Come Home Again (The Donovans) (18 page)

Lach laughed again. “So there are good parts.”

Nate scowled at his friend. “None of your business.”

“Of course. Except the lovely Miss Donovan seems like a smart woman. She’s clearly figured out you won’t stick around and is keeping her feelings to herself. Only problem is, you’ve fallen for her, and you don’t want her to keep shit to herself, and it pisses you off, so you’re pushing her away before she can run.”

Nate rubbed at the burning spot over his chest. Delilah did matter to him. And he wanted to matter to her. He wanted her to tell her family. It terrified the shit out of him, but he wanted to be wrapped into that kind of family again, where everyone knew his shit and loved him anyway. It hurt that she didn’t even want to tell them about him.

Maybe it was time to let someone in.

“She went home to see her family today.”

“And she didn’t ask you to go with her?” Lach shook his head. “Maybe she thinks it’s too soon for that. Cut her a little slack.”

Nate frowned. “It’s not so much that, as it is she won’t even tell them about me.”

“Well, didn’t you say you had a complicated past with them? Maybe they’d blow a gasket or something.”

Truth was, he had no idea how they’d react. When he’d first seen her again, he’d assumed they’d want to see him. But what if they didn’t? Whet if they’d shut the door on him the way he’d shut it on them? The burning in his chest grew more intense.

“I don’t know.”

“And you’re pissed that she’s going home and not going to tell them? You’d leave her to do that all by herself?”

Shit
. “Well, no. Not exactly.” Except exactly.

Lach rolled his eyes. “You realize even I think that’s a dick move, right?”

It was a dick move. He knew it. He’d known it when he was asking her if she was going to tell them about him. But a small part of him had wanted to know if they’d be happy to hear about him before he committed fully to going back. Yeah, he was a dick. He sighed. “Yeah, I’m a douche.”

“You don’t get any argument here.” Lach frowned before taking a bite of his waffle. “Have you ever even contacted them? You know, to say thanks and sorry. I know you don’t exactly revisit shit, but you said they saved your life. Did you ever say thank you?”

No. He hadn’t ever said thank you properly. He’d let his shame stop him from doing so. But thanks to them, he had the kind of life he’d only ever dreamed about. Maybe it was time to put an end to that.

N
ate’s breakfast with Lach had him reevaluating some things. First, he was a bigger prick than he’d ever thought. So that had to change. Asking Delilah to be the one to tell her family about him was a dickish thing to do. And he’d been a coward for long enough.

A part of him had figured they'd get around to her family sooner or later. But in the heated darkness of his bed last night, he’d put that off for sometime way in the future. He hadn’t factored in them becoming an issue so soon. More like, he hadn’t figured on having to face the music so soon.

Except, here he was, about to walk right up to the cheery Victorian he'd called home for three years. There was a 1968 Mustang in the driveway. Mint condition. No doubt it was Dylan's. He'd talked about nothing else but muscle cars for most of the time Nate had been there.

In the front yard, there were a couple of skateboards and a basketball. That meant John hadn’t been out into the yard yet because he would have had a fit. Keeping the outside of the house tidied up had been one of Nate’s chores. A pang of sadness accompanied the spear of regret that pierced his heart. He'd walked away from all of this.
He'd
said goodbye. Or not.
He'd
been the one to turn his back. And he hated that it had taken something like Delilah walking out on him to bring him home.

He released the latch on the front gate and let himself in. No alarms sounded. No one came running out screaming, “Imposter, imposter.” No dogs signaled to the bustling family inside that someone was here.

Once he reached the front door, his finger halted over the buzzer. He could still turn back. No one would ever need to know he was here. No one had seen him. No harm, no foul. He'd see Delilah at work and their events, but he could let her go. Couldn't he? He could pretend that having her in his arms again, just for a moment, didn't feel like Christmas and his birthday rolled into one. Or rather his birthday and Christmas at the Donovan’s rolled into one.

Don't be a coward. Show her you mean business. Take the hit of pain and go back to your family.

