Conservative Affairs (12 page)

From that day on, he had been obsessed. He called, brought her flowers and asked her out several times. Each time she told him she wasn’t ready for anything serious. She was unattainable, and that made him want her more.

They met up at a few parties and each time found their way to a bathroom, a closet or a secluded area and fucked. After which she again would leave him. The routine left John heartsick. He wanted to be more than Maddie’s hookup. He wanted to be the only one she was seeing.

Finally she had relented. He asked her to dinner, and she agreed to go. In time, they began dating seriously. John was in love. Maddie, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy his friendship but appeared disinterested in anything more.

After a year John decided to take the leap. He asked Maddie to marry him. He could sense that she wasn’t ready, but she said yes. Looking back, he saw that she had been following some sort of path. It seemed like the right thing to do, marrying John, so she had done it.

Had he always been a move made out of some sense of obligation? He wasn’t sure, but he did know Maddie had never truly been attracted to him.

He had had his pick of girls in college. He was on the football team, had the looks of a model. Even now, he could score with most women. That’s why he was in this mess.

No, he reminded himself, the reason he was in this mess was because of Maddie. Because even though she loved him, she didn’t want him.

They had just finished having sex. Once again, Maddie had faked an orgasm and rolled over to go to sleep. He could tell when they were fake, which was most of the time. She never seemed to be actually enjoying sex with him. Maybe she never had.

“Was it good for you?” he finally worked up the courage to ask.

“Baby, of course it was good,” she said reassuringly, patting him on the shoulder. “Good night,” she added.

“Maddie, wait. Do you enjoy having sex with me or don’t you?”

Maddie sighed. “Yes, I do. It was good. It’s always good.” Her voice revealed her lack of interest.

“Then why do you fake orgasms? Why don’t you let me keep going until I can get you off?”

She sat up in bed, realizing he was not going to let her get away with the lies tonight. “Fine, sometimes I fake it.”

“How many times?” he asked, emboldened by her confession.

“I don’t know, baby.” Her voice was little more than a whine now, begging him to drop the subject.

“Fine. Maybe this will be an easier question to answer. How many times have I actually made you orgasm?”

She opened her mouth but didn’t reply. “I want to go to sleep,” she finally said.

“Shit! Not once?” He felt like he had been slapped across the face.

She sighed again. “It’s not you, John. I swear it’s not.”

“What is it then? Is it some kind of condition where you just can’t enjoy sex?”

“No,” she began carefully. “If I admit something to you, you promise not to tell anyone else?”

“We’re grown-ups. Husband and wife. We don’t have to pinkie swear. What we say is kept between us.”

“Right,” she said. “Okay, well, I’m still adjusting to the whole sex thing again.”

“We’ve been having sex for almost two years now. What more is there to adjust to?”

“Well, it’s just that before you…”

He didn’t let her finish. “I know you weren’t a virgin that night, Maddie. So what the hell are you trying to say?”

“Let me finish, dammit! Before you, I hadn’t been with a man in a couple of years.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he shot back. “You weren’t much of a prude when you spread your legs for me on the front lawn the first night we met.”

The accusation should have infuriated her, but she didn’t show any sign that the insult had struck a chord.

“I wasn’t,” she had explained. “I just said I hadn’t been with a
man
.”

This time he heard the special emphasis she placed on the word “man,” but he still had to ask. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I slept with a woman for a while and that with you I was trying to adjust to being with a man for the first time. It’s not the easiest transition in the world, and even though we’ve been together all this time, sometimes it’s still strange to me. So would you please drop it? I enjoy the intimacy of having sex with you, just like I enjoy knowing that I arouse you. I make sure you get off whenever you want to. Back off and give me some time to sort through everything I’m feeling—everything I’ve felt—and it’ll all be okay.”

With that, she had rolled over to go to sleep. He had never brought up the subject again. Not with her, anyway. Behind the scenes, he had done his own detective work. Old college friends of hers were hesitant to share any details, out of a surprisingly fierce loyalty to Maddie, but he finally got enough liquor in one during an outing and got her to give him a name. That was all he had needed. From there, it hadn’t been hard to find out more—to find out that the fling Maddie spoke of had been a loving and committed—albeit hush-hush—affair for quite some time.

