Command and Control (13 page)

She was gone long enough to have his unease slipping into downright worry, but then she left the bathroom. Her smile was relaxed as she crossed the room and climbed back into bed.

She shook her head and curled up next to him in bed. “I don’t even know what to say. That was…incredibly intense.”

Trevor slid his arm around her, pulling her close to his heated body and then reached out to turn off the light.

They lay silent in the dark and his eyelids grew heavy. He knew he should stay awake and talk about what they’d done, see how she’d really felt about it, but her breathing was so steady he knew she’d fallen asleep.

And damn it all if he wasn’t having a hard time staying awake himself. He let his eyelids drift shut and it wasn’t long before he joined her in a deep, exhausted sleep.

When he woke in the morning, with the sunlight pouring in through the gap in the curtains, he knew his fears had been justified.

Megan was gone.

Chapter Fifteen

Megan whipped Trevor’s truck into a spot outside Kate’s Cakes and rushed out of the vehicle. By the time she pushed open the door to the shop, her pulse was jumping.

Inside Kate sat at a table with Todd, Tyson, another of his deputies and the owner of the hardware shop next to Kate’s. When Megan entered, Kate glanced up and relief flickered in her eyes.

“Megan,” she said softly and rose to her feet. “You didn’t need to come. I shouldn’t have even texted you.”

“I’m glad you did, sweetie.” Megan closed the few steps to one of her closest friends and gave her a big hug. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine. Really.”

But Kate’s tone belied her words, and for the first time Megan let her gaze slide around the shop. The front window was broken and the brick that had been thrown through it still sat on the floor amongst shards of glass.

“Where’s Trevor?” Tyson asked.

“Sleeping. The poor guy was out like a light when I got your message, and I didn’t want to wake him. I’ll send him a text in a few and just tell him I’m grabbing us some breakfast.” Megan sighed and shook her head. “So who do you think did this? Teenagers?”

Tyson and Todd exchanged a long glance before Tyson gave a slight nod and averted his gaze.

“Possibly.”

Hmm. She wasn’t buying his nonchalant response in the slightest. But Kate didn’t seem to notice, instead just went and grabbed a broom to sweep up the broken glass.

Megan crossed to where the men stood huddled like they were plotting defense at a football game.

“Okay, so what do you guys really think?” she asked quietly, folding her arms across her chest.

“Megan’s front tire was slashed on her car last week,” Todd answered discreetly, his brows drawn together and his expression dark. “Seems a little coincidental to me.”

Tyson pursed his lips and shook his head. “Now we don’t have any proof it was slashed. Kate said she could’ve run over some broken glass.”

“Hmm.” Megan nodded and glanced around the shop one more time.

Kate, who had just gone in the back to dump the glass, returned with a tired smile.

“You guys are all so sweet,” she said with a sigh.

“Well, we’re worried about you.” Walt, the owner of the hardware shop said with a frown. He reached out and gave Kate’s arm a light squeeze. “Whoever did this should be held accountable.”

Kate gave him a grateful smile.

Megan watched the exchange with curiosity. Hmm. Perhaps Megan should consider dating Walt, he was a young widower in his late thirties, and he seemed awfully friendly with Kate…

“Gosh, Megan,” Kate said suddenly. “You really need to get back to Trevor. This is your time with him, don’t waste it on me.”

“You’re hardly a waste, but you’re probably right. I should get back,” she agreed and then gave them all a slight smile. “Though things are going as well as I hoped. Maybe even better.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic,” Kate cried, her face lighting up. “Breakfast is on me this morning, pick out whatever you want to take with you. After all, this is costing you like an hour roundtrip of driving.”

Todd grinned. “Jesus, I hope you’re getting through to him. Best news I’ve heard all day, Meg.”

“I’ll echo that,” Tyson agreed. “Keep us posted.”

Megan pulled out her cell phone and nodded, before she sent a quick text to Trevor letting him know where she was.

“Thanks for everything you’ve done for us,” Megan said, sliding her cell back into her purse. “All of you. I’m really hoping this time together has changed things. I owe Ryan big-time for lending us his house.”

“I’ll pass on your thanks to him,” Todd said with a grin. “We’re going drinking and wenching tonight.”

