Complete Works, Volume III (4 page)

TEDDY
. I'll wait up for you.

RUTH
. Why?

TEDDY
. I'm not going to bed without you.

RUTH
. Can I have the key?

He gives it to her.

Why don't you go to bed?

He puts his arms on her shoulders and kisses her.

They look at each other, briefly. She smiles.

I won't be long.

She goes out of the front door.

TEDDY
goes to the window, peers out after her, half turns from the window, stands, suddenly chews his knuckles.

LENNY
walks into the room from
U.L.
He stands. He wears pyjamas and dressing-gown. He watches
TEDDY
.

TEDDY
turns and sees him.

Silence.

TEDDY
. Hullo, Lenny.

LENNY.
Hullo, Teddy.

Pause.

TEDDY
. I didn't hear you come down the stairs.

LENNY.
I didn't.

Pause.

I sleep down here now. Next door. I've got a kind of study, workroom cum bedroom next door now, you see.

TEDDY
. Oh. Did I . . . wake you up?

LENNY.
No. I just had an early night tonight. You know how it is. Can't sleep. Keep waking up.

Pause
.

TEDDY
. How are you?

LENNY
. Well, just sleeping a bit restlessly, that's all. Tonight, anyway.

TEDDY
. Bad dreams?

LENNY
. No, I wouldn't say I was dreaming. It's not exactly a dream. It's just that something keeps waking me up. Some kind of tick.

TEDDY
. A tick?

LENNY.
Yes.

TEDDY
. Well, what is it?

LENNY
. I don't know.

Pause.

TEDDY
. Have you got a clock in your room?

LENNY
. Yes.

TEDDY
. Well, maybe it's the clock.

LENNY
. Yes, could be, I suppose.

Pause.

Well, if it's the clock I'd better do something about it. Stifle it in some way, or something.

Pause.

TEDDY
. I've . . . just come back for a few days

LENNY
. Oh yes? Have you?

Pause.

TEDDY
. How's the old man?

LENNY
. He's in the pink.

Pause.

TEDDY
. I've been keeping well.

LENNY
. Oh, have you?

Pause.

Staying the night then, are you?

TEDDY
. Yes.

LENNY
. Well, you can sleep in your old room.

TEDDY
. Yes, I've been up.

LENNY.
Yes, you can sleep there.

LENNY
yawns.

Oh well.

TEDDY
. I'm going to bed.

LENNY
. Are you?

TEDDY
. Yes, I'll get some sleep.

LENNY
. Yes I'm going to bed, too.

TEDDY
picks up the cases.

I'll give you a hand.

TEDDY
. No, they're not heavy.

TEDDY
goes into the hall with the cases.

LENNY
turns out the light in the room.

The light in the hall remains on.

LENNY
follows into the hall.

LENNY
. Nothing you want?

TEDDY.
Mmmm?

LENNY
. Nothing you might want, for the night? Glass of water, anything like that?

TEDDY
. Any sheets anywhere?

LENNY
. In the sideboard in your room.

TEDDY.
Oh, good.

LENNY
. Friends of mine occasionally stay there, you know, in your room, when they're passing through this part of the world.

LENNY
turns out the hall light and turns on the first landing light.

TEDDY
begins to walk up the stairs.

TEDDY
. Well, I'll see you at breakfast, then.

LENNY
. Yes, that's it. Ta-ta.

TEDDY
goes upstairs.

LENNY
goes off
L.

Silence.

The landing light goes out.

Slight night light in the hall and room.

LENNY
comes back into the room, goes to the window and looks out.

He leaves the window and turns on a lamp.

He is holding a small clock.

He sits, places the clock in front of him, lights a cigarette and sits.

RUTH
comes in the front door.

She stands still
.
LENNY
turns his head, smiles. She walks slowly into the room.

LENNY
. Good evening.

RUTH
. Morning, I think.

LENNY
. You're right there.

Pause.

My name's Lenny. What's yours?

RUTH.
Ruth.

She sits, puts her coat collar around her.

LENNY.
Cold?

RUTH.
No.

LENNY
. It's been a wonderful summer, hasn't it? Remarkable.

Pause.

Would you like something? Refreshment of some kind? An aperitif, anything like that?

RUTH
. No, thanks.

LENNY
. I'm glad you said that. We haven't got a drink in the house. Mind you, I'd soon get some in, if we had a party or something like that. Some kind of celebration . . . you know.

Pause.

You must be connected with my brother in some way. The one who's been abroad.

RUTH
. I'm his wife.

LENNY
. Eh listen, I wonder if you can advise me. I've been having a bit of a rough time with this clock. The tick's been keeping me up. The trouble is I'm not all that convinced it was the clock. I mean there are lots of things which tick in the night, don't you find that? All sorts of objects, which, in the day, you wouldn't call anything else but commonplace. They give you no trouble. But in the night any given one of a number of them is liable to start letting out a bit of a tick. Whereas you look at these objects in the day and they're just commonplace. They're as quiet as mice during the daytime. So . . . all things being equal . . . this question of me saying it was the clock that woke me up, well, that could very easily prove something of a false hypothesis.

He goes to the sideboard, pours from a jug into a glass, takes the glass to
RUTH.

Here you are. I bet you could do with this.

RUTH
. What is it?

LENNY.
Water.

She takes it, sips, places the glass on a small table by her chair.

LENNY
watches her.

Isn't it funny? I've got my pyjamas on and you're fully dressed.

He goes to the sideboard and pours another glass of water.

Mind if I have one? Yes, it's funny seeing my old brother again after all these years. It's just the sort of tonic my Dad needs, you know. He'll be chuffed to his bollocks in the morning, when he sees his eldest son. I was surprised myself when I saw Teddy, you know. Old Ted. I thought he was in America.

