Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (33 page)

"What are you doing?" I groaned loudly

"You're so ready but wait," he whispered.

God help me, he better mean that he was about to slide in me. I couldn't handle much more before I burst into flames.

"Ethan, please I need you," I begged in a loud drawn out moan.

"I need you too Mia," Ethan replied in a reverent tone.

He rested his knee between my legs. His deep brown eyes mystified me. There was so much passion in them. It made my heart beat even faster knowing he was looking at me that way. Ethan shifted my legs apart and positioned his body over me. He situated his elbows on each side of my head. My hands grasped his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair with my desperate want for him. He obliged by sliding into me. I still wasn't sure if it was him, the piercing, or us together but the feeling was the most exotic thing I'd ever experienced.

"Oh God..." I screamed.

Ethan brought his lips to mine. His mouth silenced me as his hips set forth on a studied pace just like everything else he'd being doing to me. He switched it up with slow steady thrusts before bringing it to a slow to prevent me from letting go. Every time he started back up at a faster pace. The fire inside me came back stronger than before making each move he made so electrifying that I wasn't really sure if I was here with him anymore. My body moved on to an entirely different plane.

"You always feel so good Mia," Ethan moaned loudly.

My arms clutched around his back as he penetrated further deep. Ethan switched gears pushing harder and faster. I let out a long moan needing us to release soon. I held on tight and clenched my insides to him as he started to get close.

"Fuck you drive me over the edge when you do that to me," he growled.

He drove into me several more times and I screamed with the immense pleasure of each powerful thrust. It was the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. I continued squeezing around him until he let go as well. As he hit his climax, he moaned louder than I'd heard from him all weekend. He rested his head on my shoulder. Our skin slid against each other with the amount of sweat that we'd worked up. After a few minutes, Ethan slid out and rolled onto his back.

"Wow," I panted.

He grinned. "I told you it would be worth it."

"Yes, it was worth it. I can't say I've ever experienced anything like that."

"Good. That was the plan."

"I need to get home soon."

His face fell and he gazed away. I kept my palm on his check until he looked at me.

"Hey, I had an amazing weekend with you. I'll see you tomorrow," I assured.

He sighed. "I know that you need to go home. I just don't want you to go."

"Ethan, I know you're worried but this weekend is so different from a day of playing hooky with you. This isn't the end of something; it's the beginning."

Ethan beamed. "You certainly have a way with words when you want to Mia." He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. "If I have to take you home, then I'm showering with you."

"I'm never getting home tonight," I teased.

Ethan picked me up and swatted me on the ass as he carried me to the bathroom. I couldn't admit it to him but I was terrified of leaving him too. I knew without a doubt that he was my choice. I needed him in my life. I just had no idea how I was going to finagle my way out of everything without hurting him or anyone else.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

By the time we finished with our shower, the sun had nearly set. Since I'd been wearing nothing but Ethan's clothes all weekend, I continued the trend with a pair of his sweatpants and T-shirt. With his apartment behind us, we were in the hall on our way to the elevator. Ethan was as young looking as I'd ever seen him. He was in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and olive green muscle shirt. His tattoos flamed up his arms and legs made him absolutely delectable.

Christ Mia, you're leaving! Don't even think about it!

Ethan hauled me into his chest. "You really can't help yourself can you. I've always enjoyed catching you in a stare. It was how I realized that you felt something for me too. Well, that and the blushing. I noticed the blushing the first day. It was hard to miss."

Ethan paused to place his hand over my bright red cheek. I grabbed his hand and brought it down to my side as the elevator arrived. As boarded, I gave his hand a tight squeeze. We shuffled to the back of the elevator and leaned against the railing facing each other.

"If I had any control over how any part of my body reacts around you, I would've exercised it a long time ago."

"I hope it never stops."

He brought his lips so close to me that his heated breath drifted across my neck sending sparks everywhere. My breath hitched as my body hummed to life.

