Coming Home (3 page)

I remember the first time I ate out at a restaurant and the first movie I ever saw. Grandma drove us and picked us up. I remember wanting to hold Sammy’s hand so badly during the movie. I wonder if Trevor felt the same way, even then. I no longer remember a time I didn’t love her. I will always love her. I look over at Trevor again. We will always love her.

He stops the car and sits there for a moment staring out the window. I know that this is just as scary for him as it is for me. The next few days could very well determine our future. I want so much to be able to fast forward and see how it turns out but life doesn’t work that way. I take a deep breath and open my door. Trevor follows suite and we walk around to the front door. I knock before I chicken out.

The door is pulled open and there is Grandma. The woman who was always kind to me. The woman who was more family to me than my own ever was. She looks the same only older and with dark circles around her eyes, giving her illness away. She pulls me into her arms and I feel like I am home. I feel as though my very own Grandma is welcoming me into my family home.

She pulls back and holds me at arm’s length as she stares at me as though she can see right through me. For all I know she can. She always seemed to know when something was bothering me. She would sit me down and have me tell her everything that is going on, even when talking about things was the last thing I wanted to be doing. She could always get me talking.

“It’s good to have you home.” She says and smiles up at me warmly. I can practically feel the warmth of her smile. It’s like drinking hot coco and eating warm cookies straight from the oven, which of course I only experienced here.

She turns to Trevor and gives him the same treatment. When she pulls back, I see tears in Trevor’s eyes. He was always easy at sharing his emotions. I wasn’t as easy to read. I never had anyone who taught me how to. I was ignored most of the time and when I wasn’t, I was wishing I was. Trevor was raised similar only he had a nanny that cared for him in his youth that was nurturing. Unfortunately she was caught sleeping with his father and fired by his mother.

“There, there sweet boy. You’re home now.” She pats his back and steps aside so that we can step inside her living room. It is just as it was last time we were here. The same day I kissed Sammy for the first time.

We had all been sitting around the table talking about our day. We had only started coming back over for a few months, when we had decided we couldn’t stay away any longer. I had never been happier than when I was sitting at that table, well maybe when I had Sammy in my arms. The table is definitely a close second though.

We had finished our meal and I asked Sammy to walk with me down to the stream. Trevor stayed behind to talk to Grandma. She was worried about him because we could all hear the yelling coming from his house the night before. I took her hand to help her over a fallen tree and couldn’t seem to let it go. It was as though it belonged there, like another appendage. I couldn’t lose the contact any more than I could cut off a hand.

We stopped by the stream and she looked up at me through her lashes. The wind blew and she shivered. I pulled my jacket off and put it over her shoulders. I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers down her cheek. Her skin looked so soft and felt even better. Her lips had parted and all I could think about was pressing my lips against hers. I had not planned on kissing her but when she raised up on her toes, I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. She gasped when I licked her lips to get more of her flavor and my tongue slid inside.

I had never been a religious man, nor had I ever experienced anything to make me think there was a higher power, but I swear I found divinity in her mouth that evening. I couldn’t stop kissing her. I have no idea how long we stayed like that, devouring each other’s mouths. It could have been minutes or hours. All I know is that I wanted more. More of her mouth and more of her body pressed against my throbbing hardness.

The sound of a twig breaking is what finally had me pulling away from her though I still couldn’t look away from her. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen and damp. I had never seen anything more beautiful. She licked her lips to get another taste of me and I nearly succumbed to the temptation but something about the quietness of the evening made me flinch. Trevor should have already been here. What am I going to tell him? I remember thinking.

I will admit it now that I was a chicken. I didn’t know that Trevor had seen us at the time and asked Sammy to meet me there the next day. I planned on telling Sammy first thing in the morning. I never dreamed that I would find him in a similar embrace. I wish I could go back to that day and handle things differently. My father had taught me to use my fists but obviously not my brain. It is one of the reasons I joined the military. I needed to learn discipline. I never would have hurt my best friend, as I had then.

We sit down and the couch with Grandma. We catch up on what is new with us. I look around hoping to see Sammy but am sadly disappointed. Grandma sees the look on my face and pats my arm.

“Sammy is working at the school right now. She will be home shortly.” Grandma tells me with a wink. Sammy graduated from high school a half a year ago but has put college on hold because of Grandma being sick. This is her last remaining family member and I am sure she has to be taking all of this particularly hard. I wish I could wrap her in cotton and take away any suffering she might have. She has already been through so much. When you love someone so completely, it is all consuming and you only want their happiness.

