Colorado Bride (24 page)

“I’d think myself hard used if I was forced to become a saint,” he said with an easy chuckle. “I’ve got several things in mind for my future that I’m not sure are allowed to saints, and I don’t plan to give them up.”

“You don’t have to worry,” Carrie replied, happy to be indulging in the old give-and-take with Lucas. “Sainthood is about the least likely handicap you’ll be asked to shoulder in this life. Now finish up here and wash up before Katie decides the kitchen is closed for the night.”

A few minutes later Jerry pulled away, only a few minutes behind schedule. “Now there’s one widow who looks like she’s found exactly what it takes to please her,” observed the banker as the stage rolled on to the road and out of sight of the station.

“Tell us about the capture,” Katie asked after the two men had satisfied the worst of their hunger. She had been virtually dancing with excitement ever since they got back. “Was it hard to take them away from the Indians? Did you have to kill anybody?”

“We want to know every detail,” Carrie added. “We’ve been counting the minutes all day, and you can’t begin to know all the things that have occurred to our imaginations.”

Lucas looked at Jake, who looked at Lucas and suddenly Lucas started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” demanded Carrie. “You have no idea how awful it is to wait, not knowing when you are going to come back, or if you’d be back at all. After what you told us about the Indians, I imagined you killed, wounded, all sorts of terrible things.”

“I almost hate to tell you, but there were only two Indians, and they were both boys.”

“Boys?”

“About fifteen or sixteen.”

“They’re braves nevertheless,” Jake said, not intending to make light of any Indian. “A rifle doesn’t take into account the age of the man firing it.”

“They were just trying to prove themselves,” Lucas said. They probably heard that Baca Riggins was gone and didn’t know you had a stockman.”

“In other words,” Carrie observed, “they thought it would be no problem to run off the stock with a woman trying to run the place.”

“I didn’t say that,” Lucas replied quickly. “Boys no older than those two have stolen stock from grown men all over the West. Anyway, it wasn’t much of a problem to find them. It just wasn’t easy to get the horses back without hurting anybody.”

“That’s what took us so long. Lucas didn’t seem to care that they nearly killed him while he was trying to spare them the discomfort of a bullet hole.”

“If you had been able to shoot a little better, you could have kept the second one tied down longer, and I wouldn’t have had to fight them both at the same time.”

“And you never saw a neater job of it,” Jake said admiringly.

“Nonsense. It’s no feat to defeat two boys.”

“Don’t listen to him. If he’d been any less clever on his feet, I’d be bringing you back his carcass instead of the horse.”

“You got anything for desert?” Lucas asked. “I feel hungry enough for two people.” Katie produced what was left of a peach cobbler and Lucas directed his attention to his food. Carrie busied herself with refilling all the coffee cups and putting on a new pot.

“I’m going to need some extra horses,” Carrie said. “I don’t want to be this shorthanded again.”

“I got a good bunch up at my place,” Lucas said. “Why don’t you come up after dinner and look them over?”

Carrie was so flustered she put the coffee beans in the pot without grinding them, and had to take them out again. She was not prepared for Lucas to invite her to his cabin, and certainly not in front of Katie and Jake.

“It’ll be dark before long, and I’ve got to help Katie with the dishes.” She didn’t know whether she wanted to go or not.

“You go on,” Katie said. “I can finish up by myself.”

“I won’t let you,” Carrie said firmly. “Besides, I have a few chores I need to attend to right away.”

“Well, I’ll be there if you change your mind. The horses aren’t going anywhere either.” Lucas rose to his feet. “Mighty good, as always.”

“That’ll be a quarter.” All three people stared at Carrie as if she’d said something blasphemous.

“You talking to me?” Lucas asked.

“You can’t mean to be charging Mr. Barrow for his meals?” Katie demanded.

“Yes, I do. I didn’t charge him before because he was doing the stock tender’s work and it didn’t seem fair, but now I have to. You’re not an employee of the Overland Stage Company or a passenger on one of its stages, so I’m required to charge you for the food you eat. I probably shouldn’t be feeding you at all, but after all you’ve done for the station, I don’t think I could refuse you.”

“If I was you, I wouldn’t pay a cent,” Jake advised Lucas indignantly. “Nobody was ever charged for eating here when Baca Riggins was running the place, and I don’t remember there was ever any fuss made about it.”

“I don’t like to have to do it, but I would be dishonest to my employer if I didn’t.”

“What about my bringing back the horses?”

“I plan to write the company and tell them of your services in their behalf and request that they pay you for these services, but in the meantime I’m going to have to ask you to pay for your meals.” Everyone looked at Carrie, but it was the expression on Lucas’s face that concerned her the most. She couldn’t say just what she saw there—respect, dismay, doubt, wonder—they were all too confusing and too elusive. She did know that she had succeeded in upsetting him and not at a very good time.

“I’m sure the Overland will be overjoyed to know they have an incorruptible servant jealously watching over their purse.”

“Please, Lucas, don’t make it any harder. Wouldn’t you expect me to charge for extra meals if it was your company?” For a moment there was a startled look on Lucas’s face before he broke into a rich laugh.

“Yes, I would. I’ve a mind to write the company myself and tell them what a pearl they have in you.”

“Please don’t, but I’d appreciate a good word to Duncan Bickett if you get the chance. I expect Jerry Blake hasn’t exactly been singing my praises.”

“I don’t think Duncan pays much attention to the likes of Jerry Blake,” Jake said scornfully. “He’s much more likely to listen to the passengers when they tell him how good your food is and how promptly everything is done.”

“Well, if you’re going to spend the rest of the evening passing around compliments, I’m going to clear on out,” Lucas said bruskly. “The offer’s still open if you want to see the horses.”

