Coming Home (22 page)

She must have nodded, because he stood and returned a moment later with a glass of cold water. She guzzled the entire thing and still was thirsty.

Where would she go? Back to her apartment, she supposed. But then what? She couldn’t go back to that place where she and Lucian didn’t exist.

She’d become so dependent upon him being in her life. Shock was an agony she could cauterize. She’d thought, after the last twenty-four hours, they’d reached a place of security and agreement.

He came for her, said he loved her, and she loved him. Love was all she could offer, but her ever-present fear of not being enough cut her down quick, and she choked on a sob as everything she held so dearly threatened to rip away.

“Maybe you should lie down. I should have waited to talk to you about this until after you rested.”

She had the instinct to run, but her body was so numb she feared she’d barely be able to stand. Her throat was dry. It was work to swallow. When she managed to produce a normal amount of saliva in her mouth, she asked, “Why?”

“Well, for one, I want you living under my roof. This nonsense of living apart is a step in the wrong direction for us and—”

“Wait, what? I thought you were breaking up with me.”

His eyes widened as he drew back in apparent shock. “Why the hell would you think that?” He actually sounded angry.

“Because you said it wasn’t working out, that you wanted more.”

“Yes. More of
you!
”

Oh.
As her mouth hollowed around the silent word, she blew out a shaky breath.

“Evelyn, I’ve told you, you’re not getting rid of me. Ever.”

A tumultuous smile stretched her lips as pure satisfaction purred from somewhere within her chest.

“Can we talk now?” he asked, face tight, reflecting a cross between amusement and suspicion.

Her confidence slowly reestablished itself. “Yes. Let’s talk.”

Watchfully, he nodded. “Like I was saying, I want more. I know things have . . . escalated between us. I doubt either of us predicted falling in love, but I do love you and you love me. I’m not going to press for marriage until you let me know you’re ready, but I see no need for this distance. There are certain things I need in life and you’re one of them. I want you here, by my side, always there when I wake up in the morning.”

Images of her apartment broke away like figments of clay. Moments ago, the idea of having only her apartment to return to seemed like the most desolate end. It was only an inanimate structure. When she mistakenly thought she was losing Lucian, she realized how lifeless and empty her place truly was without him. But she wanted them both. She wanted her independence and him. That apartment symbolized more than four walls to her.

“I can stay over, but I won’t give up my home, Lucian. It’s important I have a place outside of what you give me.”

“Why?” This obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but he seemed to be open to discussion.

“Because I’ve never had such a thing, and I won’t give it up before the novelty wears off.”

“But you expect the luxury of having your own place to wear off?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what to expect. All I know is what I want. I want you and I want my own home. If you want me, you’ll have to compromise and accept that this is something I need right now.”

If she were being honest, she missed living with him as well. But this was an important stepping-stone for her. She was proving she could stand on her own two feet. Lucian should understand that, being that he held such high regard for control. He’d shown her firsthand how empowering control should be, and she was finally taking charge of herself.

“Assuming we agree that you keep the apartment—”

“
Accepting,
Lucian. Because I
am
keeping it.”

Narrowing his eyes, he continued. “I still want you to treat my homes as yours. I’ll hire a decorator and you can remodel the penthouse as you see fit. We can do the same at the estate and when we visit my other homes, if you want to change them, you can do as you please.”

“Other homes?”

He smirked. “I have eight homes, Evelyn. My estate outside of Folsom; one in Aspen; one in the Hamptons; another off the coast of Florida; a condo in Vegas; a small cottage in Carlingford, Ireland; a mansion in England; and a brownstone in Manhattan. Huh, I guess that’s nine, actually, if you count my home here at the hotel.”

She pushed every word away, not equipped to process such wealth and possession. Her mind focused on the salvaged table and chairs she’d bought the other day. She didn’t know the first thing about decorating. Stupidly, she said, “Maybe we can start with new placemats or something small.” He was insane giving her that sort of authority.

“Whatever you want. I want my homes to be equally yours.”