“Wenching?” Kate repeated, her eyebrows flying high. “Did you really just call it wenching?”

“
Argh
.” He threw an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “Aye, I did, lassie. So batten down your morals and hide your virtue.”

Kate’s face went bright red and she shot a mortified gaze over to Megan, as if to ask
did you say something
?

Megan shook her head quickly and resisted the urge to kick Todd really, really hard. Was he seriously that clueless on how Kate felt about him? Wait, silly question.

“So, anyway,” Kate said over-brightly, untangling herself from Todd’s loosely thrown harm. “Megan, what did you say I could get you and Trevor for breakfast?”

Megan set the truck’s brake and drew in a nervous breath. During the drive back to Canyon Beach, she’d thought a little about Kate’s vandalism, but a whole lot more about Trevor and what had happened last night.

Her stomach flipped at the memory of being tied up and blindfolded and pleasured in a way that had blown her mind. Who could’ve ever known she would’ve loved a little kink? The idea still took her breath away.

Trevor hadn’t texted back and she wondered if maybe he was still sleeping. She grabbed the white bag from Kate’s and breathed in another sigh of delicious danishes before climbing out of the truck and heading for the house.

The house was quiet when she entered, but a few steps inside she drew up short.

Trevor stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, and his expression was completely guarded. The tension in his body visible.

Oh, God. No, no, no. Megan swallowed hard and hoped like hell they hadn’t just taken three massive steps backward in all the positive advances over the past twenty-four hours.

“Good morning,” she said cautiously. “Did you get my text?”

He lifted his cell phone and gave a small nod that he had.

“Kate’s shop was vandalized. Not too much damage and nobody was hurt, but I wanted to check it out.”

Trevor’s brows furrowed. “Was Tyson there?”

“Yeah, and one of his deputies. And Todd.”

“I hope they find the punk.” He nodded and then looked away again.

“Trevor, what’s going on?” she asked and set the bag with their breakfast down on the counter.

“It was too much, wasn’t it?”

It took a moment for her to realize what he was even referring to, and when she did relief swept through her, weakening her.

She let a small seductive smile flit across her face as she crossed the floor to him.

“Last night? Not at all,” she said softly and wound her arms around his neck. She pressed a light kiss against his mouth. “I loved it. It was incredible, Trevor.”

Skepticism flashed in his eyes and maybe a little relief. “Really? You’re sure?”

“I’m still kind of shocked how much I
did
love it. Besides, we had a safe word. Even if it was kind of…fluffy,” she teased and nipped at his bottom lip.

Trevor growled and slid his arms around her waist, jerking her flush against him.

“Thank God. When I woke up and you were gone…I thought.” He kissed her forehead, her cheek, and then finally her mouth, before lifting his head. “Please, angel, don’t do that to me again.”

“I wo-oh!” she gasped as her feet left the ground and she found herself in his arms. “What are you—”

“I want you again.” He strode back toward the bedroom.

“But breakfast…?”

“Can wait.”

Megan laughed huskily and wrapped her arms around his neck. Yes. Breakfast could definitely wait.

An hour later, Trevor polished off the last bite of his danish and leaned back in bed. His gaze slid to Megan, who was still nibbling on hers.

Damn, she was just ridiculously sexy sitting naked in the bed with her hair still tousled from their lovemaking and her knees drawn up to her chest.

“Hmm. Maybe I should’ve bought you two of those,” she teased. “Are you still hungry?”

He shook his head and took another sip of coffee. “I’m fine. Breakfast in bed is awesome.”

Megan grinned and finished her danish. “It is, isn’t it?”

“Mmm.” He gave her another sideways glance. “So what I did to you last night, it really didn’t freak you out?”

She gave a soft laugh and kissed his shoulder. “No, I absolutely loved it. I want to try it more often. I mean I’m not saying we should do it every time we have sex, but it’s a fun way to mix things up.” She glanced up at him, her brow arched and her lips pursed. “Hmm. Maybe you’ll even let me try swatting your ass with that flogger thing.”

Trevor let loose a laugh from low in his belly at the image. “Not a fucking chance, angel. I like being in charge.”