“I don’t think I’ll be finished in time,” Carrie said, but she seemed less definite about it this time.

Carrie knew she was procrastinating. She could think up as many little jobs as she wanted, she could give herself as many reasons as she could think of as to why she should go back to her cabin and go to bed early, but she knew, that no matter what she said to herself, she was going to Lucas’s cabin. She also knew it had nothing to do with the selection of horses. She had to talk to him, to tell him of her feelings and to tell him that she had never been married. She didn’t know how he was going to react to that, she had a feeling he had already endured about all the deceits and surprises he could take from her, but she had to tell him. If they were ever going to have a chance to become more than friends, she had to be completely honest with him.

She knew she had to go, but she was afraid, nevertheless. Going up to the cabin meant risking a kind of physical closeness she had never experienced, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

She admitted to herself, with a pleasurable shudder, that she didn’t really know what it meant to be physically joined with a man, but from everything she had been told, it couldn’t be too earth-shaking. The married women she knew all spoke of the physical act, when they spoke of it at all, with a kind of forced tolerance, implying that only lewd or loose women could actually enjoy such a coupling. They were willing to endure it for the sake of children, or to satisfy the bestial appetites of their husbands, but they professed to feel great relief when participation was no longer required of them.

Carrie didn’t know any lewd or loose women, but she had often wished she could talk with one for about an hour. However, the opportunity had not presented itself so far. Her friends had all professed to believe the same thing as their mothers, but Carrie had often noted that her younger sister-in-law would grow excited and start to giggle whenever her brother said he wanted to go to bed a little early. It was no secret why he wanted to go to bed, and Lucinda didn’t try to pretend she wasn’t anxious to go with him.

In addition to this, there was the considerable evidence of a long history of many a husband’s involvement with women other than their wives. It seemed unlikely that so many men, and women for that matter, would brave the most terrible stigmas organized society could devise if there weren’t something very necessary, indeed very wonderful, to be enjoyed. Carrie couldn’t help remembering the response Lucas’s kisseshad aroused in her body. And when he touched her breast! She couldn’t find words to describe how she felt, but it was a wonderful feeling and she longed to experience it again. Maybe that was how Lucinda felt. Carrie wished now she had thought to talk with her sister-in-law about her relationship with Sam instead of merely considering her an additional burden in a household left for her to manage.

Personally, Carrie thought it probably was the union of minds, the sharing of day-to-day life, and the rearing of children that bound two people together rather than their physical attraction; men did seem to devote most of this kind of attention to women who were not their wives, but she decided it was probably best to keep an open mind on the subject. Lucas had already upset several of her most firmly held canons. There was no telling how many more he would topple.

Chapter 13

It was impossible to miss the path to Lucas’s cabin. Funny she’d never been this way before, Carrie thought as she made her way up the slight incline and around the shoulder of a hill toward the cabin. Perhaps it was because Lucas was always down at the station. And it’s not like this place is a part of him, she told herself. It’s just an old cabin the company provides for the wrangler, just like the cabin they provide for you.

She came into the clearing and found herself next to the corral. The mustangs had gathered near the side of the corral near the path and they scattered at her approach, their nickers sounding softly in the evening air. Knowing all the while that she was merely putting off the moment when she had to face Lucas, Carrie turned her footsteps aside to the corral. She had come to discuss horses and it made sense for her to look over the livestock before she started to discuss them. It was also perfectly understandable that she could concentrate on what she was doing better if she was alone. It was always more difficult to think when someone was talking to you.

Lucas was right, she realized, when he said he had gotten a fine group of horses. Even a quick appraisal told her there were several horses in the corral as good or better than any she had seen in the station corral so far. She had a particular liking for a sorrel mare that seemed less afraid of her than the others. She didn’t have a saddle horse of her own and maybe that little mare would be just the horse for her.

“Any particular horse you like?” The sound of Lucas’s voice made her jump, and she turned as he came toward her, feeling just as guilty about coming as she felt about not having had the courage to go straight up to his cabin.

“I was looking at that sorrel mare. It hadn’t occurred to me until Jake mentioned it this morning, but I don’t have a saddle horse.” Lucas’s glance slid away from Carrie and found the mare which had left the group of horses and come halfway across the corral toward them. He leaned on the fence next to her, his foot resting on the bottom pole. Immediately Carrie felt the temperature of the night change and she found the shawl she had thrown over her shoulders to be too warm.

“She acts like she’s been around people before,” Lucas observed. “Maybe she’s even had a saddle on her back.”

“Does that mean she belongs to someone else?”

“Not unless she’s wearing a brand, and I don’t see one. Would you like me to break her for you?”

“Could you? What I mean is, does the company own the horses yet? Are you obliged to give them all to the company or do you sell them one by one?”

“You mean since you’re charging me for food, you expect me to charge you for this horse?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect the company to provide a horse for my private use.”

“I don’t know what the company policy is on horses for personal use, though I imagine any use you made of it would have to do with company business, but these are my horses, and I’ll make you a present of the mare.”

“Oh no, I insist that you allow me to pay for her.”

“And if I refuse?”

“But why should you?” Carrie demanded, both curious and a little irritated at his stance. “These horses represent your livelihood, the way you make a living.”

“I just realized that I’ve never given you a present, and this will make up for that oversight.”

“But why should you give me a present?” Carrie asked. She felt a tightness in her chest, a constriction around her heart. Why did being around him always make her so nervous? It was impossible to consider being constantly near a man who caused such chaos in her mind and body. And no man would want to spend the rest of his life with a woman who acted like a perfect idiot every time he stepped into the room.