Color Me a Crime (3 page)

Erin’s laugh echoes throughout the building. “Nope.” She laughs harder. Her crystal aura turns into a goldish orange. It is reassuring to see she’s enjoying her life after her struggle to understand the death of her parents. It’s been a long road. But we’ve managed to travel it together.

“Porn star?” No wonder Linda’s aura is like the rainbow. “Who in the hell is going to want to go out with a porn star?”

“Who doesn’t?” Erin has a point. “And she not just a porn star. She is
the one and only
Linda Minx.”

“Linda Minx?” My mouth drops. “The world is in trouble if Linda Minx can’t get a date.”

I rack my brain for a few of the potential suitors on Erin’s list. Once a month, Erin has a mixer next door at The Coffee Shop. There is no alcohol involved, because we all know where beer googles can take us and that is a path Color Me Love isn’t willing to go down.

During the mixers, I assess each potential suitor’s aura by hiding in the kitchen and looking through the swinging door’s glass leading out into the coffee shop. I make notes about how compatible the auras are. After the mixer, I enter my aura readings into the Color Me Love database. We then go through them and handpick the best two. We set up the date and voila! A match has been made.

Then it’s up to the Universe to do the rest. You know…the fireworks, and all that lovey mushy crap.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to set a woman with a green aura up with almost any man. Felicia is too powerful for her own good.

Curiosity gets to me and I have to see what a porn-star gets paid, so I flip to the salary section of profile. “Holy crap! She makes one-million-dollars per film for taking her clothes off?”

I run my hands down my slender frame, realizing I’m completely in the wrong business when it comes to income.

“Not just taking her clothes off.” Erin points out that Felicia…Linda…has, in fact, starred in some of the biggest porn movies, all of which I have never heard of. And has appeared in numerous naughty magazines.

“Let’s get on her the website.” I open my laptop and type in Linda Minx’s URL. “Why does she go by Linda Minx?”

“That is her stage name. She told me she didn’t want her suitors to know what she does for a living until they were a perfect fit.”

“Yea, in more ways than one. No pun intended.” I laugh at my own joke and click on all sorts of tabs. Tabs I wish I hadn’t. “Ewww.”

Felicia, aka Linda Minx, is in a few compromising positions I don’t think a snake can accomplish.

“Turn it off! Turn it off!” Erin hides her face behind her hands. “I’ll never be able to look at Felicia the same way ever again.”

Erin leaves me to enter in and finish Felicia’s profile. The client has to answer some specific questions about themselves and their potential mate, along with pictures of themselves. Felicia doesn’t include her Linda Minx persona in any of them.

The shots of her in a one-piece bathing suit make me laugh. If she is so successful, I wonder why she’s embarrassed of her job. Didn’t porn stars have admirers? Why would Felicia need to be set up?

Those were questions for Erin to ask her. I only read the client’s auras, unbeknownst to them. And they are telling.

Chapter Three

“I have an idea.” I blush, wondering how well Erin’s going to take my brilliant idea. Seems brilliant to me anyway.

“Spill!” Erin’s excitement is going to be short lived.

“What about Orange Buddy.” I quickly type in his information in the computer. “You know, William Mac.”

Of course, I am not good enough for him due to the fact that I drive a beat up Toyota, wear Target bought clothes with cowboy boots instead of spiky heels, and do not have the large tits, which is a requirement he put on his Color Me Love application.

"Now I know you have lost your mind, Olivia Davis.” Exhausted and let down, Erin sits down in the chair and puts her head in her hands.

“Hear me out.” I pull up Buddy’s profile page on the computer and tap it with my finger. “He is all about money and looks. She’ll be perfect for him.”

Slowly, Erin lifts her head.

“I don’t know.” Aunt Matilda’s bangles jingle when she shakes her head. “This is not sitting well with me. This whole situation has a whole lot of stink. I say we leave these two to figure out their own fate.”

Erin and I both ignore Aunt Matilda’s psychic ability. After all, she is eighty-five years old and I have no doubt that her psychic gift is starting to wane.

Erin looks back and forth between Aunt Matilda and me.

“What do we have to lose?” I shrug.

“Umm…I don’t know.” She bites the side of her lip.

