Coming Undone (29 page)

It was clear he, too, was fighting the laugh. “You were taking too long.”

She laughed outright at that. “I didn’t know I was being timed.”

“
Call it insurance. Thirty minutes was going to make me nuts.”

“
More than you already are? That would be bad.”

“
Hey.” Even over the phone, she could imagine him relaxing back into the couch. No one said anything for a long moment.

“
So how are you doing?” she asked more because she wanted to know than for some professional reason.

“
I’m good.”

“
That’s good.”

“
Good? I’m thinking a miracle would be closer.”

“
A miracle?” The bright lights from the last strip mall spiraled across the hood of her car as her heart jumped in her chest. “That good, huh?”

“
Better.”

It was nearly two in the morning when Kathryn had hung up with him. The conversation had no earth-shattering qualities to it. In fact, the next morning besides the quietly peaceful feeling she had when she thought about it, she couldn’t really recall anything they had really talked about. Truth be told, there were several long stretches when no one said anything, but they were hardly awkward. When she thought about them, thought about just hearing him breathing, it danced across her heart.

She tried to keep herself from floating off the floor as she got ready, wondering what his favorite color was and if he preferred skirts or pants. For whole stretches she even let herself think about what a first date with him might be like—a restaurant or something simpler? She wasn’t sure of anything other than it would just be wonderful to be with him.

“
Slow down, Kathryn. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Her mind traipsed to the calendar. Friday. Then it hit her like a steam roller. Friday. Oh, no! Today was Friday. Her heart plummeted like it had just taken a plunge off a ten-story building. Tonight was her date with Nathan! She hadn’t even thought of it in 24 hours.

Her whole body went into rush-and-trip mode. Nerves overtook her. She looked at her watch and realized she was already late. Worse, she was tired and now outright panicky. With a sigh that helped nothing, she grabbed her briefcase and headed out the door.

“
Ben. Ben, wake up.”

“
What?” Ben asked, coming back awake. He’d been having the most wonderful dream featuring him and a blonde-haired beauty walking on a sun-drenched beach. Fighting to figure our where reality was, he reached up and raked his fingers through his hair.

“
Ben, wake up, man.”

“
Kelly?” Squinting into the memory of where he was and why he was there, Ben searched his friend’s face and then looked just beyond him. With one glance he awoke, sitting up so quickly, his head spun. At the bed stood Jason, who had his arm wrapped around a small woman Ben didn’t recognize, and she was crying. Next to Jason and on the other side of the bed stood three medical personnel. Ben couldn’t remember hearing anything. When had everyone come in? He looked up at Kelly who had compassion etched on his face.

“
Ben, he’s gone.”

“
Please. Please. Please don’t let this take too long.” Kathryn nearly twisted her ankle as she scrambled from her car and slammed the door behind her. The gas station was busier than normal, which had already cost her another eight precious minutes. Clutching her credit card and hoping she could focus long enough to make the transaction, she went through the process of entering all of her information. Her whole body seemed set on slow motion even though she was trying to get it to move. When the nozzle was finally in the tank and the gas was flowing, she took a moment to look at her watch. She was already ten minutes late, and she was still fifteen minutes from work.

“
Ugh.” She needed to call in and let them know. As the numbers on the pump rolled up, she stomped back to the car and pulled on the door handle. It slipped from her grasp. Not understanding, she tried again with the same result. “Wh…?” Then a horrible feeling dove through her. The keys. The pump behind her snapped off, but she was too busy trying to see in the tinted windows. “No. No. No. Oh, please…”

But there they were, hanging from the ignition as if to put a stamp on how rotten the day was going to be.

“
I… I don’t understand,” Ben said, scrambling up. “I… he was… I went to sleep about 2:30. He was still here.”

“
I checked an hour ago,” the nurse beside the bed said. She was the same one with the bobbed black hair from that first day. Her gaze was filled with compassion. “You were asleep. He was still here.”

The doctor nodded and stepped back as if to say
it is finished
.

The nurse looked at all of them. “I’m really sorry.”

Stunned. It was the only thing Ben could register. His whole body went numb in one instant. He swallowed hard, not from grief but from utter shock. Not really wanting to but knowing he should since the doctor and nurse had moved away, Ben put his head down and stepped over to the bed.

The face was already losing the pink-white tint, and Ben had to force himself to breathe. The woman next to Jason let out a sob that did nothing to calm Ben’s racing heart. Standing there, next to Jason, he reached down to touch the hand that he had held only a few short hours before. A soft gasp jolted through him as tears yanked to the surface. The hand was already cold. Ben’s heart fell, knowing this really was, finally the end. All of the heartache, all of the wrenching decisions—they had all led to this one horrible moment.

He could hardly breathe, hardly think. How had they gotten here so very quickly? He blinked back the tears now blurring his vision. The feeling of being completely alone washed over him. How was he ever going to go on?

At that moment his brother turned to him, and through the tears shimmering on his lashes, he opened his arms. Ben had never been more grateful for someone to grab onto.

“
I’ve already been out on six calls this morning,” the locksmith said as he worked on Kathryn’s car. “Must be something in the air. Maybe it’s a full moon tonight.”

Kathryn knew she should be saying something witty and cute, but she couldn’t think of anything. She looked at her watch, wanting to ask how long this was going to take but figuring that would just slow him down.

The lock clicked, and he pulled the slim jim out and opened the door. “Good as new.”

“
Hallelujah.”

“
We have arranged for transport,” the balding man in the well-worn suit who had arrived shortly after the doctor had left said.

