Coming Undone (15 page)

Elise had to admit she liked seeing him at her table. It wasn’t the first time he’d eaten with them or anything. But she liked it when he was in her life. She felt safe with him around, even loved the way he was with Rennie. Not fatherly, but he enjoyed her, that was clear. He listened to her stories and songs, laughed at her knock-knock jokes and even showed up from time to time at the park when her soccer team practiced.

He also looked hot. Smoking, ridiculously drool-worthy hot.

She wasn’t sure how he did it, but he simply emanated sexy effortlessly. Shorts and T-shirt, sexy. Jeans and a turtleneck?
Holy crap
sexy.

Her father looked smug, which meant he must have been pleased with whatever Brody’s responses had been. The two of them were a lot alike, big, powerful, but they listened more than they spoke, which was a very good personality trait.

“Rennie, you need to chew or you’re going to choke.” Brody grinned at her. “It’s good stuff, I know. But it looks like your grandfather made enough that you can take a breath every once in a while and chew. My Heimlich is rusty.”

A discussion then broke out about soccer and school and other things of huge importance in Rennie’s life, including her BFF Nina.

Elise’s parents soaked their granddaughter in, and even though she felt bad that they were moving across the country, leaving behind their life in New York, she was thrilled she’d have them around again.

“I should have made a cake. I didn’t know we’d have such handsome company.” Her mother blushed prettily at Brody, and Elise wisely withheld her amused snort.

“Oh, I’m sure I wouldn’t have had room for it anyway. The chicken and potatoes and the greens and bread were more than enough.”

“I was asking Brody if he knew anyone selling a house. He said he didn’t, but he knew a real estate agent, so I’ll be calling him tomorrow.” Her father sent her a smug smile that told her Brody was on their side.

“If you insist. Brody knows everyone, so you’re in good hands if he refers you.”

Brody laughed. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

She touched his arm, liking how warm and solid he was. “A compliment. I save my insults for when we’re alone.”

He stood and helped her clear the table while her parents put Rennie to bed.

“You look happy. They seem really nice. Rennie clearly adores them and that’s reciprocated.”

She wiped the counter down and turned the dishwasher on.

“Let’s walk you back to your place.”

He took her hand, and she called up the stairs that she’d be back in a few minutes.

“Winter is near,” she said, looking up at the clear night sky.

“It will be. But I expect compared to New York, you’ll feel cheated. We get the big snow thing every few years, but mostly it’s mild here year-round. Are you happy they’re moving here?”

“I feel”—she paused, looking for words—“conflicted. Guilty. I want them here. I miss them. It’s been so hard without them around, and I know Rennie is better off with them in her life regularly.”

He motioned her toward the chairs on his porch and she sat. He followed her into the two-seater and put his arm around her shoulders.

“Unburden yourself, Elise. I’m not going to judge you.”

She blinked back tears and rested her head on his shoulder. “I want them here. So much that I’m not going to put up too much a fight when they sell their house and leave their community to come out here because I can’t be there.”

“Why can’t you be there?”

“The Sorensons are there. All their influence. And my past is there. I don’t want that looking over Rennie’s shoulder her whole life. Seattle is a fresh start for us both. She’s doing so well here. Heck, I am too. I have friends, I have a business. I have a life, and it’s been a long time since I have. So I’m selfish to want them here, but I do.”

“Why is that selfish? And your former in-laws sound horrible.”

“It’s selfish because their home is in New York. My father’s job is there, my mother’s students and her connections are there. Their friends. And Ken’s parents are textbook fucked up. They are vile, horrible, evil people.”

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you say the F word. They must be horrible. Are you all right? Safe?”

She nodded. “Yeah. For the first time in years I’m safe and things are hopeful and normal and happy. It’s a blessing being here. My kid might just make it into adulthood without having to go to therapy four times a week.”

“Wow, your shoulders must be so strong for you to take all that weight.”

“You don’t know me, Brody. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

She stood and pulled at the hand he’d been holding until he let go.

