Contessa (92 page)

“
Camille, hand me a slice of cheese?
”

“
What, are you helpless?
”
She jokes with me, holding the box away from me. I stick my plate in front of her, and she finally sets a piece of pizza down.
“
Now go get me a soda.
”

“
Fine,
”
I respond, setting the plate down and getting up.
“
Anyone else need anything?
”

“
You can spike it if you want,
”
Camille suggests.

“
Absolutely not,
”
Lexi and I say in unison before breaking out in laughter.

“
I feel like I got a free pass today,
”
I admit, trudging up the stairs to the kitchen. After grabbing some drinks, I return to the basement and start to settle back into the couch.

“
Your phone rang,
”
my cousin says. I pick it up quickly.
Jon!

“
It
’
s Jon!
”
I shriek.
“
He finally called me back!
”

“
Did he leave a message?
”

“
No. I have to call him. I
’
ll be right back.
”

“
Go!
”
Camille orders me. I take my phone and my food into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I call him back quickly, anxious to talk to him.

“
Hey, Liv,
”
he says, his tone even and serious.

“
Hi.
”
I can
’
t hide how happy I am to hear his voice.
“
Did you get my messages?
”

“
No, I haven
’
t checked them yet–
”

“
Oh,
”
I cut him off.
“
Well, everything
’
s okay–
”

“
Listen, I
’
m not calling to talk about things. I just wanted to let you know that I
’
m not going to be tutoring you anymore on Tuesdays.
”

I wait for an explanation, but he doesn
’
t offer one.
“
Why not?
”

“
Well, you said you have someone at school–
”

“
But I could always use your help–
”

“
You and I both know we don
’
t use that time to study. Maybe we both should.
”

“
Jon, what
’
s wrong?
”

“
What
’
s
wrong
? Was I witness to an alternate universe at your house yesterday?
”

“
No, but we
’
ve worked things out–
”

“
Things can
’
t just go back to normal. You lied to me. You embarrassed me. You made a fool out of me,
”
he says.

“
I
’
m sorry, Jon. I left you messages. I want to talk about it.
”

“
I
’
m upset,
”
he says simply.
“
And you
’
ve been a distraction to me, anyway.
”
My heart literally skips a beat at this comment.
“
I
’
m about to graduate, for God
’
s sake. I
’
ve got so much work to do–projects and papers and essays. I don
’
t have time...
”
His voice trails off.

“
For me?
”

He
’
s still silent.

“
You don
’
t have time for
me?
”
I ask him louder, growing increasingly angry and hurt.

“
The world doesn
’
t revolve around you,
”
he says.
“
I think it
’
s time you learned that.
”

I start crying, but I make sure not to let him know. I don
’
t respond to him at all.

“
Did you hang up on me?
”

I swallow the lump in my throat.
“
No. I
’
m here.
”

“
Did you have something else to say?
”

“
Aside from my apology, Jon... I mean, I love you. But if you think that I believe I
’
m the center of the universe, you don
’
t know me at all.
”
The tears break through now, fast and heavy. Lexi and Camille come into my room.
“
Because
my
world has revolved around
you
for the last six months!
”
I try to take a few soothing breaths.
“
And I can see that was a mistake now.
”

“
Are you finished?
”
he asks.

“
Sure,
”
I say flippantly. I could say a million more things, but I
’
ve already been burned by that once this weekend.

“
Fine. Bye.
”

“
Wait. Jon?
”
I hold the phone to my ear, waiting for a response. I expected a conversation, a rebuttal, something. I didn
’
t expect him to hang up!
“
He
’
s gone,
”
I whisper sadly, tossing the phone onto my bed.
“
He
’
s not going to tutor me anymore. I think he broke up with me. For
real
.
”
Lexi hugs me while my best friend sits down next to me, patting my leg.
“
For
good
.
”

My head is pounding when I wake up. I don
’
t really even remember when the crying stopped and sleep began, but it couldn
’
t have been that long ago. It
’
s still dark outside.

I get up to find some tissues and finally hear the rain pouring outside. A quick glance through the small windows shows daylight. A very dreary daylight.

Very fitting. Very appropriate.

“
You okay?
”

I jump, startled at the soft voice.

“
I didn
’
t even see you there,
”
I laugh at my cousin. I
’
d walked right by her, her body covered by a black blanket that matches the couch.
“
Yeah. I
’
m... whatever,
”
I tell her honestly, only feeling exhausted and numb.

“
Your parents came home not too long ago.
”

“
Did they come down?
”

“
Yeah. I told them, Livvy. I hope that
’
s okay.
”

“
Sure.
”
The urge to cry is too much, and I just let it out. I continue to the bathroom to get tissues, but return to the couch and sit down by Lexi. She sits up and shares the blanket with me.

“
I know he loves you,
”
she says.
“
The way he looks at you–looks after you–that
’
s how Kyle is with me. I have no doubt of his feelings.
”

“
It doesn
’
t matter. He doesn
’
t want to be with me.
”

“
Maybe not right now,
”
she concedes.
“
But he
’
ll come around.
”

“
It hurts so much,
”
I cry.
“
And I can
’
t even blame him. I have no one to be upset with but myself.
”

“
Well, you know what you did was hurtful, Livvy. But you can
’
t change it. You have to accept what you did, learn from it, and forgive yourself.
”

“
If he doesn
’
t come back, I
’
m not sure I can. He was the best thing that
’
s happened to me since that day I met Mom and Dad.
”

“
Your happiness can
’
t hinge upon the actions of other people. You
’
re in control of your destiny.
”

“
Well, maybe someone shouldn
’
t have let me have the wheel quite yet. I obviously don
’
t know what I
’
m doing.
”

“
You
’
re young. You make mistakes and you learn from them. That
’
s what being a teenager is all about. Stop beating yourself up over this. Just calm down and give it some time.

“
Focus on something else. Want to go paint?
”

“
No,
”
I mutter.
“
I want to sleep some more.
”

“
Well, then go do that. Honestly, you probably only got about four hours of sleep.
”

“
I think I will.
”
I hug my cousin.
“
Thanks for being here for me.
”

CHAPTER 1
8

After a few failed attempts to talk to Jon the days following the break up, I stopped trying to call him. That following Tuesday, instead of our tutoring session, I went to the art supply store and bought a few new canvases and paint. I started two new projects. I painted maniacally in my free time, one project in my studio at home, the other one at the loft. Mom took me there for a few hours each Saturday and Sunday so that I could work with more privacy.

The first Thursday without Jon, as well as the one after that, I waited for ten minutes after class to see if he was coming to walk me home. He never showed up. The third week, I gave up hope and finally accepted the break-up. I left with Granna, letting her take me home because I couldn
’
t see through the tears.

I sat in the car with her before I went into my house, waving at my dad as he and Trey sat together on the porch. They went inside, giving me some time to compose myself, and Granna
’
s driver excused himself, taking out a cigarette and puffing on it slowly as he wandered the sidewalk. Granna sat quietly until I was able to talk. I took a few calming breaths as she took my hand in hers.

“
You
’
re going to be just fine,
”
she
’
d told me.
“
You have to believe me.
”

“
I know.
”
I knew I
’
d get through it somehow, but it seemed so much had changed for me in such a short period of time. I also knew, deep down, that all the changes were for the best.

“
Can I just ask you one question?
”

“
Of course you can. Anything.
”

“
I love my dad, I do. I appreciate him now, more than ever.
”