Collide (13 page)

Eventually the pain begins to bleed into pleasure and I find myself gripping him tighter to my body but not because it hurts, because I am trying to hold myself down from floating away. My entire body feels like it's on a cloud and the feelings now pulsing through me are ones that I recognize but ones that are also so very foreign to me.

“I'm not gonna last Grace. God you feel so fucking good.” He breathes against my neck before plunging his tongue in my mouth. His words send my body into overdrive and suddenly everything feels overly sensitive.

Each touch causes my skin to prickle. Each motion causing the ache inside me to swell until I feel like my body is going to rip apart and simply float away. I want to fight the build, the ache deep in my belly. I never want this incredible moment to end. The feeling of him inside me, of knowing that if only for just this one moment, Zayne is mine. He's in my bed, in my body, and as much as I hate to even think it, he's in my heart.

I feel him tighten inside of me, his erection swelling to an impossible size and the added pressure pushes me over the cliff that I have been dangling off of for several minutes. My entire body clenches around him and I cry out as my orgasm rips through me with the intensity of a thousand suns. Zayne falls with me and within seconds we are a pile of sweaty bodies and rapid breaths.

After a few moments, he pulls back to look at my face. “I'm sorry Grace. Did I hurt you?” He asks, worry apparent in his voice.

“You were perfect.” I say, my words catching in my throat as the sheer emotion of what just happened hits me full force.

I'm not a virgin anymore. I finally had sex. Only it wasn't just sex. It was the most erotic, intense, and passionate experience of my life and even with him still on top of me, his erection softening inside of me, I find myself struggling to believe that it really happened.

A slow smile creeps across his face as he studies me for a moment longer. “You're going to be the death of me Grace Morgan.” He says, gently taking my lips with his once more. His mouth moves against mine slowly, tasting everything, and telling me so much more. There's a gentleness to this kiss that I haven't experienced with him before and it leaves me feeling like I seriously underestimated the power this man has over me.

Eventually he pulls out and rolls off of me, standing to slip on his boxers. “I'm sorry Grace, I gotta go.” He says, stepping into his pants before turning to face me.

“You're leaving?” I ask, not trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.

“Don't look at me like that. You make me feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.” He says, his forehead scrunching together in dislike.

“Sorry. I just hoped.....” I start but he cuts me off, pulling me into a sitting position on the bed, he bends down so that our faces are but mere inches apart.

“Don't for one second think that there's any place I would rather be than right here with you but if Emma sees me here.... Well I'm just not one hundred percent certain that Alec wouldn't find out and Grace, as much as this meant to me, and it did...” He says, tilting my chin upwards to meet his gaze. “Mean something to me. More than you realize... I just can't take the chance of Alec finding out.” He says, placing a light kiss across my lips.

“I get it. I don't like it. But I get it.” I say, pulling the sheet up to cover my body as he slips on the last of his clothes. Truth is, I don't want Alec finding out anymore than he does. I have no idea where this is going but destroying long standing relationships is not something I want to be responsible for. Not to mention the rift it would put between me and Alec. I feel a ping of guilt for deceiving my brother this way. Deep down I know without a doubt that if Alec ever found out he would cut Zayne out of his life without hesitation.

“Where's your phone?” He asks, reaching down and picking up my jeans off the floor when I point to them. He pulls it out of the pocket and then types something before locking it and handing it to me.

“I gotta go. I'll call you.” He says, kissing me again. “I promise.” He whispers across my lips, clearly seeing the conflict in my eyes.

“Okay.” Is all I can manage to get out before he kisses my forehead and disappears into the hallway. “Zayne, wait!” I holler, wrapping the sheet tighter around my body and sprinting into the living room.

He turns to face me just feet from the door and I launch my body into his arms. He holds me tightly to his chest as I take both of his cheeks in my hands. “Just in case you decide to beat yourself up for this later.... Don't” I say, taking his mouth against mine rough and hard before pulling away, leaving us both panting. “No regrets.” I say, squirming loose from his grip. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I flash him a bright smile and then high tail it back into my room, shutting the door behind me but not before I hear a light laugh escape his lips as he exits the apartment.