"Don't. The parking lot was a one-time thing Ethan," I said hoarsely.

"I'm not doing anything," he disputed.

He ran his nose along my neck with soft brushes of his lips ever few seconds. My stomach clenched along with everything south of me demanding more.

"Yes, you are and you know it. So stop."

The elevator reached the garage and I departed as fast as possible. Ethan chuckled but kept pace with me. We walked with our hands together until we got to his car. Before he opened the passenger side, he pressed his body against mine before bringing his hands to my face and lowering his mouth. We stood there exploring each other's mouths until Ethan ran his hand down to open the door. I was ready to repeat everything we just finished doing in his bedroom.

The bastard turned me on again.

"Sometimes I can't help myself," he declared, helping me into the car.

We made our way back to the suburbs. He slowed to a stop as we hit my driveway. Ethan shifted the car in park and left it running with our hands laced together. I started to untangle my hand from his but he stopped me by gripping it even tighter. He looked over with heartache in his eyes that crushed my insides.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered, bringing my lips to his for a goodbye kiss.

I drove my lips heartily into his taking in every part of him. We did what we do so well with each other and lost ourselves in the moment. As our heated breaths rose, I pulled away and grabbed the handle to open it. Ethan sighed but let me go. I leaned over for one last kiss to savor his wintergreen taste.

"Bye for now babe."

"Bye love."

I grinned getting out. I tapped the window before walking around the car. Ethan waited until I was at the door. To my surprise, it opened causing me to stumble through it. It dumbfounded me at first but I came to my senses fast when my eyes caught sight of Bri behind the door. She was glaring at me with a fiery wrath in her eyes.

"It's about fucking time you came home," Bri shouted.

"And hello to you too."

"I'm
so
not in the mood right now Mia." She stopped moving us forward and took in my attire. "What the hell happened to your clothes and shoes?"

"They're at Ethan's place."

"Unbelievable."

She yanked me from the safety of the doorway and stormed into the living room. I wasn't sure about going any further with her with the ire that surrounded her mood. The fire in her eyes stood a chance at incinerating me if I kept focus with them for too long. I loosened the death grip she had on my arm and settled into the recliner. Bri huffed as she sat down on the couch.

"Where are the guys?"

"I persuaded them to go out tonight so that we could talk without them interrupting us. I had no idea you would wait so long to come home," she snapped.

"I wasn't aware that you needed an exact time of my return. I've never had a curfew so I'm not sure what you expect from me," I retorted.

"Cut the bullshit Mia," she shrieked.

"Where's naughty Bri that wanted to hear all the dirty details?"

"She disappeared when her best friend started making stupid life choices," she snarled.

I inhaled a quick gush of air. "I choose Ethan."

Bri frowned. "Mia, you don't even know him. I know you didn't spend the last two days getting to know everything about him as a person."

"Since when is getting to know someone really well biblically such a bad thing. And I mean really well," I joked.

She curled her fists to contain her exasperation with me. "There you go again. Cut the sarcasm. You don't know anything about him yet you think he's everything you need. Please for the love of God explain to me how that is possible."

"The way he makes me feel is so different from anything I've ever experienced. It's not just the attraction or the sex. I feel so very alive around him."

I got up from the recliner heading for the stairs. Bri scowled as she leapt up to follow me.

"Please tell me that you did more than fuck his brains out for the last forty-eight hours."

"Well..."

I was thankful to be ahead of her on the stairs because if she saw the grin on my face she'd smack me. Bri doubled her pace after I started taking two stairs at a time. I strode into my room going towards my closet as she sat on the corner of the desk.

"You wanted Harrison's offer more than anything. There is no way that you would throw that all away for a guy you don't even know so start talking," she demanded.

I glanced over my shoulder to see that she was at her wits end with me. "I don't know what it is but it's like he came along and awakened me. He makes me so angry at times but he also makes me feel a place of love so deeply that it scorches my soul."

