Closing Time (8 page)

He moaned at my words then moved all the way inside.

“Flynn, you’re the best sex I’ve ever had.” My fingers dug into his skin.

“I know, baby. But I love hearing you say it anyway.”

I lay back and felt him slide in me and out again. “Oh god, yes.”

“I love it when you’re drunk.”

I bit my lip. “Harder.”

“You got it.” He pinned one leg back so he could have more space.

“Fuck me, Flynn.”

He moaned again. “I love it when you talk like that.”

“Fuck me!” I yelled. I was totally out of my mind. His brother was just in the next room but I couldn’t stop myself. I loved how good it felt.

“I’ll fuck you, alright.” He thrust into me, making the headboard slam against the wall repeatedly.

“Flynn, you make me come so much.” My hands moved to his back then his ass. “You’re so good at it.”

He was panting and sweating, giving me everything he had.

I felt the explosion between my legs and I gripped him for the ride. I screamed his name, telling all the other renters who
was having sex with me and how good he was at it.

“I’m done,” I said breathlessly. “You can come now.”

“You’re giving me permission?” he asked with a laugh.

“I want you to come inside me.”

His eyes turned serious. “I love coming inside you.”

I gripped his ass and pulled him into me over and over. I locked my gaze with his and watched the pleasure move into his eyes.
“Come on…” He breathed deeply while he slammed into me over and over.

“Hmm…” He gripped one hip while he depleted himself inside me, moaning and grunting. “Fuck yeah.”

I lay my head on the pillow and caught my breath. “I don’t want you to be with anyone but me.”

Sweat trickled down his chest. “I won’t, baby.”

“Like, ever.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I want you all to myself forever. I know that’s selfish but I don’t care.”

“It’s not selfish.” He kissed my forehead. “I feel the same way.”

“I only want you to fuck me.”

The fondness was in his eyes. “Deal.”

“I mean it. Kyle left me and it broke my heart, but if I lost you…I’d die.”

His eyes softened before he kissed me. “You never have to worry about that. I promise.”

“Okay. I don’t believe anyone’s promises, but I believe yours.”

He was quiet for a moment, just staring at me. “That means a lot to me.”

I pulled him down to the bed and snuggled with him. “I’m so drunk I can’t think.”

“Good. You aren’t good at thinking anyway.”

I was too tired to slap his shoulder and my mind was foggy. “Whatever…”

He turned off the light then lay beside me. His hand moved through my hair gently, making my skin prickle. I started to drift into sleep because it felt so good. “I want to be your husband and the father of your children. I want to come home every day to your loving embrace. I want to share every secret with you, whisper to you in bed. My arms will hold you like steel, my heart will bleed every time you cry, and my body will only be moved by your touch alone.
Time will continue and swirl around us, changing everything from what it used to be, but nothing will penetrate the relationship we have. Together, we are timeless. With you, I am unaffected. Forever yours I’ll be until the reaper takes me.”

I wasn’t sure if I really heard those words. Was I dreaming? Did it really happen? I was too far gone to really know, and by the time I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t remember it at all.

5

Ryan

I was getting married soon. The time was ticking and the days passed by.
The sooner the day arrived, the more my skin prickled. Marrying Janice didn’t scare me—at all. There was only one woman I could commit my life to, someone that understood me on such an innate level that I didn’t even understand myself better. She kept me in line and didn’t put up with my bullshit. It was irritating and enjoyable at the same time.

But the revelation started to resonate within me.

My whole life I’d been single, and Janice was the first relationship I ever had. There was no one in my past that hurt me, made me fearful of relationships. I just never wanted a girlfriend. I never met a girl that I wanted to spend more than five minutes talking to. They were irritating, clingy, and annoying. I just got what I wanted then got the hell out of there.

But when Janice stepped into my apartment, looking beautiful and vulnerable, I wanted to know more about her.
She was damaged by her lunatic boss, but she stayed strong through the entire thing. And instead of giving up and taking off like my sister, she wanted to fight. My baby was a fighter.

When people ask me how I knew Janice was the one, I really don’t have an answer. Maybe there is no reason. Perhaps the chemicals in my brain just reacted differently to her because she had a certain scent. Maybe because she was a damsel in distress I automatically wanted to take care of her. Or maybe my soul automatically connected to hers, finding it’s mate. I really don’t know. I’m not emotional or deep. I’m pretty superficial and shallow. I’m not going to lie. The first thing I noticed about Janice was her legs and her rack. My cock was hard and I wanted to fuck her. I admit it. But when she opened her mouth, the rest of my body became interested.

So why was I nervous?

