Conscious Decisions of the Heart (10 page)

He replaced every sheet with great care and went out, locking the house behind him. On a whim, he went down through the gardens toward the sea. This was the way Aleksey must have gone every morning to swim. Now the sea was extremely unappealing; Ben hadn’t swum for weeks. There were signs of ice forming at the edges as he walked along from the villa toward a small boathouse.

Something caught his eye in the sea. He braved the wind and turned, squinting. Unbelievably, he could make out the shape of a man swimming. It seemed impossible. Flakes of soft snow were falling on the grey sand. Radulf’s coat had a speckling like white spots. He watched the man, worried for him. He was coming into the shore. Eventually, he reached shallow waters and stood, emerging totally naked from the ocean. Ben squinted. The man was tall, deeply tanned and very muscular. He had very short hair, shaved at the back and sides but left longer on the top, and the long strands fell into his eyes. He lifted his hand and swept them back impatiently as he strode from the freezing water.

“
Nikolas
?” There was no way he could fail to recognise that gesture, despite the man being almost a stranger. It seemed Radulf agreed. He began to bark and fetch unpleasant offerings from the high tide mark to give to this apparition of salt and freezing air.

The man looked over at them. “
Ben
?”

“What the―?” He didn’t know the word for fuck in Danish, having lived with an elderly schoolteacher. “How are you here? What―? When―? I mean― Oh, my God—
Nikolas
?”

Nikolas came fully out of the water and embraced him, icy cold, so strong, so…different. He frowned, held Ben off. “Are you speaking Danish?” he asked in Danish, so Ben replied in the same language.

“Yeah. I am. For you. It was supposed to be a surprise. What’re you…? I mean…Christ. Look at you! What’ve you done?”

Nikolas laughed and continued in the now shared language, “I started to eat. For you. It was supposed to be a surprise. And then I started to swim and run, and now I’m very fat!” He grinned, knowing just how superb he looked. Every muscle was beautifully defined. He must have weighed at least twenty pounds more than the last time Ben had seen him—and it was all muscle. He wasn’t quite as muscular as Ben, but there wasn’t much difference. Suddenly, Ben realised Nikolas had started to shiver. He ripped off his jacket and wrapped it around him. “Fuck.” Sometimes English was such a good language.

Nikolas switched to English, too. He grabbed Ben’s arm and dragged him toward the boathouse. By the time they got there, he was pretty incoherent in any language and had to be helped to dress in the clothes he’d left in a pile. He handed Ben back his jacket and dressed him in it, zipping him up and pulling up the collar. Then he stayed his hand and put it to Ben’s cheek. He frowned, dragging his thumb across the stubble; he ran his fingers up through the very long, black hair; put his thumb back to Ben’s face, to his lips, pulling the bottom one down; he put a finger to Ben’s green eyes, making them close one at a time; then combed the hair once more.

Ben caught the roaming hand, held it off, then came very close and kissed Nikolas’s cheek, then his forehead, then lower, his lips. Nikolas opened his mouth to the kiss, and they were back, everything recognised and known, everything just as it had once been with no secrets or distance between them.

Ben’s hand went almost automatically to Nikolas’s jeans, but Nikolas caught it, holding it still. “I’d lie you down,
min skat
, and take you from now until the end of time but…it’s cold?”

Ben hugged him instead, nodding. It was all he could do coherently.

It wasn’t until they returned to the house and Nikolas had built the fire higher that Ben had the time and space to fully understand Nikolas was back, Nikolas was fine—more than fine. He couldn’t believe how young, how healthy he looked. Nikolas obviously sensed Ben’s intense scrutiny as he brought some beer over to the fire and sat down, cross-legged across from Ben, for he kept casting him small, amused glances. He handed Ben a bottle. “Tell me what you’re doing in my house, Benjamin Rider.”

Ben took a swallow of beer. “Fate.”

“Ah. You’re very lucky with your fate.”