I have never been more frustrated in my life. The kid I am tutoring, so he can graduate this year, keeps hitting on me. I wish I could tell him to shove it but I need the money right now. Grandma’s treatments are dwindling away what savings her and I both had. I worked hard to save money from part time jobs I have had since my sophomore year. I hate spending it, though I know that it is going to the one person who means anything to me, well since I lost my best friends anyway. I miss them every day but I still have Grandma.

Grandma doesn’t tell me, but I know she has stayed in touch with them. I can’t let myself think about them often because my heart still hurts. I wish things had been different. I love them both and I know that I would have been asked to choose between them. There is no way I could choose one over the other. They are both wonderful men. They both kissed me and set my body on fire with their own brand of intensity.

With Step it was as though he was stamping me as his. His possession was in every brush of his lips, in his firmness and disciplined way. I wanted to do whatever he asked me to do to earn his approval and love. I felt his love in that kiss, do not get me wrong but it was more than that. It was pure unadulterated ownership that he wanted from me. I had already belonged to him. To them.

With Trevor, it was a passionate kiss. He kissed me with so much love and desire. He kissed as though he could consume me. I wanted to be consumed. He made me feel sexy and desirable. His every touch and taste was designed to ignite a fire that would burn for years and still want more. His lips were soft and guiding instead of possessive but equally enticing.

I shake my head to get myself back to the present. I pack up my belongings as the kid in front of me continues to talk about himself. He thinks that he has my attention when I am really remembering how it felt to be kissed by the only two guys I will ever love. I love them. I have since the day we met and they gave me comfort in my time of need. They showed me repeatedly that you didn’t have to share blood to love so deeply, so profoundly.

I know now that it is a very different kind of love. It is a love that makes a thousand butterflies take flight from one thought of them. It is the kind of love that every woman dreams of finding and very few will ever know.

“So, will you?” He asks, pulling me from my thoughts. He must not have noticed that I was no longer listening to him.

“Will what?” I ask as I pull my bag over my shoulder so that I can leave.

“Come out with me tonight.” He gives a cocky smirk as though I would fall at his feet for a chance at a date. That may be the case for the girls in his grade. Me, I would rather swallow razor blades soaking in a glass of lemon juice.

“No, thank you.” I say and watch as the smile slowly slides from his face. He is good looking guy. He is the star athlete for our football team but to me he is just a bratty, spoiled boy who expects girls to fall at his feet. I am not like other girls. I have only ever had eyes for the two guys who showed me more love and compassion than I would have ever known in a lifetime without having met them.

“Whatever, I was doing it for charity anyway. Everyone knows you’re a stuck up prude, who doesn’t date. Hell, you’re probably still a virgin.” He sneers and then walks away. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. He is just saving face but what he says is true. I do not date and I am still a virgin. Maybe it is time to start dating. I may never have the men I want but I can at least find a companion.

I walk to my car and climb inside on auto pilot. I feel as though I am cheating on Step and Trevor by even thinking of dating. I know it’s crazy but that’s how it feels. I hope that someday it will get easier. I know that I need to move on, doing and knowing are two different things. I am hoping someday I will only think of them with fond memories and not feel their loss so acutely.

I pull out of the parking lot and start the trek home. It isn’t very far thankfully because my mind isn’t on the road as it should be. I do not notice the strange car in the driveway until I am close to it. I pull in behind my Grandmother because my normal spot is now taken. It is probably a lady from my Grandmother’s church. They stop by periodically to say hi. I do not know why they do. My grandmother quit going many years ago, when my mother died.

I sigh as I put the car in park and step out. I grab my bag before I head to the door. It opens before I can get there and out steps, Step. The bag falls from my arm and papers scatter as I stare up at one of the men who will never leave my mind. He gets down and starts picking up my papers as Trevor steps out of the door. My heart starts racing and I seem to be frozen, unable to move an inch.

Did they read my mind that I was planning to move on? It seems strange that I was thinking about them so much today and it is the day they come back. Maybe I am dreaming. I pinch my arm and wince at the pain. Okay, I’m not dreaming.

“Sammy.” Trevor says as he takes a step toward me. I can’t seem to move. I want to run into his arms and yet I want to run screaming. Why is my body not working? It’s like it has its own mind. Trevor grabs my hands and now it’s too late to run. Step is behind me now. He pulls me back against him and fists his hand in my hair. He kisses my lips softly and then turns my head toward Trevor.

“Kiss Trevor and say hello.” He tells me and I follow his orders as though I had been doing so for years. I press my lips to Trevor’s and he groans, vibrating his pleasure against my parted mouth. His tongue pushes between my lips and our tongues touch and dance together. My head is pulled back, causing me to break the kiss.

