Conflicted (19 page)
Authors: Lisa Suzanne
I slid into Cole’s Audi a little after noon for our trip down to San Diego. When I’d left earlier that morning, John had barely mumbled a goodbye. It was better that way, though. I had far less guilt when my husband treated me like an acquaintance than I would if he’d been the loving and attentive man I’d married.
But, then, if he was still loving and attentive, I wondered if Cole would’ve so easily caught my eye. If I’d been happy in my marriage, would I have strayed?
He set the GPS with the address for Masonite Consultants, the clients he needed to meet with, and we were off.
“Tell me about the best road trip you took as a kid,” he said, tuning into the country music station and rolling down his window.
I hadn’t pegged him for a country music fan, but it somehow made him more endearing. It turned him from this untouchable, wealthy mogul into a regular guy.
“God, we took road trips practically every summer. But when I was ten, my parents rented an RV and we took a road trip from Santa Clarita all the way to Florida. We did the beach and Disney. We spent over two weeks in that RV.”
“That’s a hell of a drive.”
“You know, there were times I wanted to pull my sister’s hair out, and there were times the RV felt smaller than this car, but I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. What about you?”
“We did the Grand Canyon one year. It’s really the only road trip we ever took. My dad was always working, so it was rare that we took actual vacations that didn’t involve work in some capacity. Even that one was just one night on the way to Phoenix for business.”
I studied him as he focused on the road, and I could see a hint of sadness wash over him. My heart squeezed for Cole’s childhood. I’d never thought about what life might be like for the kid of the CEO of a major company, especially when Jack had been building it up from the ground. Cole may have grown up with the sorts of privileges I’d never known, but he probably missed out on some of the big things, too.
“Is that where you learned your work ethic?”
“Something like that,” he said.
“Well, where would you want to road trip to?”
“Your Florida trip sounds fun.”
“It was.”
“When I have kids someday, I want to make sure I take them to all the places I didn’t get to see when I was a kid. I don’t want to work the way my dad did.”
I sensed that Cole held a lot of resentment toward his father, which seemed odd considering the kind Jack I knew. But I knew him toward the end of his career. I didn’t know him as the father who worked through my childhood, and I didn’t know him as the man who had pressured me into the position of CEO of his company.
“Did your mom work?”
He shook his head. “No. She stayed home when I was young and she volunteered at my elementary school.”
“Are you close with her?”
He nodded. “Very.”
I couldn’t help my smile. I’d have never guessed the sexy and demanding Cole was a mama’s boy.
We reminisced about our respective childhoods, laughing together and singing along with Florida Georgia Line. The two hours to San Diego passed in the blink of an eye.
When Cole pulled into a parking spot at Masonite Consultants, he grabbed my arm before I had the chance to get out of the car. He leaned in close to me.
“Welcome to San Diego,” he said, his voice deep and gritty. “In a few hours, you’re all mine for the next three days.”
His lips pressed firmly to mine for a brief kiss, and then he pulled away from me and opened his door. I sat in my seat breathlessly for a few seconds, trying to pull myself together for this meeting before three days of Cole.
I took meticulous notes as Cole spoke with the president of Masonite. I did my best not to focus on his plush lips, the lips I knew would be dragging across my skin later. I tried my hardest to ignore the ache between my legs that I knew Cole would satisfy over and over.
The minutes dragged.
The harder I tried not to think about what Cole was going to do to me over the next few days, the more the images of his naked body loomed in my mind.
Finally, after what felt like absolute days but was really only four hours later, we slid back into the Audi and headed toward the hotel. I’d booked us an oceanfront villa that featured a private balcony, and my imagination worked overtime as I thought about all the different ways Cole could make love to me in that villa.
We checked in, and Cole smirked when the clerk handed two keys over to us. As we followed the bellhop with our luggage toward our villa, I couldn’t help but ask the question I’d only thought once before.
“Did you have something to do with the hotel mix-up in New York?”
His eyes cut quickly over to mine. “What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.
“I mean did you cancel my room?”
I could see the wheels turning in his mind, and finally he looked at me sheepishly and shrugged. “I had to take what opening I could.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or punch him. “Damn. You put on quite the act like it was all my fault.”
