Cocky F@#ker (Tangled Desires #3) (5 page)

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

This whole situation has been one mistake after another from the start. Jumping up from my desk, I retrieve the envelope and stuff it into my handbag. Why the hell has it taken me so long to deal with this?

Then the buzzer goes off as a couple walks into the lobby, and I don’t have five minutes to myself for the rest of the afternoon.

***

Everyone’s out in the yard when I get to Tom’s after work. Claire’s nursing a glass of wine, perched with her elbows resting on the railing, her gaze glued to Razer as he strides across the expanse of lawn with his arms full of branches. He gives her a grin, his green eyes dancing as he drops the brush beside the fire pit, and her cheeks heat.

There is definitely something going on with them, but Tom and Mace seem oblivious as they toss a Frisbee back and forth, and Lucky, a brindle bundle of muscle and sinew on four legs, sprints between the two of them.

My God, Mace is gorgeous when he’s relaxed, but then he always was. Tall and built, with just enough swagger to make a girl drool. His cocksureness only added to how easy it was to fall for him back then. He’d known he could get away with anything, known he could turn those deep blue’s on a girl and she’d agree to everything he wanted.

I was supposed to be safe from that. Just ‘one of the guys’, running around getting into trouble with their friends. But, I wasn’t.

He says something that has Tom laughing, before he locks his gaze on me. It’s as though the moment I see him he knows I’m there. It’s a ridiculous notion, but I’d prefer to believe he’s got the ability to sense my presence than that he’s been waiting for me. He leaves Tom playing tug of war with the dog and saunters over to us.

One side of his mouth lifts as he stops right below us, where I lean on the railing. “Ready to share a blanket with me tonight?”

“What?” If this is his way of airing our dirty laundry in public, friends or not, I’ll jump off this deck and throttle him. “There’s no—”

“The fire pit.” He glances at where Tom and Razer are talking next to the circle of stones while they break up the branches. “We thought we’d grill, then sit out around the fire pit like we used to. It’ll be like old times. Only Rush won’t be hogging the damn blanket.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“It was my idea.” Claire grins. “I’m feeling a little nostalgic. Although it would be better if Rush were here.”

Mace’s brow furrows, his gaze narrowing on her for a second before he lets go of whatever he’s thinking. “I don’t think this is really his scene anymore, Little Bit.”

“I suppose you’re right. I just miss him.” She shrugs as she moves further down the deck to bark orders at the boys.

“What about you, Hells? You miss the old magic toting bastard?” He plants his hand on the railing beside me. “Think you’ll miss having someone to hold your hand around the fire tonight?”

I roll my eyes. “We’re not kids anymore. I’m perfectly capable of holding my own hand.”

“Well, you know, as your
friend
, mine’s always available.” The tone in which he says friend, is anything but friendly. It stirs something sinful inside me that has me considering exactly where I want to take his hand and put it, and my guess, by the way he holds my gaze, is he knows it.

Every word out of his mouth sounds like innuendo, and I don’t know if the others are oblivious to it, or if it’s because I still want a man I have no business wanting. So I turn my back on him, and eye Claire’s almost empty glass as she returns to my side.

“Have you got more wine?”

“Sure.” She smiles, and I follow her back across the deck and inside. If I’m going to fake being friends with Mace tonight I’m going to need a little courage.

Mace

I thump down beside Chelsea, where she’s stretched out on her stomach on the blanket beside the fire. The others are all spread out on thick picnic rugs, reminiscing about other moments exactly like this one.

Except things aren’t precisely the way they used to be. I dart a glance at Chelsea as I stretch out, leaning back on my elbows. It’s not quite dark enough yet for me to get away with staring at her the way I used to. Not that I want to.

Why should I pretend like she isn’t the most interesting thing to look at around here? That the pinks and oranges of the flames reflecting on her hair doesn’t mesmerize me as I follow it down her back to the swell of her ass.

“I don’t think you got around to telling us why you came home,” Tom says, from where he’s lying a couple yards away on his back, his hands folded under his head, staring up at the slowly darkening sky.

“It was time, I guess, to see what else was out there.” I shift onto my side and catch Chelsea staring over her shoulder at me.

“Like what?”

“Careful, Hells,” I murmur. “Your curiosity is showing.”

She shifts onto her side, curls up a little, so her head is near my knees. From this angle it’s a pretty sweet picture, her face so close to my dick. I have half a mind to tell her that, just to get a reaction. But as much as I enjoy riling her up, as fun as it is to get a reaction out of her, the way she’s staring at me soothes the agitation that creeps under my skin. She has this ability, when she’s not looking at me like I’m the enemy, to make me want to confess to her exactly why I came home. That surprises me, because I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to admit the real reason I came home to any of them. None of them would ever look at me the same if they knew I was responsible.

For the death of that girl.

