Coming Home to Love (Lakeside Porch Series Book 2) (25 page)

“Maybe twice that amount,” Gianessa encouraged. She drew in a calming breath.

Sara tried again, got a big smile from Gianessa this time, and deposited the herbs in the bowl. “What’s next?”

Gianessa handed her a tiny whisk.

“Now you whisk it together lightly.”

Sara did it. “Okay.” She waited for her teacher’s nod. “That’s all there is to it?”

“Good job. You see, you’re a cook already. I’ll start paying you rent, and you’ll be the cook. What do you say?”

“In your dreams. But I would love for you to teach me to cook.”

“Really?” Gianessa smiled at the idea but felt dizzy again. With Justin, it had all started with cooking lessons.

“Are you going to pass out? Don’t pass out. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m okay.” Gianessa braced her hands on the counter. “I just need to sit down again.” She reached for the stool and slid onto it. “And I’ll be proud to give you lessons. We’ll have fun.”

Sara raised her eyebrows skeptically at the salad. “You may change your mind after this.”

“This is a beautiful salad with healthy dressing. Suddenly I’m starved. Pull up a stool, and let’s eat here.”

Sara set two bowls on the counter and fished two forks out of the drawer. She consumed half the salad before asking, “I can’t tell Manda why?”

“Every time I think about this, I know I’m right. Joel and Justin will be angry at each other about this. I won’t try to explain that, but it’s very serious. If Manda gets in the middle anytime soon, everyone’s anger will explode. Joel cannot handle that stress under his own roof at this point in recovery. We need to buy him some time and let things cool down before Manda finds out. Can I count on you for that?”

“You’re totally right.” Sara turned frightened eyes to Gianessa. “This will be really hard for me, but I’ll keep your secret. I promise. I’ll do my very best. Honest.”

Gianessa grabbed Sara’s hands and hung on hard, so hard Sara winced.

“I wouldn’t have burdened you like this, but I need a friend very badly right now. If you want me to move out, I will.”

Sara squawked. “No way. Certainly not before the baby comes. I know you’ll probably want your own place then.” She jumped off her stool to hug Gianessa. “Ohmigod, you’re having a baby.” She squealed. “This is so cool.”

“You’re right, it is cool.” Gianessa laughed through a sudden rush of tears. “Even though it’s a disaster, I’m really happy about it.”

Sara smoothed back Gianessa’s hair. “Well, in spite of everything, the dad is wicked impressive.”

Wicked impressive
. “That totally sums up Justin Cushman.”

Chapter 11

Justin pounded on the front door to the old garage. He gave Joel thirty seconds before hitting his speed dial.

“What?” Joel sounded exhausted and defeated.

That made Justin pause. He hadn’t heard defeat in Joel since the two of them had confronted Joel’s addiction many years ago. Joel had worked hard in recovery, and defeat was not part of his makeup anymore.

Hearing it now in Joel’s voice, Justin’s fear for his nephew trumped his anger. He calmed his voice. “We need to talk, Joel.”

“I know. There’s a key under one of the flowerpots. I’m in the bedroom, and I’m good for two minutes.”

Justin ended the call. Rage simmered below the surface, but he knew it had no place in this discussion. What he needed were answers.

He heard himself murmur, “Don’t let me hurt this nephew that I love more than myself.”
Where did that come from?
He’d never been one to pray. Reading scripture was one thing, but asking God for help was not something Cushmans did. Still, it felt right.
Maybe I should have prayed before I blasted Gianessa
. His breath came out in a whoosh.
God, I’ve screwed up
.

He let himself in and moved through the silent, dim living room into the bedroom. Joel sat unmoving in one of the chairs by the window in the bedroom. His left hand lifted an inch to acknowledge Justin’s presence. As Justin came beside him, he saw that Joel’s face was gray, taut with pain, his eyes closed. If he couldn’t keep his eyes open to the lake that he loved so much, Joel’s pain was very serious.

Justin stood between Joel and the windows so Joel would not have to turn his head. “I can see that you need rest, but I need some answers. What is your part in this pregnancy?”

“I took her to Rochester for lunch, and we picked up a pregnancy kit on the way. She was able to get in to see her doctor soon after. I drove us most of the way home from Clifton Springs, which was foolish. That’s my part in it.”

“This is not your baby?”

Joel’s eyes flew open and locked with his. “No,” he shouted. “Are you insane?”

“You brought her here.” Justin’s voice rumbled. “You warned me away from her. You set her up with an exclusive job.” He opened his hands. “What am I to think?”

“I sent her a bus ticket.”

Justin lowered his eyes and relaxed his stance a fraction.

Joel continued, his voice tight. “She’s a talented, recovering alcoholic-addict who needed a break and who had the skills and brains and credentials to transform my little spa into a place of healing. The fact that I destroyed my body in an accident made it imperative that I employ someone with her credentials for my rehabilitation and that we build a therapy suite way ahead of schedule. And thank you for seeing to that.”

