Consumed (12 page)

I let my head fall back and arch my body into his touch. I have never felt the way that I do right now. My entire body on fire, every ounce of flesh begging to be touched, to be devoured by his mouth. He releases his hold on my chest just long enough to reach around me to unsnap my bra.

That's when I hear it, the obvious sound of a pissed off woman clearing her throat. I snap from my haze instantly, instinctively covering myself. “Fuck.” Liam breathes out turning his head to look at our guest, careful not to expose me in the process.

“What the fuck do you want Jill?” He barks out making me jump. Reality slowly creeps back in and for the first time since leaving my apartment I am thinking with a clear head. I quickly reach for my shirt that had been discarded on the bar.

“I need to talk to you.” The woman snaps clearly hurt by the events taking place in front of her very eyes. “Alone.”

Liam turns back to me. “I'm so sorry about this. Please don't leave.” He whispers taking my shirt from my hands and helping me slip it back on. I nod not really sure what else to do. He steps towards the woman and for the first time I get a look at her.

She's beautiful and not just your average beautiful. She's tall and thin with long blonde hair that has the perfect amount of wave to it. Instantly jealously knocks the wind right out of me. How can he be here with me when he could be with someone like her and clearly based on her body language that is exactly what she wants?

“Let's go to the office.” He instructs her, his voice radiating aggravation. He gives me one last pleading look before turning back to her. I watch them walk the distance of the bar, her red dress clinging to every perfect curve as she walks. They disappear around a corner at the far left side of the stage and I'm alone.

I inhale deeply trying to regulate my breathing. How stupid am I? I came to the one place I knew I shouldn't and look where it got me. Alone in a closed bar while “Say Something” by A Great Big World vibrates through my ears. I expect to feel anger over him choosing to speak to her over being here with me but I don't. In this moment all I feel is sadness, disappointment. The very reason I have avoided him to begin with.

We barely know each other and already he's hurting me, whether intentional or not it's there. I want to stay but I know I should leave. And then the lyrics of the song seal the deal for me. “And I will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye.”

The tears are streaming down my face before I even make it to the door and are full blown hysterics by the time I exit into the casino. Several late night gamblers glance my way but say nothing as I pick up the pace, quickly making my way outside.

I don't remember walking to my car. I don't remember the drive home either. All I know now is that I am sitting in my car, windows up, radio blaring the saddest song I could find while I cry my eyes out with everything that I have.

As much as it hurts, it feels good to cry. It feels good to just let it all out, to let myself feel the pain. The pain reminds me that I'm alive. That this is real. No matter how much it hurts, at least it's something.

Even still, I don't know how I will ever be able to just let him go. I barely know him and yet he's all I can think about. He's all I dream about. In the few short weeks since our first encounter he has completely consumed my life. How can I walk away from the one thing that actually makes me feel something?

For years I have walked through life numb, just simply going through the motions. But not with Liam. He lights a fire inside of me, he makes me feel alive. “Pull yourself together Addison.” I say through my sobs, trying desperately to calm the hurricane raging deep inside me.

No matter how much I want to be with him, it doesn't change who he is. Hell, the only time we have ever been completely alone and look what happens. A jealous woman with runway looks barges in demanding to speak to him, and what does he do? He chooses her. Bottom line, he had a choice. He could have told her to leave. He could have pulled me into his arms and refused to let me go. What was so important that he couldn't make her wait?

Only he did let me go. He walked away from me like I was nothing. Hell I am nothing. How can I expect so much out of someone who knows nothing about me? The attraction is there, I can feel it to my core, and I know he feels it too. But that's all it is, an attraction, good chemistry, whatever you want to call it. It doesn't mean that he feels something for me, that he craves my touch the way I crave his. No, he wants one thing. To fuck me and be rid of me. And I almost gave him that.

I know what would have happened had we not been interrupted. I stood no chance of resisting the urge to be with him, to feel his body on me, to feel him in me. It's all I wanted. It's all I want.