Self consciously, he wiped the heels of his palms on his jeans, then he rang the doorbell. Inside, the racket was at death metal decibels, so he worried no one could hear it. Maybe there was still time to run. But even as he poised on the precipice of flight, the door opened.

Nate held his breath as he and Sarah Donovan stared at each other. It wasn't until his head began to swim that he remembered to do the whole oxygen thing. Inflate the lungs, then deflate. There. Not so hard. He tried to make his tongue work around the sand paper on the roof of his mouth, but he couldn't get it right. Instead, it thickened, and stuck, and tied.

Her expression morphed from quizzical, to confused, to stunned silent shock. And they stared at each other for what must have been minutes, maybe hours. It wasn't until a deeper male voice called her name from the interior of the house that she finally moved.

“Sarah, who is it?”

Sarah Donovan was a small woman. She only stood at five feet two inches, and she'd always been slight. Old age made her seem smaller somehow. But the power with which she barreled into Nate stunned him with the sheer force. She wrapped her arms around him and didn’t let go. As the frail-looking woman squeezed him with all her might, Nate blinked away the tears. His arms automatically slid around her and held on.

She had always given really good hugs. When he'd arrived, he'd been no better than a caged animal. He hadn't had much in the way of affection. But from day one, after she’d hugged him and welcomed him to the family, he’d been addicted. And fuck, he'd missed them. He shut his eyes to stop the embarrassing prick of tears. Closing out all the noise and his thoughts, he stood on the porch and let himself be held.

She kept whispering as she stroked his back. “I knew you'd be back. I knew. I always knew. My boy. I always knew.” Strong hands rubbed up and down his back like they had when he'd gotten his first medical check up after the beating that had brought him to them. The docs had deduced that he'd never really had a full work up so they'd given him one, inoculated him against a slew of things, and she'd sat by his side the whole time. He'd never even had to tell her that needles made him crazy. When you grew up with a junkie, prostitute mother, the sight of them could turn your stomach. She'd sat there for an hour just rubbing his back as he'd turned his head to stare at the wall and not at the needles going into his arm. Like a mother should.

For what seemed like hours, they stood there, oblivious to the world around them. Then the voice came from the interior again, this time sounding closer. “Geez, woman, are you trying to let in every mosquito from here to Schenectady? What are you—”

Then there was silence. Nate forced his eyes open to stare at the man he'd always hoped to call Dad one day. Their gazes locked, and the older man's hand flew to his heart. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.”

Sarah loosened her hold on him, shifting to look at her husband. “This is the best birthday present. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

John continued to stare like he'd seen a ghost, his eyes welling with tears. “I wish I could say this was my doing, but it's not.” Slowly the older man approached as if not believing what his eyes told him. When he reached them, he stumbled into the hug. Nate would have thought hugging his surrogate father would have been awkward, John had never really been a hugger, but it wasn't. Nate let everything wash away and let himself be held again. Sarah Donovan never let go of his hand.

John backed away and looked at Nate long and hard. “Not sure how you got here. But you're a sight for sore eyes.”

Sarah piped in. “Best birthday present ever.”

Nate finally found his voice through the gravel in his throat. “I—” He pinched the tip of his nose. Last thing he needed was snot dripping on the shiny hardwood floor. “I'm, uhm, long overdue to say this to you. I'm so—”

Sarah put her hands up to his lips. “Stop. We don’t need to know why you left. All I care about is that you're home.”

“Sarah's right, Nate. It's good to have you back. We can worry about the whys later.” Gruff now, he cleared his throat twice then slapped Nate on his back. “Why don’t you come in and meet the rest of the family? This is just like one of those lifetime movies Sarah is always watching. The family is complete again.”

They might not have wanted his apologies, but at the very least he could tell them how he'd ended up on their doorstep. The very same reason he'd come to them in the first place. “You should thank Lila. She's the one who found me. I'm here because of her.”

Sarah froze. “Delilah found you? But she didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, I'm afraid that's my fault. I wanted this to be a surprise.”

John beckoned them forward. “Come on then. Dylan and Derek are through here. The rest, well, maybe we'll have your...” His voice trailed off as if he searched for the right word. “Delilah can make you name tags for the rest of the family.”