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with getting over Micah?" Bri asked skeptically.

I grabbed a pair of mesh shorts and t-shirt and changed into them. I tossed Ethan's clothes towards my desk. They whizzed past her head and got her attention from picking at her nails so she could see that she wasn't the only one pissed off.

"If you ask me that again, I might just slap you. This has nothing to do with Micah. If I was so hung up on him, I would've never shared with Ethan what happened last winter," I snapped.

Her eyes bugged out in disbelief. "Did you tell him everything?"

I nodded on my way out of my room. I was starving so the kitchen was my next stop. If Bri wanted to continue interrogating me, she'd have to follow me there too.

"Wow, I'm surprised you lowered you guard that much. You haven't told anyone about that night in its entirety," she responded, baffled.

I grimaced. "I gave him a summarized version of the evening. I wanted him to understand that I wasn't exactly undamaged goods."

Once we were in the kitchen, I walked over to the fridge and opened the freezer section with hope that there was some food in there. There was a frozen pepperoni pizza tucked away at the bottom. One of us had to have hid it from the boys. Bri took a seat on a stool at the island as I placed the pizza in the oven.

"Mia, you aren't damaged."

I glanced at her to that see she had calmed down. She still seemed pissed but she was also softening with the more I shared. I jumped up on the counter with an eye on her.

"Yea, I am. If you hadn't found me, I wouldn't be sitting here. It's just one of the many poor choices I've made over the last few months. I took the offer from Harrison hoping it would get my life back on track. I was desperate for a change but I made it for all the wrong reasons."

Bri arched an eyebrow. "Can I ask you something?"

I exhaled deeply. "Has it ever stopped you before?"

"Are you in love with Ethan? You barely know him but you're acting like he's the love of your life with what you're willing to give up. Whether you want to see it or not, Ethan is part of the problem that Harrison revealed to you."

"I'm not above saying that he doesn't have his fair share of secrets," I answered stiffly.

"How can you be with someone that could be harboring some horrible things?"

Bri started to fidget with the rings on her fingers as her eyes flitted between her hands and me. I rested my head against the cupboard.

"Why do you think I tried to stay away from him? It was because of that very question which yes I will admit remains unanswered but I can't help how I feel. The heart wants what the heart wants regardless of what the mind tells you is right." I paused to determine if Bri understood me. The hardness behind her eyes remained strong. "I should be scared with my knowledge of how his company operates underneath it all or the fact that I know very little personal things about him but I'm not. God knows that I'm anything but innocent with all the secrets I'm hiding from people. I can't crucify him for his flaws when I have so many of my own. If I don't take this shot with him, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

Bri loosened up a little. The resistance in her eyes receded as she became more concerned.

"I guess you've put more thought into this than I'm giving you credit for."

"Of course I've put thought into it. I nearly had a meltdown right in front of him. I'm well aware of the mess that I'm in right now."

I hopped down from the counter to grab water out of the fridge. She was right behind me to grab a soda for herself. We leaned against the counter facing each other. She opened and closed her mouth with reservation before she moved forward with her next thought.

"What are you going to do?"

I sighed. "I've made so many mistakes trying to lead a double life. I feel horrible all the time and all I want to do is make it right for everyone that I've wronged including you. I may not be making it right for all the people that are affected by what is happening in his company. I'm selfish enough to want to make it better for all the people that I've hurt in my life."

Confusion swept across Bri's face. "You haven't wronged me Mia."

I cringed. "Haven't I? I asked you to keep a secret from the man that you're in love with. No matter what you say, I have a feeling that it's hurt you because of it. When I look at what I've actually asked, I'm disgusted with myself. I should've never put you in that position knowing that it could hurt you. If that's not selfish, then I don't know what is."

"Mia," Bri disputed.

"No, I need to get this out. If there is anything that being with Ethan has given me, its clarity. I can't keep hurting people that I care about and I've hurt everyone in this house. I'm not any better than Micah," I contended.