Confessions (14 page)

“You are the bomb.”

“Of course I am.” I wish I could have said the same about Michael. The way Maureen raved, you would have thought her husband had mad skills in the bedroom. Instead, he barely scratched the itch. But I had to keep reminding myself, it wasn't about that. If I needed good sex, I could get that from Jay. Michael was only good for one thing. Money.

“Whose place is this?” I asked.

“You like it?” he asked with a silly grin on his face. Who wouldn't? It had mahogany wood floors, high ceilings, and a large master bath with a jetted tub. It was gorgeous. Michael reached over, then held up a set of keys. “These can be yours.”

“Mine?” This place was better than the little condo I was currently living in. But I knew nothing this good came for free. “I heard an
if
at the end of your statement.”

He stroked my stomach. “I don't like to share. If I can have you exclusively, then this place can be yours.”

“As in my name on the title?”

“As in I let you live here for a year for free. That way you can sell your place, work on fixing your credit, and hopefully finance it on your own in a year.”

I don't know what I was thinking when I told him about my financial situation, but since then he'd paid two of my credit cards.

I looked around. It was so tempting. I would have a wonderful new place, and as far as everyone knew, I had done it all on my own. “And what are you expecting outta the deal? What do you mean
not sharing?
”

“Come on, Trinette. You're not a dumb woman. Either you play by my rules or the deal's off.”

The thought of living rent free for a year was definitely tempting, to say the least. But damn…the last thing in the world I wanted was to owe a man something. “I'll let you know.”

“When?”

“When I'm ready, boo-boo.” I leaned over and gave him a promising kiss. I do things on my own time. “I've got a lot to consider.”

“Don't keep me waiting too long.”

While rubbing my clit against his thigh, I purred, “Do I keep you waiting for this?”

He gave me that greedy little smile. I went ahead and took care of him
again,
then rolled over and decided a nap was in order. The king-size bed felt heavenly with those 500 thread count sheets.

Michael slapped me playfully on my ass. “I'm going to shower and head back to work. There's a spare key lying on the dresser. It's yours.”

“Uh-huh.” I rolled over and allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep. I woke up hours later and showered and got dressed. Just as he said, a key was lying on the dresser next to a stack of hundreds. Smiling, I slipped them both in my purse. I definitely could get used to this, and I had to admit owning the condo would be nice. The best in town, but I didn't like the idea of being a kept woman.

I slipped on my shoes and made sure I had my things before I locked the door with my own key. I had to smile at that. As I was coming down the sidewalk, an old woman with wrinkled olive skin and blue hair came up the way with a small dog on a chain.

“Well, hello. Are you my new neighbor?” asked the old busybody.

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I'm Clara, and this here is Precious.”

There was absolutely nothing precious about her dog. In fact he was a straight-up mutt, but I patted his head anyway. “Aren't you precious?” I said in baby talk.

“By chance, that wouldn't be your Mercedes parked at the other end of the street?”

I gave her a curious smile, wondering how she knew that, when I realized I had my keys in my hand. Everyone knows what a Mercedes key looks like. I gave her a Juicy Fruit smile. “Why, yes, it is.”

“Well, you might want to call a tow truck, because you've got a flat.”

“What?”

She sniffed the air and left me standing there by myself.

I hurried off to the curb and walked around my car. What the hell! Not one but two flat tires.

With straight attitude, I reached inside my purse for my cell phone, then looked inside my wallet and removed my AAA card. As soon as I got off the phone I went on back inside the condo. I had a forty-five minute wait. I grabbed myself a bottle of water, then moved into the family room in back and had a seat. The fully furnished condo had a sixty-inch flat screen and a chocolate leather wraparound sectional. I was flipping channels when I heard the lock turn. I quickly shut the television off, then froze.

“Damn, this a nice place!” exclaimed a deep male voice.

“It belongs to my husband. It's furnished rental property he hasn't bothered to rent after the last tenant left.”

Oh, my goodness! That was Maureen, and whoever that was with her sounded so familiar.

“Shit! We got our own spot to chill. I'm loving the shit outta this!”

Hell, nah! That was Chuck, the freaking security guard! Peeking from the corner of the wall, I watched as they moved down the hall to the bedroom where Michael and I been fucking. Thank God I had remembered to make the bed.

“Mmm, daddy…what you got in there waiting for me?” Maureen cooed.

“Why don't you look inside and find out?”