Justin lifted his gaze, but Joel glared him into silence. “I am committed to Manda. You know that. I am not now and never have been involved with Gianessa sexually.” He grew louder and stronger with each sentence. “You obviously have. You and she are having a baby, uncle. Face it. And I’m fucking pissed at you for fucking with her when I warned you not to. She had enough to deal with already, without an unplanned pregnancy.”

Justin reached out to Joel, wanting both to calm him and to hold on to him like a lifeline.

“No!” Joel shrieked.

The alarm on Joel’s face made Justin back up until he bumped against the windows.
Dear God, he thinks I mean to harm him
.

“Get out.” Joel’s voice was icy with disgust and dismissal.

Justin went cold with fear. His head lowered with humility. He heard the echo of his own command to Gianessa to get out of his life. Now he understood why Gianessa had fallen back on the sofa as if she’d been struck. Had his anger been as forceful as Joel’s just now?
Yes
.

His anger and suspicion had just destroyed his relationship with Gianessa and now with Joel.
And with others before this, and it will happen again. I have no power over it. I cannot fix it myself.

Joel’s hands gripped the arms of his chair, and his breathing was labored.

God, I need you to help this man, whom I love more than myself
. “I will leave.”

“Get help, Justin.” Joel implored him. “Call Gwen Forrester.”

Justin read censure in Joel’s eyes, mixed with something that might be pity. Every ounce of bravado went out of him, along with his self-respect.

Joel closed his eyes again, and his face creased with pain.

“I’m sorry,” Justin said to his nephew as he walked away.

Justin trudged to his car, beeped it open, and sat fiddling with his phone. He had keyed Gwen Forrester’s number into his contacts when Gianessa gave it to him months ago. Gwen was one of the two therapists Gianessa knew in AA who could work through the twelve steps with him if he wanted. Why hadn’t he called her then?

Arrogance. Pride
. Look where that had gotten him, gotten all of them.

“Gwen Forrester,” her voice answered.

Justin started. “Yes, Gwen, forgive me, I was sure I’d get your voicemail.”

“Darn,” Gwen teased and followed it with a little laugh.

Justin wanted to join her in a lighthearted exchange, but he was on the verge of tears. He struggled to find his voice.

“Levity not appreciated, I see. I don’t recognize your phone number, sir. I don’t even recognize the area code.”

“Chicago. It’s Justin Cushman. I need to see you professionally.”

He heard her tapping keys on her computer.

When she didn’t answer right away, he urged, “Would that be possible?” His voice shook. “Soon?”

“Yes. I have an opening tomorrow morning. Can you be here at eight o’clock sharp?”

“I can. Where?”

“My office is in my home, on the east side of the lake. Four and a half miles past the park, watch for the yellow sign with Forrester at the start of the private road. And it’s a killer road. Drive with care.”

“Thank you.” Justin didn’t know what else to say.

Gwen asked, “You’ll be all right until then?”

“Yes.”

She ended the call.

Justin pocketed his phone. His head throbbed.

Not knowing what else to do, he drove to the park at the top of the lake and set out on the gravel path. Perhaps fresh air would stop the pounding.

Why did I think this baby was Joel’s?
His insecurity went all the way back to their exchange in Joel’s hospital room just after he’d met Gianessa. What was that phrase Joel used? She was “artfully arranged.” Joel was fully aware of Gianessa’s beauty, and he’d said she was “off limits” or something like that. Justin had always taken that to mean, “She’s mine” or “She’s taken.”

He’d gotten it all wrong. Joel’s warning not to “mess with her” was not the warning of a jealous lover. Joel was simply being protective of Gianessa. He’d said something about “devastating losses,” which Justin now knew referred to her failed marriage, her lost child and her ruined career. Joel had brought her here—by bus, good god—to restart her career by remaking his spa. That was all. And then hired her for his physical rehabilitation.

How could Justin have imagined there was anything more to Joel and Gianessa’s relationship? It was obvious to everyone who knew them that Joel and Manda were devoted to each other.

You were jealous of that
. He, too, wanted an exclusive, passionate relationship, one that weathered the storms and basked in sunny days. He’d dreamed of that with Gianessa. Dear God, he’d had that with Gianessa.

And now he’d destroyed it with his jealousy and suspicion.
And rage
. Even Sydney had warned him not to bring his paranoia into the relationship, and he’d snapped at her for even suggesting he was capable of such a thing.

A baby.
His baby. Their baby. He’d been delighted to hear Gianessa was pregnant and puzzled that she was distraught about it, that she’d “ruined everything.”

When she’d said Joel took her to the doctor’s, he’d leapt—vaulted in a superhero leap—
no, a villainous leap
—to the conclusion the baby was Joel’s.
They’re both right. I am insane
.