Hell, I’d had a clear shot. And then she was
just
there
. There was literally nothing I could have done that would have changed the outcome. The term collateral damage had been bandied about. Probably a child soldier. She’d gotten in the way at the last possible moment. An accident that would never see the light of day. And we did get our target that night. We accomplished our mission.

But that doesn’t change the fact she haunts me. Or that I still can’t put my finger to the trigger without a tremor running through my arm. “Maybe I’m here to annoy the fuck out of you bastards.”

That gets a hearty laugh from Tommy. “Nice to know you missed us, fucker.”

I ignore the way Chelsea raises an eyebrow, her lips parting as though she’s planning on asking for the real reason, before turning back to the fire. It’s like she knows I’m lying, or at least not telling her the entire truth, and I hate that I don’t get to talk openly with her anymore. This all used to be so fucking easy.

“So what about you, Raze? Thought any more about staying?” I can see Claire and Razer through the flames where they sit opposite us. It’s good to see some of us can pick up where we left off. There was a time when I thought they’d never be comfortable around each other. But apparently whatever ridiculous feelings those two had conjured up between them years ago are gone now. Which is just as well, because it was disturbing as hell finding his unsent letters declaring his love for a girl who’s as much his sister as she is mine.

“Don’t know,” he says. “I’ll consider it.”

Which is good enough for me. We settle into a comfortable silence, random bits of chatter occasionally adding to the crackling of the fire.

Lucky comes over and drops down next to Tom, her giant tongue lolling out the side of her mouth.

I move closer to Chelsea. Face to face, on my back so I can stare up at her. Her head resting in her hands, she watches the flames. I can see the flicker of them reflected in her eyes when she looks at me, her cheeks pink from the heat.

“Why did you come back?” she whispers. “I know you, remember? You always had a plan.”

“If I told you I came back for you, would you believe me?” It’s partially true. I came back to sort shit out with her, but I’d thought it was an ending. That I’d be putting the ghost of her to rest. That’s what had driven me home to Reverence. Now I’m not so sure.

“Are your pants on fire?”

I glance down in case an ember from the fire has actually managed to catch on my pants, and she chuckles. “You’re a liar. There’s something else you’re hiding.”

“What makes you think I don’t have a plan now?” I tilt my head closer to hers, and soak up her scent, tinged with the smoke from the fire. It’s hard not to get dragged into memories when everything about this situation is so tantalizingly familiar. Except Rush isn’t here now. “Give me your hand.”

“What? No.” She tucks them in under her elbows. “I’m not going to give in to you, Mace. So whatever you’re thinking, you can forget about it. Friends, remember?”

“It’s not the first time I’ve held your hand as your friend, Hells. You still hold hands with Tommy, right? Unless you want to tell me you’ve fallen for another of my brothers.”

“You’re such a dick.”

“Prove me wrong,” I say, placing my hand palm up beside her. “You’re the one who said we need to be friends again.”

“And you made it pretty clear this morning that you had absolutely no intention of following through.”

“Why, because you thought I was going to kiss you?”

“You were.” She glares at me.

“All I did was turn on the shower.” I grin. “I can’t help it if you still want me.”

“I don’t. You think you’re pretty special, don’t you? Don’t you feel crushed under the weight of your ego?”

“Nah.” Leaning up, I tickle her ear with my lips, and the muscles in her shoulder bunch as she stretches toward me. “I’m used to carrying my cock around. It’s a lot fucking bigger than my ego.”

“Stop it,” she snaps, glancing down the length of my body. “I don’t want to hear about your big cock.”

Hearing her say that sends all the blood rushing to my dick. Just knowing she’s thinking about it makes me rock fucking hard. But then her face turns scarlet and she averts her gaze to the fire. “Do you have to make this more difficult than it already is?”

I stare up at the stars. I don’t think I could ever have imagined the way things panned out. All the twists and turns life took to bring me back home, a little older, possibly a little wiser, and a whole heap more fucked up than when we were teenagers. “I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“W-what?”

“Hold a gun. I couldn’t…” I screw up my hand by my side, trying to remember a time when holding a firearm was the most natural feeling in the world. Now, my hand shakes, my fingers tense up at the thought. “…do my job. So I figured it was time to come home.”

The warmth of her fingers is a buzz on my skin as they scrape along my arm, tickle over my wrist and slowly have me opening my fist to engulf her hand. She doesn’t ask the reason why. She doesn’t say I should tell my brothers. She simply presses her palm to mine.

I turn to face her. Her hair is hanging in her face, so I can’t see her eyes. I gently push it behind her ear. “You won’t tattle on me, will you?”

“No.” She gives me a half-smile. The kind I’m pretty sure she keeps for me alone.

It’s all it takes to have me right back where I was a decade ago. Wanting a girl I couldn’t have and shouldn’t have desired. And now?

It’s amazing how quick she jumps, snatching her hand out of mine when Tom interrupts the quiet with a rattling snore that even makes Lucky lift her head in surprise.

On the other side of the fire my sister laughs.