Nate smiled as he followed them. “Lila mentioned that the family has grown a little since I've last been here.”

The woman he'd always wished was his mother laughed. “Oh, yes, you could say that. Apparently, I liked being a mom. And I have a soft spot for a kid with a story.”

As they rounded the corner to the great room, Nate halted in the doorway. A teenage girl did a dance by the pool table as she collected money from three guys. The television was on, though no one was really watching it.

John's voice rose to be heard above the din. “Pay attention, the lot of you. This is Nate.” The older man's gaze met his. “He's finally come back home.”

Two of the guys by the pool table whipped their heads around to stare at him. Okay, to be fair, one of those was definitely a glare.
Dylan
. Looked like he’d have some explaining to do. Derek just stared at him, mouth agape.

From behind, he heard footsteps, and his hair stood on end.
Delilah
.

“Mom, Dad, which bottle of wine do you want to open, the Riesling or the—”

Nate turned and gave her a sheepish smile. “Hey, Lila.”

###

D
elilah's hands shook. She knew she had to say something, but instead, her gaze stayed glued to Nate. This was
not
part of the plan. He was not supposed to show up here and disrupt her life.

Her mother strode over and encompassed her in a hug, squeezing her so tight Delilah worried about her oxygen flow. “Thank you, baby. I don't know how you managed it. And I don't care. I'm just so grateful that you did. I can't say thank you enough. This is more than I could have asked for.”

Over her mother's shoulder, she glared at Nate. But he didn’t even give her his characteristic cheeky grin. Instead, there was a shimmer in his gaze, and his brows furrowed. Suddenly it hit her. She’d hurt him.

She'd never considered that what she said would hurt him. It had been in the heat of the moment. It had also been the truth at the time. He
wasn’t
someone she could have just turned up at home with. But she could have stayed to talk about it. Instead of running.

But now, he'd removed the complication. Sort of. Though her parents looked thrilled, Dylan glared at both her and Nate. No doubt he'd be doing a full background check on Nate and what he'd been up to. Derek looked more curious than anything. The rest of her siblings openly gawked. Mia mouthed. “Is this him?”

Delilah nodded then dragging her gaze back to Nate. “Uhm, Mom, can I borrow Nate for a minute?”

Her mother studied her for a beat then said, “Of course, baby. But hurry back. Your dad’s ribs won't last long with this lot. I'll try to save you some corn on the cob.”

“Thanks. Nate, can I see you outside please?”

For a second, he looked like he wanted to refuse. And out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dylan move toward them. She gave her brother a slight shake of her head. He might be instinctively distrustful, but Nate wasn’t dangerous. Not to her.
Not physically, at least.

She turned and walked into the backyard, not waiting to see if he followed or not. Delilah only knew for sure that Nate followed her at the sound of the heavy footfalls on stone walkway.

She let herself into her old room, a smile tugging at her lips. Her mother had kept it mostly the same. With only Zephyr and the girls still at home, her parents probably had empty nest syndrome. Though, her mother had been threatening to turn the back rooms into a yoga studio or something.

Nate started talking before he even made it into her room. “Delilah, I'm sorry. I know you think I'm intruding, but I didn’t like how we left things.”

She deliberately closed the door behind her. She didn’t want any of her siblings or worse, her parents, overhearing snippets of this conversation. “What the hell, Nate? You couldn’t give me a head’s up?”

He crossed his arms. “If I had called to tell you I was coming, would you have let me? Hell, would you have even answered my call?”

True, but still...Was he insane? “I would have told you not to come. I would have brought Mom and Dad to the city and done it quietly. I would have given them some warning. Introduced you to the family slowly. Now you've got Mom all excited, like this is some big homecoming. You know how she is.”

He dropped his arms. “I have come home.”

“Bullshit. I can’t take it if you break her heart again. Did you see the look on Dylan's face? He'll actually kill you. If you value your life and my sanity, just leave now. Before she gets even more attached to you. Before Eden and Max start falling in love with you. Before Zephyr thinks he has another big brother. Before Holden gives you boxed sets of his books. Before this family envelopes you again. More people will get hurt when you bail on us.”