Conquered: She Who Dares Book Two (20 page)

“But when the baby is born?” I push.

He sighs. “Then I’ll deal with it. Why are you asking me this, Lilly?” His eyes meet mine, tension swirling in their depths.

“Because I hate the thought that you’re abandoning your child because of me.” I stand and move toward the stairs.

“Is that what you think? That I would abandon my own child?” I don’t answer because truth be told, I don’t know the answer to that.

I have to get a taxi back to my flat. I quickly change into jeans and grab my car keys before driving to Scream. It’s not even nine in the morning, I’m absolutely hanging and I feel like I might puke. Fucking hell, this had best be good.

I park my car in the alleyway and knock on the staff entrance like the guy told me to.  A middle aged guy in a suit opens the door. “Hi, I’m Lilly Parker…”

“Come in.” He ushers me in and shuts the door behind me.

He leads me down a hallway and into a very basic office. There’s a sofa pushed up against the wall, and Cassie is led on it asleep.

“My name’s Paul. I own the place.” He tells me.

“Thanks for calling Paul. What happened to her? Is she hurt?”

“Look, I haven’t called a hospital or anything, but when I was looking for her phone I found this.” He holds up a small baggie of white powder.

“Shit. She’s pregnant.” I tell him. I pull her eyelids open. Her pupils are dilated. “Fuck. You stupid bitch.” I mutter. “Cassie, Cassie.” I shake her and slap her face gently. She stirs and her eyes flutter open. “What did you take?” I ask her. Her eyes focus on my face for a brief moment and then she breaks down and starts hysterically crying.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.” I tell her.

“No! Please, no.” She begs me. “They’ll take my baby away.” She deserves to have her baby taken away. There’s no telling what damage she might have done.

“Can you give us a minute?” I ask Paul. He nods and leaves the office, closing the door behind him.

I turn on Cassie. “Are you fucking serious right now?!” I shout at her. “You are taking drugs while you’re pregnant!”

She sobs harder, her entire body heaving. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m so alone, and I’ve tried so hard not to take it, but I wasn’t strong enough.”

“You’re an addict.” I say without accusation.

She nods. “I was, before…”

I sit on the small coffee table in front of the sofa and put my head in my hands. Fuck. What do I do about this? Do I tell Theo? Will he even care? I look at her, really look at her. I see her dishevelled clothes, her tear stained face, her too thin frame with the small bump just starting to show at her stomach. I feel sorry for her. I see a lost, damaged girl, and she is barely a girl. She has no one, and although I don’t agree with her decision to keep that baby, even less so now I’ve seen this, I do think that Theo should be helping her. Perhaps if he took some responsibility then she wouldn’t be in this state. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think her behavior is despicable. If she’
s not going to look after that baby then she should get rid of it. 

“Fine. Where do you live?”

She ducks her head. “I don’t anymore. I got kicked out. I lived in the flat above the club where I worked. I got sacked.” Oh great. This just gets better.

“So you’re homeless?” She nods. “Fine. I’m taking you to Theo. It’s not like he doesn’t own half of London. He can give you a place to stay.” I don’t know why I’m doing this.

“Please don’t make me.” She cries. “He scares me.”

“It’s me you should be scared of. “ I snap. “You pull another stunt like this and I will personally call social services and make sure you never even hold that baby. Am I clear?” She recoils away from me and nods meekly.

“Right, get up.”

“Where are we going?” She asks. Her voice is jittery and her hands are shaking.

I help her off the sofa. “You can stay on my sofa for tonight.” God knows why I’m doing this.

We step outside where Paul is waiting in the hallway. “Thanks Paul.”

He nods. “No worries. You take care.” He eyes Cassie as he says it.

I guide Cassie outside and into the passenger seat of the car. My head is killing me after all that shouting, but damn if the girl doesn’t need a wake up call.

I get in and start the car. “Why are you helping me?” She whispers.

I don’t answer immediately. “Because everybody needs a little help sometimes, and you don’t have anyone.”

“Thank you.” She breathes. “I know you don’t like me.”

It’s not that I don’t like her. She’s a stranger to me. The stranger who got knocked up with my boyfriend. I don’t blame her though. Hell, I don’t even blame him. It is what it is.

I pull out into the London traffic. “Yeah, strap some wings on me and call me the fairy godmother.” I grumble. “Theo should be taking responsibility for this. He’s an arsehole.”

“I thought you loved him?” I glance at her and see the interest in her wide eyes. Well isn’t that a loaded question.

