Come To Me (Owned Book 3) (7 page)

They were nice. They were helpful. But were they? She’d told us it felt like they were great and friendly and wonderful, but it was those same friends who were taking her out every night to get high. When she was trying to get sober, that wasn’t exactly ideal.

I saw Lenny as shining, and the soldier kept calling on his hill. I tried to smother his call, but distantly I wondered.

“I love you,” she continued. “I love being with you, but I just need a break from
me.
My brain never stops spinning and the pills the psych prescribed weren’t enough. They’re
never
enough. I recognize what I’m doing is scary and probably harmful but I just…” Lennox choked on her words. I never knew what to do when she cried. I felt like a fucking bear trying to hold a petal in my hand. She was fragile. She was my Lenny.

She lowered her head and the only way I knew she was crying was by the small drops of water that fell to the concrete. Fuck. This was not how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to save her, keep her safe, and I was failing completely.

“Do you know what it’s like to never shut off?” Lenny said, lifting her eyes to mine, glassy and big. “To constantly be running? I’m
exhausted.
There are times when I feel like if I have just one more thought I will literally drop dead from the weariness, but I can’t stop racing. It doesn’t matter, though!” Lennox laughed, sounding crazed. “I don’t control it! I don’t control the thoughts. They come, tumbling like a fucking avalanche despite the fact that
I don’t have space for them inside my brain.
My thoughts are so fast it’s like…it’s like…” Lenny struggled to find the words. “It’s like trying to pick out a star in a meteor shower.

Time passed. Neither of us spoke as Lenny breathed heavy, fast, and raspy. I heard the sound of thunder in the distance, and wasn’t that just perfect? I had a thought that we should leave and get in the car before the rain started, but I didn’t want to stop whatever was happening. For the first time in months we were having a real conversation.

“I know I shouldn’t take these…” Lenny looked at the white capsules in her palm. “I should talk to my doctor. All of that. But I’m terrified. I’m terrified they’ll take them away and have me try yet
another
med. I’ve found something that works. I’ll probably get used to the drugs in a month, but right now I have a break.” She shoved the capsules back in her pocket and looked up at me expectantly. And fuck if I didn’t just wish I had a “For Dummies” manual or some shit. What was I supposed to do in that moment? Seriously? What?

On some level—I think you know what level by now—I got where she was coming from, but did that mean…

“I’m supposed to just be okay with this? Am I supposed to just stand by while the woman I love becomes an addict?”

Lenny sighed, and with that sigh I knew the calm was over. “I don’t know, Vic.” Eyes creased, lips heavy, she looked away. Her arms shrank inward, her chin met her chest, and I knew she was looking for the quickest exit, whether it was through the pills or through the opening in the alleyway behind me.

Water started to fall, big tears crashing over our heads. Soon a curtain of watery beads masked everything, making objects appear like shadows. Lenny’s shadow started to move, so I snatched her by the arm and dragged her to the car.

Wasn’t it just so fucking poetic that it was raining?

I don’t know; I’m not a poet.

I
threw her in the shower, not caring if the water was too hot. When I heard her yelp, I realized it probably was. I shut the door, put a chair under the knob so she couldn’t get out, and started rummaging through her things.

Halfway through scouring her thongs, I stopped myself. I held up her pink, lacy thong and instead of looking at the thing with lust, I was looking at it with distrust. I shut the drawer and sat on the bed. I wasn’t sure how to handle this, but I could be sure this was the wrong way.

I heard the water turn off ten minutes later while I was trying to decide what to watch. There wasn’t a damn thing that could distract me. In my head I was still pulling out drawers, lifting up the mattress, and kicking over furniture.

When she opened the door, the chair fell to the floor. She looked at it with mild amusement. Yeah, I hadn’t realized the door opened from the inside. Whatever, I had other things on my mind—like where my pill-head girlfriend kept her stash.

“Just so you know, today was an accident.” She glared at me as she toweled her head. “I forgot all about your birthday.”

“Whatever.” I kept my eyes glued on an empty screen, not wanting to incite another argument. I knew it hadn’t been entirely an accident. For her to have pulled off the party, complete with everyone attending, the cake, the decorations, all that shit, she had to have been planning it for some time.

Lennox had a unique style of fighting. She liked to wound. She liked to pinpoint your weaknesses and make you bleed your heart’s blood. It was fucked up, but I wouldn’t lie, it turned me on. She was good at it—not many possessed the ability to pinpoint a target’s Achilles heel. I know, I’d gone through training and even
I
still couldn’t do it.

I don’t even think she realized what she did, because Lennox was also very compassionate. She was a lover, and if I’d told her that she was also the most fucked up, psychopathic fighter I’d ever met, I was sure she’d throw herself out the window before she hurt another soul.

I’m also pretty sure I couldn’t convince her it was okay based on the fact that I got off on it, based on the fact that I was just as twisted as she was.

Lenny sat down on the bed, her body creating a slight dip. I watched her out of my peripheral. Fuck, but I would always be drawn to her. With brick red hair over one shoulder of her naked back, it was like having an ancient Roman painting just a few inches from me. It was mesmerizing.

People stare at those paintings for hours. People dedicate their lives to those goddamn paintings. It was no wonder that I was twisted up with Lenny. Just as I was about to throw every goddamn thing that had happened earlier to the wind to satisfy my dick, Lenny pulled open the nightstand and grabbed a pill bottle.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, sitting up straight. Inwardly I punched myself for not checking there first.