“No.” I say aloud hitting my steering wheel with my palms. I can't do this to myself. As much as I will myself to just wipe my hands clean of him, I can't shake the way it felt to be in his arms. To feel his hands on my body, his mouth on mine. He made me feel in the matter of two minutes what Grayson had not managed to be able to do in eight years. I craved him, I craved to have him inside me. I have never felt anything like it before.

Having been with the same person since high school, my experience was limited to only one lover. I convinced myself that sex with Grayson was good, that I was satisfied. But in one kiss Liam changed all that. In one kiss he showed me just how exciting and passionate it can be to give yourself to another person. Only I didn't give myself to him. Instead I came in second place. I can't help but feel like I will always come in second place.

I finally calm myself down enough to climb out of my car and walk numbly into my apartment. The minute I turn the knob I regret my decision to come inside. Kristina is sitting on top of the small island in the middle of the kitchen, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. This is usually a sure tell sign that she had a bad night only her face contradicts her actions. In fact, she looks extremely happy.

At least she did until she catches sight of me. “Addison! Oh my god girl are you okay?” She streams out, sitting down her bowl and jumping off the counter. She's standing in front of me in the matter of seconds, her hands resting gently on my shoulders. “What happened?”

“Liam happened.” I sob out. She pulls me into her arms in a comforting embrace, but it's short lived.

She pushes herself back to look at me again. “Did he hurt you? I swear to god if he hurt you I will fucking kill him.”

“He didn't hurt me, well not intentionally anyways. At least I don't think it was intentional.”

She gives me a sympathetic look and then leads me to the couch. I sit, pulling my legs up to hug my knees to my chest, while Kristina grabs a container of ice cream from the freezer along with two spoons. She takes a seat next to me, handing me a spoon.

I mindlessly take a bite. I have no appetite at all but for whatever reason the ice cream instantly makes me feel just the tiniest bit better. I go in for another bite. “Ben and Jerry’s always does the trick.” Kristina jokes, helping herself to a spoonful before pushing for more information.

I don't hold back on her. Usually I keep things bottled up. Dana is the only person I have really opened up to but I'm not really sure why I have never done it with Kristina. She listens to every word. Not one word of judgment comes from her lips. By the time I have spilled my heart out to her, I realize that the reason I never told her anything was because I feared she would think less of me. I can see now how I wrong I was.

“Maybe she's his sister.” Kristina offers trying to help.

“He's an only child.” I mutter out, taking another bite of ice cream. I have never been much for rocky road ice cream but I must say it's growing on me.

“Well damn.” She breathes out, running her hands through her short bob.

“It could have been nothing, I don't know. I didn't stick around for an explanation.” I shrug, sinking into the back of the couch.

“Do you regret leaving?” She asks me, sitting the empty ice cream container on the coffee table in front of us.

“Honestly, I don't know.” I say truthfully. “Yes and no. I mean I'm glad I left because of the situation but in a way I wish I would have just given him the opportunity to explain. I guess it doesn't matter much now.” I get out on a yawn.

My phone begins ringing from my purse that I left by the front door. I make no attempt to get it. I know who it is. I know it's petty but if he's going to do stupid shit like leave me in the middle of us devouring one another to see another woman, then I'm going to not answer and let him stew on it.

“You gonna get that?” Kristina asks when my phone quits ringing and then starts again immediately.

“No, I'm going to go to bed.” I say standing. My eyes feel extremely heavy from all the crying and all I want to do right now is curl up in my bed and forget this day ever happened. Well parts of it anyways.

“By the way, how was your night with Sam?” I ask. I was so caught up in my Liam drama I completely forgot that she went out with Sam tonight.

“Amazing.” She croons out, her eyes instantly glazing over.

I laugh at the sight of her. Man has she got it bad. “I want all the details tomorrow.” I say making my way towards my room. “Oh and Kristina.” I say just before turning the corner. “Thank you.... For everything.”