But they aren’t.

“I want to take care of you, Evelyn. Every time you ask me for something, whether it’s to come to your rescue or simply kiss you good night, it gives me a rush, a feeling of purpose I’ve never experienced before. I want you to be independent and focused on bettering yourself so that you’re happy, but I like that you need me. I want it to be my responsibility to keep you safe. How do you feel about that?”

Warmth bloomed in her chest as she remembered how it felt to see him come to her rescue that afternoon. “Well, that’s sort of your role whether you ask me or not. I do see you that way. I know I can come to you with anything and you’ll help me. But I can’t go back to the way we were. You’d go off to work and I’d wander the condo. I need my life to be more than that.”

He hesitated a moment, then asked. “Once you get your education, which you will, what do you want to do? I can help you get there.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know myself well enough to know what I’m passionate about. This is the first chance I’ve had to take time to do for me, and I
need
it. I need my own stability. I’ll stay here from time to time, but I need a home to go to.”

“You have several.”

She smirked. He was insistent. “So long as you respect that one is solely mine.”

He sighed. “I can accept that. For now.”

“Good,” she said, not seeing the point in putting a time limit on what she didn’t yet know.

“Good. On that same line of trust, I want to readdress the issue of a safe word.”

Her body had a gut reaction as she recalled the only time she’d ever needed to utilize her safe word. He’d pushed her too hard, not physically, never that, but emotionally. She didn’t like the presence of that memory in her mind and tried to force it back into some dark cavity of her brain.

“I just want to be clear,” he continued, “that, no matter what, your safe word will always be respected. No matter what. This time, however, it won’t mean our time’s concluded. It’ll mean we stop whatever we’re doing, regroup, and discuss matters once everyone’s calmed down. Agreed?”

She liked having that sort of safety net. “Yes.”

“Do you still want your word to be ‘checkmate’?”

She nodded. There was nothing more fitting than a word that meant the king was pegged. This was all very familiar to the terms they started their association with. She didn’t understand why he felt the need to readdress such matters. Then he dropped the bomb on her.

“I want the dynamic of our relationship to grow in trust, and I think the only way we can do that is to jump right in. I want you to try something with me. Over the next month, I want you to surrender to me, not just sexually, but completely. I want you to trust me to make the proper decisions regarding your well-being and safety. When I say you should do something, I want you to do your best to get it done. When I say no, that’s the end of it. No arguing. You trust me to have your best interests at heart.”

She held up her hand. “Checkmate.” His brow arched and she explained, “You’re going too fast. Submission in the bedroom is an entirely different practice than submitting my independence.”

“You will always have your independence. I can’t change who you are, nor do I want to.”

Objections sprinted to the tip of her tongue. There was sexual surrender and then there was free will, something she always held tightly to. “Lucian—”

“One month, Evelyn. If you don’t like it, we go back to the way things are. It doesn’t mean we’re over. I believe this is right for us. All of your life you’ve had to decide what was best. I want to give you this gift, unburden you from all that stress. I swear I’ll never treat you as anything other than my equal. Surrender takes more strength than authority demands. I’ll take full responsibility for your health, happiness, and general well-being, and you’ll let me. I see it as a win-win. I’ll be there to take care of you no matter what, but in return I want your complete honesty and trust.”

They’d traveled this road before. When they first met they’d had similar discussions, and her answer was always the same. Trust could not be forced and free will could not be surrendered. “It won’t work.”

“How do you know if you don’t try?”

“Because I know me. I’m stubborn and when I want something, I won’t back down.”

“If there’s something you want, and there’s no harm in having it, I’ll provide it for you. All you have to do is ask. What you’re missing is the fact that I’m relieving you of the struggle. I want the gratification of granting you life’s simple pleasures.”

“Why is what we have not enough for you?”

He took her hands. “It is enough.
You
are enough for me, but I believe we can have more. There are certain things I want. I like authority and order. I’ve watched you come such a long way from where we started, and there have been moments I’ve suffered through silently, watching you struggle—knowing I could fix a situation for you—but I held back because I didn’t want to bruise your pride.