RUTH
. We're on a visit to Europe.

LENNY
. What, both of you?

RUTH.
Yes.

LENNY
. What, you sort of live with him over there, do you?

RUTH.
We're married.

LENNY
. On a visit to Europe, eh? Seen much of it?

RUTH
. We've just come from Italy.

LENNY
. Oh, you went to Italy first, did you? And then he brought you over here to meet the family, did he? Well, the old man'll be pleased to see you, I can tell you.

RUTH
. Good.

LENNY
. What did you say?

RUTH
. Good.

Pause.

LENNY
. Where'd you go to in Italy?

RUTH.
Venice.

LENNY
. Not dear old Venice? Eh? That's funny. You know, I've always had a feeling that if I'd been a soldier in the last war – say in the Italian campaign – I'd probably have found myself in Venice. I've always had that feeling. The trouble was I was too young to serve, you see. I was only a child, I was too small, otherwise I've got a pretty shrewd idea I'd probably have gone through Venice. Yes, I'd almost certainly have gone through it with my battalion. Do you mind if I hold your hand?

RUTH
. Why?

LENNY
. Just a touch.

He stands and goes to her.

Just a tickle.

RUTH
. Why?

He looks down at her.

LENNY
. I'll tell you why.

Slight pause.

One night, not too long ago, one night down by the docks, I was standing alone under an arch, watching all the men jibbing the boom, out in the harbour, and playing about with a yardarm, when a certain lady came up to me and made me a certain proposal. This lady had been searching for me for days. She'd lost tracks of my whereabouts. However, the fact was she eventually caught up with me, and when she caught up with me she made me this certain proposal. Well, this proposal wasn't entirely out of order and normally I would have subscribed to it. I mean I would have subscribed to it in the normal course of events. The only trouble was she was falling apart with the pox. So I turned it down. Well, this lady was very insistent and started taking liberties with me down under this arch, liberties which by any criterion I couldn't be expected to tolerate, the facts being what they were, so I clumped her one. It was on my mind at the time to do away with her, you know, to kill her, and the fact is, that as killings go, it would have been a simple matter, nothing to it. Her chauffeur, who had located me for her, he'd popped round the corner to have a drink, which just left this lady and myself, you see, alone, standing underneath this arch, watching all the steamers steaming up, no-one about, all quiet on the Western Front, and there she was up against this wall – well, just sliding down the wall, following the blow I'd given her. Well, to sum up, everything was in my favour, for a killing. Don't worry about the chauffeur. The chauffeur would never have spoken. He was an old friend of the family. But . . . in the end I thought . . . Aaah, why go to all the bother . . . you know, getting rid of the corpse and all that, getting yourself into a state of tension. So I just gave her another belt in the nose and a couple of turns of the boot and sort of left it at that.

RUTH
. How did you know she was diseased?

LENNY
. How did I know?

Pause
.

I decided she was.

Silence.

You and my brother are newly-weds, are you?

RUTH
. We've been married six years.

LENNY
. He's always been my favourite brother, old Teddy. Do you know that? And my goodness we are proud of him here, I can tell you. Doctor of Philosophy and all that . . . leaves quite an impression. Of course, he's a very sensitive man, isn't he? Ted. Very. I've often wished I was as sensitive as he is.

RUTH
. Have you?

LENNY
. Oh yes. Oh yes, very much so. I mean, I'm not saying I'm not sensitive. I am. I could just be a bit more so, that's all.

RUTH
. Could you?

LENNY
. Yes, just a bit more so, that's all.

Pause.

I mean, I am very sensitive to atmosphere, but I tend to get desensitized, if you know what I mean, when people make unreasonable demands on me. For instance, last Christmas I decided to do a bit of snow-clearing for the Borough Council, because we had a heavy snow over here that year in Europe. I didn't have to do this snow-clearing – I mean I wasn't financially embarrassed in any way – it just appealed to me, it appealed to something inside me. What I anticipated with a good deal of pleasure was the brisk cold bite in the air in the early morning. And I was right. I had to get my snowboots on and I had to stand on a corner, at about five-thirty in the morning, to wait for the lorry to pick me up, to take me to the allotted area. Bloody freezing. Well, the lorry came, I jumped on the tailboard, headlights on, dipped, and off we went. Got there, shovels up, fags on, and off we went, deep into the December snow, hours before cockcrow. Well, that morning, while I was having my mid-morning cup of tea in a neighbouring cafe, the shovel standing by my chair, an old lady approached me and asked me if I would give her a hand with her iron mangle. Her brother-in-law, she said, had left it for her, but he'd left it in the wrong room, he'd left it in the front room. Well, naturally, she wanted it in the back room. It was a present he'd given her, you see, a mangle, to iron out the washing. But he'd left it in the wrong room, he'd left it in the front room, well that was a silly place to leave it, it couldn't stay there. So I took time off to give her a hand. She only lived up the road. Well, the only trouble was when I got there I couldn't move this mangle. It must have weighed about half a ton. How this brother-in-law got it up there in the first place I can't even begin to envisage. So there I was, doing a bit of shoulders on with the mangle, risking a rupture, and this old lady just standing there, waving me on, not even lifting a little finger to give me a helping hand. So after a few minutes I said to her, now look here, why don't you stuff this iron mangle up your arse? Anyway, I said, they're out of date, you want to get a spin drier. I had a good mind to give her a workover there and then, but as I was feeling jubilant with the snow-clearing I just gave her a short-arm jab to the belly and jumped on a bus outside. Excuse me, shall I take this ashtray out of your way?