Confessions of a Yakuza (30 page)

“When was this?”

“He was over sixty-five at the time.”

“Not so long ago, then.”

“No, it wasn’t. And just think of it—losing
both
fingers for the same thing! I suppose he wanted to make himself look good in front of Omitsu. I mean, no yakuza’s going to do that just to save some little innkeeper’s skin—a lousy small-town drunk like that. But Eiji—no, he has to chop it straight off for his old flame’s sake. Just to impress her.”

She gave a faint, ironic smile and lit a cigarette. On both sides of the road, paddy fields swept past, and the sunset still lingered in the sky beyond the hills.

“And what happened then?”

“She left home. Eiji made various arrangements to help her get by, and then—I’m not sure, but I think he bought her the restaurant she’s got now.”

“I see....”

“I suppose you’re wondering why he didn’t move in with her right away,” she said, looking over at me.

“Well, I can’t help being curious.”

“I know you can’t, and I’m not blaming you. But don’t forget, I may not be much to look at now, but I’m still a woman, and I’ve got my pride.” She spoke rather more strongly than usual.

“Around the time I first went to live with him, I wasn’t well and couldn’t do anything much. Okyo used to do all the work by herself. Even so, once Okyo had set up in business on her own, I ran the household. And for a long time after that, I looked after him myself. It may have been because of that—maybe he felt he couldn’t just throw me out. And besides, we had a daughter; I expect that was another reason, too.

“We came to Tsuchiura in the first place because our daughter took up with a man there; they said there was a nice house near them, and couldn’t we join them, so we decided to move. Unfortunately, she fell out with the man and went back to Tokyo—she’s got a place of her own now, where she teaches Japanese dancing. Anyway, the two of us were left there by ourselves. But now that I knew about Omitsu, I was forever wondering whether I shouldn’t give him up. Of course, I’d always rather be with somebody than live alone, even if the other person’s sick. But I couldn’t help brooding about it, and I began to think it was cruel in a way to keep him with me. And in the end it got too much for me.

“So one day I went to Ishioka and put it to her. Yes, she said, she’d like to take him, if it was all right with me. So I said, well then, I’ll make you a present of him, and that settled it.

“But you know, I never meant to keep him till he got
that
feeble. By the time out daughter went back to Tokyo, I’d already made up my mind. It was
your
fault, doctor, that it got so late.”

She struck a match, without taking her eyes off the dark road ahead.

“I thought his talks with you would be over in no time. But then you started coming almost every day—all through the winter, too. In his heart of hearts, I imagine he wanted to be with her as soon as possible. But he wanted to talk, as well.... So it was put off, and put off, and then his health broke down. If anybody, it should be you, doctor, that Omitsu resents, not me.”

“I had no idea....”

“Don’t worry—I wasn’t really serious. If he’d really wanted to go, he wouldn’t have waited a single day, even. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really, that he left it so late.”

Outside the car windows, the lights of Tsuchiura were already flicking by.

“Incidentally,” said Hatsuyo, “there’s one last thing I’d like to ask you. What do you
really
feel about him? I mean, he had a pretty wild life, and he killed a man, whatever his reasons, and he went to jail several times. It was a rotten world he lived in. Maybe that’s what made him interesting for you. But you went on seeing him, for months on end. Why?”

“Well.... You know, you were too close to him; that’s why you can say things like that. It may take a while, but you’ll see him differently then.”

“Really?...”

“I promise you.”

“All right, I’ll take your word for it.... Could you drop me off at the station, please? You see, I’ve moved in with my daughter in Tokyo. Why don’t you come and visit us sometime—when the morning-glory fair is on, for instance?”

As she was getting out of the car, she wrote down her address and phone number on a scrap of paper.

“Well, then—goodbye, doctor.”

“Goodbye.”

And she went off slowly up the station stairs.

Originally published by Chikuma Shobo in 1989 under the title
Asakusa bakuto ichidai
. Previously published as The Gambler’s Tale.

Distributed in the United States by Kodansha America, Inc., and in the
United Kingdom and continental Europe by Kodansha Europe Ltd.

Published by Kodansha International Ltd., 17–14 Otowa 1-chome,
Bunkyo-ku Tokyo 112–8652, and Kodansha America, Inc.

Copyright © 1991 Junichi Saga. Illustrations by Susumu Saga
All rights reserved. Printed in Japan.
ISBN 978–4–7700–1948–6

First edition, 1991
First paperback edition, 1995
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