Janice was settling for me.
We were a perfect match, but I didn’t feel like I was good enough for her. It was a feeling I couldn’t shake. I messed up in our relationship and I wasn’t the most honorable man. I had a crazy mom that was desperate for money, I put tramp stamps on whores, and I barely graduated highschool. If my daughter wanted to date someone like me, I’d lock her up and keep the dog away.

So, if I loved Janice, should I let her marry me?

I loved her with my whole heart. A life without her wasn’t worth living. Every thing she did was mesmerizing. I loved watching her sleep, cook in the kitchen, stretch before she went for a run. Sometimes, she would sit at the kitchen table in the morning and stare out the window. Every time I looked there was nothing there, but I still wished I could see what she saw.

A more incredible woman I’ve never known. My sister was pretty amazing. She’d been through hell and back and she was an inspirational person. Money hadn’t changed her one bit. She was still the down-to-earth girl that kept this family together. She fixed me more times than she knew. But Janice…it was different. She was so strong and independent, so assure of herself and her abiliti
es. She could own a room just by walking into it. She had confidence in her intelligence and her beauty, but she was never vain about it. She gave me tough love but was gentle with me when I needed it. There was no better woman for me.

I loved tattoos and loved seeing them on other people. Each one was unique and different, especially the meaning to the person who inked it permanently on their skin. Every individual was a canvas for artwork, a moving picture. But I could never find something that meant enough to me to mark it on my skin permanently.

Until Janice.

The
mark on my finger didn’t weigh anything, but yet, it was permanent. I could never remove it before I got into the shower or did the dishes. It was forever marked onto my skin, showing the world I was taken by a beautiful woman. Knowing she had the same indicator made me feel special. The whole world knew we were different halves of the same soul.

But I still felt uneasy about marrying her. She always said she loved everything about me, loved me for
who I was and never wanted me to change, but what kind of life could I give her? She was an executive at a publishing company, doing something that affected the literary world. What was I? A tattooist that marked trashy criminals and gang members, girls who just started college and wanted to experiment, people who were so drunk they didn’t know what they were inking?

Yeah, that’s what I did for a living.

What would my kids think? Would they prefer their mother over me because she was truly a successful person. Sure, I had money and a lot of it, but money didn’t matter. The only thing in life that carried any weight were honor, integrity, and respect. I would much rather have that than a stack of bills in my checking account.

Janice noticed something was wrong. Like a hawk high in the sky, she could spot me slithering in the grass, trying to move undetected.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” she asked bluntly while she folded the laundry.

I didn’t move my gaze from the TV. “Nothing.”

“Really?” She knew I was lying. “Because you seem to be acting odd.”

“I’m just tired.”

“And it has nothing to do with the wedding in a few weeks?” She eyed me closely.

“No.” I drank my beer and watched the game.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yes, Janice.” I sighed while I rested my head on my hand.

“Janice?” She stilled while she held an unfolded towel. “You never call me that.”

“I mean, baby. Sorry.” I drank my beer again.

“You’re starting to worry me, Ryan.”

“I’m just stressed about work and everything. Can we just drop it?”

She pressed her lips together and finished the load of laundry. “Fine. You tell me everything, but whatever. Keep your secrets.”

I felt like an asshole. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”

“Don’t bother lying to me.” She grabbed the basket then marched to the bedroom. “Because I can see right through your lies.” She shut the door and stayed away for the rest of the night.

When I went to bed, she was already under the sheets. I set my alarm then lay beside her. We usually made love at night, but neither one of us were in the mood. I was too stressed and she was too pissed. I lay in the darkness until I finally fell asleep.

My day at work passed by in a blur. We were busy like we always were. The wait times reached past an hour. My artists were working as fast as they could without messing up their pieces.

I took the cash and did the books. But my mind was elsewhere. I was getting married in a few weeks, and the more I thought about it, the more scared I was that I couldn’t go through with it. What if I ruined Janice’s life? I loved her so much and she deserved the best. Was I the best? Could I give her a life she deserved?

My mind kept
racing the entire day. I went back and forth in my decision and tried to figure out the best thing to do. My stomach was tight and I felt sick. The nausea and bile were moving up my throat. The guilt was even worse. If I didn’t want to go through with this wedding, I should have said something to Janice because I got her in this deep. She should be with an educated and respectable man, not a low life like me. I came from trash and I was still trash.

After I locked up, I headed home, wondering how I would hide my feelings
from her. I wore my emotions on my sleeve because I never hid anything from anyone. I never lied and I was always brutally honest. And Janice was the hardest person to keep things from.

When I walked in, I expected to see her on the couch but she wasn’t there.

