Complete Works of Bram Stoker (279 page)

When they came close to the Stonehouses’ suite of rooms they heard Pearl’s voice rising with a pitiful note of fear:

‘Where is The Man?  Oh! where is The Man?  Why doesn’t he come to me?  He can save me!  I want to be with The Man!’  When the door opened and she saw him she gave shriek of delight, and springing from the arms of her mother fairly leaped into Harold’s arms which were outstretched to receive her.  She clung to him and kissed him again and again, rubbing her little hands all over his face as though to prove to herself that he was real and not a dream.  Then with a sigh she laid her head on his breast, the reaction of sleep coming all at once to her.  With a gesture of silence Harold sat down, holding the child in his arms.  Her mother laid a thick shawl over and sat down close to Harold.  Mr. Stonehouse stood quiet in the doorway with the child’s nurse peering anxiously over his shoulder.

After a little while, when he thought she was asleep, Harold rose and began to place her gently in the bunk.  But the moment he did so she waked with a scream.  The fright in her eyes was terrible.  She clung to him, moaning and crying out between her sobs:

‘Don’t leave me!  Don’t leave me!  Don’t leave me!’  Harold was much moved and held the little thing tight in his strong arms, saying to her:

‘No darling!  I shan’t leave you!  Look in my eyes, dear, and I will promise you, and then you will be happy.  Won’t you?’

She looked quickly up in his face.  Then she kissed him lovingly, and rested her head, but not sleepily this time, on his breast said:

‘Yes!  I’m not afraid now!  I’m going to stay with The Man!’  Presently Mrs. Stonehouse, who had been thinking of ways and means, and of the comfort of the strange man who had been so good to her child, said:

‘You will sleep with mother to-night, darling.  Mr. . . . The Man,’ she said this with an appealing look of apology to Harold, ‘The Man will stay by you till you are asleep . . . ‘  But she interrupted, not fretfully or argumentatively, but with a settled air of content:

‘No!  I’m going to sleep with The Man!’

‘But, dear one,’ the mother expostulated, ‘The Man will want sleep too.’

‘All right, mother.  He can sleep too.  I’ll be very good and lie quite quiet; but oh! mother, I can’t sleep unless his arms are round me.  I’m afraid if they’re not the sea will get me!’ and she clung closer to Harold, tightening her arms round his neck.

‘You will not mind?’ asked Mrs. Stonehouse timidly to Harold; and, seeing acquiescence in his face, added in a burst of tearful gratitude:

‘Oh! you are good to her to us all!’

‘Hush!’ Harold said quietly.  Then he said to Pearl, in a cheerful matter-of-fact way which carried conviction to the child’s mind:

‘Now, darling, it is time for all good little girls to be asleep, especially when they have had an  —  an interesting day.  You wait here till I put my pyjamas on, and then I’ll come back for you.  And mother and father shall come and see you nicely tucked in!’

‘Don’t be long!’ the child anxiously called after him as he hurried away.  Even trust can have its doubts.

In a few minutes Harold was back, in pyjamas and slipper and a dressing-gown.  Pearl, already wrapped in a warm shawl by her mother, held out her arms to Harold, who lifted her.

The Stonehouses’ suite of rooms was close to the top of the companion-way, and as Harold’s stateroom was on the saloon deck, the little procession had, much to the man’s concern, run the gauntlet of the thong of passengers whom the bad weather had kept indoors.  When he came out of the day cabin carrying the child there was a rush of all the women to make much of the little girl.  They were all very kind and no troublesome; their interest was natural enough, and Harold stopped whilst they petted the little thing.

The little procession followed.  Mr. and Mrs. Stonehouse coming next, and last the nurse, who manifested a phase of the anxiety of a hen who sees her foster ducklings waddling toward a pond.

When Harold was in his bunk the little maid was brought in.

When they had all gone and the cabin was dark, save for the gleam from the nightlight which the careful mother had placed out of sight in the basin at the foot of the bunk, Harold lay a long time in a negative state, if such be possible, in so far as thought was concerned.

Presently he became conscious of a movement of the child his arms; a shuddering movement, and a sort of smothered groan.  The little thing was living over again in sleep the perils and fears of the day.  Instinctively she put up her hands and felt the a round her.  Then with a sigh clasped her arms round his neck, and with a peaceful look laid her head upon his breast.  Even through the gates of sleep her instinct had recognised and realised protection.