“All that chasing tail must be wearing him out.” I chuckle. “Though I can’t blame him. Girls always did like to throw themselves into bed with us boys, didn’t they, Chelsea?”

She glares daggers at me. “Did you really just say that? Of course you did. You’re such an asshole.” Climbing quietly from the spot beside me, she makes her way across the lawn. “I need some water.”

I hadn’t necessarily meant it about her. If she says she isn’t interested in Tommy then I believe her, but still I don’t like that they didn’t grow out of co-sleeping. And I sure as hell don’t like reminding myself of her with Rush. I watch her long tan legs all the way across the yard. There’s always been this elegance to her, even when we were running around blowing up things and crawling through the dirt as kids. It’s part of what fascinated me about her.

Every time I thought of home while we’d been overseas she’d been up front and center in my mind. I’d hoped it would pass with distance and time. I’d tried to forget her. And then I’d seen her in Vegas and those legs had curled tightly around my waist when she jumped into my arms, and I knew I never would.

She filed today. The thought whips through my mind, hitting me like a kick in the teeth. This woman isn’t just a part of my past. She’s an ex. She’s going to be my ex-wife. That’s one too many bridges burned, isn’t it?

Because we were never meant to be anything. Because of my brother. And it isn’t because I wanted something that was his. That I moved in on his territory as soon as he left. Something I only felt slightly guilty about when it happened. It’s more complicated than that. Hell, she ran to him after that night in the barn. She ran to him after I married her. It’s not only my family that still sees her as the girl who loved my brother. She does too. And I will not be his replacement. Which is why I have to let it go now, and why I should not go chasing after her.

“Want another beer, Raze?” I ask, getting to my feet. I need one. I need a lot more than that if I’m going to wipe the slate clean and get her out of my system. Seeing her again, fucking her again, probably wasn’t the smartest move I could have made. But then I never claimed to be smart. Especially when it came to her.

Chelsea

I don’t know why I let him get to me. Maybe it’s because for a second there I got pulled in. Dragged back into his touch and the way he stares at me, steady and completely focused. As if there’s nothing else in the world.

My hand is shaking around the tall glass as I sip at the water. I take a few steadying breaths. I don’t know if I’m madder at him for being a dick about my friendship with Tom or at myself for letting him suck me in. Again. I would think I would have learned by now. It shouldn’t be such a chore to be able to be around him and not get that feeling there’s something always unfinished between us.

Shutting my eyes, I expel a breath. I don’t know whether he was being an asshole to wind me up, or if that’s his permanent state now. Once, I would have thought neither, but that was before I knew better.

The door bangs quietly, and I open my eyes. Of course he followed me inside. He couldn’t give me five seconds alone.
It’s that predatory instinct.

The one that has me feeling like a bunny trapped in the headlights of an oncoming truck. I’m absolutely certain if I get caught up in him I’ll be lost. But I’m not going to let that happen. I turn to face him. “You should go find one of those girls who wants to throw herself into bed with you. You’d make her day. If she exists.”

“What do you mean by that smart ass remark?” He stands in the archway. Not making a move. There’s this look on his face that I don’t think I’ve seen before. He got darker while he was away. It’s there in his eyes. This broodiness I don’t remember from before. But maybe I hadn’t noticed when I ran into him in Vegas. It makes me shiver. “Exactly what I said. Maybe you should go chase some tail if it’ll get you to leave me alone.”

“Is that why you’re in a snit?” A glimmer of something crosses his gaze. “You don’t like the idea of me with someone else?”

“Of course not.” I place the cup in the sink. “It doesn’t bother me at all.”

Except it does. The idea of him with anyone makes me stabby. It shouldn’t, but imagining some other girl with her hands on him has me imagining tearing her off him. Of getting between them and pushing her firmly out of my mental picture. The sensation is like a clamp in my chest, tightening. The worst part being that at some point it will probably happen, and I’ll have to figure out a way to deal with it. “I want to see you happy.”

“You want me to be happy?” He takes a determined step toward me, and instinctively I grip onto the counter.

Another step, and my knees buckle. “We’re friends now. We’re supposed to want that for each other.”

“
Supposed
to?” He stops right in front of me. It’s practically close enough I can feel his body heat. “Except that isn’t what you want.”

There are little flecks of brown mixed with the blue around his dilated pupils. It’s funny how that surprises me. Like finding a new detail in a painting you’ve stared at a million times. “Don’t tell me what I want.”

“I’ll show you then.” His lips move, a flash of white teeth behind sinful lips, and I can’t drag my gaze away from his mouth. “Since we both know you want me.”

“I don’t.”

He snakes a hand around my waist, yanking me to him. “Want to try that again? Maybe with a little conviction this time?”

My palms to his chest, I try to push him away, but for some reason my mind isn’t firing right. Instead, my fingers flex against all that hard muscle, and I’m bunching his shirt in my hands, pulling myself closer. “I’m not interested in playing these games with you.”