Complete Plays, The (414 page)
Read Complete Plays, The Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
Petruchio
Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!
Baptista
Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.
Petruchio
Padua affords nothing but what is kind.
Hortensio
For both our sakes, I would that word were true.
Petruchio
Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.
Widow
Then never trust me, if I be afeard.
Petruchio
You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense:
I mean, Hortensio is afeard of you.
Widow
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
Petruchio
Roundly replied.
Katharina
Mistress, how mean you that?
Widow
Thus I conceive by him.
Petruchio
Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?
Hortensio
My widow says, thus she conceives her tale.
Petruchio
Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.
Katharina
‘He that is giddy thinks the world turns round:’
I pray you, tell me what you meant by that.
Widow
Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,
Measures my husband’s sorrow by his woe:
And now you know my meaning,
Katharina
A very mean meaning.
Widow
Right, I mean you.
Katharina
And I am mean indeed, respecting you.
Petruchio
To her, Kate!
Hortensio
To her, widow!
Petruchio
A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.
Hortensio
That’s my office.
Petruchio
Spoke like an officer; ha’ to thee, lad!
Drinks to Hortensio
Baptista
How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?
Gremio
Believe me, sir, they butt together well.
Bianca
Head, and butt! an hasty-witted body
Would say your head and butt were head and horn.
Vincentio
Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken’d you?
Bianca
Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I’ll sleep again.
Petruchio
Nay, that you shall not: since you have begun,
Have at you for a bitter jest or two!
Bianca
Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush;
And then pursue me as you draw your bow.
You are welcome all.
Exeunt Bianca, Katharina, and Widow
Petruchio
She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio.
This bird you aim’d at, though you hit her not;
Therefore a health to all that shot and miss’d.
Tranio
O, sir, Lucentio slipp’d me like his greyhound,
Which runs himself and catches for his master.
Petruchio
A good swift simile, but something currish.
Tranio
’Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself:
’Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.
Baptista
O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.
Lucentio
I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.
Hortensio
Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?
Petruchio
A’ has a little gall’d me, I confess;
And, as the jest did glance away from me,
’Tis ten to one it maim’d you two outright.
Baptista
Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,
I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.
Petruchio
Well, I say no: and therefore for assurance
Let’s each one send unto his wife;
And he whose wife is most obedient
To come at first when he doth send for her,
Shall win the wager which we will propose.
Hortensio
Content. What is the wager?
Lucentio
Twenty crowns.
Petruchio
Twenty crowns!
I’ll venture so much of my hawk or hound,
But twenty times so much upon my wife.
Lucentio
A hundred then.
Hortensio
Content.
Petruchio
A match! ’tis done.
Hortensio
Who shall begin?
Lucentio
That will I.
Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.
Biondello
I go.
Exit
Baptista
Son, I’ll be your half, Bianca comes.
Lucentio
I’ll have no halves; I’ll bear it all myself.
Re-enter Biondello
How now! what news?
Biondello
Sir, my mistress sends you word
That she is busy and she cannot come.
Petruchio
How! she is busy and she cannot come!
Is that an answer?
Gremio
Ay, and a kind one too:
Pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse.
Petruchio
I hope better.
Hortensio
Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife
To come to me forthwith.
Exit Biondello
Petruchio
O, ho! entreat her!
Nay, then she must needs come.
Hortensio
I am afraid, sir,
Do what you can, yours will not be entreated.
Re-enter Biondello
Now, where’s my wife?
Biondello
She says you have some goodly jest in hand:
She will not come: she bids you come to her.
Petruchio
Worse and worse; she will not come! O vile,
Intolerable, not to be endured!
Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress;
Say, I command her to come to me.
Exit Grumio
Hortensio
I know her answer.
Petruchio
What?
Hortensio
She will not.
Petruchio
The fouler fortune mine, and there an end.
Baptista
Now, by my holidame, here comes Katharina!
Re-enter Katharina
Katharina
What is your will, sir, that you send for me?
Petruchio
Where is your sister, and Hortensio’s wife?
Katharina
They sit conferring by the parlor fire.
Petruchio
Go fetch them hither: if they deny to come.
Swinge me them soundly forth unto their husbands:
Away, I say, and bring them hither straight.
Exit Katharina
Lucentio
Here is a wonder, if you talk of a wonder.
Hortensio
And so it is: I wonder what it bodes.
Petruchio
Marry, peace it bodes, and love and quiet life,
And awful rule and right supremacy;
And, to be short, what not, that’s sweet and happy?
Baptista
Now, fair befal thee, good Petruchio!
The wager thou hast won; and I will add
Unto their losses twenty thousand crowns;
Another dowry to another daughter,
For she is changed, as she had never been.
Petruchio
Nay, I will win my wager better yet
And show more sign of her obedience,
Her new-built virtue and obedience.
See where she comes and brings your froward wives
As prisoners to her womanly persuasion.
Re-enter Katharina, with Bianca and Widow
Katharina, that cap of yours becomes you not:
Off with that bauble, throw it under-foot.
Widow
Lord, let me never have a cause to sigh,
Till I be brought to such a silly pass!
Bianca
Fie! what a foolish duty call you this?
Lucentio
I would your duty were as foolish too:
The wisdom of your duty, fair Bianca,
Hath cost me an hundred crowns since supper-time.
Bianca
The more fool you, for laying on my duty.
Petruchio
Katharina, I charge thee, tell these headstrong women
What duty they do owe their lords and husbands.
Widow
Come, come, you’re mocking: we will have no telling.
Petruchio
Come on, I say; and first begin with her.
Widow
She shall not.
Petruchio
I say she shall: and first begin with her.
Katharina
Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready; may it do him ease.
Petruchio
Why, there’s a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate.
Lucentio
Well, go thy ways, old lad; for thou shalt ha’t.
Vincentio
’Tis a good hearing when children are toward.
Lucentio
But a harsh hearing when women are froward.
Petruchio
Come, Kate, we’ll to bed.
We three are married, but you two are sped.
To Lucentio
’Twas I won the wager, though you hit the white;
And, being a winner, God give you good night!
Exeunt Petruchio and Katharina
Hortensio
Now, go thy ways; thou hast tamed a curst shrew.
Lucentio
’Tis a wonder, by your leave, she will be tamed so.
Exeunt
Twelfth Night
or, What You Will
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