“My turn.” Step says gruffly before taking his kiss. He slams his lips down on mine and forces my mouth open. He thrusts his tongue between my lips. I moan as our tongues tangle together. He is in control of the kiss and even the movement of my head. He is dominating and controlling. My body responds to his forceful ways. My breast tingle and a throbbing starts between my legs.

Their kisses are so different yet both familiar and comforting, while still extremely arousing. It’s like coming home after being away for a long time. I want to revel in the feeling they are eliciting inside of me but in equal parts I want to run and protect myself. The protection is what finally breaks the spell and has me running away from them. I open the door and run up to my room. I slam my door before collapsing on my bed. My heart is racing and I can still taste them both.

What have I done?

My cock is hard and I am still breathing heavily. I lick my lips and I can still taste her. That was one hell of a kiss. It has gotten even better over the years. I didn’t know that was even possible. The one kiss we had two years ago is what kept me going. It is what made it impossible to move on. I couldn’t even imagine trying to be with anyone else. She was all I could see.

I would close my eyes at night and remember as I would stroke myself to completion. The way she felt and tasted was nothing to how she is now. Now, I need her more than ever. I groan as I run my hand over my face. I look over at Step and see him still staring at the door she disappeared behind. He looks pissed.

“What is it man?” I ask him.

“I came on too strong. Why do I always feel like pushing her?” He shakes his head and looks at me with a look of utter devastation on his face. He looks defeated and I do not like that look on him at all.

“You did nothing wrong. I could tell she responds to you being dominating.” It’s true too. I bet if I could put my hand down her pants now, she would be drenched in desire. Fuck, just thinking about having my hand down her pants has pre-cum dribbling from the tip of my cock. I have wanted her for so long and would always get hard at the thought of her but this is different. Now, she is within my reach.

I take a deep breath to try and calm my body and emotions. I have to get my bearings back after a kiss like that. The woman kissed all my brain cells out of my head.

“Are you sure it wasn’t me that scared her. I don’t know what came over me.” I know exactly what came over him. He has a need for control and who could blame him after the childhood he had. He had no control over how his old man treated him. He would seem fine one minute and the next he would be beating the shit out of him. Grandma once said that she believed he had a mental illness on top of his alcoholism that made him even more violent.

Who knows what the cause was. I just know that when Step left home, so did his father and he was never heard from again. To Step he died. He thinks he went to Mexico and drank himself to death. Frankly the world is better off without Michael Moore. He wasn’t a good man and he will never be missed. I know that Step thought he was the one who messed up because he preferred his fists to being ignored, but I can understand why.

My parents didn’t give a shit that I existed. They had plenty of money to give someone else to raise me. The one woman who treated me like a human was taken from me because my dad took a liking to her too. My parents were forced to marry because of me and therefore they wanted nothing to do with me or each other. The only time they talked to each other was to yell. They hated each other at least more than they hated me.

I look over at my childhood home and grimace. I would have sold the fucking place if it hadn’t been for Sammy. I need to have the place where I have known her best. A place to come home to that is close to her. She is the one pure thing in my life and I cling to even the memory of her. She is my sunshine in my gloomy, cloudy world.              She is the one thing my parents couldn’t take away from me. They took everything else away. If I showed I cared about it, it would be gone.

I think that they probably tried to figure out a way to get her and Step to go away but they were unsuccessful. I have never been glad for anything more than that. I wouldn’t know what to do without those two. Would I have survived?

“Come on, let’s go unpack and get cleaned up for dinner. I am sure she will have calmed down by then.” I pat his arm as I go over and climb into the car. It is easier to park in the garage and carry our stuff in from there. The house is close but houses out here are not as close as they are in the city. Sure I can see it from here but it is still a half a mile walk. Step could probably do it while carrying his bags but I am not in the same shape.

Step still looks like someone ran over his puppy as he climbs into the car next to me. He keeps shaking his head and running his hands through the short spikes on top of his head.

“You opened the door for a discussion we are going to have with her. You also proved that you can share her without beating the crap out of me.” I laugh even as I flinch with the remembered pain of the punch he laid on me after he found us kissing. I curl my nose as I remember having to have my nose set and bandaged. The maid who had driven me to the hospital was scowling as I howled in pain. I am almost positive my dad was fucking her too.

When I first heard the news that my dad killed my mother before killing himself, I thought it wasn’t possible. I do believe it is now that I know all that happened. Apparently, my mother was not honest with dear old dad from the beginning. It turns out that I was never his. She ruined both of their lives so that she would have his money. Dad was going to marry a woman he loved, until a drunken night at a frat party changed all that.