“You don’t. Don’t think I’m noble. I’m not noble.” She was a fraud.

“Wait. Don’t go away mad.” He stood, and she put a hand out to hold him off. “Whatever it is, baby, it can’t be as bad as you think.”

“You don’t know.”

“So tell me.
Tell
me and let me help you.” He stood and she stepped back.

“I have to go. I’ll see you soon.” Damn it, she couldn’t keep the sob from her voice, and he took a step toward her. She was down on 122 L A U R E N D A N E

the sidewalk, moving quickly. She would fall apart if he tried to comfort her just then.

“Please don’t go now. You’re hurting, I hate that. Let me help you.”

“Please. I can’t. I
can’t.
” She turned and ran back to her house and stood in her front hall, shaking, trying to get herself back together before her parents or Rennie saw her.

No one knew what she was capable of. Ken did, but he was dead and she wasn’t sorry. She wasn’t sorry and she knew she should be.

What sort of person wasn’t sorry that she’d killed someone?

12

“I’ll pick Rennie up from school today. She and I have some shopping to do.”

Elise’s mother had not only made do with her new life in Seattle, she appeared to be thriving. In the weeks following Thanksgiving, she and Paul had found a house, sold their old place and planned to move in over the Christmas holidays after the deal on the new house closed.

Rennie was thrilled to have her grandparents around once again, and the night before they’d all attended Rennie’s first-grade winter musical at school, where Martine had accompanied the children on the piano.

Things were very good.

Elise’s only niggling worry was the distance that had developed between her and Brody. Maybe she was imagining it, but she hadn’t seen much of him since that night on his porch. First there was Thanksgiving, where they’d both been busy with familial commitments, and then afterward she’d been helping with her parents’

house hunting, dealing with her own preparations for her school’s winter showcase and one Rennie-type school thing after the other.

They’d spoken here and there, he’d called her, she’d called him. But they hadn’t been together since before Thanksgiving, and she wondered if he’d grown tired of her or, worse, had thought badly of her after her breakdown on his porch.

“Okay, thanks. I’ll be home for dinner. I just want to work on this last bit for the showcase. It’s stupid to dance myself. I’m the teacher; it’s about them.”

Her mother just put a hand on her hip. “You’re not just any teacher. Let’s be honest. You’re a star. You’re what these girls want to be. Of course they want to see you dance. Every time you show them something, they all stop and stare at you like you’re magic. I suppose you are,
bebe
. My star.” She hugged Elise and kissed both cheeks. “Shine. They’ll shine too, but do your two minutes and enjoy it. I’m off. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Make sure Rennie doesn’t have homework. I know it’s right before break, but she might have something.”

“Does it look like I fell off the mother truck yesterday? Darling, Matthias was a master at homework avoidance and he made it through school. Too bad I couldn’t train him to be a master of heroin avoidance, eh?”

That familiar pain flared. “Or I could have not brought Ken into his world.”

Martine shook her head. “Elise, are you so silly you think Matthias never did drugs before Ken? Remember, darling, he’d been to rehab once already by the time you started dating Ken. Matthias, as beautiful a soul as he was, did not die because of you, or Ken, or even me or Daddy. He died because he never did have any concept of moderation. It made you want to look at him the moment he walked into a room. But it made him cheat on girlfriends and shop-lift and drive too fast and shoot up heroin until it killed him.

Here’s the present I want to give you for Christmas, Elise. I want you to be responsible for what is yours and to let go of everyone else’s failings. Eh? I’m trying it too. We can work on it together.”

“I love you, Mama.” Elise allowed herself some tears, some comfort. “I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for being here.”

“I love you too. We wouldn’t be anywhere else. You know as well as anyone that home is where your loved ones are. Daddy and I don’t have any strings tying us to New York anymore. We like it here and that’s that. Now, get to work while your daughter and I go spend money.”

She stretched and warmed up and then put the music on. Some years prior she’d been in a production of
Carmina Burana
with the Boston Symphony. The interlude was short enough, not overly difficult, but it certainly showcased many different skills most of the advanced students should have mastered and be polishing.