“I’m sorry.” He had the decency to actually look apologetic, and he gave me one of those looks with those brown eyes that melted my heart.
It was my turn to smirk. “You know how I feel about apologies, Mr. Benson.”
He laughed, and then he grabbed my ass. “I’ll give you an apology,” he muttered close to my ear, and I giggled loudly. The bellhop opened our door and unloaded our luggage. Cole tipped him while I stood at the slider door overlooking the beach. When the door clicked shut behind the bellhop, our time was finally upon us.
Cole’s arms slipped around my waist as his body lengthened firmly behind mine. I settled back into him, peace washing over me as I breathed him in while I watched the waves roll in and out from the shore right outside my window.
This shouldn’t have been a moment of peace. What lie ahead of us wouldn’t be peaceful. It couldn’t be. I was sure it would prove to be tumultuous and chaotic, but in this moment, in this hotel villa on the beach in San Diego, the tranquility washed over me as Cole’s lips dragged along my neck.
“What should we do first?” he asked, his voice husky and warm.
His hands reached under my shirt and splayed out across my belly. His fingertips gently caressed my skin. I couldn’t help my soft whimpers.
“Your call, boss.”
He groaned at my choice of words. I knew how much he loved being in control.
One of his big hands moved up to massage my breast while the other dipped down into my panties as he thrust his hips against me. His steel erection dug into my ass, and I arched back into him to feel more of him—all of him. I braced myself by placing my hands on the glass in front of me.
All the sensations at once drove me wild with need as he worked my body—owned my body—with his hands and his mouth. I was completely lost to the world and lost in Cole.
His fingers continued to plummet downward. He plunged one finger into me, and his lips moved close to my ear. “Holy fuck, you’re drenched,” he moaned, and my only response was a guttural groan as he pulled his finger out slowly and then pushed it back in.
My legs started to shake. It was far too soon for me to cross that bridge, but Cole had such command over my body that I couldn’t stop it.
He continued fucking me with his fingers as his other hand assaulted my breast. I reached behind me to feel him, to grab him in my hand, but he pulled his hips back out of my reach. I sighed and allowed myself to give into the pleasure of his hands in and on my body.
He pulled his finger out and barely stroked my clit before I detonated in his arms. His hand squeezed my breast, his lips continued their onslaught on my neck, and his fingers dove back inside of me as my body contracted around him.
I fell back into him, grateful that he was standing behind me to hold me up. He lifted me up in his arms and carried me over to the bed, and I felt more love from him in those few seconds than I’d felt from John in the past three years.
He set me down so I was lying on my back, and then he leaned over and kissed me. “I’m not even close to finished with you, Ms. Cleary,” he said.
I smiled lazily. “I need a minute.”
“Sixty seconds,” he said. “That’s all you’re getting.”
I watched as he loosened his tie. He took it off and set it on a chair. He unbuttoned his shirt. He removed that, too, and set it on the chair with his tie. He pulled his undershirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. My mouth watered as I took in the view of Cole Benson standing before me.
God, he was perfection. Those abs…I wasn’t sure when he had time to work out between running a huge company and sleeping with me, but he managed. His broad chest was smooth and inviting. I wanted to lie my head on it and never leave. And that six pack…or was it an eight pack? I counted again, but I lost track as the muscles shimmered and moved as he stalked his way toward me.
His eyes connected with mine when I finally ripped them off of his abdomen.
“Tell me what you want,” I said softly.
“You, Lucy. I want you. Any way I can get you.”
My heart melted. I sat up from the bed, and he was positioned directly between my legs. I reached immediately in front of me and ran my fingertips over those abs that I couldn’t seem to stop ogling. I looked up at him, and his eyes were closed and his neck was corded as he stretched it back.
I unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and lowered his zipper. I reached into his pants and pulled him out. He was hard, thick, and heavy across my hand.
I went right to work, first licking down the shaft and then wrapping my lips around him. His moans started soft, but as I picked up speed, moving my head up and down over him, he became louder and throatier. My own body clenched with desire just seeing this controlled and disciplined man fall apart under my touch.