“I am. What’re you doing here?”

“I came to arrange for everything to be sold. New beginnings. It was time.”

“Sold? Why?”

Nikolas shrugged. “It’s all old history now. I have a new life.”

Ben nodded, saddened for some reason, but he sensed this wasn’t the time or place to argue. “So…” Nikolas switched to Danish and fired off rapidly, “How long have you been on the island; where are you staying, and how good is your Danish really?”

Ben raised an eyebrow and fired back just as fast, “My Danish is absolutely perfect, thank you, and I’ve been here since you left, and I’m staying with an old teacher of yours, Ingrid Paterson.”

Nikolas began to laugh and declared in English, “Your accent is absolutely horrible.”

Ben took a breath of outrage to argue but decided to kiss Nikolas instead. They weren’t cold now. Nik pulled away just long enough to lock the door, and then he returned, shedding his clothes as he came toward Ben. Ben stood, and when they came together, he couldn’t find enough skin to touch, enough time to breathe between the kisses, and then not enough words to say in any language how much he needed what they were doing. It was over the first time far too quickly. He was slightly embarrassed but laughed when he realised such eager spill only provided answers to questions he’d not yet dared to ask.

Nikolas just looked ruefully at Ben’s belly and said, “So, you can see, I’ve had no fun; being so fat, no one wanted me.”

Ben ran his hands across Nik’s ridged, hard abdomen and up across his broad, strong chest. He levered himself up and lay on Nik, propping himself up on one elbow. “Was it very bad?”

Nik turned his face. “Yes. I wouldn’t wish to be that sick, ever.”

“It scared you.”

Nikolas turned back, frowning. “I’m afraid of nothing. What do you mean?”

Ben gave him a look. “It scared you into eating and taking care of yourself, maybe?”

Nik pursed his lips. “I’ll never smoke again, that’s for sure.” He switched to Danish. Ben wasn’t even sure if he noticed. “And you, why is your hair so long and all this stubble? Kissing someone with stubble is very…”

Ben helped him assess what it was for a while until Nikolas held him off. “Restorative must be the word I was looking for.” He rolled them, lifted Ben’s thigh and entered him for the first time in so many months. Ben arched in pain, crying out. Nik put a hand lightly over Ben’s mouth and continued until the cries turned to ones of pleasure and Ben licked along the palm and bit the finger. Nikolas eased up for a kiss, gentling his strokes, running his hands over Ben’s warm skin. “That’s what I wanted to know.”

Ben nodded, understanding. Then Nikolas made it very good for him, holding him just on the brink of coming, catching with the head of his cock the place inside that made Ben’s pulse rise and his whole body coalesce to one point, one gradual, inexorable climb to intense pleasure. He came first, his cock jerking unrestrained on his belly, shooting small jets of milky white fluid onto his tanned skin. Watching the spill, Nikolas swore softly and stilled, arched and taut, and released as well, deep into Ben’s body. He eased himself down onto the sticky mess on Ben’s belly. They were face-to-face, hearts still racing, breathing deeply. Nikolas returned his palm to Ben’s stubble, rasping it some more then laid his head down very slowly on Ben’s chest. Ben heard a chuckle and pulled the blond head up with a questioning look.

Nikolas shrugged. “I can no longer tell you all the things I feel about you, for you’ll understand my Danish.”

“You mean you won’t be able to swear at me and rant at me for hours.”

“Ah, that’s only what you thought I was saying. I mixed it up. So, come, we can’t stay here. I’m in Odense. A hotel.” He rose and held out his hand for Ben. Ben took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

“I need to tell Ingrid I’ll be gone tonight.”

Nikolas frowned. “Not just tonight. We’re leaving now.”

Ben pouted, picked up his clothes and began to dress. He followed Nikolas out of the house and then led the way to where he’d parked the car. Nikolas stopped in his tracks then went up and ran his hands lovingly over the obsidian black. “You bought it!”