I throw myself down on my bed and let out a long, loud sigh and then instantly start laughing. Did that really just happen? Did I really just have sex with Zayne Evans of all people? The man who both infuriates me and reduces me to a puddle of desire and want? The man who has pissed me off more times than he has made me smile? The man who I swear is the most beautiful person to ever walk the face of the earth?

How is this even possible? I want to think it to death. To beat it around in my head so many times that I find myself questioning every decision I've made but I refuse to let myself go down that path. I have had enough shit luck to last me several lifetimes. It's about time I let myself be happy.

But even through all of this, through my new found need to find happiness, doubt always manages to creep in somewhere through the cracks. But just as the panic and fear of the entire situation starts to take over my once blissful moment, a text message signals on my phone, pulling me from the dark places that my mind tends to wander and reminding me that maybe, just maybe, something good can happen to a girl who has never known anything but loss. Maybe there's room for my happiness yet. And maybe, I think, as I read my words repeated back to me via text message from Zayne, I will find it in the most unexpected place.

No regrets.

––––––––

Z
ayne said he would call so I try not to dwell on the fact that two days have passed with no word from him. I try not to jump to worse case scenario and remind myself that he and I are not a couple. Hell, we barely know each other. He owes me nothing. And yet I feel like he does owe me, at least a phone call. A “Hey how's it going?” Something. Anything. The truth is, it eats at me more than I would like to admit.

I mean, what kind of man takes a girls virginity and then goes two days with no contact? Having never been in this situation before, I don't know if I am simply overreacting or if my reaction to his silence is warranted.

Either way, the world does not stop turning because I may or may not have made a horrible mistake by giving a man like Zayne the one thing that I can never get back. But even that's not really it. I guess I just hoped for so much more. I don't know why I ever thought I would be anything other than a notch in his very extensive bedpost.

Now, as I sit on the stage at
Vitos
, I find myself more distracted than I would like to be on my first night at my new job. Even still, the crowd is relatively small, about fifteen people are scattered throughout the bar. All lost in their own conversations and paying next to no attention to me, which suits me just fine.

Jake is offsetting me tonight. Since I haven't had the time to put together a playlist that can fill a three hour time slot, me and Jake are both playing three, thirty minute sets each, while Becca mans the bar.  I was so relieved when I found out that this is how it would work. I was afraid I was going to have to play the same twenty songs twice. Apparently this had been the plan all along and I will not officially take on the full three hour set for another few weeks.

Jake already played his first set and I found myself watching him, completely entranced by his raspy voice and his overall stage presence. That man was made to play music. From the way he plays the guitar with such ease to the way he makes everyone grab onto his every word, he is a natural talent through and through.

After giving the strings a few strums to ensure my guitar is completely in tune, I start my set out with “Not Even Human” by Angel Taylor. It's originally done in piano but having the ability to read music allows me to be able to play just about any song on the guitar.

The song is slow and almost mournful and I immediately get lost in the lyrics, in the meaning and the feeling behind it. As I scan the crowd, I am surprised to see that most everyone has stopped what they are doing to watch me. While it makes me even more nervous, it doesn't pull me out of the moment and I realize very quickly what an incredible feeling it is to be up here.

The rest of the night flies by and before I know it, I am on my last song of the night. While my mind swirls around the whole Zayne situation, playing tonight has significantly raised my spirits and I decide to rap up my set with “Boyz in the Hood” By Dynamite Hack. It's a complete revision of the original hip hop version and done acoustically. It's a lot of fun and I absolutely love playing it.

As the crowd has dwindled down to a whopping two customers, Becca shimmies out from behind the bar and proceeds to clean up, singing along with my every word.