For years, it had haunted him. There was always something else on Maddie’s mind or perhaps someone else. She never did seem to snap out of it. During their entire marriage, she had only a few orgasms, and they always occurred under similar circumstances—when he was licking her and she had her eyes closed.

As the years passed, she didn’t even try to fake orgasms anymore. If they had sex, she’d lay there until he finished and then roll over to go to sleep. It was too much for a guy to take, honestly.

So, even though he knew it was wrong, he had started seeing other women. At first, he had gone to prostitutes—that was just about the sex. Then he had dated a string of women secretly. He bought them nice gifts with Maddie’s money and kept them quiet.

He knew he should just leave, but over time, the money had become reason enough to stick around. He would stay until Maddie was done with her gig as mayor, ask her for a divorce and demand half of everything simply because he had stayed to help her win an election or two. She
owed
him, dammit.

Now, all that was being threatened. If anyone found out about the other women—found out that this hadn’t been a one-time thing—his plan was ruined. He could see it play out in his head. More women would be found or come out of the woodwork to say that they had slept with the mayor’s husband—all for fifteen minutes of fame. There was no way Maddie would let him leave with any money then. He would be penniless and alone, with no real career. He’d had one once—working for Maddie’s father and angling to take over his multimillion dollar oil and gas production company—but then he’d a falling out with the old man.

When that gig ended, he and Maddie invested most of their money and got by just fine. Maddie, of course, was still a part owner of the company and received large percentages of profits, which meant he had continued to enjoy the finer things like traveling, golfing and not being a slave to a job he hated.

Without the cushion of Carmichael money, though, John wasn’t sure what he would do. He had to find a way to keep everything quiet. By the time he finished his shower, the solution was clear. No, it was not ethical, but then neither was screwing a hooker behind your wife’s back, and he hadn’t had a problem with that. There was an election coming up next year, and Maddie had a lot to lose. She would lose her biggest donors, her voters and the election if anyone found out that the real reason her husband cheated was because she was not interested in sex with men. If she tried to screw him out of a settlement, he would make sure that the world knew exactly what Maddie preferred in bed—a woman’s tongue between her legs.

Now he only had to figure out how to get that message to her without getting caught by the media in the process.

Chapter Twelve

Jo divided the last bit of wine from the bottle into two glasses. She and Madeline had decided to enjoy the bottle after Gabe had left.

There was no doubt that Madeline’s presence in her apartment had thrown Gabe for a loop. She had received three text messages after he left.

The first simply read, “I thought you were taking her to a hotel???”

Next came, “Well, anyway I look forward to seeing you at work tomorrow.”

The last said, “Hope you two enjoy your night.”

Finally she had given in and replied, “Thank you. It was very thoughtful of you to stop by. She stayed because of the press situation. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Her phone had continued to beep off and on throughout the evening, alerting her that she had new messages. Gabe wasn’t going to give up easily. She had known as much, but his persistence tonight was especially annoying. It was interfering with her time with Madeline.

Another beep sounded.

“Oh, answer that poor boy,” Madeline said with a smile.

“I don’t have anything to say to him.”

“He’s a nice man.”

“Are you suggesting I forget everything I know about myself and give him a whirl?”

“No, I’m not saying you should date him, sleep with him and marry him. That never turns out the way you think it will.” Madeline took the glass of wine from Jo. “I’m simply saying that you should answer him and when the time is right tell him you’re not interested in him.”

“Fine,” Jo said, grabbing her phone.

As Jo read the most recent text message he’d sent, she tried to cover the look of concern on her face. She knew she had failed when Madeline asked, “Well, what did he have to say?”

“He wants to know why I’m so interested in spending time with you lately,” Jo said meekly. “I’ve explained to all of them that I just want to make sure that you are doing okay, but it seems like none of them—even Gabe—are buying it anymore.”

