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I lifted my face to press my nose to his.

“We will but please...sleep first.” I kissed his nose and started to hum a little.

It was weird and even I started at the noise. I hadn’t intended to do it, it just came out of me, very soft, like a whisper. It was me wanting to comfort him, like I had with Danny and Calvin.

“Hey. I’m supposed to be making you feel better,” he said drowsily and I wanted to laugh because I had thought the same thing.

“I’ll feel better when you get some sleep.”

“I’ll feel better and sleep when you start worrying about yourself a little bit. You are important no matter how much you try to sweep yourself under the rug.”

“Ok. Ok. How about you worry about me and I’ll worry about you, that way we’re both taken care of.”

I could feel Merrick’s smile against my cheek as he pulled me closer to him, kissing the side of my neck.

“Deal. Keep humming, I like it.”

Then he finally drifted off to sleep with my quiet humming to fill the silence.

Things were starting to be more normal the next day. It wasn’t so so tense and scripted feeling. As we convened in the commons room, Katie’s husband, Paul, had been telling jokes all morning as we laughed and spent some communal time together.

Katie sat rubbing her belly, now bulging more than I ever thought a belly could, with her feet in Paul’s lap, him rubbing them for her.

I thought she was about to pop when I first met her but apparently she wasn’t. Her due date was still 3 weeks away and everyone was a little worried.

We couldn’t take her to the hospital and no one here had ever delivered a baby, though Trudy assured us she’d seen enough baby and doctor shows on TV to manage. She said when she was born, her parents delivered her themselves in their bedroom so how hard could it be? Hmm.

However, I was not one to argue with Trudy logic.

Katie didn’t seem worried about it at all. She kept saying ‘God put him in there and God will get him out.’ I admired that. I wouldn’t be so cool headed about it.

She was sure it was a boy. I asked her once how she knew and she said she wanted a girl so badly that she convinced herself it was boy. Now if it was a boy, she wouldn’t be disappointed and if it was a girl that it would be a pleasant surprise. You couldn’t argue with that logic either.

The day dragged on but in a good way. Merrick had been diligent in his questions about how I felt. Was I ok? Did I need to talk? Was I sure about marrying him? I kept assuring him I was completely fine so, we spent the day with our family. After lots of questions, laughs, time together and getting to know each other more, we told stories about the people we used to be.

Marissa, the newbie’s, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and no one seemed focused on me and my blunders with mishap. Except Merrick, of course.

I tried to make sure I was constantly touching him because he seemed reluctant to touch me unless I instigated it. He was still waiting for me to freak out but it just wasn’t coming. I felt fine, more than fine because I’d already dealt with it once before, with Matt.

To be honest, Phillip was gone. He wasn’t just gone from this place, but gone from my thoughts too. Why worry about it? I felt safe with Merrick, that was all that should matter.

As I sat on Merrick’s lap with his hand on my thigh, where I put it, I couldn’t help but think about the clothes that needed to be washed. Merrick never finished his load yesterday and I certainly hadn’t done mine the past few days. I leaned over to whisper to Merrick.

“I’m going to go wash some clothes while the wash room is free.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said and started to get up but I pushed him back down.

It was subtle and no one saw.

“Honey. Baby steps. You have got to let me do some things by myself,” I whispered.

“No, I don’t,” he whispered back fiercely.

“Please, I need it. I almost freaked out in the shower. Baby steps for you, too. You’ve got to learn to let me be by myself a little now. I’ll be fine, it’s just laundry.”

“Nuhuh. I warned you yesterday you’d have a new shadow didn’t I? It’s too soon.” He shook his head in disagreement.

Before I could protest further, Mrs. Trudy came over quietly and whispered to us that she would come with me. I wondered how in the world she could have heard us talking but I looked at Merrick with raised eyebrows. I knew he wouldn’t refuse Mrs. Trudy.

“Ok. Since you don’t want my company, fine.” He laughed out loud quietly. “Thanks, Mrs. Trudy.”