Ben had forgotten Nikolas hadn’t seen the car. He grinned, cheered up now. It was at moments like these he couldn’t understand why every bloke didn’t sleep with other men. It was so convenient having everything tied up in one package, best mate
and
lover. Nikolas wanted to drive, and he knew where there’d most likely be some snow and ice, so they took a run up through the forest and tested the off-road ability of the vehicle. It was very, very good. Eventually, Nikolas pulled it to a halt. “It’ll be getting dark soon. We must collect your things and leave for Odense.”

Ben picked at the seam of his jeans, glanced in the mirror for some moral support from Radulf and ventured, “I don’t want to leave yet, Nik. I like it here.”

Nikolas frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I like Aeroe.” He switched to Danish, thinking it might help his cause. “I’ve made friends, Alan and Ingrid.” He grinned. “I’ve even got a girlfriend in the library. We’re getting married, apparently. I like Ingrid. I don’t want to just leave now the winter’s come. She’s planned some things for us…I mean, I can’t just up and leave her now.”

Nikolas twisted in his seat, staring at him. Ben winced. “Don’t look like that. Of course if you say we go, then we go.”

Nikolas looked down. “If I say we go?”

Ben shrugged. “Nothing has changed, Nik. You still own me.”

Nikolas put his hand to Ben’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over the stubble. “Everything has changed, Ben. Everything.” He pushed his fingers into Ben’s hair. “You learned to speak my language. I still can’t believe it. You understand me now, saying this?”

Ben huffed. “Of course.”

“That’s…incredible.” Nikolas pulled him in and kissed him. “Maybe you say what we do now. You own me for a while, yes?”

Ben pulled away, giving him a wary look. Nikolas laughed at his expression. “Just for a few days more, while I’m still…overwhelmed by how much I missed you.” They kissed for a long time, parked up in the forest, the snow falling heavily. They’d have gone further, but it was unspoken between them that the leather was too cool to risk. Eventually, Nikolas pulled away and scrunched up his face. “I’m hungry.”

Ben huffed, incredulous. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that. Ingrid will have made enough for another…if…I mean…” Nikolas just tossed him the keys and climbed out to switch positions.

Nikolas was uncharacteristically quiet on the drive to Ingrid’s. He sat rubbing Radulf’s head, which was poked between the front seats, staring out at the passing island scenery. Ben reckoned the spirit of place thing was catching up with him; he had a lot of memories invested on this small stretch of land. When they arrived, Ben apologised for being so long and then introduced Nikolas, calling him Aleksey to avoid confusion. She peered up at the six-foot-four figure for a while then nodded. “Good, you’ve come home at last.”

Over the meal, Ben came to the conclusion his Danish wasn’t quite as good as he’d thought. He got most of what they were talking about, but if they forgot him for a moment, their speech sped up so fast he couldn’t keep up. He realised how slowly and carefully they both must have been speaking for him. Once Nikolas had overcome his natural reticence to delve too deeply into the sad events of his childhood, he seemed to realise Ingrid only remembered the good times, the times before Sergei and all the bad that came from him. Very quickly, they switched to English so they could include Ben, and Ingrid delighted in updating Nikolas on all the happenings on Aeroe since he’d been gone.

For the first time, Ben sat at a table and watched Nikolas eat almost like a normal person. It was quite a revelation. He didn’t eat as much as Ben, but he ate more than Ingrid. He looked up once to find Ben staring at him and deliberately took a mouthful of food, chewing it, his eyebrow lifting provocatively.

Finally, Ingrid asked the question Ben wanted to but hadn’t dared. “So, what’re your plans now, Aleksey? You can’t leave us again, you know. Aeroe wants her sons home and safe.”

Nikolas leant back in his seat and regarded Ben. Answering her, but still staring at Ben, he said in Danish slowly, “I’m thinking of restoring my family’s summerhouse. Living back on Aeroe has suddenly become more attractive.”