And then this trust of a little child brought back the man to his nobler self.  Once again came back to him that love which he had had, and which he knew now that he had never lost, for the little child that he had seen grow into full womanhood; whose image must dwell in his heart of hearts for evermore.

The long night’s sleep quite restored Pearl.  She woke fairly early and without any recurrence of fear.  At first she lay still, fearing she would wake The Man, but finding that he was awake  —  he had not slept a wink all night  —  she kissed him and then scrambled out of bed.

It was still early morning, but early hours rule on shipland.  Harold rang for the steward, and when the man came he told him to tell Mr. Stonehouse that the child was awake.  His delight when he found the child unfrightened looking out of the port was unbounded.

CHAPTER XXVI  —  A NOBLE OFFER

That day Harold passed in unutterable gloom.  The reaction was strong on him; and all his woe, his bitter remembrance of the past and his desolation for the future, were with him unceasingly.

In the dusk of the evening he wandered out to his favourite spot, the cable-tank on top of the aft wheelhouse.  Here he had been all alone, and his loneliness had the added advantage that from the isolated elevation he could see if anyone approached.  He had been out there during the day, and the Captain, who had noticed his habit had had rigged up a canvas dodger on the rail on the weather side.  When he sat down on the coiled hawsers in the tank he was both secluded and sheltered.  In this peaceful corner his thoughts ran freely and in sympathy with the turmoil of wind and wave.

How unfair it all was!  Why had he been singled out for such misery?  What gleam of hope or comfort was left to his miserable life since he had heard the words of Stephen; those dreadful words which had shattered in an instant all the cherished hopes of his life.  Too well he remembered the tone and look of scorn with which the horrible truths had been conveyed to him.  In his inmost soul he accepted them as truths; Stephen’s soul had framed them and Stephen’s lips had sent them forth.

From his position behind the screen he did not see the approaching figure of Mr. Stonehouse, and was astonished when he saw his head rise above the edge of the tank as he climbed the straight Jacob’s ladder behind the wheelhouse.  The elder man paused as he saw him and said in an apologetic way:

‘Will you forgive my intruding on your privacy?  I wanted to speak to you alone; and as I saw you come here a while ago I thought it would be a good opportunity.’  Harold was rising as he spoke.

‘By all means.  This place is common property.  But all the same I am honoured in your seeking me.’  The poor fellow wished to be genial; but despite his efforts there was a strange formality in the expression of his words.  The elder man understood, and said as he hurried forward and sank beside him:

‘Pray don’t stir!  Why, what a cosy corner this is.  I don’t believe at this moment there is such peace in the ship!’

Once again the bitterness of Harold’s heart broke out in sudden words:

‘I hope not!  There is no soul on board to whom I could wish such evil!’  The old man said as he laid his hand softly on the other’s shoulder:

‘God help you, my poor boy, if such pain is in your heart!’  Mr. Stonehouse looked out at the sea, at last turning his face to him again he spoke:

‘If you feel that I intrude on you I earnestly ask you to forgive me; but I think that the years between your age and mine as well as my feeling towards the great obligation which I owe you will plead for excuse.  There is something I would like to say to you, sir; but I suppose I must not without your permission.  May I have it?’

‘If you wish, sir.  I can at least hear it.’

The old man bowed and went on:

‘I could not but notice that you have some great grief bearing upon you; and from one thing or another  —  I can tell you the data if you wish me to do so  —  I have come to the conclusion that you are leaving your native land because of it.’  Here Harold, wakened to amazement by the readiness with which his secret had been divined, said quickly, rather as an exclamation than interrogation:

‘How on earth did you know that!’  His companion, taking it as a query, answered:

‘Sir, at your age and with your strength life should be a joy; and yet you are sad: Companionship should be a pleasure; yet you prefer solitude.  That you are brave and unselfish I know; I have reason, thank God! to know it.  That you are kindly and tolerant is apparent from your bearing to my little child this morning; as well as your goodness of last night, the remembrance of which her mother and I will bear to our graves; and to me now.  I have not lived all these years without having had trouble in my own heart; and although the happiness of late years has made it dim, my gratitude to you who are so sad brings it all back to me.’  He bowed, and Harold, wishing to avoid speaking of his sorrow, said:

‘You are quite right so far as I have a sorrow; and it is because of it I have turned my back on home.  Let it rest at that!’  His companion bowed gravely and went on.