He held my head in place as his fingers tangled into my hair, feral moans and growled curses falling from his lips.
“Fuck,” he groaned, and then I felt his liquid heat erupting against the back of my throat. His body shook with gratification. His hand on the back of my head held me still while the last drops of pleasure spilled onto my tongue.
He grunted as he pulled out of my mouth. “You’re a naughty girl,” he said, and I grinned as I lay back.
He collapsed on the bed beside me and leaned up on one elbow. He reached over and stroked the skin of my stomach absently, his hands meandering up toward my breasts and back down again as we lay together on the bed.
“Give me five minutes and I’ll be good to go again.”
I giggled. “Five minutes?”
He shrugged sheepishly. “I’m pretty much always ready when it’s you.”
Heat crept into my cheeks at his compliment.
“You’re so sexy right now, all naked and flushed.”
“After sitting in the car for two hours and then that thing you just did to me, I’m sure I look like a disaster.”
“Just wait.”
“For what?”
“Wait until I fuck you.”
“Has it been five minutes yet?” I asked, glancing down at his naked body. My body was ready and aching again. It was always ready and aching for Cole. I’d never been as sexually greedy in a relationship as I was with him, but I couldn’t seem to get enough.
He glanced down with me, and then our eyes met. “It’s semi-ready.”
“Then why don’t you semi-fuck me?”
“I don’t fuck halfway, Ms. Cleary.”
“I think you’ve proven that, Mr. Benson.”
He grinned, and then he shifted. He hovered over me and kissed me for a few tender moments before slamming into me.
“I don’t ever want to get up from this bed. Ever.” Cole’s warm voice wrapped around me like a blanket.
My head rested on his chest, and he drew circles absently on the bare skin of my back. I snuggled closer into the man whose arms were wrapped around me after the third time he’d made me come in the few short hours since we’d arrived to the hotel.
“We have to eat sometime,” I pointed out.
“Isn’t that why room service was invented?”
“God, we’re from such different backgrounds.”
“Why do you say that?” He tightened his arms around me.
“Room service was for the privileged. I didn’t grow up poor, exactly, but we didn’t indulge in such luxuries.”
“We always ate breakfast in the room together before my father ran off to whatever meeting he had scheduled.”
“What did you and your mom do?”
“Whatever tour she’d set up for us. It depended where we were. We’d visit the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago or the British Museum in London or Times Square in New York.”
I had a hard time picturing family vacations where my dad ran off to work while the rest of us toured whatever city we were in. It didn’t sound like much of a vacation if one of the family members was absent.
“Why did you move to New York?”
He stiffened for just a moment. “I knew my father wanted me to work for the company, but I wanted to step out of his shadow and prove myself in a place where he wouldn’t be hovering over me all the time. I asked if I could work in a different office than him, and when the opportunity came to run the office in New York, I jumped at it.”
“Did you like living there?”
“Yes and no. Part of me loved it, and it will always be the first place where I really learned to figure things out on my own. But it was difficult living across the country from my mom.”
“Not your dad?”
“My dad, too,” he conceded. “Of course I love both my parents. I’ve just always wished my dad had spent more time attending my high school baseball games and less time working, you know?”
I didn’t know, actually. My dad was the dad who attended every single one of my softball games. When I’d gotten a small part in the fall play my senior year, he and my mom both attended every performance. I’d been supported by a loving set of parents my entire life, so it was hard to imagine a life where that wasn’t the case.
Jack was a good and kind man. I couldn’t imagine that he worked because he preferred it over his son. He probably had to do it—maybe even to give Cole a wider variety of opportunities and a more comfortable life.
But maybe no one had ever explained that to Cole, and maybe Cole couldn’t see the forest for the trees himself.
As we lay naked together on the bed, I found Cole baring more than just his skin. He was letting me in, and I had the feeling that these weren’t admissions he shared with just anyone. Somehow I’d earned his trust, and that thought alone pulled at my heartstrings and sent a wave of emotion through my chest.
I found myself falling in deeper and deeper with this man, and I had no idea what to do about it.
Our trip to San Diego had been filled with rough sex followed by gentler sex, with bonding and building emotions, and with a whole lot of naked time.
