Classic Snacks Made from Scratch (22 page)

BREADING

2 cups panko bread crumbs

1 tablespoon kosher salt

2 teaspoons garlic powder

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon Hungarian paprika

FILLING

1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, fully softened

1 teaspoon cornstarch

FRYING

vegetable or canola oil

PREPARE THE JALAPEÑOS:

Bring the vinegar, water, salt, and sugar to a boil in a medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally to dissolve the salt and sugar. While the liquid heats up, slice the jalapeños in half lengthwise and remove the ribs, seeds, and stems.

Once the liquid has come to a boil, remove it from the heat and add the jalapeño halves. Brine for 10 minutes, flipping the jalapeños halfway through. Their color will change from bright green to muted olive.

MAKE THE FILLING:

Blend the cream cheese and cornstarch together in a small bowl with a silicone spatula or electric hand mixer until fully incorporated. Set aside.

MAKE THE BATTER:

Whisk the masa harina, sugar, salt, and baking powder together in a medium bowl. Whisk in the milk and vegetable oil.

MAKE THE BREADING:

Pour the bread crumbs, salt, garlic powder, onion powder, and paprika into the bowl of a food processor and pulse 3 or 4 times. The crumbs should be less coarse but not ground into a fine powder. Transfer to a medium bowl.

FILL THE CHILES:

Drain the brined jalapeños and pat dry with paper towels or a lint-free kitchen towel. Scoop about 1 tablespoon cream cheese filling into each jalapeño half, packing gently and smoothing flush against the sides.

Set a wire cooling rack on a rimmed baking sheet.

Dip the filled peppers in the batter, shaking off the excess, then roll lightly in the breading. Carefully place each breaded pepper on the cooling rack—the coating will be loose and slippery—and continue with the remaining peppers.

Dip the breaded peppers in the batter, then into the breading, once more to create a firmer, more “set” breading.

Freeze the entire baking sheet with rack for at least 1 hour. Once the poppers are frozen through, they can be transferred to a freezer bag and kept frozen for up to 3 months.

FRY THE POPPERS:

Heat at least 2 inches of vegetable or canola oil to 350°F in an electric deep
fryer or large pot. Line a baking sheet with paper towels and an upside-down wire cooling rack (see Deep Frying 101,
page 188
).

Fry the poppers, in batches if necessary, until golden brown. Frying time will vary based on your equipment, but should take no more than 5 minutes per batch.

Transfer to the prepared baking sheet with heatproof tongs or a metal skimmer or mesh strainer and let cool slightly before serving.

Serve the jalapeño poppers immediately.

Well, you’ve gotta have something in which to dunk your homemade barbecue potato chips and pretzel rods, right? Creamy and cooling, these dips and spreads take us back to the days of retro cookouts and cocktail parties, when Tom Jones ruled the stereo and tiki torches lit the patio into the wee hours. In fact, this lineup would be right at home among the pastel suburban ranch homes of Edward Scissorhands. I hear he’s very good at cubing the pumpernickel loaf to make a bread bowl.

FRENCH ONION DIP

CHEEZ WHIZ

RANCH DRESSING

BLUE CHEESE DIP

PORT WINE CHEESE SPREAD

SPINACH AND ARTICHOKE DIP

PIMENTO SPREAD

Maybe it was at a barbecue; maybe it was a fateful holiday party that led to the first taste of tangy, slick French onion dip shoveled high atop a ruffled potato chip. It’s so retro, it practically begs you to wear a pair of cat-eye glasses while eating a scoopful.

This version eschews a packet of powder or the (admittedly satisfying) crack of a can for low-and-slow-cooked onions, a worthwhile time expenditure when they’re stirred together with not one, not two, but three creamy components. Plus, it makes the house smell divinely comforting! Bump up the Worcestershire if you’re feeling extra saucy.

YIELD:
2 cups

TOTAL TIME:
2 hours, plus overnight chilling time

DIFFICULTY:
1

1 medium red onion

2 tablespoons (1 ounce) unsalted butter

1 large garlic clove

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste

1 ounce cream cheese, at room temperature

1 teaspoon coarse-grain Dijon mustard

1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream

1/2 cup (4 ounces) mayonnaise

INSTRUCTIONS:

Cut the ends off the onion, then cut it in half lengthwise. Peel and slice lengthwise into 1/4-inch-thick half-moons.

Melt the butter in a cast-iron skillet or other heavy-bottomed pan over low heat. Add the onion slices and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 1-1/2 hours until soft and deeply caramelized. Cool the onions to room temperature, then chop into a coarse paste.

