Complicated Relationships (The Southern Devotion Series Book 3) (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Going back in time

The house had looked like a bachelor pad since Angel left. I hadn’t stayed on Macy about chores with everything going on. Angel would be home in just a few days, and I wanted things to be nice for her. Since it was my day off, I told Lanie I’d have to see her later because I needed to get the house in order. She offered to help, but it felt wrong to let her clean my messes.

The living room took me an hour to finish. I ran the vacuum, and the loud noise must have made me miss the doorbell. As I rounded the coffee table, I glanced out the window and in time to spot someone walking away. Turning the vacuum off, I ran to the door and called out, “Did you have something for me?”

The delivery man turned back with a package in his hand. “Yes sir, I need you to sign for this.”  

I gave my electronic signature and apologized, “Sorry, I almost missed you because of the vacuum. I knew cleaning was bad for me.”  The delivery guy laughed and waved as he went back to his truck. The package was only an inch thick, and the return address label showed my Mother’s attorney’s name. Inside the thick envelope was a letter with a disc.

Mr. Jacobs,

I’ve been going through your mother’s belongings from the safe deposit box per your request. Most of the contents inside were the papers regarding the accounts you inherited. You will have access to those accounts in the next few weeks. I will contact you by phone to give you all the details. The other item was a DVD addressed to you and your sister. I have enclosed this disc without viewing it. I hope it brings you some peace.

Sincerely,

Harvey Windsor

Macy wouldn’t be home for a few hours, and I needed to watch this before she did to make sure it wouldn’t be too hard for her.  “Can you come over?” I asked as soon as Lanie answered her phone.

“Is everything okay?”

My voice cracked, “Not really.” 

“I’ll be right over,” she promised without any further questions.

The DVD felt very fragile in my hands as I wondered what it contained. Treating it as though it were made of glass, I carried it to the player and got it ready to be played as soon as Lanie arrived. She knocked on the door twenty minutes later.

Silently she wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed against me. “What happened?”  After showing her the note and package, we sat down to see what was on it. Lanie offered to take control when she saw my hand shaking. She pressed play on the remote, and my mother’s face appeared on the screen.

She sat at the desk in my father's office in my childhood home. I recalled the painting behind her always hung there. She looked beautiful, so full of life. “This is my memoir to the two most important people in my life, my children, Macy, and Tristan. If you’re watching this, it means that I have passed away. Today I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s,” her voice choked as she held back tears.

“I’d have welcomed any other diagnosis but that one. The idea of losing my beautiful memories of the two of you is worse than anything else they could have told me. I wanted to preserve a few of my favorite memories so that you know how much you meant to me. The doctor explained to me that I might get violent or spout cruel words out of fear in the final stages. If I did reach that point and ever said anything to hurt either of you, I want you to know from the deepest part of my soul that I’m sorry for that. You two are the lights of my life. Before you there was a dark time when I feared I’d never have children. Soon, there will be a dark time again where I forget you exist. That concept tears at my heart more than you can know."

Lanie grasped my hand never taking her eyes from the video.  My mother's voice made me shake with emotions that I was unprepared to have today.

"I probably shouldn’t tell you all of this and make things worse in your grief but I’d rather you know how I felt while I was still lucid. Macy…my little girl. You’re only four right now, and it pains me to know that I will not be at your wedding or remember it if I am. I may never see your first date or recall the excitement you felt over a boy asking you out. I pray that, even though, my mind doesn’t know you, my heart will."

The screen skipped and the next scene she was sitting outside in the garden. It seemed she taped this in pieces.  She continued as though she'd never stopped. "My favorite memory of you is the day that you first said Tristan’s name. From the moment you came into the world, he was a king in your eyes. Your first word was ‘dizzan’. We thought it was gibberish until we noticed you only said it when he was close and after listening to it many times we knew it was your way of pronouncing his name. You have worshiped him from day one and because of this, I know he will make sure you become the woman you’re meant to be.” 

She held up a photo of Macy in Tristan’s arms. “You two are my perfect angels. Tristan,” The moment she said my name the tears fell from her eyes. “My sweet boy. You’re thirteen now. Your voice is beginning to change, and you had a growth spurt practically overnight. I pray that I will see you graduate high school, I feel more confident that I’ll see your first date with a girl. You're so handsome that I know you'll be a heartbreaker. And the one you choose for a wife some day will be the luckiest woman on earth. I hope she knows how lucky she is.” 

I glanced at Lanie, who had tears flowing, she peered up at me and said, “I do know.” 

“I’ve left a request with your father and after much arguing, he agreed to complete it. When my mind goes, and it becomes too difficult to visit or I lose my memories of you all, I want him to move on. We’ve researched special circumstance divorces, and I’ve asked him to give me one when the time comes. I want to stay married to him for as long as possible, but he can't give up his life for me. I’ve also asked him to give custody of Macy to you, Tristan on your twenty-first birthday.”

Lanie paused the screen. “Didn’t he sign her over at eighteen?” The fact that my mother was even the one that suggested I raise Macy had me dumbfounded. The age matter was not my biggest concern at the moment; my concern is why he didn’t tell us.               Lanie placed her palm on my knee and gave it a gentle shove. I shook my head to erase my thoughts, “Sorry. Yeah, I was eighteen. He never told me that she had anything to do with his decision. Why would he do that?” 

Lanie wrapped her fingers around mine. “Because he loves you maybe? Because he loved her? Who knows? There’s one way to find out though; call him.”

"Let me finish watching this first."