“Sure thing, sugar.”

As I walked back through the corridor I heard him.

I’ll just be out here. Waiting, bored, and waiting some more...
I heard him laugh in my mind again and I giggled into my hand so Mrs. Trudy didn’t think I was nuts.

Soap, scrub, dunk and rinse. So much we took for granted before all this. I never thought I’d be washing my clothes against the grate on a huge metal sink instead of a washing machine and with homemade lavender soap. I never thought I’d be sleeping on concrete, never thought I’d have to share a bathroom with twenty people, after college of course, but even after all that had happened, we still had so much to be thankful for.

We were safe in an underground bunker, had food, a perfect cover story in the form of a convenience store, and company, still have our bodies and lives. Lots of other people in this world didn’t have half of that.

This reminded me of the times we camped, which was a lot when I was a kid. My mom and dad were so ‘in tune’ to nature and wanted nothing more than for us to follow suit. We used to camp all the time when I was a little girl, all around the state and I hated it, absolutely loathed it. There were no sodas, no chips, no real food and the only company was our parents.

We washed our clothes in the river, yes, the river. We ate whatever fruits and berries we could find. Mom brought some necessities, I mean it was still against the law to starve your children right? Of course her reasoning for that was man ruined the earth and it was no longer plentiful with the things we needed.

I just thought it was because no one had gotten out there and planted anything, tending to the crops but hey, that was just me.

I remember seeing the sleeping bags when we first got there and remembering those camping trips. With only sleeping bags on the ground, not even a tent because it ruined the effect and blocked our stargazing view. And dad, poor dad. He just obeyed mom’s every whim and notion, every raised voice command, every time she verbally beat him down in front of us and anyone else who might be within earshot. The only time I ever remembered him ‘defying her authority’ was that one birthday.

Marriage should be a partnership, an understanding of compassion, love, submission and friendship on both parts.

I wondered what they were doing and where they were now. Maybe it was best not knowing.

Mrs. Trudy was quiet. I wasn’t sure why she wanted to come back here with me, but I was hoping it was to talk, if she wanted but, silent we stayed.

Silent, silent, silent.

I was done so I took my load over to the so clever drying racks. They placed the racks over drains in the floor and under the air conditioner vents in the ceiling from the store. It wasn’t terribly fast but it was good enough.

We started to venture out into the night some, not far but at least got out and smelled real air and saw real stars, which could be seen as bright as anything with no moon in the sky.

We only all went out together at night and only behind the store. The first time we took Calvin, it had been weeks since he’d seen the outside and he took advantage of it.

Him and Franklin ran and chased Merrick, Ryan, Paul and Danny with flashlights. Everyone played like we were kids. We kept a watch out for danger in the sky, but we couldn’t just stay cooped up. We might as well live a little while we could. We were careful by not staying out too long at a time and never ever going out in the daytime.

Jeff and Merrick had become sort of the appointed leaders of our band. The others were constantly asking them questions about what they thought about this or that. They really trusted them and looked to them for guidance.

It made me very proud of my boys.

I felt like an original member with special privileges. The other Keepers helped too and still kept watch over everyone but, even found themselves looking to my two for leadership.

I’m just glad we could get along, most of us anyway. With the exception of me, no one else had run-ins with anyone else so far.

Later on that evening, I decided I would try to speak to Mrs. Trudy as she was most definitely playing tight lips with me.

“Mrs. Trudy?”

“Yes, sugar.”

For some reason those pet names only revolted me from Phillips mouth. From Mrs. Trudy, it was sweet and genuine and she did it to everybody.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing...better. How are you doing?” she asked, placing a hand on my arm.

“I’m fine. Really, fine. I wish everyone would stop worrying about me so much.”

“They just care about ya, honey. You’ve been through a lot lately, and you’re just so sweet. It’s just hard to think of someone hurting you.”

“Well. I’m fine. I hate feeling so fragile and breakable. Would everybody feel better if I took some karate lessons or something?”

Trudy laughed.

