Communion: A True Story (10 page)

"Can we help you stop screaming? Can we help you stop screaming?

"'You could let me smell you.' She puts her cheek up by my face. They are here. You have to understand that. They are here. 'I'm not going to let you do an operation.'

"'We won't hurt you.'

"'I'm not gonna let you do an operation on me. You have absolutely no right.'

"'We do have a right.'

"That was it, bang. There was nothing to it. I thought they were gonna cut my whole head open. There was nothing to it."

Dr. Klein: "What happened?" '

"Just a bang back behind my head, that's all. Not loud. Just bang. She's sittin' right in front of me the whole time, just lookin' at me. They're moving around back there." (I could sense them, but I was looking at her. She drew something up from below.) "Jesus, is that your penis?' I thought it was a woman [Makes a deep, grunting sound.] That goes right in me.

[Another grunt.] Punching it in me, punching it in me. I'm gonna throw up on them. [Pause.]"

(They began trying to open my mouth with their hands.) "'What do you keep wanting to do that to my mouth for?' They keep trying to put something in my mouth. They're real. They're real. Put up her cheek right to me, and they're real! That's the incredible thing here. I've still got this thing in me and it'd be nice to take it out. [Pause. Long breath.] I had a chance to look around in here. And there's a bench, and there's something like a pair of old clothes lying over there on the side. And there's a door. A round door. And it's closed. It has a little black nubbin in it. In the middle of it. And it's closed." (I heard a murmur.) "What the hell did she say to me.

"Voice: 'You are our chosen one.'

"I don't believe that for a minute. It's ridiculous."' (They asked how I knew that it's ridiculous.) "'How did I know that? Because it is ridiculous. Sing that song to somebody else.

And also I want to go home.'"

Dr. Klein: "What did they say?"

"'You are our chosen one.' And it's bullshit and I know it right away. S'like a joke, almost.

She says, 'Oh no, oh no.' [Imitates singsong.] Y'know, like they're trying to pull my leg. I want to go
home
.

" 'What if we don't let you go home?'

"But I don't know if she said that or not. I think I think that she said it." (I was shown that door again, which for some reason terrified me. I was asked if I wanted them to open the door.) "'I do not want you to open that door! I belong with my momma and my wife . . . and my boy. That is where I belong. [Sobs.] I don't belong here. I don't know how I ended up here. What the hell did I do to attract all this?"' (She asked if I was as hard as I could get. I did not know exactly what was meant.) "'I guess I am.'

"Voice: 'Can you be harder?'

"'Can I be harder?' Oh, Lord. Didn't know I was hard tike that. 'No, not with you around I can't be harder.'

"Voice: 'What would you like me to be?'

"'What would I like you to be? I'd like you to be a dream, is what I'd like you to be.'

"Voice: 'I can't be that.'

"'I know you can't be that. You just cut me on my finger.' Just like that. He just comes up, pow, bang, gone. Doesn't hurt at all. Doesn't hurt at all. I'm not scared the floor goes away like that. I'm like rolling like a ball. Feels like I'm going backwards in a movie, almost. It's like you just had total freedom and you could fly, only you're not going anywhere except down the rails. Oh, boy."

(I went sailing right back into my living room in no more than a minute. I had no memory of where I had just come from.) "I sit on the couch. I think I'm gonna build up the tire except I haven't got any clothes on. So cold. So tired. I go upstairs. There's two people standing tip here now. And it scares me because I'm — I don't think they were there. I don't think they were there. I go in the bathroom, brush my teeth. I can't get that face out of my head. I sure am glad to get home. Now I have to just go to bed. I see my dark pajamas, blue pajamas. put on my pajamas, tie them up. button them up, get right into bed. I touch Anne. and she's warm God. I wish I could live in a prison. [Sits with eves closed, slumped as if sleeping.]"

"I want you to relax. I want you to go back, back. I want you to see her very vividly, very vividly. I want you to see her face."

"Yeah.

"Why do you say she's a woman?"

