Coming Home Again (A Coming Home Again Novel Book 1) (19 page)

“You gotta give it to God, child. He
the only one that can take it away.” She continues to hold me as my screaming
escalates.

I’m fed up and scream out to God, “Why,
God? Why?” I scream this repeatedly until my voice tires. “I don’t want this
anymore!”

“He trying to hand you a better life.
One with peace and love. He’s already gave you Lucas. Take what God is begging
to give you, child.” She pulls back so I have to meet her gaze. We are both
sopping wet and muddy, but it barely registers. “Give God all that bad stuff.
You know you’s sick of carrying it. Give it to Him child and live!”

She rocks me as the rain lets up and
the sun begins peeking out as if on cue. In this moment, I agree to give it up.
I can actually feel the burdens leave me. I cry a long cry—the tears of hurt
and abuse and of nightmares eventually wash away and I am renewed with tears of
relief.

We eventually make our way to the
porch. We sit in an understandable silence as the new day wakes up oblivious as
to what has just transpired in this muddy front yard. Miss May and I don’t
share, we just keep rocking in our chairs.

“I need to get back to Lucas before he
gets worried,” I say as I rise from my chair. I kiss Miss May on her cheek and
head to the jeep.

“No more of those stupid stunts you
tried pulling yesterday, young lady,” she says as I open the driver’s door. I
don’t ask her how she knew about that. I’m guessing it’s the same way she knew I
was going to visit this morning—my other saving grace.

“Yes ma’am,” I say before closing the
door.

I pull up at the beach house and
inspect it, taking it in for the first time. Lucas has rented us a
Mediterranean-style bungalow with creamy stucco walls and a terra cotta roof.
The man amazes me. He knows I’m not a fan of the cliché cookie-cutter beach
structures that dot most of this shore. Leave it to him to seek out a unique
one. I shake my head with a smile and head straight to that enormous shower to
wash off the mud.

Once I emerge, I find my belongings
have been gathered from Jean’s and brought here. I pull on a sundress and pad
out with wet hair to look for my Lucas. I find him on the balcony with two cups
of steamy coffee along with a stack of papers on the table that has been dried.
I stand behind him and wrap my arms around his bare shoulders. He is wearing
only a pair of shorts, and his body is nicely warm, so I greedily soak it in.
The day is heating up fast, even with the beach breeze.

“I love you,” I whisper against his
wavy tousled hair. I begin to pull away, but he holds me there with a firm
grasp.

“Then never try to leave me again.” His
voice is thick with emotion. He is still not over yesterday. I guess I wouldn’t
be either if I watched him do something so dangerous… So stupid.

“Promise,” I say as I kiss my way along
the side of his neck. He pulls me around and into his lap, holding me until I
begin crying again. This seems to scare him just as bad as yesterday, because
Lucas has
never
seen me cry.

“Savannah?” he asks cautiously as he
sits me up so he can study me, sorrow scorching his green eyes.

I smile to reassure him, but he doesn’t
seem to buy it. He probably thinks I have just stepped off the cliff and
plummeted to Looneyville. I try again by pulling him towards me and crush my
lips against his. I have never allowed this intensity, but I feel I have
finally let enough go that I can handle it. I kiss him with all my might,
conveying to him how much I love him. He is guarded at first but seems to
finally let go of his caution and meets my passion with his own urgency. Lucas
deserves to feel as much love as he has always freely given me. I feel no
tingling in my fingertips and the sudden rise of my heart rate feels invigorating
instead of crippling. I’m swept away in the freedom of this moment and a fresh
wave of tears release from me.

I kiss him fiercely and knot my hands
in his hair roughly. We are both trembling with excitement over this
bewildering new moment we are sharing. Lucas says nothing more. He releases a
low fervent growl before he lifts me up in his strong arms and carries me back
into the beach house—the coffee forgotten.

Chapter Fourteen

The afternoon opens up brilliantly and
finds me and Lucas back on the balcony. We are munching away on shrimp burgers
and onion rings he has grabbed up from the Beach Shack, which is conveniently
located about a quarter of a mile down the beach. The sandy shore below us has
become noisy with visitors soaking up the sun and surf. A few surfers are
catching the last of the waves that have been kicked up during the storm. I
itch to join them, but stay put and cram another delicious onion ring in my
mouth instead.

I am blissfully content as I sit here,
and it surprises me. I look over at my favorite guy and smile a toothy smile at
him. He returns it with his boyish grin as he picks up the stacks of papers we
left unattended earlier. I slurp up some of my soda before asking, “What are
those?”

He looks over at me before going back
to studying the papers. “They are the tax files and bank records for your dad’s
businesses from the past three years.” He tries to hand over one of the papers,
but I don’t look at it. I continue to stare at him with my silent questions. He
knows what I’m asking, so he answers. “I had John Paul bring them along with
your belongings this morning. He told me on the phone yesterday about the will
when I called to let you know I was on my way. I couldn’t get ahold of you, so
I ended up calling him.” He doesn’t seem a bit surprised at my dad’s wishes.
Why am I the only one to not see that one coming?