I was too through.

I heard a zipper, then Maureen cried, “Daaayum! Where the hell you get all of that?” After that, she must have dropped right down on his dick, because within minutes, I heard the bed rock and both of them moaning.

I know I should have left then, but I couldn't help it. I had to see that shit for myself. I slowly crept up to the door and peeked in. Maureen was leaning over the edge of the bed, and Chuck was doing her doggy style at the angle where neither could see me. I reached down for my phone and took a picture and made sure the original piece of African artwork hanging over the bed was in the photo. After two more shots, I moved away from the door.

I slipped out the door and walked up to my car just as the tow truck arrived. I looked over at the window to make sure Maureen wasn't looking out. She wasn't. She was too busy getting fucked by Chuck. I wasn't mad at her. With what Michael was working with, I fully understood her desperate need for a little something on the side.

The tow truck driver greeted me with a tip of his hat. “How you doing, ma'am?”

“Not too good.” I would think that was obvious.

He moved over to the car and crouched down and examined the tires, then released a long whistle. “Damn.”

“What?”

“Somebody slashed both your tires.”

“Slashed? Who the hell would do some shit like that?”

He shrugged and rose to his full six feet. “Don't know, ma'am, but I'll tow it in.”

I showed him my card and he wrote down the information, then offered me a ride. Hell, I didn't have much choice. Not while Maureen was a few feet away, getting buckwild. I was tempted to call Michael and tell him his wife was getting freaky deaky with the security guard but decided maybe I'd keep that piece of information. It might become valuable at another time.

By Friday evening, I was a nervous wreck. Donovan had called the night before to say he would drop by around six. I had spent the entire day getting ready for the evening. First thing on the agenda was getting rid of Kenyon.

I didn't think I would ever get him to leave. I couldn't believe how insecure he was feeling about the entire thing. Thursday night he put his work in making sure I was satisfied, and again this morning. I tried to reassure him that all Donovan and I were planning to do was talk. We owed that much to each other. As much as I hoped, I wasn't going to even set myself up to think we might have a chance. That man was gone eight months and not one letter besides the one to say we needed to move on. I deserved better than that.

I ran to Macy's and bought myself a cute pair of low-ride jeans and a red sweater, because I always look good in red. Denise hooked up my locks and arched my eyebrows, then I hurried home and had barely enough time to shower and fix my makeup when the phone rang.

“Baby?”

Damn, it was Kenyon. “What do you want?” I didn't mean to sound annoyed, but he was getting on my nerves.

“Just checking to make sure everything is okay.”

“Why wouldn't I be?” This conversation was ridiculous.

“Uh…I don't know.” He cleared his throat. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yes, I know you do.” There was a pause.

“I hope you love me at least a little?” he said with laughter in his voice, but I knew he was serious. Did he not understand how important tonight was for me? Obviously, he knew but didn't care.

“And you know I'll do anything for you. Baby…we complete each other. I hope you don't forget that.”

“I know, Kenyon.” I ground the words out between my teeth.

“Baby?”

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. “Yeah?”

“Remember what I said…. I won't let anyone come between us.”

Oh, my goodness, he was pathetic. “I'll call you on Sunday.”

“Okay, baby.” He sounded pleased by my answer.

I hung up. I really couldn't deal with him at that point. Before he and I had a chance to see where our relationship would lead, I first had to find closure with Donovan. Why couldn't his needy ass understand that?

I checked on the shrimp jambalaya I had simmering on the stove and removed a peach cobbler from the oven. They were both his favorite, and I figured since he'd been in the desert for eight months, he would appreciate a home-cooked meal.

I moved into my room and checked my hair and makeup to ensure both were perfect. They were. I turned to the side and smiled at how well my butt looked in the new jeans. They were definitely worth the hundred dollar price tag. I wore a red V-neck sweater that made my breasts look good. They were small, but as Donovan always said, more than a mouthful is a waste. I wanted Donovan to see and remember how beautiful I was.

The doorbell rang and my heart practically leaped out my chest. I told myself to relax. Rudy was having a fit, barking like he'd lost his mind. “Rudy, be quiet!” I yelled. Obediently, he dropped his head and moved under the coffee table.

I had to take several breaths before I finally had the nerve to open the door. Standing at five ten was Donovan, looking fine as hell. He must have spent the entire time lifting weights, because his medium build had bulked up.

“Hey.” His chocolate eyes sparkled.