When I finish, Jake ushers out the last two people remaining in the bar as I unhook my guitar from the amp and start packing up my things. I didn't know what to expect tonight and I must say, I am more than a little surprised by how much I enjoyed myself.

This is not only a way to make a little extra cash but it is also a huge outlet for me and even though there is still a dull ache in the pit of my stomach over the whole Zayne situation, I feel a lot better than I did at the beginning of the night.

“Your set was awesome.” Jake says, making his way over to the edge of the stage. “I loved that you tacked on “Boyz in the Hood” there at the end. I never thought I would hear a girl sing that song but I gotta admit, you totally rocked it.” He says on a laugh.

“I've always loved playing it. Since there wasn't really anyone here, I figured what the hell.” I say on a shrug.

“Me and Becca are gonna head over to
Ferro's
to grab a slice. You wanna join us?” He asks, powering down the speaker system.

“They're still open?” I ask, a little surprised that a mom and pop pizza place would still be in operation at two in the morning.

“Heck yeah. Best place to go after a night of drinking. Rosie usually keeps it open until about three, after the bar rush dies down.” He says, pushing in the bar stools around the bar.

“It sounds good but I really should probably get home.” I say, slinging my guitar case over my shoulder.

“Oh come on.” Becca whines behind me. I turn to find her in a full on pout with her hands on her hips. “You just played your first set. What better way to celebrate then by eating greasy pizza and laying back a couple cold ones?” She says, pouting her bottom lip out for effect.

“Fine.” I sigh out. As much as I want to go home and go to bed, I am in no rush to lay in the darkness and obsess over a certain man for hours. Maybe a couple beers and some good company will take my mind off of things.

I help Becca and Jake finish cleaning up, deciding to leave my guitar at the bar so I don't have to tote it around. Then we make the two block walk to
Ferro's
. I am shocked to see that the little diner style pizza restaurant is nearly packed full of customers. Me and Becca head over to the last available booth, while Jake heads to the counter to order our pizza and drinks.

“How do you guys know her?” I ask, watching Jake embrace the older lady behind the counter. She's short and chubby with shoulder length black hair and a smile that lights up an entire room.

“Rosie?” She questions, nodding towards the counter. “That's Jake's aunt. Her and  her husband own this place and
Vitos
as well. Jake took over running the bar when her husband fell ill. He's fine.” She elaborates when she catches the sympathy on my face.   “Some type of disease in his spine. He's in a wheel chair now so Rosie runs this place on her own. Me and Jake help her out sometimes but for the most part she likes to do this solo.” I glance back at Rosie and can't help but smile. You would never guess it by looking at her but I would say that woman carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and still smiles about it at the end of the day.

I don't ask anymore questions as Jake makes his way towards us juggling a pitcher of beer and three glasses. We end hanging out at
Ferro's
well into the night, eating way too much pizza and drinking even more beer. While everyone else was ushered out at exactly three in the morning, Rosie allowed us to stay behind and told Jake to lock up before kissing him on the forehead and heading home.

The conversation between the three of us flows and before I know it, little rays of light are starting to seep through the dark windows of the restaurant. Checking the clock behind the counter, I am shocked to see that it's almost six-thirty in the morning.

“Holy shit. I gotta go.” I slur out, clearly feeling the effects of way too much beer and much too little sleep. Becca and Jake call it a night as well and after locking up the restaurant, we part ways. Me heading back to my apartment and them heading back to the bar. Apparently they live in the little apartment on the second floor.

I stumble the entire block back to my house, literally laughing at myself the whole way. I know staying out into the early hours of the morning is not the most responsible thing in the world but right now, I really don't care. I promised myself a life and dammit, I am determined to have one.

When I finally reach the front of my building, I hesitate, realizing that there is someone sitting on the front steps. But then the person looks up and I swear my stomach ends up somewhere in my feet.

Zayne pushes to his feet when he catches sight of me and not knowing what else to do, I continue walking. The closer I get, the more his face comes into view and the more I can see that he is clearly not happy about something.