Madeline shifted her body on the couch to sit a little straighter. “So, why
are
you so interested in spending time with me lately?”

“I’m enjoying it,” Jo answered.

Madeline laughed. “They won’t buy that answer either, honey. I think you’re the only one on staff who doesn’t find me severe and intimidating.”

“They just haven’t given you a chance then, I guess.” Jo smiled back at her.

“I’m not sure you’ve given me a full chance either.”

Jo couldn’t figure out what Madeline meant. She had opened her home to Madeline, offered her friendship, given her everything she needed.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about…this,” Madeline replied. She took Jo’s phone out of her hands and set it on the table, set their glasses of wine beside the couch and ran her fingers up and down Jo’s sculpted arms.

Jo tried to keep her breathing even, but she wasn’t sure she could resist Madeline’s temptations.

“Could you…um…define
this
?” Jo’s reply was breathy and deep, and for the first time in years she felt unsure. She was entranced, a high school girl completely captivated by a crush.

Without another word, Madeline leaned in and kissed Jo passionately. Lips intertwined as Jo’s shock morphed into pure arousal. She deepened the kiss, massaging Madeline’s tongue with her own. Reaching up to cup Madeline’s face, she felt Madeline jerk back, saw the passion in her eyes shift into terror.

Madeline jumped up from the couch, shaking. “I can’t do this. I mean, we can’t do this,” she said in a rushed breath.

Jo fought to regain control of her emotions. Even though her hormones were telling her otherwise, Madeline was right.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage as her mind whirled. She let out a strained breath. “I’m so sorry, Madeline. You’re right. It can’t and it won’t happen again.”

Even as she said them, the words made her cringe. How many times had she denied herself true happiness for her career? For the protection of others? For the safer choice? In any case, Madeline’s face was hard as stone. Jo was sure that even if she tried to continue the make-out session, it was never going to happen.

“I need to go,” Madeline blurted. She rushed to the door, threw it open and slammed it behind her. Outside the door, Jo heard her clearly shout, “Shit!”

Hating having to do the mature thing, Jo stood, smoothed her rumpled clothes and reopened the door.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, staring into the distance. She couldn’t look Madeline in the eye yet. It was too unsettling.

“I don’t have a fucking car.” Madeline sighed.

Jo pressed her palms to her eyes, hoping that she could somehow relieve the stress of the situation. “I’ll drive you,” she answered. “Besides, you need to get your things. Come back inside and get them.”

When Madeline didn’t reply, Jo stepped away from the doorway, putting distance between the two of them. “I’m not going to maul you, I swear. Come back.”

Madeline’s eyes narrowed, and Jo wasn’t sure whether what she was feeling was attraction or anger. After all, she hadn’t started this. Mumbling under her breath, she returned to the apartment herself and started gathering up Madeline’s belongings. Taking no special care, she shoved clothes and toiletry items alike into a bag and walked back to the door.

“Here,” Jo said, handing her the bag. “You don’t have to act like I’m going to grope you. Besides, if memory serves me correctly, you have kissed me twice. I didn’t initiate any of this.”

When Madeline still didn’t speak, Jo threw her hands in the air in frustration. “Seriously, nothing has to happen,” she pressed. “Nothing will happen,” she corrected. “You don’t have to be afraid to be in the same room as me.”

“Yes, I do,” Madeline said weakly.

“Excuse me?”

“I am terrified of being in the same room as you,” Madeline clarified. “You don’t get it, Jo. I’m afraid of what I want when I’m with you.”

“Because I’m a woman?” Jo asked.

“Because I’m your boss, and because you’re a woman.”

The sincerity in Madeline’s eyes cut to Jo’s core. She swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay, then, I guess I better take you home.”

“No. I’ll walk.”

Before Jo could protest, Madeline added, “I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of me. So, please, Jo, don’t call me, text me or contact me except at work.”

Jo felt anger flood her body. She knew it was wrong to pursue her boss, but to be thrown out of the friendship they had been building stung. She gritted her teeth to keep herself from saying things she shouldn’t. Instead she simply said, “It doesn’t have to be like this.”