‘I take it that you are going to begin life afresh in the new country.  In such case I have a proposition to make.  I have a large business; a business so large that I am unable to manage it all myself.  I was intending that when I arrived at home I would set about finding a partner.  The man I want is not an ordinary man.  He must have brains and strength and daring.’  He paused.  Harold felt what was coming, but realised, as he jumped at the conclusion, that it would not do for him to take for granted that he was the man sought.  He waited; Mr. Stonehouse went on:

‘As to brains, I am prepared to take the existence of such on my own judgment.  I have been reading men, and in this aspect specially, all my life.  The man I have thought of has brains.  I am satisfied of that, without proof.  I have proof of the other qualities.’  He paused again; as Harold said nothing he continued in a manner ill at ease:

‘My difficulty is to make the proposal to the man I want.  It is so difficult to talk business to a man to whom you under great obligation; to whom you owe everything.  He might take a friendly overture ill.’  There was but one thing to be said and Harold said it.  His heart warmed to the kindly old man and he wished to spare him pain; even if he could not accept him proposition:

‘He couldn’t take it ill; unless he was an awful bounder.’

‘It was you I thought of!’

‘I thought so much, sir;’ said Harold after a pause, ‘and I thank you earnestly and honestly.  But it is impossible.’

‘Oh, my dear sir!’ said the other, chagrined as well as surprised.  ‘Think again!  It is really worth your while to think of it, no matter what your ultimate decision may be!’

Harold shook his head.  There was a long silence.  The old man wished to give his companion time to think; and indeed he thought that Harold was weighing the proposition in his mind.  As for Harold, he was thinking how best he could make his absolute refusal inoffensive.  He must, he felt, give some reason; and his thoughts were bent on how much of the truth he could safely give without endangering his secret.  Therefore he spoke at last in general terms:

‘I can only ask you, sir, to bear with me and to believe that I am very truly and sincerely grateful to you for your trust.  But the fact is, I cannot go anywhere amongst people.  Of course you understand that I am speaking in confidence; to you alone and to none other?’

‘Absolutely!’ said Mr. Stonehouse gravely.  Harold went on:

‘I must be alone.  I can only bear to see people on this ship because it is a necessary way to solitude.’

‘You “cannot go anywhere amongst people”!  Pardon me.  I don’t wish to be unduly inquisitive; but on my word I fail to understand!’  Harold was in a great difficulty.  Common courtesy alone forbade that he should leave the matter where it was; and in addition both the magnificently generous offer which had been made to him, and the way in which accident had thrown him to such close intimacy with Pearl’s family, required that he should be at least fairly frank.  At last in a sort of cold desperation he said:

‘I cannot meet anyone . . . There it something that happened . . . Something I did . . . Nothing can make it right . . . All I can do is to lose myself in the wildest, grimmest, wilderness in the world; and fight my pain . . . my shame . . . !’

A long silence.  Then the old man’s voice came clear and sweet, something like music, in the shelter from the storm:

‘But perhaps time may mend things.  God is very good . . . !’  Harold answered out of the bitterness of his heart.  He felt that his words were laden with an anger which he did not feel, but he did not see his way to alter them:

‘Nothing can mend this thing!  It is at the farthest point of evil; and there is no going on or coming back.  Nothing can wipe out what is done; what is past!’

Again silence, and again the strong, gentle voice:

‘God can do much!  Oh my dear young friend, you who have been such a friend to me and mine, think of this.’

‘God Himself can do nothing here!  It is done!  And that is the end!’  He turned his head; it was all he could do to keep from groaning.  The old man’s voice vibrated with earnest conviction as he spoke:

‘You are young and strong and brave!  Your heart is noble!  You can think quickly in moments of peril; therefore your brain is sound and alert.  Now, may I ask you a favour? it is not much.  Only that you will listen, without interruption, to what, if I have your permission, I am going to say.  Do not ask me anything; do not deny; do not interrupt!  Only listen!  May I ask this?’