My phone lit up.

My meeting is running longer than expected then I’m going out with some people from work. Don’t wait up for me tonight.

Okay.

She didn’t text me again.

I put my phone away then sat on the couch, sighing deeply. I didn’t know what to do. My head was spinning in confusion. If I loved her, should I leave her? Ugh, the idea of losing the love of my life made me want to kill myself. But could I let her marry a loser? I was a pathetic excuse for a man. I didn’t have any honor. I never had any my whole life. Could I let her get sucked into that? Should I hurt her to save her?

I was stuck. I couldn’t make a decision and I didn’t know what to do. But then I realized I ne
eded to do something now before it was too late. I didn’t want to leave her at the alter. I couldn’t humiliate her like that.

With a heavy heart, I took
out a pen and paper.

Baby,

You know how much I love you, so this note is going to be a shock. I understand if you hate me. I already do.

But I can’t do this anymore. You deserve someone so much better than me. I’m a pathetic excuse for a partner. You’re beautiful, smart, and wonderful. I’m…a tattoo artist. You deserve someone who hasn’t been abused and tormented, having all
their baggage to accompany the relationship. You deserve someone who doesn’t have a psycho mom. You just deserve better. And I can’t give you that.

I’m sorry. I really am. But I’m doing this for you.

Ryan.

I left the note on the coffee table then packed a bag of the clothes I needed. Being in the apartment for the last time was hard. I’d still pay for it every month because it was my responsibility. I cleared out my stuff in the bathroom and left one of my shirts she loved. With a deep breath and burning tears, I walked out and didn’t turn around.

There was one place where I’d always be welcomed despite my despicable actions. She was the only person who would still love me even though I was lower than dirt. I took a cab until I pulled up in front of the house.

I came to the door with my bag over my shoulder and knocked.

When Scarlet opened the door, she had a confused look on her face. She eyed my
bag and the depression in my gaze. After a moment she took a deep breath. “No.”

I didn’t say anything.

“No,” she repeated. “Turn around and go back. You don’t belong here.”

“Scarlet—”

“No! Janice is the right woman for you. Whatever the hell happened, fix it.”

I kept my mouth shut, knowing this was hard for her.

“Did she leave you? Why is this happening?” She had tears in her eyes.

“I left her.”

“Why the hell would you do that?” She couldn’t keep her voice down.

Sean came to the door. “Baby, are you okay?”

“No.” The tears started to fall so she wiped them away. I knew her emotions were heightened because she was pregnant, but that’s probably the reaction I would get from her anyway.

Sean eyed my bags and understanding came into his eyes. “Oh.” He opened the door wider and let me come inside, pulling Scarlet with him.

I dropped my bags at the foot of the stairs and sighed. I was trying to put on a brave face but this was hard.

“What the hell happened?” Scarl
et asked. “Why are you doing this…?”

“I couldn’t be with her anymore,” I said simply.

“Why not?” she snapped. “What could she have possibly done? She’s the most amazing girl I’ve ever known. And she’s my best friend. I won’t let you hurt her. If you think you’re safe here because you’re my brother, you better think again.”

“I’m not good enough for her.” It hurt just to say it. It was true. “I’m not.”

“What are you talking about?” Scarlet sighed in irritation. “You need to knock this off. It’s not true.”

“I can’t give her a life she deserves,” I argued. “She needs to be with someone better than me. She may hate me now, but she’ll thank me one day.”

“Are you crazy?” she snapped. “Are you insane? That’s so far from the truth. Ryan, you’re the greatest guy I know besides Sean. Just because you ink for a living doesn’t make you a failure. Do you know how many guys I went to college with that were complete idiots? All of Sean’s fraternity brothers were the scum of the earth. You really need to get this misconception out of your head.”

“But what will our kids think of me?”

“They’ll love you to death, Ryan. You’ll annoy the shit out of them because your head is up your ass, but they’ll find it in their heart to forgive you.”

I wasn’t easily convinced.

“Ryan, you’re just scared. I get that. I went through the same thing when I married Sean. And when you told me I was making the wrong decision, you were right. And now I’m right about this. Go back and apologize and fix this.”

“She doesn’t know yet…”

“What? Are you doing this over the phone?”

“I left a note.” Just hearing me say that made me feel like the biggest asshole in the world.

Her eyes widened in fury. “Ryan Sisco, you better be joking.”

“I’m not.”

She looked like she might slap me. “How dare you break up with your fiancé through a note? God, you’re a coward.”

I didn’t deny it. “Another reason why I’m not good enough for her.”

“You already have matching tattoos! You’re going to just walk away?”