okay?”

“Okay,” Mikey said without looking up. He started coloring even harder.

“What are you doing?” Tammy demanded as Clarence all but dragged her through the dividing door. “Clarence?”

He didn’t even try to answer her, not in words. Instead, he kissed her—hard. Not the tentative asking of permission that’d happened yesterday.
 

Today, he kissed her like a man kissed the woman he wanted. Because he wanted her and he’d be damned if he let her talk herself out of it.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pushed her up to his mouth. He swept his tongue into her mouth and tasted the salty sweetness of Tammy.
 

There was a painful moment where she didn’t kiss him back and he was sure that she’d already made up her mind and he was just making it worse.

But suddenly her arms were around his neck and she sighed into his mouth and the kiss became something deeper, something more.

He could kiss her all damn day, but they didn’t have that much time. He had to make every single second count.
 

“
Oh
,” Tammy said when the kiss ended. Her eyes were closed and her brow was creased, although he couldn’t tell if it was in disgust or happiness or what. She looked like she was deep in thought.
 

“Just because you can’t see how this is going to work doesn’t mean it won’t,” he told her. He kissed her forehead, right on the crease. “You have to put the boy first, I get that. But let me put you first, Tammy. Let me at least
try
. Because I like you and I think you have a lot to offer me and I hope I have something to offer you. Something more than coffee,” he added.
 

She sort of sagged in his arms. “You do, Clarence. You
do
. But I don’t want to be played for the fool again. I’ve had quite enough of that in my life.”

He gaped at her. “You think I’d—what, that I’d
use
you?”

She opened her eyes and he saw a world of pain before him. No wonder her sister referred to Mikey’s father as ‘that dickbag.’
 

“I wouldn’t do that, Tammy. That’s not what I’m here for. I want . . .” He leaned down and put his mouth against her ear. “I want something more than
that
. I want you. All of you.”

She gasped and jolted in his arms, pressing every part of her against a few really important parts of him. Inwardly, he groaned in pain. Then she said, “But Mikey . . .”

“Bring him,” Clarence said, even though that wasn’t his first choice—especially not if Tammy didn’t want him to spoil the boy. “Come have dinner with me on Saturday, you and Mikey.”

She opened her mouth like she was maybe going to say no but then paused and nodded her head. “I don’t want to bring him. I don’t want him to get attached if . . .”

If this didn’t work.
 

Clarence kissed her again, trying his damnedest to push that thought right out of her mind. He’d barely gotten started. He wasn’t going to think about the end just yet. “Then just you. Let me take care of you, Tammy. Let me make you dinner.”

“I can’t,” she said and at least she sounded truly sorry about it. “Mom works the night shift and I don’t think Tara will watch him. She doesn’t like this.”

“I’m not going to let Tara dictate
us
,” he said with more force than he meant, but it was true. “This isn’t about her. This is about you and me. If you can’t do dinner, what about lunch?”

“Mom would watch him, as long as I was back before she had to go to work.” She took a deep breath. “All right. Lunch.” Then she cracked open one eye. “Can you cook?”

“I get by.” A five-course meal wasn’t going to happen but food that tasted good—plus maybe a bottle of wine? Yeah, he could pull that off. “Eleven-thirty?”

“Okay, eleven-thirty. It’s a date.”

A date. He hadn’t had a date in a hell of a long time. It was almost as if he was twenty again, young and stupid on shore leave for the first time in months.
 

He opened his mouth to say something—what, he didn’t know. Did men thank women for agreeing to a date these days or what?—when Mikey called out, “Mr. Carwence? Wanna see my pictures?”

Tammy raised an eyebrow at him in what looked a hell of a lot like a challenge. “Coming,” Clarence called out. Then he gave Tammy a quick kiss before he went to get the coffee.
 

Saturday seemed like both a long way off—and not nearly enough time to get ready.

Chapter Five

Tammy paused long enough to take a deep breath, because she wasn’t sure she was going to continue breathing on a regular schedule.
 

She was really doing this. Well,
this
was just lunch with a work friend. A work friend she’d kissed a couple of times, but still. It’s not like she was running off to Vegas with Clarence or anything. Just having lunch.

Alone. With a man who’d held her in his arms and whispered in her ear that he wanted her. A man who had made her coffee every single day since. A man who treated her son well and told her he wanted to take care of her like it was a point of personal pride.

It’d be so easy to just let Clarence take care of her. It’d be a relief, honestly, after three plus years of trying and trying and
trying
so hard to make things work.

But it wasn’t just her. She had to keep Mikey in mind. Clarence was being thoughtful and attentive to both of them, but she didn’t want Mikey to get attached if this wasn’t going anywhere.

She
didn’t want to get attached if this wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want to fall for sweet words and empty promises again.
 

This was
just
lunch.

If she kept repeating it, it was bound to be true, right?

Clarence opened the front door before she got halfway up the walk. “Hiya,” he said as he came to greet her.

She couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t seen Clarence in scrubs but today he was in a gray t-shirt that fit him well and a pair of blue jeans. His close-cropped hair was neat and he just looked good.
 

Yeah, this wasn’t just lunch and they both knew it.

“Hiya,” she tried to say, but it came out as a whisper. She tried to clear her throat, but there was this lump stuck about halfway down that was making talking almost impossible.

“It’s good to see you in the daytime,” he said as he slipped an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m glad you came.”