“Let’s just say he’s shown his true colours over the last few weeks.” I do love him, but I can’t help but judge his treatment of Cassie right now. I pity her, I really do. I wouldn’t want to be knocked up with his kid and he gives a shit about me, but her…

A few minutes later we pull up outside my flat. I hook an arm through hers and help her through the door. George and Dan are nowhere to be seen, and I’m grateful for that. I cannot deal with explaining this shit right now.

“Ugh, babe I feel like shit this morning.” Molly says as she rounds the corner from the hallway. “Um, hi. Who’s your friend, Lill’s?” She asks when she see’s Cassie.

“Can you just give us a moment?” I say to Cassie. She nods. “Front room is through there.” I grab Molly’s arm and drag her into my bedroom. “That is the pregnant one night stand.” I tell Molly.

“What?!” She shrieks. “Why is she here? What the fuck Lill’s? Does Theo know?”

“Whoa. Slow down. She’s here because she got sacked from her job, and I guess her flat came with the job, so now she’s homeless. No Theo does not know, and before you say it, yes he should be doing something about it but he’s not.” I sigh and collapse on my bed. Molly lays down next to me. “She came to see me and asked me to speak to him for her. I said no, but now I’m wondering if I should.”

“No way. You need to stay out of this shit Lilly. The one who is going to get hurt in all of this is you.” She grabs my hand and squeezes. “She’s not your problem babe, and neither is he.”

“I can’t just leave her. He got her knocked up. He needs to pull his head out of his arse. If he won’t deal with his shit then I will. I have a conscience.” I tell her.

“You feel sorry for her.” She says. I shrug. She smiles sadly. “He never deserved you, Lill’s. Underneath that badass exterior you have a heart of gold.”

“Don’t tell anyone. I have a rep you know.” She snorts a laugh.

“So what are you going to do with her?” She asks.

“Molly, she has a drug problem.” I watch as her eyes go wide in disbelief. “I know. So, I need to get her some help. If she won’t get help then she’s out. I’m not a fucking charity. She has to help herself.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? None of this is your problem. You don’t owe either of them anything.”

I take a deep breath. “That could so easily have been you or I if we didn’t have family and friends, Mole. Everyone has turned their back on her. If I can be the one person to make a difference and get her back on her feet, then I will. I know you understand.”

She smiles. “I do. Okay. What do you need from me?” She asks.

“Nothing, I’m good. Just fill George in for me?”

She stands up. “Will do.”

“Thanks Mole.” She hugs me tight.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Not a clue.

Cassie’s sat on the sofa still looking a bit spaced out. I don’t know how to deal with this. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many a times when I could be considered borderline alcohol dependent, but I’ve never touched drugs. Let’s just say that would have been a very bad path for me.

“I need to ask you something.” I say as I sit down. She nods but keeps her eyes down. “How often are you using?”

Her eyes flick up to mine. “It’s only sometimes, when I’m really low. I just, I need it. You can’t understand what it’s like. Look at you, you have everything. I’m a pregnant stripper with nothing and no-one.”

“Don’t think that because of where I am now, I don’t know what it’s like to be at rock bottom. I know what it is to be on your knees, Cassie. But you know what, you climb to your feet and you stand with your head held high. You need to be strong for that baby. Strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break, it’s about how much you must handle after you’ve broken.” Her eyes meet mine. I grab her trembling hand. “I’m going to help you stand, Cassie.” I tell her.

A tear streaks down her cheek. “Thank you.” She whispers. I pat her hand and stand up.

“I just need to make some calls, okay?” She nods.

I grab my phone and leave the flat. I walk across the road to Holland Park and find a bench to sit on. I call Harry.

“Hey.” He answers.

“Hey.”

“You okay?” I can hear the concern in his voice.

“Yeah fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Is that arsehole still after you?” He growls.

I can’t talk to him about Theo. My brother is insanely protective of me. He already hates Theo as it is, simply for causing me any form of unhappiness. Harry sees things as black and white, no grey, and no room for fuck ups.

“Uh, no. Anyway, I phoned to ask a favour.”

“Oh? Do tell.” He brightens.

“How quickly could you sell the Mas?” I ask.

He laughs. “Finally decided to take the money huh? Well, it depends. I could sell it by tonight, but it might not get a great price.”

“How much?” God this is painful. I fucking love that car.

“Fifty grand maybe. Sixty if you hold out.”