“Mmm. I guess so. Well, I don’t mind giving up control every now and then.” She poked him in the ribs. “Well, in the bedroom at least.”

Trevor grinned and grabbed her, rolling her under him before she could protest. She snuggled eagerly against him, kissing his shoulder and wiggling beneath him. The position was so normal, one he’d missed more than he’d realized over the past year. He couldn’t imagine not having Megan in his life again all the time. Everything inside him rebelled at letting her go. But at that thought, his mind wandered down darker paths and his chest tightened with guilt.

“I shouldn’t be this happy,” Trevor finally muttered, nuzzling her neck. “I shouldn’t be thinking about being your husband, and your belly round with my baby.”

“You’re thinking about that?” she whispered breathlessly. “Because I have been too. You’re entitled to happiness, Trevor. Everyone is.”

“But you don’t understand. Nobody does.”

“What don’t I understand?” she pleaded softly, pushing on his shoulders so she could look at his face again. “Help me understand, Trevor.”

“What it’s like. What we go through. I mean, a soldier’s death might garner his name and age being flashed on the news for tens seconds,” he said harshly. “But people didn’t know the man himself–and I use that term loosely because he was only eighteen–like I did.”

“Oh, Trevor,” she whispered, cupping his cheek. “Tell me who he was.”

His heart thumped in his chest and he swallowed with difficulty. The urge to shut down was strangely missing. Instead, he wanted to talk. To explain.

“Darrell Washington,” he finally said. “He was one of my soldiers. It was his first deployment to Afghanistan. Hell, his first deployment anywhere.” He shook his head. “He loved to play video games and talk shit with the other soldiers. He had a fiancée waiting for him, just like me. We used to talk about you gals. Our women back home.”

Megan gave a small smile and cupped his shoulder, massaging lightly.

“A couple of times I mentioned to him that maybe he was too young to be settling down. Christ, he’d only just graduated high school. But he was dedicated to his girl… I’d never seen a guy look so in love, so determined and steadfast about anything. He had the same passion for being in the army.”

“What happened?” she asked, almost on a whisper.

“He was the one I sent back into the Humvee to call for help. He was the one killed when an RPG slammed into it.”

She was silent for a moment and when he glanced down at her tears shimmered in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

Bile rose in his throat and his gut twisted. “I survived, Megan. How is it fair that
I
should get to go home, marry my woman, when Private Washington, the soldier I should’ve kept safe, is dead.”

“You’re not invincible, Trevor. People die during war. It’s not fair, but would it have made it any more right if you had died?” she asked, her voice breaking. “You need to forgive yourself and
stop
feeling guilty that you didn’t die. Because you may not have been killed in Afghanistan, but I still lost you.”

The air seemed to suck from the room, he couldn’t breathe as he stared at the anguish in her eyes and the tears she battled. Something inside of him shifted and the wall he’d kept erected for over a year came crashing down. Reality, crystal clear and unforgiving, blindsided him. He struggled to breathe. To speak. But he couldn’t even blink.

Just how much had he lost by doing exactly what Megan had said—feeling guilty for surviving? How had he ever thought he could handle this on his own? Without seeking help?

“Trevor?” Her fingers tightened around his shoulder, her eyes widening in concern.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered dumbly, drawing her into his arms again and burying his face into her hair. “Oh my God, Megan, I’m so sorry. You’re right. About everything.”

“Trevor, you’ve been in so much pain…” Her arms wound around him, her grip almost vise-like.

“I love you. More than anything, and maybe I have been in pain, but I’ve also been so damn blind,” he said thickly. “How could I ever have let you go? When I return to Fort Lewis I’ll ask for the help I’ve been too stubborn to accept. I’ll talk to someone, Megan, I promise. But, I don’t want to lose you, angel. Never again.”

“You can’t lose me. Not this time. I love you so much, Trevor. I shouldn’t have given up on you in the first place.” Her voice broke through the tears. “And I blame myself just as much.”

Trevor groaned and lowered his head, crushing her lips beneath his and stopping her from pinning the blame on herself. Her arms looped around his neck and her body nearly melded into his.

This was his woman. She’d always believed in him, always loved him. Had always known that he just needed a little extra help to get through the darkness. It was just a damn shame it’d taken him this long to figure it out himself.