The four of them had stepped away from the bed. There was no longer a reason to stand in that spot. The soul that had been there was gone.

“
We just need to know the name of the funeral home.”

Ben’s mind slipped into the understanding that this man was arranging something that Kathryn should have. “Is…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Is Ms. Walker here?”

All four gazes went to him, and he felt completely exposed.

“
No,” the man said. “She was having some trouble with her car, so I stayed.”

“
Oh.” Ben nodded as his heart panged. He tried to listen to the rest of the conversation, but it swirled away from him.

“
Come on!” If Kathryn didn’t know better, she would think the whole universe was against her this morning. The workers in the construction area had traffic down to one lane as they worked in the manhole. What could possibly be so important it had to be fixed this morning? “God, come on, here. Clyde is going to shoot me on the spot already.”

Cars honked all around her as traffic snarled to a halt. Frustration began to twine around her, and she hit her horn for no reason other than it let out some of the steam.

“
Hey! Lady! Can’t you see…”

She didn’t hear the rest, and part of her was glad for that. Reining in the overwhelm, she put her head back. “God, please, I’m asking here. Please.” Then as she breathed and forced herself to calm down, she forced herself to put the day in His hands. It wasn’t easy. In fact, she wasn’t even sure how successful she was, but at least she no longer felt like screaming at everyone around her.

After many long, agonizing minutes, traffic began moving again, though at a crawl, and she realized she needed to let work know she was going to be even further delayed. The only good thing was she didn’t make a habit of being late, so they would surely forgive this one time.

Together, with the three of them, Ben exited the room for the last time. Transport would be here any minute, and there were now new issues to deal with—clothes, services, obituaries. The thoughts were overwhelming, but somehow Ben was holding himself in one piece. Kelly, Jason, and Holly headed for the doors, but Ben just couldn’t leave without knowing, without asking.

He stepped over to the desk and waited for the nurse from before to get off the phone. Leaning on the counter, he prayed she wouldn’t put more pieces together than were there.

“
Can I help you?” she finally asked.

Ben purposely didn’t notice the pity in her eyes. It would bring up all the other things he didn’t really want to deal with at the moment. “Um, we’re just about to leave, but I was wondering… Uh.” Words failed as his heart twisted in his chest. “Is… Um… has Ms. Walker come in yet?”

“
Oh.” The nurse started. “That was just her on the phone. It sounds like traffic is a major mess this morning. She wasn’t sure when she would get here. I’m sorry.”

“
Oh.” His heart slipped into the abyss even as he forced himself to nod. “No. That’s okay. Well, tell her…” Then he thought better of that. What he wanted to say he couldn’t. What he could say, he didn’t want to. He let his fist fall to the counter. “Just tell her I’ll catch her down the road.”

A moment and the nurse nodded. “I’ll be sure to tell her.”

At the rate she was going, Kathryn wouldn’t have been at all surprised to break a heel and wipe out completely on the parking lot. That would be just her luck. Corralling her belongings, she swung the outside door open and hurried down the hallway. How many favors was she going to owe Clyde for this one? She hoped she didn’t look as out-of-control as she felt. Then again, there wasn’t much hope that she didn’t.

She swung the interior door open and gathered herself as much as she could with a long breath. Striding purposely in, she squared her shoulders and put on her brightest smile. “Good morning.”

The second Misty looked up, it was clear the world had fallen apart in her absence.

Kathryn stopped short. “What?”

Misty’s face fell even further.

That drove fear and panic into Kathryn. “What? What happened?” Her mind instantly started down the list of horrible things that could have happened.

“
Um.” Never one to be unsure, Misty looked completely rattled. She stepped from behind the desk, glancing around—either for someone to be watching or for someone to take over, neither of which appeared. “Let’s go down to your office.”

Misty took hold of Kathryn’s elbow and steered them both down the hallway.

“
What?” Kathryn asked as sheer panic spread through her. “What happened? Misty, talk to me.”

“
I will. Just not here.”

At her office door, Kathryn managed to find the key and open the door with hands that were now shaking away from her control. She forced air into her lungs. Whatever this was, it was bad, but she didn’t have the space to fall apart. She had to keep it together.

The door finally, mercifully opened, and Kathryn went in followed closely by Misty. Kathryn dumped her belongings on the floor near her desk as Misty reached back and closed the door quietly. That set off alarms in Kathryn. Misty never closed the door unless it was really, really bad.

“
So what’s going on?”

Carefully Misty reached across the abyss of tiles between them and took Kathryn’s elbow once more. She led her friend to the two chairs that faced the desk for guests. When Misty sat, Kathryn watched her and then followed her because she knew nothing else to do.

“
Mist, seriously, what’s going on?”

There could be no mistaking those eyes. They were too sad and concerned to warrant anything but the worst news. “Kate, Mr. Warren died this morning.”

“
What…?” In one snap the walls pressed in next to her. She searched her friend’s eyes for something that said this was all a really bad joke. “But he was here… last night. We…” But she couldn’t finish that sentence. “No. Misty. Are you sure? Where’s Ben? Is he okay?”

Calm resolve came into Misty’s eyes. “He’s fine. He asked about you before he left, but…”

“
He’s…” All breath left her completely. “He’s… gone?”

Slowly, sadly, Misty just nodded.

When Misty left after Kathryn had assured her sixteen times she would be all right, Kathryn somehow made it from the chair around her desk—but no farther. She sat, trying to sort through everything. One part of her wanted to call him, just as a friend to give her condolences, and she almost did, but doubt and fear stopped her. How could she know if they were friends like that or if it had only been because he was trapped in an awful situation and needed her help?