As Justin trudged the gravel path along the lakeshore, he forced himself to deeper honesty. His explosion of anger that blasted Gianessa back onto the sofa came just as he decided, in his twisted mind, that Joel had gotten Gianessa pregnant in California and brought her to Tompkins Falls, and the two of them had been searching for a way to cover up her pregnancy when the trip to New York City materialized, and Justin was the perfect fall guy.

That’s exactly what I thought.

He stopped on the path and jammed his hands in his coat pockets. He stared out at the whitecaps and wondered how an otherwise intelligent man could harbor such despicable, twisted thoughts. This was his beloved nephew Joel he was maligning—the very person he knew to have deep personal integrity. Joel, who was the model for the changes he wanted to make in his own life.

And Gianessa who had persuaded him to adopt a healthy lifestyle and food plan, who’d taught him to cook his own meals and stay on course through business meetings and lunches out. Gianessa, who’d listened and advised him on college affairs, who’d graciously accepted his friendship with his old lover Sydney.
Why didn’t I listen to Syd about my paranoia? Why did I let it poison my love for Gianessa?

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he remembered Gianessa in his kitchen, mourning the loss of her little girl. Gianessa in his kitchen forgetting to put an oven mitt on her hand before reaching into the oven for the hot pan of hors d’oeuvres. And failing to use protection when they made love. Perhaps she’d chosen not to. Perhaps she’d manipulated their friendship to get pregnant. Perhaps, like him, she’d not given protection a moment’s thought.

He was grateful now that Joel had intuited the pregnancy and accompanied Gianessa today to see her doctor. The pregnancy was probably why she’d had pain lately when they made love. He had urged her for weeks to see her doctor but she’d waved away his concern. Was she in denial? Or afraid? He’d pick denial.

Joel had been right all along. Gianessa needed protecting. Instead of respecting that, Justin had muscled in, started a passionate affair, and gotten her pregnant.

And he intended to bare his soul about all of this to cute little Gwennie Forrester, Doc Forrester’s daughter, who was at least a dozen years younger than he? He would sooner escape back to London. Even the old life was better than the wreckage he was piling up in Tompkins Falls.

Two cyclists passed him from behind, and their wake swirled dust around him and into his eyes. He blinked it away and thought about Lyssa and Manda on the canal path, the two cyclists swerving to avoid their screaming match. He and Gianessa had persuaded Lyssa to enter treatment
,
and she’d had the courage to follow through.

If Lyssa could find the courage, so could he.

“So”—Gianessa paused for a deep breath—“now you have the whole sordid story. You cautioned me not to get pregnant or get my heart broken, and I did both.”

“Well, you didn’t drink or move to Timbuktu,” Carol comforted.

“Morocco.” Gianessa squeezed her eyes shut. “Sorry, same thing. I’ve let you down.” She stole a glance at her sponsor.

“I’ll survive, but you’ve certainly complicated your life. I’m sorry that the gentleman—”

“He’s not.” Gianessa snapped the words.

Carol sat taller and continued her statement in a firm voice, “Sorry that the gentleman in question is not stepping up to his responsibility. And you need to give up that resentment if you’re going to move forward in a healthy way. You know why our program warns against resentments.”

“There are no justified resentments.” Gianessa parroted the words she so often heard at meetings. “They lead right back to a drink, I know. But I have to tell you, this one’s going to take a while.”

Carol said, with a dry laugh, “It’s going to take praying your butt off.”

Gianessa gave up a laugh. “I do want to move forward in a healthy way. I want this baby, and I want to be a good, sober mom. I will take care of us both.”

“You’ve complicated your finances big time.”

“I know. I have a cushion, but figuring out child care and—oh god—the whole career picture.” She could never be part of Justin and Manda’s holistic rehab center now. She put her head in her hands and sobbed for a bit. Then she shook her head and wiped away the tears. “But I will find my way. With a lot of help from my friends.”

“Didn’t your friend Joel say you could count on him for support?”

Gianessa gave her a grateful smile. “Yes.”

“And here’s a thought: If you can prove the father’s identity, you can require some level of child support. A lawyer can help you with that process, if it’s something you want to pursue.”

“How would I find someone to guide me through that?” Her hands trembled, and she placed them flat on the table.

Carol took out her phone, scrolled through her contacts and wrote a name and phone number on a sticky note. “She’s in the program. She’s a lawyer and she specializes in women’s issues.”

Gianessa grabbed for the piece of paper. She met her sponsor’s gaze. “I need to do this.”

“Time to play hardball, Gianessa.”

“Nice to see you after all these years, Gwen,” Justin announced.

Gwen squinted at him from behind her desk. What was different about him? He was thinner. And older. There was more, though, something important.

In the face of her silence, he added, “I feel like the specimen in Prufrock, pinned and wriggling on the wall.”

At that she gave him a smile. “Junior English. T.S. Eliot, wasn’t it?”