“That car is a hundred and twenty grand new!” I say a little too loudly. An old lady walking her poodle scowls at me as she walks past. “How can it have lost half its value in…what, six months?” I hiss.

“You short of cash Lill’s?” His voice is low and serious.

“No, it’s complicated. Look, just…can you make the call. I need it gone fast, okay?”

“Sure. I’ll get Tim to sort the plates for you?”

“The plates?”

“Yeah, you have private plates Lill’s. You can’t sell it with them. I’ll get them swapped back over.” He explains.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Thanks.”

“You sure you’re not in any trouble? You know I’ll give you money Lill’s, anytime.” I smile. I love my brother.

“No Harry, I’m fine. I just don’t want the car.” I lie.

“Bullshit.” He laughs.

“Okay, I do, but I don’t want the memories.” This is a good explanation. I can’t give him the real one, because he’ll think I’m ridiculous.

“Okay.” He says quietly. “I’ll make some calls and call you back later.”

“Thanks Harry. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He hangs up. I blow out a breath. I hate lying to my brother, but this is a pretty harmless lie.

God I feel like shit. I need to go home and sleep this off.

I make one more call to South View Rehabilitation Facility before heading home.

I finally fall into bed just after lunch. Christ normally I’m not even out of bed yet on a hangover day. My poor head feels like it’s about to explode. As the tension ebbs away my mind drifts back to this morning. I fall asleep with thoughts of Theo’s glistening sweat covered chest on my mind.

Theo stands on the other side of my room with his back to me. He’s topless, and I stand mesmerised by the rippling muscles of his back, the power in his broad shoulders that taper off to those narrow hips. He turns when he hears me. His eyes lock with mine and he offers me that smile that should be illegal. One look and I want him more than I want air to breathe. He walks toward me slowly, his eyes roaming my body and touching my skin. My skin tingles as if he’d brushed his fingers over it. I remain glued to the spot, unable to move. He stalks me like an arrogant predator stalking easy prey. When he reaches me he brushes his fingers over my face so tenderly. I smile and lean into his touch. I reach up and trace his full lips with my fingertips. He leans in and kisses me, not the usual hot passion filled kisses I’m used to, this kiss is gentle and reverent. He holds my face as if I’m precious, his lips brushing over mine. Then his hands clamp around my waist and he lifts me. I wrap my thighs around his bare hips and the material of my skirt slips up my legs to accommodate him. His hot skin feels amazing against my exposed thighs. He turns and lays me on the bed, his body weight pressing down on me. “So beautiful.” He says as he places kisses against my throat. His fingers move up the inside of my thigh slowly. “And mine.” He whispers. I run my fingers through his hair, trying to hold onto him. He gently wraps his hand around my throat, his fingers stroking over my pulse line. It’s dominant, but not aggressive.

“Yours.” I hear myself whisper. His blue eyes are brilliantly vivid. He smiles and ducks his head to trace his tongue across me ear.

I close my eyes as his fingers move higher up the inside of my thigh to flutter over my underwear. Then he cups me roughly. The scene changes. His fresh cologne is replaced by the foul odour of whiskey and cigarettes. The heavy weight presses down on me in a way that becomes forceful. The hand on my throat tightens without mercy. I open my eyes to see
him.
His disgusting face is inches from mine, watching as I gasp for breath and claw at his arms. I can feel his erection straining against my thigh as my struggle turns him on.

“Yes Princess. You are mine, and you always will be.” He snarls in my face. I cry, the tears pouring down my face as he touches me, as he strangles me.   

I wake up screaming, my body covered in sweat. I gasp for air, dragging it into my lungs. I rub at my throat. I can still feel his hands on me and it makes me shudder. It takes me a few minutes to realize I’m safe and there’s no one in my room, but I still can’t stop shaking. I haven’t had a nightmare for months, and I’ve never had a nightmare that wasn’t simply a memory, but Theo was in this one, somehow blending into my memories. It makes it worse. I don’t want my present tainted by my past. On auto pilot I strip my clothes as I make my way to the bathroom. I fight the urge to throw up, my body’s instinctual reaction to my nightmares, well, memories really. I turn the shower to scalding hot until I can barely stand under it, and then I scrub my skin. I scrub until it turns pink and raw. This is my routine after a nightmares, it’s almost an obsession…to be clean, to scrub away the feel of him touching me. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. I will not cry. I’m stronger than this.
You are only as weak as the point at which you choose to break
, I recite to myself. I choose not to break.