It was everything I needed to help me see that things might really be able to work with Cole.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I asked my boss after I walked into his office the following Tuesday morning.
“Call Dan Sears’ secretary at Utica and find out how many will be on the reservation tonight, and then confirm that number with my eight o’clock at Vine.” He gave me a wolfish smile and lowered his voice to a deep rumble. “Include yourself on that, too. And be ready to meet afterward to review.”
I gave him my most demure smile. “Is that what we’re calling it now?”
He chuckled. “You better get to work before I review you all over my desk.”
I turned to leave, but before I walked through the door, I threw over my shoulder, “I’m not saying it would be a bad way to start the day, but I’m still a little sore after our trip.”
I heard him laugh behind me as I walked to my desk. It was our little inside joke. We’d had so much sex that we were both sore for a day afterward, but the only soreness I felt now was the ache that was always present between my legs whenever Cole was near.
Utica required reservations for two that night, and with Cole and me, that made four. I called Vine to confirm the reservation, and the second I hung up, I realized one big problem.
John had asked me to keep the night free.
I wasn’t sure why, and I didn’t know what he had planned, but he’d told me he had something for me. I wondered what it could be, but I had to work. Cole needed me for a dinner meeting.
I texted him.
I have a dinner meeting tonight at eight. I’ll be home late.
His response came quickly, which was unusual for him. I supposed it was his way of showing he wanted to mend things between us, but it was too little too late.
Will you be home between work and dinner?
Not sure. I’ve got a lot I need to get done today.
I felt bad when I didn’t get an immediate reply, but then Cole stepped out of his office and I forgot all about John.
“I have a few things I need you to add to your agenda in the next few days.”
I grabbed a sheet of paper and scribbled down his requests. “And in ten minutes, I need you in my office,” he said. I looked up from my paper at him. Our eyes locked, and his radiated hunger.
He turned away from me and headed down the hall. I could hear him greeting colleagues as he walked, but I was completely flipped upside down after the way he’d just looked at me.
That was it. All it took was one simple glance full of lust, and I was done.
“Close the door behind you,” Cole said ten minutes later. His voice was quiet, and his low timber rumbled through my chest.
I did as he commanded. He strode across the room toward me, his eyes hot on mine the entire time.
When he stood in front of me, his eyes moved from mine. He focused on a lock of my hair and gently fingered it. “You shouldn’t wear skirts that short around the office,” he said, tucking the lock of hair behind my ear.
“Why not?” I breathed.
His eyes moved back to mine. “Because it makes me want to fuck you. I shouldn’t fuck you in my office. I shouldn’t be fucking you anywhere at all.” He pushed me against the door, pressing his erection into me. “But then I see you in this short little skirt and I just can’t help myself. Do you want me to fuck you?”
I nodded, unable to speak as the familiar and delicious ache pulled at my core.
His lips found my neck, and I leaned my head back and closed my eyes while he kissed his way along my collarbone, to my throat, and down into my cleavage. He trailed his lips upward, finally landing on my own.
He cut off our kiss and pulled me away from the door. “Bend over my desk,” he said, his voice husky.
I walked over to his desk to do as he asked.
“Turn toward the window.”
The cool wood against my cheek contrasted sharply with the heat permeating my body. I focused my gaze over the same view of downtown LA that Cole looked upon every single day from his desk chair.
“That’s perfect,” he said, coming up behind me. He bucked his hips against mine, and I used the desk as leverage to keep still. His hand trailed up my thigh to my ass. He cupped one cheek in his big hand, and then he trailed his long fingers down to my slit.
He palmed me between my legs, and I let out a soft moan.
“Jesus, Lucy.”
He pulled my panties down my legs and tossed them on the floor. He slid one finger into me. Everything went black around me except for that singular sensation of his finger driving in and out of me. Whatever was outside that window was gone as I focused every bit of my attention on what he was doing to me.
His other hand came around the front of me and I lifted up slightly. He reached into the top of my shirt and under the cup of my bra to squeeze my nipple, and I couldn’t help another involuntary moan. He leaned forward to kiss my neck, his fingers still pumping in and out of me.