My real father is a boy who had no money but was a very good looking guy. She had been sleeping with him like a couple of rabbits up until the wedding to my dad. She would have continued with the boy if he hadn’t found out and broke things off. I do not think my mother had true feelings for him because I do not think she was capable of such.

I feel sorry for my dad. He may not have been much of a father and he wasn’t of any blood relation but he was the only father I knew. What she did to him was so completely fucked up. It is one of the reasons I didn’t sleep with any of the women who threw themselves at me. I could have, easily. I couldn’t take the chance. I will only ever sleep with the woman I love. It is the reason I wouldn’t go to any of the frat parties too. I only ever drank in my room with the few friends I had made.

“You’re right. I hope it has made things easier.” He says as I park the car in the garage. I look over at him and he blushes which isn’t a normal occurrence for him.

“I have to admit that watching you two kiss was a huge fucking turn on. I think it will be a lot easier than I originally thought it would.” He looks away and I laugh softly.

“It was for me too. You had her so turned on when you were being commanding that it turned me on too.” I am not ashamed to admit it. The time I caught the two of them kissing by the stream had been so hot. I was upset that I wasn’t there with them but my cock had been like granite. I had to walk away or embarrass myself. I didn’t understand it at the time but I certainly do now.

Step smiles over at me as though he is reading my mind. I laugh as I climb out and open the trunk. We grab our luggage and I open the door to the house I never liked. Most people would kill for such a home but I was raised in luxury and I understand better than anyone that it doesn’t mean shit without love. I had fine clothes and plenty of food. I didn’t have love and happiness. Not in this house anyway.

My happiest memories are with Step and Sammy and most took place at Grandma’s house. This wasn’t a home. It was where I was raised but never a home. Home is where your heart is, so my home is currently in Grandma’s house and has been there since I met Sammy. Who knew that you could meet your one true love as a child? At first I thought I was losing my mind and it took me a while to realize I had lost my heart instead.

I didn’t always know that I would be sharing her with Step, though I probably should have. I knew that Step would always be a part of our lives but it took time to see that it could only be one way. We were in love with the same girl and it became more apparent that time nor space could change that, especially after what just happened. That had to have been the hottest thing to happen to me. Even more so than the internet porn I had seen.

I am no stranger to porn and the three way pornos with two men and one woman, particularly turned me on. Three guesses why. At first I watched for what I told myself was research purposes but later it was to get off. I didn’t date like Step did. I didn’t think there was a point. I want only one woman. I also didn’t want what happened to dad to happen to me.

Oh I had women chase me and I had to fight them at every turn. I even had one climb in bed with me and she nearly got me before I realized what was happening. I was dreaming about Sammy of course and I was hard as hell. I could feel a hand on my dick and it was too real to be a dream and woke up. Thankfully I did at that exact moment. There was a woman straddling me and holding me poised at her entrance. I shoved her off of me but if I had woken a minute later it would have been too late.

I think she wanted to trap me because she was failing school. It would have been a big payout for her. You can never be too careful when you have money. My dad can attest to that. I found out that she got in by my roommate. I kicked him out and changed the locks. That’s what I get for helping out a friend in need. I wonder if she offered him money. I will probably never know.

I had another time that I left my window open because it was a hot night. This girl accidently knocked over a plant as she climbed through the window or she might have been more successful. I swear they could win an award for the stupidest fumbles in trapping a man. Step would say it is my looks but I never thought so. All anyone sees is money, except Sammy and Step.

“You take the master bedroom until we can talk Sammy in to sharing it with us. The bed is way bigger than any of the spare rooms.” I tell him. Step is a big man. I know that he needs a lot more leg room than I do. I am six foot and he dwarfs me. He used to be too big for his body and looked gangly, unproportioned. Now, he is a very good looking guy. I wonder if he knows that. He always had self-esteem issues. I am sure any would with a father like his.

I unpack quickly and hop in the shower, just as I hear the other shower turn on. I quickly scrub myself clean. I thought about taking myself in hand but I want to hurry back to her. I have been away from her for long enough already. Two fucking years was long enough. There were days that I thought about jumping in my car and driving back home just on the chance of catching a glimpse of her.

I hurry and dress. I come out of my room to find Step standing eagerly in the hallway. He wants to get back to her immediately too. I can understand how he feels. I feel anxious and nervous at the same time. I only hope that she doesn’t use the time leading up the Christmas hiding from us.