"I don't know. I just think it is. Old too. She's got bald she's got a big head and her eyes have bulges . . . she's sort of brown-skinned. not like a black person but like leather. Yellow-brown. And when she opens her mouth her lips are all — she hasn't got lips exactly — but it flops down. Her lips are floppy. I never saw her talking tee me. You know. the truth is. I don't know what that is. I don't know whether it's a bug or what. And I also don't know if it's a woman or not. [Speaks in high, light voice.] It talks like this. It's got sort of a — [Normal speech, as if to creature.] 'You know. I'm not buying this. You ran show me all that little insignia you want, and I'm still not buying this."'

"What did she mean by saving can you get harder?"

"I was about half up. Hard. Penis. And she says. 'Can you get harder?' And the truth is, I could not. I didn't even know I was in that state. And with her around. there's just no way."

"Was this natural, or somehow induced?"

"I don't know. No. But you see, that thing stayed to me. I don't even know when it went out. It was almost like it has alive. It was a big, gray thing with what looked like a little cage on the end of it, a little round nubbin about the size of the end of your thumb. And they shoved it into me . . . they showed me afterward . . , so they must have taken it out of me, but I don't remember them doing it. These things happen sometimes like they're sort of in between. [Pause.] You know, they talk to me, but I can't hear 'em. [Long pause. Sigh.]"

"One thing you mentioned was this message that you were the chosen one."

"Yeah."

"Did you react to that?"

"Yeah. I said exactly what I said then. Because they say, 'You are our chosen one,' and it's just bullshit. Like they're trying to stroke me, you know."

"Did they say chosen for what?"

"Nah. Not for anything. They've got a lot of them, believe me. I've seen some of the others before. All lying down there."

"What others?"

"The other people. There was a whole row of 'em. But that was a long time ago. They didn't know where they were or what they were doing. I was sittin' up in bed. And uh---"

"How old were you?"

"Twelve."

"Where were you?"

"I was sittin' up in bed. And everybody else was asleep. There's a whole bunch of beds . .

. [Sounds of distress. Long sigh, as if resigned.] 'I'm glad you let me be awake.' I'm sittin' on a chair . . . dust this gray thing in front of me. 'What is
that
?' It's got red spots on it. 'I'm tired. I feel sick.'

" 'Do you want to go home?'

"'I don't care if you never take me back home again.'

"'You have to go home.'

"'Who are all those people?'

"'They're all soldiers.'

" 'Why'd they end up in here?'

"'Because they were alone.'

"'What do you do to them?'

"'We look them over and send them home.'

"'What's the point of that?'

"'The point of that is — the point of that is — well.'

"'Why do you look so awful?'

"'I can't help that.'

"'When did. you find my sister?'

' 'She's just down the hall.'

"Patricia? E-p? E-p doesn't look good. E-p looks like she's deader'n a doornail.'

"'She's all right."'

(I then saw my father for the first time. He was standing u , apparently quite conscious.)

"'Daddy!' I'm scared now. They've- 'Daddy! Don't be so scared, Daddy! Dad, don't be so scared! Daddy. don't be so scared! Oh, Daddy! Daddy, don't be so scared! Come on, Daddy.

Daddy, it's all right!'

"He says. Whitty, it's not all right! It's not all right!'

"'No, I know it's not all right.'

"'Oh God, what is it?' he asks.

"'I don't know what it is either, Daddy. How'd you get up here. Daddy?' [Gasps, stifled screaming. Slowly subsides. Long breaths. Silence. Emerges spontaneously from hypnosis.]

We were on a
train
. Were we on a train? [Long pause.] I'm not hypnotized."

"Do you recall what went on?"

"Do I recall what went on?"

'The last part of your hypnosis.'

'The last part? We were on a train. I was scared to death. just scared to death. Something had happened to my father. Is that — is that true — is that what I? No. because it's not true.

We weren't on a train."

Budd Hopkins: "You talked about your sister."

"Yeah, my sister was there with us."

"Edie?"

"E-p."

''Ebie?"

"No, E-p. Did I say E-p? That was her nickname '

"Do you call her that?"

"That was what we called her back when we were kids. How did I end up back in the —

I'm a little confused, because, uh . . . I remember saying I'm twelve at some point, and then I remember seeing that thing again, the same thing that I saw when —"

Budd Hopkins: "What was the thing?"