Mince the garlic clove, sprinkle with a pinch of kosher salt, and slide the side of the knife against the minced garlic to mash it. Continue to chop, slide, sprinkle salt, and smash until a coarse paste forms.

Combine the garlic, onions, cream cheese, mustard, and Worcestershire sauce in a bowl, then stir in the sour cream and mayonnaise. Add more salt as needed, to taste.

Cover and refrigerate overnight to let the flavors meld further before serving.

Store the dip in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week.

The cry goes out across Philadelphia: “Whiz wit!” For what is an authentic cheesesteak whiz-out (sorry, couldn’t resist) that goopy crown of lava-like cheese? Provolone simply seems too pedestrian for such a sandwich; cheese with Velcro tentacles is essential for blending with every drop of beefy jus.

But Cheez Whiz goes far beyond cheesesteaks. If you’ve ever broken a Tostito into a still-thawing jar of gelatinous salsa
con queso
, this smooth, velvety version will be a revelation. No fillers, no binders, just creamy dairy and spices.

YIELD:
2 servings

TOTAL TIME:
10 minutes

DIFFICULTY:
1

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT:
mini food processor

4 ounces extra-sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded (about 1 cup)

1-1/2 ounces cream cheese

1/4 teaspoon granulated sugar

1/4 teaspoon mustard powder

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 teaspoon onion powder

1/4 teaspoon cornstarch

1/8 teaspoon ground turmeric

1/2 cup whole or reduced-fat milk

INSTRUCTIONS:

Blend the Cheddar, cream cheese, sugar, mustard, garlic powder, onion powder, cornstarch, and turmeric in a mini food processor.

Bring the milk to a bare simmer in a small saucepan over medium-low heat or in a microwave-safe cup in the microwave (45 seconds should do it). Pour the hot milk over the cheese mixture and blend in the mini processor until smooth. Serve immediately or at room temperature.

Store the dip in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

Though constantly marketed with images of farms and wholesome outdoorsiness, let’s not kid ourselves: the best thing about ranch dressing is the way it goes so well with other junk foods. Dipping buffalo wings, tater tots, waffle fries, and pizza slices (don’t tell me you haven’t done it) into its creamy depths—that’s the natural order of things in ranch-land. When even fictional gourmands like Homer Simpson (who prefers it to be administered via ranch dressing hose) name-check your product, you know you’ve arrived.

YIELD:
about 2 cups

TOTAL TIME:
15 minutes plus overnight chilling time

DIFFICULTY:
1

1 large or 2 small garlic cloves

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

3/4 cup (6 ounces) sour cream

1/2 cup (4 ounces) mayonnaise

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/2 cup finely minced flat-leaf parsley

1/4 cup finely minced fresh dill

1-1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce

1/2 teaspoon hot sauce

1/4 teaspoon celery seeds

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

INSTRUCTIONS:

Mince the garlic, then sprinkle with a pinch of kosher salt and slide the side of the knife against the minced garlic to mash it. Continue to chop, slide, sprinkle with salt, and smash until a coarse paste forms.

Whisk the garlic paste together with all the other ingredients in a large bowl, adding more salt and pepper to taste. Transfer to a sealed jar and chill overnight before serving; the dressing will thicken and the flavors will meld in the refrigerator.

Store the dressing in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week.

Jarred blue cheese dressing got me through many late night bouts of furious essay-writing in college—let’s not kid ourselves, it never made it onto a salad, though it saw many a Triscuit. But now that I’m an adult, I’ve found an even better craving: the homemade blue cheese–bacon dip at New York barbecue joint Blue Smoke. I feed it to every visiting friend and family member and have made instant addicts out of every single one; it’s that good. Now we can all be addicted at home.

YIELD:
about 1-1/2 cups

TOTAL TIME:
15 minutes, plus overnight chilling time

DIFFICULTY:
1

1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream

1/4 cup buttermilk

4 ounces (about 1 cup) crumbled blue cheese—don’t skimp; get a quality blue such as Maytag or Great Hill

3 tablespoons chopped fresh chives, plus more for garnish

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 teaspoon kosher salt (less if using bacon)

1/2 cup finely chopped cooked bacon (from about 4 slices), plus more for garnish (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Whisk the sour cream and buttermilk together in a bowl until loose and creamy, then use a rubber spatula to stir in the blue cheese, 3 tablespoons chives, pepper, salt, and 1/2 cup bacon (if using). Press the blue cheese against the sides of the bowl to crumble it further and blend it into the dip.

Cover and refrigerate overnight to let the flavors meld further before serving. Garnish with the remaining chives and, if desired, chopped bacon.

Store the dip in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week.