“You’re a remarkable woman and that’s a compliment I’ve never paid another female and, in my business, I’ve met my share of impressive women. All of these secrets and unnecessary shame, they’re taking something incredible away from us, and I don’t think you even realize it. There’s nothing you could tell me that will diminish my love for you.

“Imagine what it would be like, Evelyn, no longer having to worry about money, to have everything you need at the tip of your fingers. I want to see you accomplish your goals as much as you do. I too, draw pride from your success. All I’m asking for is thirty days. Try for me. Surrender. You can continue to see Jason and I’ll arrange for anything else that helps you get where you want to be. I can give you anything if you’d just let me.”

Well, there wasn’t much to complain about there. Thirty days, not a lifetime. What was the harm? She’d wasted more time trying things the hard way, and here was this incredible man offering her the world on a silver platter.

“Would I still get to see Pearl?” There were certain things she simply couldn’t give up.

“Of course, but I don’t want you to work, at least not now. I believe you’d be much better off focusing on your studies. Most students don’t work. Embrace this stage and the next will come in time. Tackle one dream before you try to conquer the world.” He laughed affectionately and dragged a finger over her ear, tucking her hair behind it. The affectionate gesture made her feel safe and warm.

Work wasn’t really an issue for her after today, and the idea of finding another job, yet again, was daunting. “What if I want something, really want something, and you tell me no.”

“Then you have to trust that I’m making the right choice for everyone. I’m not perfect. You’re always entitled to a different opinion, but there will be times we won’t agree and I expect us to discuss the matter respectfully and honestly. Truth is a major part of this sort of relationship. You can never lie to me, Evelyn. Never.”

“What if I know you’re making the wrong decision?”

“You’ll just have to trust me. I’m sure to make mistakes, which I’ll take full responsibility for, but they’re my mistakes to make. Thirty days, that’s all I’m asking. Then the choice to continue or go back to the way things were is yours. You have all the power here. You’re simply entrusting it to me for a short period.”

Her head rolled from side to side on her shoulders as she weighed her options. Was what he suggested really that different from how they lived now? Thirty days would tell.

“All right.”

His brows lifted. Clearly he hadn’t expected her to agree so easily. A slow smile curled his lips and she caught a glimpse of his perfect white teeth. He leaned close and traced his lips over hers. “You make me a very happy man, Evelyn. Thank you.”

Breathing deep, her blood and bones melted into warm liquid heat as the touch of his mouth seeped all the way to her sex. Her body tightened expectantly. She wanted him.

Moaning softly, she leaned into his kiss and he pulled back. A satisfied smirk played on his lips, creasing his eyes. “You need to sleep.”

The lightness of her expression crumbled into a pout. “I’m not tired anymore.”

He raised one dark brow. “You’ve been going a hundred miles a minute. You had a rough day, and there are dark circles under your eyes. I don’t want you coming down with something because you’ve exhausted yourself. I want you to go to bed.”

If she went to bed, she’d stare at the ceiling. She truly wasn’t tired anymore. She wanted to make love. “I—”

“Surrender, Evelyn.”

Her lips pursed as her chin dropped.
Well, this wasn’t fun.

Whatever her expression was, it made him laugh. His palm touched her knee and patted her bare skin. “Come on. I’ll tuck you in.”

She stood and her body ached. “I’m not a child.”

“Of course not. If you were, the things I’m planning to do to you when you wake would land me in jail.”

Grumbling under her breath, she climbed onto the thickly made-up bed. The cool satin covering the down comforter sunk beneath her weight, and she turned to collapse in the cloudlike pillows. Sweet heaven, this bed was so much more comfortable than the one she’d bought.

Her hips lifted as he drew back the coverlet and tucked her legs under the pressed linens. This was a bed made for sleeping—among other things. Her eyes drooped heavily as he switched off the bedside lamp.