I couldn't stop looking at him. His light skin had bronzed beautifully. Time had done him wonders. “H-Hello…uh…come on in.”

He stepped in, and I smelled him as he passed.
Wonderful
. As soon as Rudy spotted him, he raced over and started jumping up and down.

“Hey, boy! Hey…I missed you too.”

I stood back and watched the two of them. Donovan loved Rudy as much as I did. At some point in our lives our dog had become the child we no longer had.

Donovan looked at me, then tilted his head toward the kitchen. “Is that jambalaya I smell?”

Smiling, I nodded. “I thought you might like a home-cooked meal.”

“You right about that.”

“Then follow me into the kitchen. I've got corn casserole and peach cobbler as well.”

He smoothed a hand over his short dark waves. “Girl, what you trying to do?”

Swinging around, our eyes met. “Welcome you home.”

Stepping into the kitchen, Donovan glanced around at the freshly painted cream wall. I had the house professionally painted shortly after he was first deployed. “The house looks good.”

“Thanks.” I moved over to the stove and turned off the eye. Dinner was ready.

As I moved over to the cabinet to retrieve a bowl, Donovan grabbed my arm. “Hey, Nikki…” I swung around and faced him. The expression on his face was serious. “I just needed to tell you again how sorry I am about Big Mama. I wish I had been here. You know I loved her.”

“And she loved you.”

He pulled me into his arms and held me tight, and the tears started and didn't stop. I held on to him.

He pressed his forehead against mine. “I spent weeks, then months, wondering why I hadn't heard from my wife, and I couldn't understand why you hadn't written me.”

“But I did,” I countered.

“I know that now, but I didn't then.”

I was shaking my head. “Things haven't been good between us since Mimi died.”

“Nikki, please….” I watched him mentally shut down.

“No, Donovan. We need to talk about it. I think we've waited too long. I'm on the radio three nights a week playing therapist, yet I've never been able to do anything to help us. We need to talk about the day our daughter was killed.”

“I know…just not yet.”

Maybe I shouldn't have brought up Mimi, because the mood was suddenly loss. “Okay.” I looked up into his eyes. The pain I saw mirrored the way I was feeling. “Why did you tell me it's time for us to move on?”

Donovan took my hands and led me into the family room and over to the couch where we took a seat. “Let me start by saying I wrote that letter because I was hurting. It had been months and I hadn't heard anything from you.”

“Why didn't
you
write me?”

He ran a frustrated hand across his face before he spoke. “Because I was being stubborn. I was waiting to see if you wrote me first. I wanted to know if you still cared. And when you didn't…well…I—”

“But I did write you,” I replied defensively. There was no way he was putting everything on me.

“I know. I know that now. For some reason I didn't get your letters until now.”

“I don't know why you didn't get the letters. I mailed them from the bookstore. The same place you mailed mine.”

He shook his head. “The reason why I mailed yours to the bookstore was because I wanted to make sure you got it. I know you have a tendency not to check the mailbox but once a week.”

He did have a point.

Donovan cupped my hands with his. “There is no point in us getting all bent outta shape over who mailed who first. Let's just focus on us right now.”

I nodded.

“Nikki, look at me. The only reason why I said it was time for us to move on was because, in my mind, I thought you already had.”

“I thought you didn't want to be married anymore.”

He pressed his warm lips to mine. “No. I love you, Nikki. I've always loved you.”

“And I love you, but…we have to admit our relationship has been distant long before your deployment.”

Lowering his gaze to his hands, Donovan replied, “Yeah, you're right.”

“We used to talk about everything. What happened to us?”

Donovan's shoulders slumped with defeat. “I don't know.”

There was a long silence before I finally spoke. “I know what happened.”

Donovan knew where I was going with our conversation, because he immediately sprung from the couch and turned his back to me.

“Donovan, you've got to stop running. We have to talk about this.”

“Nikki,” he warned.

“No, I'm not gonna stop! We can't keep pretending it never happened.” I could see he was starting to shut down, but I wasn't stopping this time. I rose and walked around and stood in front of him, forcing him to look at me. “We've got to talk about what happened to Mimi.”

“Let's not.” He moved into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of beer from the fridge.

I followed him into the room. Angry tears were running down my face. He was so stubborn. This time I had to stand my ground. “Donovan, not talking about it has ruined our marriage!”