"The thing is a — why, I keep saying it's a woman, you know. But it's a thing. But I saw her. On the train? What in the world is this all about, because I seem to remember seeing her on a train. On a train? But it's not — it's just not a train. I'm telling you that right now, Budd."

Budd Hopkins: "Your father was there?"

"Yeah. He was there. He was scared to death! And when he le scared I got scared. And my sister was there but she was out like a light. And there was a whole bunch of soldiers there too."

"Regular soldiers?"

"In uniforms."

Budd Hopkins: "And they were out, too?"

"And they had uniforms. They were all lying on —"

Budd Hopkins: "Unconscious?"

"Tables — no, they were beds, but they were solid — no legs. They were going out in both directions, sort of."

Budd Hopkins: "Many?"

"Lots of them. Yeah."

"You were allowed to sit up?"

"I was sitting up. I was happy and sitting up. Very excited. Then the next thing I knew I saw my father and I was terrified because he was so scared."

Budd Hopkins: "Was this the same scene or a different place?"

"No, this was the same lace. It was not quite. I was sitting in a chair and here was a gray thing in front of me like a gray box that came down — totally gray — I could see the edges of it and the bottom but not the top. Because I was restricted sort of in my movements. You know, I keep thinking that this was on a train. I'm still thinking that, but it can't be, can it? I'm talking about memories that didn't happen on a train obviously, am I not? Did I say it happened — you know, I'm beginning to — I'm very confused here! [Laughs.] I don't know what the hell's going on."

Budd Hopkins: "What made you say
train
?"

"I don't know."

Budd Hopkins: "Did you see —"

"No, no we were on a train. We really were on a train! We were on a train, and I'll tell you, the goddamndest thing happened when we were on the train. We ended up in this thing when we were on a train. The three of us were on a train. I'll tell you what we were doing, too. We were coming back from Madison, Wisconsin, on a train. In the year 1957. and that's when all this happened. I have no idea how I ended up there from being on a train."

Budd Hopkins: "Did you see like seats going back —"

"No, no, we were — you're kidding. My father didn't go on trains in seats. We were in a great big drawing room."

Budd Hopkins: "You were in a drawing room, OK."

"Yeah. Together in a room. And all of 'a sudden I'm not on a train, I'm sitting up in bed, and all these soldiers —"

"Did you have any covers?"

"No, no — yeah — there was a little — don't go so fast for me, Budd. I know you're eager to know, but my mind, my mind keeps-there's something in me that keeps saying,

'You're on a train, you're on a train, you're on a train.' And it's like I'm — it's very hard — but no. there weren't covers. There was — my impression was there was something soft under me. It wasn't an unpleasant place to be, in that sense. It had solid sides that came up a little bit above the edge. Then I was sitting up in it. Then I was sitting on the edge. You see, I don't remember moving. That's the thing that's funny about it. I remember being in one place and then in another place. That's the damndest thing. I never remembered anything like that before."

"Now in that situation, when you're sitting up, was your father there?"

"No, I sat in front of this gray thing for a while, in a little chair. And then, all of a sudden I saw my sister down here, kind of [points down and to the right], lying there just totally out.

And I was real surprised and scared, and I feel scared again. Then when I saw my father he was standing up and he looked totally bereft and terrified. Scared, so scared. And he put his head down and started doing this, and it just scared the hell out of me." (I made a convulsive mouth movement, imitating my father. It was as if he was trying to get something out of his throat.) "And then I heard him screaming, but real faint, you know. I could see him — he was no farther away than you are" (about four feet) "but I could hear him very faintly, dust screaming and screaming. The second I heard him it put just a — a — terrifying fear in me. I remember that, right sitting here, the way that felt, it just went right through me. It was worse than the last time, last week, only the difference is that when you started out you said to be calm, and it was breaking through that, and that's why I woke up. When Daddy was scared, I was just scared to death."

"You said you took a trip."

"Yeah, the trip happened. And not only did the trip happen, something did happen on the trip. Because, on that trip, on the way back I was as sick as a dog. Vomiting and vomiting, up bile. And my father was just having a hell of a time. God, he must have had a rotten trip, poor man."

"You mean —"

"He was having a hell of a time with me because I was so sick."