Erin had gotten an ear full from Buddy when the blind date she set us up on didn’t work out. I was someone he didn’t ask for. He wanted voluptuous, big boobs, big hair and easy. None of these describes me and my straight blonde hair, green eyes, and size B’s, not to mention no curves what-so-ever.

“Think about it.” My eyes widen, preparing myself. I am really going to have to sell her on this one. “He would love Felicia’s type. Especially her enhanced features.” I stick my hands out in front of my chest and make air boobies.

Standing up, I throw my bag and long blonde hair behind my shoulders and seductively walk back and forth in the office, doing my best Linda Minx impression. “Darling, I love a man who is big and strong.” I make pretend muscles.

So it isn’t a great impression, but from the look of her internet porn site, I’m sure I’m not too far off the mark.

“Scary,” Erin says, choking from her laughter.

“I sound like her, right?” I laugh. Aunt Matilda’s face is stone cold. She is not one bit entertained.

“No. But you’d make a great porn star if none of your other jobs work out.”

“You better not, Olivia Davis.” Aunt Matilda warns me and shakes her finger near my nose.

“This is a way to get rid of Orange Buddy and Felicia.” I assure her.

“You’re right.” She eyes me suspiciously. “You call her and tell her.”

“Chicken!” I spit back and pick up the phone. “You’re a big chicken.”

The quicker we get this taken care of, the faster both of these clients are out of our lives.

Before I punch in Felicia’s number, I reach in my bag for my vibrating cell.

“Hi!” I smile when I see Joel’s name on the screen. I try not to sound too school girlish, but I can’t help it.

Joel was one of the first suitors Erin had interviewed for her first client, which happened to be me. I had no clue Erin was trying to set me up, hence Orange Buddy. I had just come off a breakup with the only blue aura man that had ever caught me and stolen my heart.

Bradley.

See where that got me…alone. Bradley ran the local SPCA, and when it shut down, so did Bradley’s job. He transferred across the country to run a different SPCA.

We tried to make it work, or at least I did. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for a man with a blue aura. Carl, Park City’s police chief, offered me a job reading the auras of criminals, but I turned it down so I could follow Bradley across the country. I had Splitsville.com, and it is run entirely through the internet, so I had a job, but I didn’t have Erin or Aunt Matilda.

After two weeks of living in the land of love, I packed my old Toyota and Herbie, my dog and I and drove back to Park City. My heart just isn’t complete without Erin and Aunt Matilda.

Bradley and I didn’t fight; we just knew it wasn’t going to work out with me hundreds of miles away from home. So we amicably parted ways, and I haven’t heard from him since. Which gave Erin the go-ahead to set me up. Plus, I was Color Me Love’s first client.

And it’s turning out great so far…with Joel.

“How are you this morning?” He asks.

I picture his stunning blue eyes watching a big stakeout; unfortunately, it is a dream. There is definitely no big stakeout in Park City, unless the local Cattle Club is having a steak grill out.

“I’m great.” Of course, I leave out the situation with Felicia and Buddy. Joel knows I work for Erin, but he doesn’t know about my gift, or about Jenn from Splitsville.com.

It’s a little too early in the dating game and I don’t want to scare him off.

“You can make my day better by coming out to Heifer’s and Ho’s for the annual hoedown tonight.”

My heart skips a beat, and I take a deep breath. I finally feel like I’m in a good place to open back up to a relationship. Especially with a man with a bright blue aura. My favorite aura of all.

The blue aura has many attractive qualities, like compassionate, sensitive, practical, a lover of animals. Exactly what I love. Especially the animal part since I have Herbie, an amazing schnauzer I adopted from the SPCA when I dated Bradley. A time I would like to forget. Not the Herbie part---the Bradley part.

“Please,” he begs through the phone. “I know you aren’t crazy about the dude ranch, but you have to admit it is romantic.”

Romantic? Right! If he only knew the real reason I went there the first time and passed out when I saw all the auras of animals, people, and big fat orange Buddy all at once. Funny, he has never asked why I was there and I do not want him to know.

“Aunt Jill made me promise her that you would come,” he says, using his Aunt Jill to play on my emotions when he knows I adore her.