“That's what friends are for.” She says, swiping her hand through the air indicating no big deal. Only it is a big deal, at least for me. I have not had true friends in a very long time and it feels really good to have some now. “Goodnight.” She calls right before I close my bedroom door behind me.

I discard my clothes and pull on my favorite Jimi Hendrix vintage t-shirt before crawling into bed. My mind replays the events that took place throughout the course of the night over and over again. I glance at the clock that reads four thirty. Fuck, if I would have just stayed home, none of this would have happened.

As much as I want to walk away and never see Liam again, deep down I know that I am not ready to do that. This fact alone scares me more than anything else. What happens when I no longer hold the power to make that decision? What happens if and when he decides that he is no longer interested in me? Where will I be then? These are the questions that eat at me and the ones swimming through my head as I drift off into a restless sleep.

––––––––

T
he pounding on the front door pulls me from my slumber extremely too early. I squint at the clock on my bedside table only to see that it is almost noon. Holy crap I slept a long time. Even still I am not ready to face the day. I pull my covers over my head to block out the light and do my best to return to sleep.

The pounding on the door continues but knowing that it is someone here to see Kristina, I make no attempt to answer it. Either she will get it or they will go away, regardless I am not leaving my bed.

“I'm coming, I'm coming.” I hear Kristina's voice ring through the small apartment. I roll to my left and snuggle deeper into my covers.

I can feel myself starting to doze again until a light knock on my door pulls me from my haze. “What.” I whine out not wanting to get up. The knock comes again. “For goodness sakes Kristina you don't have to wait to be told to come in. Geez.” I say, aggravation apparent in my voice.

The door gives a slight creak as it is pushed open but I don't bother moving the covers from my face. “This had better be good.” I grumble out wondering what in the world she wants from me.

“Oh it will be extremely good.” A male voice rasps out beside me. I instantly pull the covers back, honestly a little freaked out, only to see a bright eyed, handsome, smiling Liam standing next to my bed.

“What the hell?” I breathe out scooting myself up in the bed. What is he doing here and better yet why the hell did Kristina let him in? I'm sure I look like a hot mess and I realize quickly that I am wearing nothing but my old t-shirt and panties. I pull the covers to my chin in an effort to conceal myself. Not that it really matters given he's seen me in less.

“Since you walked out on me last night, today you are being forced to endure my company.” He says on a small laugh. “Come on, get up.” He reaches his hands out to help me from the bed but I don't take them. Instead I look from his hands to his face trying to figure out his play.

“How did you know where I lived?” I ask not moving from my position on the bed.

“A man must never reveal his secrets.” He says, his smile growing wider. “Come on, don't be stubborn.” He says, not moving his hands from their outstretched position.

“I need to put some clothes on.” I reply, still making no attempt to reach for his hands.

He cocks his head to one side and looks at me intently. “Is this really how you want to play? I promise I am much better at this than you. Now either you get your rear end out of that bed right now or I will have to remove you from it.”

“I'm calling your bluff. Now if you don't mind, I still have about two hours of sleep to get.” I say, dramatically flopping back down onto my back and pulling the covers over my face. I know it's childish but honestly as shocked as I am that he's here, I'm also very happy that he is as well, I just don't want him to know that. At least not right away.

The next thing I know I am being lifted clean off my bed. The cover slips from my body despite my desperate scrambling to keep hold of it. He cradles me in his arms, pulling me tightly against his chest. His smiling face is so close to mine I can smell the mint on his breath.

“When are you going to accept that I always get what I want. And right now I want you to go get dressed.” He says nuzzling his face into my neck and giving me a small nip with his teeth. I squeal and buck trying to break free of his arms but it does me no good. He tightens his hold on me, his laughter vibrating through his chest.

As much as I want to pretend that I am totally annoyed, I just can't contain the smile that has stretched across my face. “You're such an ass.” I joke, giving him a pouty face.

“You're going to be the death of me woman.” He laughs, loosening his grip on me to gently place me on my feet. “Now go get dressed.” He says slapping my ass as I walk towards my closet.