“I don’t think so, honey. You are what you are, not everybody is meant to be the protector, some of us need the protecting.”

“I don’t like feeling helpless. I just...”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry this all got brought down on you, sweetie.”

“It’s ok, Mrs. Trudy. It’s not your fault and from what I hear, it wasn’t really Phillip’s either. Look, I’m not saying I don’t care about what Phillip did but when you’re in desperate times people do crazy things. I heard about his dad too. That must have been hard on him and you.”

“There is no excuse for what he tried to do to you Sherry. None,” she snapped but then softened. “I don’t care how fragile you are, you don’t take advantage of people like that. I’m ashamed of him, so ashamed.” She looked like she was about to cry so I moved over to hug her side.

“Ok. Ok,” I reassured her. “I’m sorry this happened to you too but I’m going to get over it and so are you. Come on, let’s go make some dinner for this crew,” I said, trying to slightly pull her forward with me.

She nodded, happy for the distraction, and followed me out, down the hallway and to the kitchen. We made grits, fried eggs and bacon with biscuits. Mrs. Trudy was from the south, originally, a little town called Folkston, Ga. It was a real place. I looked it up on an old Rand Mcnally.

She told me all about it as we cooked, with our colorful handmade aprons on. She brought a lot of flavor to our lives, and not just in the kitchen.

Some of the folks were a little wary of her homemade cooking creations but it was always decided in the end that it was good, especially the grits.

She also made these Swamp Cookies. Everyone loved these cookies. When I found out what was in them, I couldn’t believe it. I was bowled over. You put leftovers in them.

Leftovers!

Disguise it with sugar, flour and spices and presto! Swamp Cookies. We had been eating these things for weeks and no one knew. When I found out, I laughed so hard I cried and vowed not to tell a soul.

“How else you think I keep us alive around here. Gotta eat the leftovers somehow,” Mrs. Trudy had said matter-of-factly and a bit deviously.

I loved this woman!

That night, she told me all about the swamp, Okefenokee Swamp, and small town life. I had no clue myself, being a city girl, but it sounded so nice. How can you actually know everyone in the town you live in? It sounded intriguing and nice even. If we ever got out of there, that was where I was going. Small Town USA.

After dinner was served and cleaned up, we went and sat with Lana and Calvin. I practiced some of my sign language and Lana helped show me a few more. I forgot how much fun it was.

When I was in grade school, I had a deaf friend. We couldn’t talk to each other so she showed me the American Sign Language alphabet.

I could remember her face like it was yesterday. My favorite part of the school day was recess for my sign language lesson.

Calvin signed like a pro with no thinking or hesitation. Lana was not a very social person but had begun to come out of her shell some. She signed really slow to me so we could talk. She found it hilarious how I tried to spell out each word using all the letters individually.

It was the first time I’d ever heard Lana laugh.

Cry Cry Baby

The next morning we planned to get everything ready for our flyer distribution. Jeff had taken the heads off some golf clubs Trudy gave him, ones she had found in the back from her husband, and we brandished some weapons out of them.

He said we needed to have something, a weapon, when we went out from then on. You could only kill a Lighter by stabbing it through or burning it. Preferably stabbing as that was less hazardous.

I wondered if I’d be able to do it if it came down to it. Could I stab something knowing it would die? It gave me chills thinking about it but if I had to… What if I had to protect Danny or Calvin. Yes. I could.

If I could reach.

It was snowing but that was ok. It was supposed to snow now, in the winter. Not in blazing June. I can deal with the cold when it’s supposed to be cold. The bunker seemed to stay warm enough despite the chill outside.

What we thought would be a peaceful day turned out not to be. I could tell something wasn’t right with Katie. She seemed extraordinarily tired and uncomfortable. She was even squirming on the couch with slightly labored breathing.

Paul sat on the couch with her rubbing her lower back. She said her back was killing her which didn’t seem significant to me but I would see later that it was.

Marissa ran into the commons room and to all our surprise, addresses us as a group.