“Can we stop pretending, please?” She opened a bottle, punctuating her point. “Fuck, Vic. Just because we don’t speak of it doesn’t mean it goes away—even though I know that’s what you think. I’m doing this. You know I’m doing it. Just like I know you’re still hiding things from me.” She opened her mouth, about to drop a pill, but I smacked it away. The bottle fell to the floor, pills clattering around.

I leaned back against the headboard, satisfied, and rested my head against my arms. “Don’t be so fucking dramatic, Lennox.”

“I’m dramatic?” Lennox exclaimed, rising to her knees. “What do you call this?” She gestured down to where I’d knocked her bottles.

“I’m not enabling you any more,” I said through gritted teeth.

Lenny laughed, a bitter sound like wind caught in a tunnel. “I’m sorry that I refuse to continue to hide behind the paper screens you concoct with delicate words, Vic. This is our life. It’s ugly. It’s messy. It’s probably going to kill us. Deal with it or get the fuck out.” She bent over to pick up her pills and gestured to the door with the same motion, not even bothering to look at me.

“Gladly.” I walked out of the room, heading to my “secret lair” as Lenny called it. In reality, it was just an office with a few extra gadgets. I guess I’d be spending the night there, waiting for information on what END planned to do with me, instead of hiding behind paper screens.

I
’m hungry.

I’m cold.

I found some white powder that doesn’t taste real good, but when I mixed it with water it almost reminded me of cookie dough. I can’t even remember the last time I had cookie dough, but if I pretend hard enough, the white stuff tastes like it. If I eat enough, my stomach doesn’t hurt so much.

Mama was angry again so I hid in the cupboards. She doesn’t look for me there. Still, I’m scared. She bangs on the counter and knocks over the chairs when she’s like this. The noises are loud and remind me of thunderstorms.

She’s eaten the candy again and it’s made her mad. I did my best to hide it from her, but she found it. She always finds it. When she found out I hid it from her, she hit me upside the head. I ran to the pantry when she took a break from beatin’ me and have been here ever since.

I hoped there would be some food in the cupboards but there was nothing, nothing but dust and a jug of something blue. I seen how Mama used the blue stuff to clean one day, the one day the lady comes, so I know not to eat it.

I used to wish Mama would share her candy. It reminded me of the rock candy Mama used to buy when she’d get her cigarettes. Now Mama doesn’t leave so she doesn’t buy me candy no more. I used to wish she’d share her candy cause all I have to eat is white powder and sometimes old nuggets, if the neighbors throwed it out in the trash.

Now I don’t wish she’d share. I tried some of it and Mama hit me so hard I couldn’t see for days. Still, that’s not why I don’t want it. I don’t want it cause when Mama eats the candy she is no longer my Mama. Tonight Mama’s had candy so I’ll sleep in the pantry, because it’s safer than my bed.

I woke up with a start, neck sore from the way I’d slept. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the errant dream from my head. It felt more like a memory than a dream. It was still early in the morning, the sun hanging low on the horizon, but I had an urge to go check on Lenny and make sure she was sleeping well. The night before she’d banged on the door, yelling that she was going to sleep downstairs in the spare room. By the time I’d opened the door to tell her it was unnecessary, her figure was retreating down the stairs.

Even while Lenny and I were separated, I was never far from her. I used GEM resources to make sure she was always safe. Always. Now I was home, but I’d never felt farther away.

I stood to go check just as my computer beeped, a red alert bubble unopened in the corner. I looked at the bubble waiting to be popped, and then at my door. Rationally I knew Lenny was safe asleep downstairs, but that didn’t calm the gnawing in my gut. That would only settle once I saw her red hair on the pillowcase. The bubble dinged again, and I bent over to quickly read the message.

Vic: This came across my desk. Thought you might like to know.

–Charlie

I opened the attachment and absorbed the information. I don’t know what I’d been expecting. Charlie wouldn’t have messaged me if it wasn’t important. We weren’t exactly pen pals. We didn’t send gifs in our spare time. I should have put it all together before I even opened the goddamn thing. The message shouldn’t have been a surprise. None of it should have been a shock. If I’d been thinking with just an ounce of forethought or cunning, I would have seen it.

I rubbed my neck as I read, trying to work out the kinks sleeping on a desk had created. Obviously, my mind had been elsewhere.

According to Charlie’s intel, GEM had ordered the hit in Mexico and the hit was me. If I had gone to Mexico, I would be a dead man. I read and reread, trying to see if there was any other way to interpret it. There wasn’t.

Dom had deceived me and was not a neutral party, but a spineless shitfuck working for GEM—though for some reason GEM still hadn’t officially blacklisted me. Probably because it was Alice pulling the strings.

If you ever find yourself in this situation—quasi-blacklisted by a bitch with a vendetta—you should never do what I did. You should close out the files, delete them, and a go off the grid as soon as possible. You shouldn’t stay bent over the desk, goddamn message still open on your screen.

But I was…hung up.

See, as I dialed the fucker, I couldn’t help but remember all the shit I’d done for him. Mistake number one. In the wetwork world, honor and nobility are like diamonds: everyone wants them, no one really has them, and there really is no point to them. I guess that was why Charlie and I got along so well (well, as much as you could in that world). He might have been a bit of psychopath, but somewhere deep down, he had his honor.