Jill owns Heifer’s and Ho’s and she let him know when there was a position open on the Park City police force. He applied, moved in with her, and fate took it over from there.

“How can I refuse Aunt Jill?” I tease him. I’m sure it is going to be more romantic this time. I cross my fingers and kiss the tips---a good luck spell I heard about somewhere. It has to go better this time. There is no way I’m letting this blue aura get away.

“Great. I’ll pick you up at six.”

“What about seven?” I glance over at the Splitsville.com dump pile that I brought with me, knowing I have a few more waiting in my office at home. Not to mention, I need a little time to clean up my cottage house. I’m not great in the non-clutter department.

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be waiting.” We hang up the phone, bringing me back to reality that I’m going to have to disguise my voice and call Orange Buddy and Rainbow Bright…er…Felicia.

Chapter Four

“Evans residence.” The woman on the other end of the line confirms Felicia’s real last name.

A bit taken aback, I glance at the file, because most clients put down their cell phone and not their home phone.

Yep, right number.

I proceed, “Is Linda there please?”

“There is no one here by that name.” She snaps.

“Um…”I ran my finger down the chart and realize I just used her porn star name, which she said not to do. “I mean Felicia. Is Felicia there?”

“May I ask who is calling?” She asks in a sophisticated whisper. Her tone completely changes, making me wonder if even Felicia’s staff knows she is a porn star. She is awfully insistent that we don’t breathe a word about her profession to her potential suitors.

“Jenn from….” I catch myself. “Olivia Davis calling for Color Me Love.”

One of these days, I am going to make a big boo-boo and reveal the Jenn from Splitsville.com side of my personality and it will blow up in my face. I just know it.

“Color Me Love, the matchmaking service?” There is a trace of laughter in her voice that sends chills up my spine. “You have the wrong number. Ms. Evans does not need any matchmaking. . .”

“I’ve got it.” The throaty Felicia interrupts our conversation. “You can hang up, Hope.”

Before Felicia says another word, the phone clicks.

“Is there no privacy with your little company?” Her voice holds a rasp of anger. “This is a private matter and if your little business can’t help me or give me anonymity, then I can go elsewhere. Trust me; anyone would love to have me as a client.”

“Don’t go all Charlie Sheen on me.” I refuse to take any verbal abuse from a porn star. “You should have written on the application this is super private, and then I would have known.”

“You are lucky I’m giving you a second chance. Now who do you have for me?” Felicia asks in a smoother tone. “It better be a good one. I’m not going to waste my time or makeup getting ready for a loser. And I can guarantee that my makeup is worth more than your paycheck.”

I bite my tongue.
This is not Splitsville.com,
I repeat. I can
not
be the snarky Jenn; I have to be the sweet Olivia.

“I’m sure you are going to be pleased. We have a paring with a wealthy lawyer. He is very masculine, loves to bull ride and knows how to take care of his woman.” Orange Buddy is none of these things except a lawyer. He is definitely not a bull rider.

The day of our blind date, he got thrown off a bronco and landed on his ass. I still laugh as that scene plays over and over in my head. He deserves this after he talked to me the way he did on that date. “I’m going to make sure he calls you to set up a date.”

“Sounds like my kind of man,” her voice drips through the phone like poison, giving me the heebie jeebies. “Be sure he doesn’t know that I’m Linda Minx. That way he will love me for my brains.”

“Oh, okay.” What fool in his right mind is going to fall for that? I want to ask her, but I remind myself I’m Olivia, not Jenn. Besides, it’s for Erin and the integrity of Color Me Love and what the company promises.

After we hang up, I type a quick email to Buddy to let him know he needs to contact Felicia for a date, giving him her cell phone number. I do not want to repeat the situation we had earlier with her assistant.

Obviously, the assistant is wrong. Even the most famous porn stars need a little help in the love department.

Chapter Five

The old Toyota groans when I pull into my driveway. It gives a little sputter when I switch the ignition key off. I rub the dash as if it’s a good girl, and look at my sweet house.

I’ve taken great pride in my little cottage style home over the past few years and the fall flowers popping up along the white picket fence and along the cobblestone walk add to the cuteness I’ve been trying to achieve. I love how the different colors of mums give an autumn feel to my soul. Autumn happens to be one of my favorite times.