As usual, she lost herself in the dance, fell into the music and the steps. Quick and slow, fouettés, pirouettes, jetés, it all flowed through her, these things she’d been doing over and over like a ritual since childhood.

When she finished, totally elated, knees a bit sore but feeling good, he was there in the doorway. She’d missed him more than she’d allowed herself to think about. Talking on the phone and waving hello here and there wasn’t the same as being alone with him.

“I can never quite put into words, after I see you dance, just how beautiful it is. How beautiful you are. The stuff you do blows me away.”

“Today I’m feeling distinctly not bad for an old woman.” She looked up into his face, liking the curve of his lips. It was still there, that whatever they had between them. “I’ve missed you.” It cost her a bit of pride to say it, but Brody was worth it.

He moved to her, pulling her into a hug. “Me too. I need to kiss you” was all she heard before his lips brushed against hers softly and then more boldly as she reached up to twine her arms around his neck, arching her body against his.

“Mmm. That’s nice,” she murmured as he kissed along her shoulder.

“Tell me you don’t have to go anywhere.”

“I have a little while before I need to go home. Wait here.” She grabbed her keys and ran down the stairs to lock up. She didn’t have any more classes that day, but she didn’t want anyone else walking in.

Her hands shook as the need for him began to take over, making her rush to get back to him.

Brody wasn’t sure what had happened. He’d headed to her studio after not touching her for three weeks. He needed to see her, to talk to her alone. The phone calls had been all their busy schedules had allowed, but he needed more and he could admit it. After that night where she’d revealed so much of herself on his porch, he’d been overwhelmed by how much she made him feel like protecting and taking care of her. He felt a lot more for her than he’d ever planned to, and he needed some distance to work it through. As he’d rolled out of bed that morning, he knew he’d been a dumbass for not seeking her out. Knew he needed her in his life and accepted it.

He needed her companionship. Missed the spot she filled in his life. He wanted to take a walk down to the Market or something, maybe grab a drink or a coffee, then he’d come to the top of those steps to find her dancing.

The look on her face when she’d stopped, so much joy. And the joy hadn’t fallen away when she caught sight of him, easing a knot he’d been carrying since that night on his porch. Suddenly he wanted her then, hard and fast.

When she got back from locking the door, he pulled her to him as they stood at the top of the stairs leading down to the door. The kiss was a wild recipe of tongues and teeth, of sighs and entreaty as hands shoved and pulled at clothing to remove it or, in his case, get it out of the way so he could get to her best parts. Each bit of her exposed to his touch as he removed clothing called to him. Called for a taste, a kiss, a caress. And so he did.

Dropping to his knees, yanking at her bottom half, he thanked heaven above she was wearing leggings rather than tights. He made quick work of them, pulling them off over the ridiculously hot and yet totally complicated toe shoes whose removal would waste time.

Time he’d prefer to spend inside her.

She grabbed the railing, holding fast to keep from falling over faint at how good his mouth felt, hot and wet, against her inner thigh.

“Here. I want you here.”

As if she’d argue. But he still had his jeans on, they were only unzipped. His shirt was off, and she looked down as his mouth found another place she liked too. The firebird marking his back looked extra sexy as she looked from this angle, with his head, those thick, dark curls of his, bent over, his mouth on her pussy like a starving man’s.

She tumbled into orgasm quicker than she’d expected to, but she wasn’t about to argue with her body. There was only so much masturbating one could engage in with parents and a small child under her roof. Not that her fingers or any toy felt this good.

“There now,” he murmured, petting her thighs, “the edge is off.

On your knees facing away from me, gorgeous. On this step here.”

He patted the step and she moved to obey, even as her muscles felt like warm goo. Happily, she noted the removal of his jeans before she turned around and braced her hands on the top step.

The sound of the condom wrapper tearing open made her gasp with joy, and they laughed together at her response. “I know, I want it too. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for so long.” She rested her forehead against her arm for just a moment until she felt the slippery pressure of his cock at her entrance, pushing to get inside.