She still sat in the garden but now she wore a different dress. A child's laughter rang out, and a four-year-old Macy jumped up in her lap. My mother tossed her head back in amusement, then smothered Macy in kisses. "Who are you talking to?" Macy asked innocently.

"Myself, I remembered all my favorite things about you."

"Like what?" Macy asked, laying her head against mom's chest.

"Your curly hair. The fact that your favorite color is the red of Ariel's hair. Your favorite stuffed animal is Harley, the black teddy bear. Tell me who your favorite person is, I forget."

"Tristan, my brother. He's my best friend," Macy's words inflated my chest with joy. I couldn't remember her as much as that age. "You and Daddy are my favorites too though."

"I know. Why don't you say your ABC's for me."

While Macy sang her ABC's, Mom closed her eyes and smiled like she didn't have a care in the world. When Macy got hung up at the letter Q, she asked for help, and my mother joined in.

A car pulled into the driveway, and I quickly shut off the disc. Carter's truck sat in the driveway with Macy in the passenger's seat. I watched as he helped her out of the car and leaned in for a quick kiss. At least he was smart enough not to press her against the vehicle in full make out mode in front of our house.

As soon as she came in the front door, Macy called out, "Hey T, can Carter stay for dinner?"

"Not tonight, we have a family matter to discuss."

"Lanie's here and she isn't family yet. Please."

"Don't be rude, Lanie
is
family." After a little reconsideration, I relented, "We’ll talk later. Carter can stay."

"Thanks, Mr. Jacobs, "Carter said in a typical ass-kisser tone.

"Look, kid. If we're going to be cool, then you have to call me Tristan. I'm not old enough to be Mr. Jacobs yet. Carter, this my girlfriend, Lanie." Carter wouldn't know any of our friends, but I didn’t want to take a chance of calling her my fiancé until everyone else knew.

"Carter, will you help me set the table while Tristan talks to Macy?" Lanie stated, reading my mind that I needed time alone.

"Yes, ma'am."

Lanie cringed, "I'd rather you call me babe, than ma'am."

Carter looks thrilled at the prospect so I interjected, "I think calling her Lanie will suffice."

Carter cleared his throat and followed Lanie silently to the kitchen. I'd sufficiently frightened him now, which meant I did my big brother duty. Macy rolled her eyes and requested, "Can you be nice to him? He's sweet, and I know you'll like him."

"I'll give him a chance. There's something you need to know first. Come sit down."

"This sounds serious, what's wrong?" Macy bit her bottom lip nervously.

"We received a package in the mail today. It was from Mr. Windsor, mom's attorney. It's a DVD she made for us. I'd like you to watch it if you feel like you can handle it."

Her hands trembled with anxiety at the prospect of seeing her mother again. Her gaze drifted to the television set across the room. "Have you watched it?"

"Yes. I wanted to make sure you could handle seeing it before we watched it together. I didn’t finish it yet though. I don’t know how it ends."

"After dinner, I want to watch it with you. Can we watch it alone though?"

"Sure, kiddo. I needed Lanie here for moral support, but it'll just be the two of us tonight."

"Thanks. I love Lanie, but I think we need to do this together."

After dinner, Lanie and Carter left us alone. Macy continually apologized to Lanie for not wanting her to stay, but she never seemed offended by it in the least. She even told me that Macy needed my full attention for the moment. With a quick kiss goodnight and a promise to call her before bed, I watched her get in her car before shutting the door.

I started the disc from the beginning again, and I watched as Macy went through many of the same emotions that I had gone through with Lanie. The moment she saw her younger self on screen seemed surreal. Her mouth was agape as she cherished seeing her mother laughing with her.

Once we reached where I left off, I turned my focus on the screen and took her hand in mine to add support for both of us. The disc skipped, and my mother's chest was in front of the camera as she backed away from it after obviously hitting record. She looked despondent as she waved and said, "I'm back. I haven't recorded anything for two years now. Memories are becoming fuzzy for me. I was at the grocery store and ran into my best friend from college. I didn't recognize her or remember her name at first. She hasn't changed a bit, and I have photos of her on the wall at the house. It's scary.
I'm
scared," she began to cry. Unable to control her tears she reached forward and turned the camera off.

In the next clip, she was in a sundress. "This is my final taping. I'm going to be quick because my mind is leaving me so often now that I'm afraid I won't say what I need to. All I need to say is that I love my family. Tristan, Macy, my husband Blake. You three mean the world to me and even if I forget you, I'll never truly forget you. Please don't ever feel that I didn't love you completely and deeply." 

She sat there a moment not saying a word. Her eyes gazed at the screen, and something in them changed. Her head turned toward a noise in the room. She jumped up out of the chair and yelled out, "Who are you?"

Our father walked closer to her and put his hands out in surrender. "Loretta, it's Blake, your husband."  Her eyes grew with fear and then recognition. Her shoulders slumped, and she leaned into his embrace and broke down crying.  He comforted her for a few minutes and then said, "The kids are waiting for dinner." The couple stood up and left the room. We watched for a few more minutes, and nothing happened. We hit the fast forward button until the disc finally cut off.

"He must not have known she was recording," I said as the only logical explanation.

"Which means she forgot about it. As hard as that was to watch, Tristan. It made me feel better. I began to doubt if she ever loved me. Seeing the two of us together made the grief easier and harder at the same time. Does that make sense?"

"I feel the same way," I said pulling her into my arms. "I've gotten something else to talk to you about now."

She backed away from me. "I already know. You think we should call dad?"

"I do. Are you ready to see him?"

Her shoulders rose and fell before she exhaled a breath and said, "Might as well."