He twisted off the cap, then bored painful, sad eyes in my direction. “Okay, what would you like to talk about? Me leaving the gate open so my daughter could wander out front and into the street after you'd told me a dozen times to close it behind me?” His voice cracked at the end.

I gasped. And there was a long pause. “You…you think I blame you?”

“Well, don't you?”

I shook my head and brushed fresh tears away. “No. I-I blame myself. I should have been watching her. I was so tired and I thought…I thought if I was out in the backyard with her, at least she could play in the yard while I lay in the hammock. What kind of mother dozes off?”

Donovan lowered the bottle on the counter, then rested a comforting hand on my arm. “Sweetheart, you were tired. You had been up all night writing a business proposal after leaving the radio station. I should have been more understanding. I should have taken the morning off at the barbershop.” His lip quivered, and being the man he was, he took a moment to try to pull himself together. “Do you know how many hours I spent going over that day, wishing I had taken a second to make sure I had closed that gate behind me?” He shook his head. “I've gone over it so many times I lost count.”

“You can't beat yourself up.”

He dropped his arms angrily. “But I do! That was my daughter! I should have been there for her. I should have been there for you.” A tear slid from his eye. He tried to brush it aside, but they kept on coming. I made the first move toward him. He grabbed me tight and held me.

A sob rose to my throat. “I blamed myself, but after a while I had to let it go. I had to say good-bye to our daughter and start living again. I just thought you blamed me for her death, and I thought I lost you too.”

He looked down at me and shook his head. “No way, baby. Never. I love you. I loved the both of you so much. Y'all were my whole world!” Donovan broke down, and I never heard him cry like that since his mother was found stabbed to death in an alley when he was sixteen. I cried along with him for the daughter I lost, the husband I missed and the years we could never get back. After a while I pulled away from him and stared out into the backyard. I could still see Mimi out in her sandbox playing with her blocks.

“So what do you wanna do?” he said.

I turned to face him. “I want to do whatever we need to do to make our marriage work.”

The corners of his mouth curled upward. “Baby, I want the same thing.”

I moved to him, and he kissed me and pushed his tongue between my lips. I moaned and met each stroke, happy to have my husband holding me again. Nothing had ever tasted or felt so good. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, wanting to never let this man go again.

Donovan kissed me once more, then scooped me into his arms and carried me back to our bedroom. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I stared up in his eyes. “What about dinner?”

“It can wait. I've been gone a long time, and right now I need to make love to my wife.”

My heart sang. Yes, I was his wife. He lowered me to my feet, and we each quickly shed our clothes and slid beneath the covers and started kissing and stroking each other. Donovan was hard. I wrapped my hand around his dick and he groaned.

“I advise you to stop or it's gonna be over before it even gets started,” he warned. I definitely didn't want that. I needed to feel him inside of me bad.

Donovan rolled me onto my back, then he positioned himself between my legs and slid inside and collapsed on top of me. “Damn, baby! I forgot how good it felt to be inside you.”

“So did I.” I tried not to think about the fact I had been screwing someone else for two months. But no more. My relationship with Kenyon was officially over now that I had my husband back in my life.

Donovan rose and started stroking, deep and low. I wrapped my legs around his waist and rocked my hips with him. He and I had a special rhythm only we knew. We moved together slow and fast. He'd stop now and then to suckle my breasts.

“Roll over,” he commanded.

I assumed the position for doggy style, my favorite. Donovan knew exactly how to hit me just right. My breasts were swinging and his balls were slapping against my butt as I drove back harder and harder to meet his strokes. He hit my G-spot, and it wasn't long before I was coming. “Oooh, baby…oooh-weee…that's it! That's my spot!” I screamed.

“Yeahhh…I'm about to come!” He moaned, then howled long and hard as he came with a force that sent me lying flat on my stomach. Finishing, he drove home with three final pumps, then collapsed on top of me.

We lay there quietly together. I was so happy that tears were running down my face. Everything was going to be all right between us. I could feel it. Closing my eyes, I snuggled deeper, loving the way it felt lying against my husband once again.

In my purse, from across the room I could hear my cell phone ringing. It was Chris Brown's “Kiss Kiss,” Kenyon's special ring tone. Why the hell was he calling me?

Donovan rolled on his side. I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. He kissed my lips. “I love you, Nikki. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix our marriage.”

“So am I, sweetheart.”

His expression then got serious. “If there is anything you need to tell me, now is the time.”