“Why are you reading over this?” I pick
a stray shrimp off my plate and pop it into my mouth. The fried treat is
delectable.

“I’d like to know what we are getting
ourselves into.” He answers while he makes a notation on the paper.

“Look Mr. Businessman, I haven’t agreed
on anything.”

He gives me a look with his brow
slightly raised before focusing back on the papers.

What
was that look about?

We sit for a while, with Lucas studying
the paperwork and me munching through the rest of my lunch.

“Did you know that your dad left no
debt on either business?” he asks eventually.

“No, but that doesn’t surprise me,” I
say and finally begin my own investigation with the paperwork. I don’t get very
far before my phone alerts me to a new text message. I look over at the screen
and sigh in relief. Julia. Finally.

It only says,
I’ll be there
, but that’s enough. I need her. I need her like yesterday,
but am glad to get to have her tomorrow.

I’m guessing you may be pretty curious
about my elusive sister by now. Well, that’s complicated. I’ve not seen her but
very briefly over the years since what happened that year with Evan. Julia
didn’t even show up for Bradley’s funeral and I’m still not sure she will for
our dad’s. We’re not close as I wish we could be. It’s as if Evan Grey and the
devil planted an ugly, thorny vine between us, and we have never really been
able to figure out how to get around the hurtfulness of it. I don’t know much
about her, but I’m willing to share what I have. It’s not any prettier than my
own story, but I guess I owe it to her, and maybe to you, to share it.

~ ~ ~

Too many long months passed before
Julia finally returned home from the facility my grandparents had placed her in
to nurse her back to health. Even though she no longer resembled a skeleton, my
sister was still quite slim, but her beauty had been restored once again. A
warm glow replaced her pale skin, and her hair had a golden shine present once
more. Her big, blue eyes still had an emptiness about them though, but I
figured that was a permanent feature. I could guess my eyes held that
resemblance to her.

Julia formed quite an attitude while
she was away from us. This did not go over very well with Jean, especially
since she was the one to receive the brunt of it. Julia’s reserved,
well-mannered persona was replaced with a prissy arrogant attitude. She had
this remarkable confidence about herself too that I envied.

She announced one day right in the
middle of chores that she and I were going to the beach. She didn’t wait for
Jean’s refusal. She grabbed our suits, the keys to the car, my hand, and
dragged me out the door. Even though I knew there would be unpleasant
consequences, it felt great. I’ll never forget the dumbfounded look on Jean’s
face as we walked out of the house.

“This is fun, right?” Julia asked as we
sunbathed on our towels after a swim.

“Yeah. This is great. I’ll probably get
a face-frying when we get back for going along with you.” I couldn’t help but
feel uneasy about our return to home later that day.

“You are one brave chick. You don’t
fool me,” she said.

I remember looking over at her. She
looked flawless with her golden skin and white, flowing hair. No one would be
privy to the scars riddling her from inside. It was my first notion that my
sister would make one killer actress. She didn’t fool me though. And I wasn’t
fooling myself. I felt nowhere close to being brave. “You’re joking, right? I’m
just a scaredy cat.”

“Savannah? Were you not the one that
called Grandma and Grandpa? Were you not the one to sneak them in the house to
get me help?” Julia pulled her oversized sunglasses off and tried to look me
dead in the eyes, but I couldn’t meet her gaze.

“If I was brave, I would have stood up
to Evan and not let him hurt you so much. Instead I just ran away.” Shame
washed over me while Julia stiffened at the mention of that devil’s name. The
guilt of me disappearing and leaving her to endure who-knows-what has always
eaten at me. Especially after noticing those bruises on her that awful day. He
had never hit me. Rape was enough, but I can only imagine how being secretly
beaten could inflict more life-long damage.

She bolted up off her towel and
snatched me up too. “I never want you to say his name again, Savannah,” she
whispered, trying to hush the conversation away. “I will never discuss this
with you again. I can’t and I won’t. You are brave. You survived.” She chanted
this a few times. I think she was trying to convince both of us. With that,
Julia released me to collect her things and announced our day together was
over. She never invited me to another beach excursion or anything else with her
again. Well, with the exception of two trips, that is. I’ll get to that in a
minute… Maybe…

It wasn’t long after our beach day that
Julia was discovered by a modeling agency at the mall. The agency had set out
to scout some new fresh faces for the industry and Julia definitely fit the
bill. That very same day, my sister came home, packed her bags, and headed for
New York to begin her modeling career. I was shocked and completely crushed
that my sister had so easily walked out of my life without any hesitation. She
had finally found her way out and hastily took it. I guess I couldn’t blame
her—except for the fact that she left me behind. My eyes were opened to the
fact that it is every man for himself. I also concluded that I could only
depend on myself. I know it sounds bitter and cold, but that was my life. That
thin thread of hope that me and my sister could mend our relationship and
overcome what we had endured severed completely after she left. It finished
breaking us apart. I didn’t want to give up on us, but I felt I had no choice.