And then everything stopped. His hands were off of me, and I was left feeling cold and empty.
I didn’t move as I listened to the hot sound of his belt buckle sliding through the metal and then a zipper.
“I’m going to fuck you from behind,” he said, and then he rammed into me without further warning.
He filled me completely, and as he growled over me while he pumped in and out, I couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming thrill of having sex with my hot boss in his office.
He was aggressive, powering himself deeply into me before pulling almost all the way out. He moved at a fast pace, driving me swiftly toward my peak.
There was so much wrong with what we were doing, yet nothing could stop us. The combination of Cole Benson and this situation that was forbidden in every single way pushed me into ecstasy.
My core tightened, my legs shook, and my body squeezed Cole tightly to me.
Just as I started to come down from my high, Cole grunted and then spilled stormily into me. The sound of his voice, the force of his orgasm, and the feel of his arms tightening around me pushed me into a second climax.
I barely contained myself from screaming through my second orgasm. When I came down, my limbs felt heavy. Too heavy to lift. Too heavy to carry me.
I allowed all of my weight to press onto the desk as Cole pulled out of me. I was completely drained and thoroughly fucked.
I felt his arms lift me up, and he held me upright for a moment. I rested my head on his shoulder and allowed my heavy arms to just hang.
He chuckled. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice lazy. “I just need to sit for a few minutes.”
He helped me to a chair, and I sat while I regrouped.
“Jeez, Cole,” I said. “How are you still standing after that?”
He grinned at me. “You energize me, Lucy. Being with you is so different from anyone else I’ve ever been with.” He bent down to kiss my forehead, and in that moment, I felt protected and loved. “You’re incredible.”
“You’re not too bad yourself.”
He raised one eyebrow at me and lowered his voice. “Is that just the multiple orgasms talking?”
My face heated, but I couldn’t deny that what he’d just done to me had been pretty incredible.
A knock at his office door interrupted our post-sex recovery.
“Shit,” he muttered. He patted down my hair. “You okay?”
I nodded as I pulled my panties back on, smoothed my skirt, and adjusted my shirt. He glanced at me one last time before opening the door.
“Mr. Benson, we have the proofs ready for Mr. Jarvis.” Laura from the marketing department peered into the office at me. She paused and looked back and forth between us as if she’d caught us doing something we shouldn’t have been doing. My face heated again, and I could tell my neck was turning red. Cole maintained perfect composure as Laura spoke again. “We just need your final approval.”
“I’ll be down in ten minutes.”
“Yes, sir.” She gazed up at him with a look of adoration in her eyes. It was similar to the way I looked at him, but I felt like I had a right to now that I’d had sex with him. She hadn’t.
Well, to my knowledge she hadn’t.
What if she had?
I suddenly wondered how many women in this very office Cole had been with.
“You could have called,” he said sternly.
“Yes, sir.”
He shut the door and leaned up against it, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments.
I couldn’t help my chuckle. “I always thought you just treated me like shit. You got a thing for her, too?”
He gave me a sharp look. “You keep talking like that and I may just have to discipline you.”
“Yes, sir.” I stood on shaky legs and walked toward the door.
He grinned at me. “Get back to work.” He swatted my ass on my way out.
I checked my phone at lunch, and I had a new text from John. The time stamp let me know he’d sent it just after our earlier texts, and it had been sitting on my phone waiting for over three hours.
I was hoping you’d be home tonight. I have something I want to give you, and we need to talk.
He was right. We did need to talk, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to like what I had to say.
I thought about what to say in reply.
Sorry, but I’d rather spend time with Cole
seemed inappropriate and cold, but it was the first thought that ran through my mind.
Instead, I replied,
I’m sorry. Busy day at the office. Can we talk tomorrow?
I didn’t have a reply by the time I was done eating. I went back to my desk and tucked my phone away.
I didn’t see much of Cole after lunch. He was tied up in a meeting with all the top executives in the company, and I was on my own. I wondered if the meeting was about the Assistant of the Year since a glance at my calendar told me that the announcement was scheduled for the next day. I’d been so preoccupied with hiding my affair with Cole that it had snuck right up on me.