My sister’s demons followed her all the
way to New York and took up residence with some newly discovered demons as
well. Julia got so wrapped up in the lifestyle of drugs and partying that it
landed her in rehab a few times. She barely visited and only called on
holidays. In many ways, she had begun to remind me of Jean. She was the most
important person in her own world, and our mother had always acted the same
way. Our rare conversations always revolved around her and the big adventure of
the moment. If I did ever get a word in, Julia would just interrupt with “Oh,
that’s nice” and without hesitation go right back to talking about herself. She
stopped hearing me all together. I was no longer significant in her world, and
I would eventually become used to it.

I made the mistake of visiting Julia
the summer after I graduated high school. Yes, here we go. It’s not pretty,
just let me tell you. It was such a shock to actually be invited to come see
her. I really missed her so I eagerly agreed to fly to New York—like an idiot.
It was my first time on a plane, as well as to New York, and I had no idea what
I was getting myself into. The flight went smooth even though I was scared to
death. I believe I stayed a nervous mess until my feet returned back to South Carolina
soil later that week.

As soon as the plane landed in New
York, I began wishing I had never agreed to the trip. For starters, Julia was
too busy meeting with her agent to pick me up from the airport. This left me
with the task of hailing a cab and figuring out how to get to Julia’s apartment
building all on my own. The cab driver could barely speak English and he had a
hard time understanding my southern accent. We were definitely two very
confused and very aggravated individuals. He finally pulled up at the correct
building after forty-five minutes of “huh?” and “I not understand.” More to my
surprise was the fee for the cab ride. It cost me a good chunk of the spending
money I had for the entire week’s trip. I not so politely told him he was
robbing me and the unfairness of it. He simply replied with another, “I not
understand.” “Bull” is what I called out to him before he abandoned me in the
heart of New York.

Just when I thought the situation
couldn’t get any worse, Julia was not home yet. I was not allowed to enter the
building without her, so I spent the first afternoon of my trip to New York
waiting on a hot, busy sidewalk for my inconsiderate sister to show up. Fear of
getting lost and heavy luggage prevented me from venturing too far from the building.
I had enough sense to not leave my belongings unattended, so I just stood
around waiting.

Luckily, there was a hot dog vendor
only a block from the apartment building. It was the first morsel of food I had
a chance to eat all day. I asked the vendor man to give me the New York
Special, and I do believe it was the best hot dog I had ever eaten. Too bad it
hit my stomach like a ton of bricks. Of course, Julia didn’t make her way home
for another two hours after I dined on that dang hot dog. By that time, I was
completely exhausted, my clothes were drenched in sweat and my stomach felt
like a volcano ready to explode. I found some shade under the edge of the steps
and spent the agonizing afternoon hunched atop my suitcase, praying for some
relief. My sweaty shirt and jeans made my misery even more agonizing. The
humidity in New York was just as relentless as it is in South Carolina. For
some reason, I thought I would be getting a reprieve from that, at least. A few
people actually tossed some spare change at my feet. I figured I probably
looked pretty pathetic.

Just when I had made my mind up to try
to journey back to the airport, Julia showed up. She looked so sleek and so
thin. The heat didn’t even seem to faze her. She exuded this cool, sexy
demeanor, and I was instantly intimidated by her for the first time ever. There
was no way I could ever pull off such a manner as that. I felt very lacking in
her presence. Still do, if I ever see her.

“Hey chick,” Julia sang as she breezed
by me. She just seemed to float up the steps of the building. “Let’s get out of
this heat.” She waved her prissy hand around as though to shoo away the
humidity. It seemed to work for her. I mocked the same motion behind her back,
but got no results.

With just a quick glance my way, Julia
entered her apartment building. It took all the energy I could muster up to
drag my things inside. I guessed all of her manners had to have wasted away
with her figure. She never apologized for making me wait so long, nor did she
ask to help me with my suitcase and bag. I was so close to calling Dad and
begging him to come get me, but I didn’t want to bother him.

Once we entered her apartment, I headed
straight to the cramped bathroom and stayed for about an hour. My bag and I
could barely fit in the small space, but I managed it somehow. I immediately
peeled off my sweat-drenched outfit. The coolness hit my body and a wave of
nausea and dizziness swept over me. After throwing up my first and last vendor
hot dog, I sat on the edge of the tub and had myself a good pity party. The day
had totally overwhelmed this ole southern girl.

After I pulled myself together, I began
to check out my small surroundings. You could barely turn around in the tiny
space. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and let out a little gasp at the
sight of the knotted-haired, flush-faced train wreck that stared back. I
quickly realized I was not ready to go face my sister being the mess that I
was, so I began to snoop a little bit. I decided to check Julia’s medicine cabinet
out. It was filled with prescription pain relievers and sleeping pills. Sadly,
that did not surprise me. In a small cabinet beside the tub were tons of
makeup, perfume, bath oils, and face creams. It looked like the entire beauty
counter from Macy’s was crammed in there. I guess it took a lot to maintain
that better-than-you look. Once my belly finally settled down, I helped myself
to some of the pricier-looking body wash and used it generously during a
much-needed shower.